Day 96 - Dream Reflection

Dream

I was on a couch beside a TV (not watching it) 'Person A' was sitting on a chair... I Asked Person A a question regarding breathing, Person A understood and interpreted my question as me wanting to be a portal - Person A appeared to grow increasingly attractive with a growing smile as if to convey a sense of certainty and urgency. I focused intently at her right eye (which appeared as a greenish color) in attempt to understand the message she was conveying. She informed me that "111 portals are needed to solve/save myself - we are currently at 14". There was a slight fear that came up with that knowledge. I was slightly disappointed with myself, and slightly jealous that I was not yet able to leave my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as pride as the desire to leave my body, existing within the desire to 'save myself' and 'save the world' and 'do good' when what I am actually doing is seeking to escape myself and the work that I need to do on myself here, as deleting my memories, stopping energy addictions, and directing my breath. I realize this desire is actually a fear of facing myself and changing myself to take responsibility and live within and as my physical body as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be disappointed with myself within my process where I have created a fear of who I am, as not being able to take full responsibility for who I am and what I have created myself as - as existing within the mind of Pride/Ego/Vanity and Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the beauty system where I define myself and others as beautiful or ugly. I realize that desiring beauty is existing in and as fear of myself where I am seeking a positive energy experience and so seeking to avoid the negative energy experience. I realize that hiding from ugliness is defining myself in polarity based on personal opinion and thus denying myself as who I am here as the physical. All must be taken into consideration Equally as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desiring to have more knowledge of life, as if knowledge of Life would save me from myself, when knowledge is not Life. I realize this is a manifestation of the Fear of not being able to become Life myself - this rather than apply myself and push myself to realize myself in each moment HERE, through breathing and deleting memories as they come up with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have enough value - as a statistic based on knowledge - to be Life. I realize that this is a false perception within my mind which keeps me in an imaginary character of myself as the mind, which is preventing me from realizing myself and becoming the directive principle of myself as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the act of Smiling as a stimulation and in so created the simulation of life which can only function through the stimulus of mind/energy as polarity - rather than actually living as Self-directed Equals in common sense.

I commit myself to face myself as the dimensions of myself which I have created in trying to escape myself in order that I may align myself with Equality as what is best for all through stopping my mind as memories and desires/fears.

I commit myself to walk myself out of the dimensions I have created for myself so that I can live as a physical being here in applying myself to realize myself here as an Equal in every way.

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to pass through 'the eye of the needle', I must take full responsibility for who I am and all that I have created and all that I will create in the past so that all align with the principle of Equality as Best for All.

I commit myself to make breathing with myself as the director - a habit in which I am constantly pushing myself to be aware of every breath until the mind has no power over me to enslave me to a program.

I commit myself to transform myself into a person that actually cares about life for real, so much so that I become the living expression of what is best for all in every way. 

I commit myself to realize that Desteni is the only group of human beings that are actually working on a solution that would actually SOLVE every problem in the world without creating any new problems. 

I commit myself to realize that dreams are an illusion created through consciousness as a reflection of who I am as the physical, and in so dreams are able to assist me solely for the purpose of stopping my selfish desires and fears so that I can take responsibility for myself as birthing myself as Life in the physical.  

I delete the memory of the dream  

Day 95 - Pride and Vanity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Proud about things I have done in my life without realizing that pride exists in polarity to Shame and Humiliation, and as such, Pride is a false perception of myself in ignorance of the totality of myself.  I realize that Pride is an attempt to make myself appear 'better than' who I am, and so others within the mind, so that I can for a moment believe that I can escape the fear of myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as existing completely within and as Fear.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Pride/Ego/Mind is what I have created, based on the interpretation of what I perceived as being myself (or no-self), as perceiving myself through and as consciousness, as a collection of defined symbols based on knowledge and information.  In so, I believed the Light to be who I am and/or who 'god' is, never realizing that this perception is in separation from the totality of myself, as the light and the darkness and all of existence, where the darkness is actually the starting point of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow Pride and Vanity to dictate my behavior, and define who I am, and in so I believed myself to be 'less than' the totality of who I am as all.  Thus in fear of diminishing, I have manifested the diminishment of myself to a collection of one dimensional ideas, definitions, perceptions, opinions, and beliefs of myself, rather than seeing, realizing, understanding and being myself here as Equal to, and One with the physical. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from myself in and as Pride, and so making Pride the most difficult, aspect of myself to see, yet at the same time the most obvious because it is hidden in plain sight, as the very thing I was hiding myself within, and so allowing myself to think that I must achieve the highest form of Pride in the forms of happiness, love, bliss, ego, and consciousness within seeking self-gratification through energy in separation of myself as all, and therefore I manifested self-interest, greed, desire and all forms of abuse of Life as myself as All.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand the statement of Solomon in the bible "Vanity of vanities, All is vanity" which implies that even God was in Vain, and so I too feigned Vanity as myself, never realizing that the solution to Vanity was right here within in the Veins of the physical body, where All have the opportunity and are able to change to stop living in Vain, and so realize themselves as flesh and veins to become the directive principle of Life through Self Forgiveness and living what is Best for All.
 
I commit myself to realize that whenever I find myself hiding from myself, I realize I am acting within and as the deceptive character of Pride.  I realize that Pride is where I Pretend to Hide as just 'Part of the Ride' in the Van of Vanity where I am taken for a ride in my false perception/idea of Life, as opposed to taking responsibility to direct myself within and as breath. 

I commit myself to face all points of Pride within myself so that I no longer accept and allow Pride to exist as the director and controller of myself as being a slave and servant of Pride. 

I commit myself to realize the Hidden Cost and Consequence for Pride and Vanity - Shame, Humiliation, Death and Destruction of Life.

I commit myself to carefully consider the vast extent to which Pride and Vanity has been allowed to infiltrate existence through FEAR of Self, and so to not slight myself within my process through assumption and miscalculation in the great and subtle deception of Pride.

I commit myself to live what is best for me, as who I actually am as All, therefore what is Best for All is best for me.