Day 213 - Persistence

I so easily forget my past, the struggles I have been through with myself. Not that that is bad in itself, it is the fact that I do not consider how much I have to push myself to change myself in each moment. I keep trying to escape the negative energy experience and seeking/desiring a positive energy experience of myself. 

I realize, that which I transcend within myself, I do not do for myself only, but for what is best for everyone. If it were not for the realization of Equality as what is best for all, I would have no reason to give up my selfish desires, unless of course I was still fooled by religion or morality. So although it seems like I am doing this process for no reason at times, I realize I am not the only one, and there is a very real reason, and a very real reward for all those who stand in the future. I breathe. I direct myself, free from enslavement to systems. The resonance says it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am missing something in life when I am pushing resistances and so find myself within a situation where I am seeking to escape the perceived negative energy experience of myself and so desiring some kind of positive energy experience. I realize that there is no point existing in a point of conflict with myself and that being directed and controlled by a positive energy experience of myself creates consequence which I will have to face in the future.

A point which I realized today was, despite the fact that I struggled with certain points within myself for a very long time, eventually with persistence I am able to walk the point within myself and without.

Another point I have to work on with myself is getting the little things done, which there is at times a resistance to doing. When I string together all the little things I will eventually bring myself to becoming consistent and so expanding myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect doing the small tasks in that I do not value them equally as the larger tasks, and in so procrastinate and end up in a situation where I have to rush or fall behind schedule because of my lack of self-discipline to get small tasks completed - thus I am not as effective as I could be and thus feel down on myself. 

So I have just recently put together a new re-realization for myself. I notice these little points during my day where I experience an emotional/feeling reaction such as excitement or frustration etc. I have not been dealing with these as effectively as possible, so I have a new plan. The plan is, when I see the emotional/feeling reaction within myself, in the moment to express to myself the feeling or emotion in a way where I can face and direct the point and so stop it within myself. I was also considering channeling the energy into a self-directed physical expression, yet I will work on this more when I am alone as opposed to being at work and breaking out in a song – try not to compromise my job lol – but if that's what needs to be done for me to stop these systems, then so be it.

What I really must do for myself is develop my expression to something I enjoy, to see how I can express myself without any external point of stimulation.