Day 142–Self Forgiveness on Self Denial–Dimensions

This post is a continuation from the previous day …
http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-141-self-denial-dimensions.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to controlled by fear of others whom are threatening me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to avoid uncomfortable and/or stressful situations.  I realize that these situations must be faced and sorted out through doing what is practical common sense as what is necessary to be done, not out of anger or emotion, but from the starting point of here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to cause a conflict here” – I realize this as well as all the backchat below is/are a false justifications designed by myself so that I have an excuse as to not be direct with myself and others in doing what is necessary to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “don't want to hurt anyone”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I will talk about/deal with that later”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I would rather not deal with that right now”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to deal with that right now”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to waste my energy on describing this whole thing”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to impose my beliefs on x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to offend x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I deserve what I'm getting, and so I have to deal with the consequences.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “They will not understand/They don't/won't get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “Situation x will fail”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “What if situation x happens” – playing out worst case scenarios

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “What if desire x does not happen”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to expose myself”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want person x to hate me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want person x to think I'm using them”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want person x to be upset”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to be a bully”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I want to give others the opportunity to be responsible for themselves”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't know the answer”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to go there”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “What if I realize that I am at fault/guilty of x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “Its easier if I just play along”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I can't wait to be alone/free of person x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I'm not self-righteous"

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the resistance to be direct with myself and others within having integrity to say what is necessary to be said in the moment, without fear of repercussions or what others might think, or how they may or may not react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with myself because I did not say what was necessary to be said in the moment, choosing rather to submit myself to fear of loss,  or fear of reactions from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward when confronted with others due to me fearing the awkward moment as fear of myself, fear that I am not going to be able to say what must be said, and fear of being uncomfortable in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself because of the negative energy connotation I have given to the experience of myself, and in so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive energy experience of myself through fantasizing within my mind about things that would make me happy rather than take responsibility to express myself and be here in the physical rather than imaginary realms of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what has transpired in my life, and so desire to see them suffer in my mind.  I realize that this is self dishonesty as me not taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get an energetic high within conversing with others.  I realize that this desire is based on a personality system I have created where I have sought to avoid myself as who I am here in as a physical being, as an Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to appease others in order to avoid facing myself directly with integrity to say what is necessary to be said regardless of what the other will think of me afterwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by my mind within the reaction of tiredness, as this is the mind telling me that I am tired in order to try and avoid myself here, when I am not actually tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to slouch back or scratch my head when I am speaking with someone as a form of resistance to being here as breath in self-honesty and directly saying what is necessary to be said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change the situation, when that is not the actuality whatsoever as I am here constantly changing and able to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am stuck in a situation, when that is not the case and only exists as my minds idea to keep me enslaved to self-pity and feeling down on myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have done everything I can do, when as long as there is inequality, there is work to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are no consequences for my actions because I do not see them immediately.  I realize that there is always consequence despite my ability to actually see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing personal experiences of myself in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fantasize to myself in my mind what it would be like if situation x happened in the physical.   I realize that this is an energetic experience of myself and therefore not real, but spiting myself from the physical and diminishing myself through dishonestly trying to exist in two worlds at once.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will be disappointed with me or put out if I express myself in self-honesty, in so valuing others as being of ‘more value’ than myself, not seeing myself as an equal participant in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the inferior/superior polarity as well as the dominant/submissive characters based on the perception that to stand inferior is to be humble, as well as the perception that to be dominant is to be successful.  I realize this is abusive to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will criticize me and consequently going into anger and self-punishment and self-denial.   I realize that these fears are self created self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will use my expression as leverage to gain advantage over me.  I realize that I am responsible for myself and that if I project fears, then they will materialize as a reflection of what I accept and allow in my world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself here as who I am as a physical being.  In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others or of less value or of more value in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure as within the belief that I will have to put great effort into working with myself and others within the fear of wasting my time within the fear of failure.  I realize that failure is necessary for me to understand that things will only work when everyone works together for the common good of all – and that is the only solution.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to move myself and direct myself and trust myself within the understanding of living what is best for all is the only way to live.

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