Saturday, 22 December 2012

Day 136 – Outlining the Solution to Myself


Solution to Myself


So I noticed a pattern - within a pattern - in my process.  When I see and identify a point within myself, to where it becomes clear, I embody the point.  That is to say, not only do I recognize it, but the point becomes ‘active’.  So when its a big point – such as the point I recently dealt with (Self-denial).  Not only am I more ‘aware’ of it - despite the self-forgiveness I had done on the point - the construct is still playing out, as I am still denying myself in areas of my life.

This shows me I have some work to do in order to walk the solution for myself.  I realize it is a very broad issue, so I will have to break it down into smaller pieces (using memories) before the whole construct is resolved.

For instance, I had committed myself to get out of bed as soon as I woke up.  To start my day, however I hit the snooze button a few times and did not wake up for an hour and a half after my alarm went off – demonstrating to me my routine as allowing myself to drift back to sleep and not stand self-directed.  Mornings I notice draining energetic emotions going on within me.  

The emotions are based in resentment for the past - frustration within myself because I realize that I did not live to my fullest potential in my life, due to misaligned valuation of myself and consequently self-denial.  As long as self-denial is the controlling system in me, I will have emotional reactions and fear that I will not live my fullest potential.  

Perhaps one of the main points is that I fear ‘failure’, (not trusting myself) due to having programmed myself into self-denial through constant suppressions in my past, which lead to self-compromise, and consequently emotional turmoil and frustration - ‘thinking’ to myself that was the only solution.  The spiral or catch 22 of that is that it leads to more self-denial, and resentment of myself and others.

How to get out of this?

The only way to establish self-trust within myself is to take responsibility to place myself into a position where I am using my abilities to their fullest potential.  Not a desire to be more than myself, just to be honest and effective with myself. 

My mind tells me there are no opportunities to live my fullest potential because I have tried in the past and things ‘didn’t work out’ for whatever reasons…, but I must realize that I must always work with what is here - with myself, to create opportunities and build self-trust, solely on the basis of living self-support, life support, within understanding myself as Equality, which is actually the only real value, as the value of life itself.

Because I do not see opportunities, does not mean they do not exist.   Each moment is an opportunity.  I only have to clear myself of my past belief patterns of blame and self-compromise and self-denial. 



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the mind within a routine where I continually deny myself through not disciplining myself and taking self-directive principle.  I realize that this happens because of the energetically charged emotions which I have not seen the starting point of and cleared through self-forgiveness.  (Will write more on the specifics of this)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the desire for an energetic experience of myself as the release of emotions through spiting myself within self-denial, despite realizing the nature of how the system works within my as self compromise and diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't stop the energy addiction when it is triggered within myself. I realize that I am able to stop as it is a decision that I must make to honor myself as life as equal to the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself and not stick to my agreement with myself. I realize that I must work myself to a point where I no longer accept and allow any desire for energetic experience and within that, when I do not honor my commitment to myself – I am not happy with myself – yet when I do honor my commitment to myself, I feel good about myself as just being here taking responsibility for myself without any detrimental consequence.  Specifically, this is a practical point of application where I must establish a reliable system of self-support.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to clear my starting point with myself to here and see the starting point to all active systems within me causing self-compromise.


I commit myself to realize that I must push my resistances and be prepared for them early – writing first thing in the morning.

I commit myself to push myself to take self-directive principle in my life so I may not be enslaved to and directed by the mind consciousness system, but change myself to move myself and support myself.


  1. Cool stuff William - suggest to, if you haven't already, check out Bernard's recent post on success/failure -

    and if you are able, or when you are able, suggest to invest in the Quantum Systemization interviews - - as I have found them to be awesome support in regards to taking on a point wherein we at times get overwhelmed because now the point seem 'more intense' yet it's not that anything is 'more intense' it's simply that we are now more aware of how it's always been because we are no longer allowing ourselves to suppress (or specifically in your case - deny) how we are actually experiencing ourselves - so the QS series is very cool practical support in this regard.

    Thanks for sharing!