Saturday, 11 May 2013
Day 216 - Personality averts Responsibility, not Consequence
As I got out of the car, I had the thought that I would make a joke, and say that my friend should change my tire for me, since I was paying him to drive me around that day. This manipulative personality construct suddenly manifests as a result of me 'forgetting' to direct myself in each moment. Not taking my process seriously, but taking it too lightly an so resorting to a personality of the past. It was not even intentional, just a joke, however my friend began helping me. So, this point which I should have taken responsibility for myself, was passed off to another, and because I allowed it, there was consequence.
I said to my friend that he should watch the jack to make sure it is straight (as I would do if I were lifting a vehicle). He suggested that we put a rock in front of the tire, which I never do, as I said the truck is in park anyway, which it was, yet there was some play in the gear. Then as we lifted the truck, I noticed the jack looked uneven and suddenly I said "watch it" and the truck moved and fell off the jack, breaking the jack. No one was hurt. The point here is that because I did not take responsibility in the first place to do the task myself, I casually passed it off onto someone else, a problem occurred as a result of miscommunication/misunderstanding which only added to the problems I already had.
All it took was one moment of me allowing a past manipulation personality to take the place of my self-responsibility, and so go without recognizing it when it did. I realize the jack breaking was due to the assumptions of myself within thinking that my friend would do things the way I always do them, not realizing that this is not so, and there are physical/mental communication barriers which prevent our understanding of one another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my existence too lightly, as a personality of the past, based on me trying to escape myself and manipulate others into taking responsibility for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my process lightly without realizing that consequence will in fact manifest as soon as I pass up even the slightest responsibility to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass off my responsibilities to another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and/or assume that others do/will do things and see things the way I do and see them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself in doing the things which I should do by myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through trying to manipulate another into doing something for me which I should have done myself .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to direct myself in each moment of breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect doing self forgiveness as soon as I recognized the point of what had happened.
I commit myself to take responsibility for every thing that comes up within and as my process of taking responsibility for myself.
I commit myself to realize what my responsibilities are and so work towards expanding myself within expanding my responsibilities.