Day 231

My process lately is focusing on focusing myself to be more effective, efficient, and disciplined with myself.  I naively underestimated many things in my life - to the extent that I created a series of patterns for which I even went so far as to underestimate the consequences of underestimation, for which payment is continual and indefinite as long as the source problem is not resolved.  A number of factors have played into this, some assumptions, some fears, some neglect out of desire to escape consequence, some irresponsibility, some oversights, some lack of support, some misdirection, some desperation, and of course some foolishness.  I have struggled to extinguish all of these systems within myself, and in so to make my work credible and worthy enough so as to negate all of the misaligned shortcomings of my past acceptances and allowances.

I would be extremely delighted and relieved to wake up to an Equal Money System tomorrow.  Where each and every one of us shared responsibility, but that will take some time.  Till then, we all pay.  Even the top Elite are aware they are living a lie, and deep down it feels like shit - because when you are not real with yourself, nothing else is real either.  Just a faker in a fake world... no Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume things about Life and so follow assumptions through my desire for personal experience in self-interest, this without having the full understanding of how things actually work in this reality and why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing Equal to others in this world in the money system and exchange of money, where I have tried to play the false humility character as the hero in my mind who is saving the world through sidestepping the existing system out of a mind constructed imaginary heroic character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself and desire to escape consequence, when I realize that consequence cannot be avoided or escaped, and that I must face my consequence eventually as it is inevitable as me facing my own creation - sadly that of dishonesty with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irresponsible with myself in that I did not take full responsibility to investigate my reality to find out what is actually going on and how I can best support myself and others through supporting the only solution to this world as living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have oversights within my participation in this reality where I did not consider all dimensions of the problems we all face as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others as 'lack of support' when the physical reality is right here for me to see in every breath and every conversation/transaction that takes place, dishonesty is prevalent and self is always aware.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desperation in fear of myself and others... the fear that others will judge me and/or condemn me thus cause me to diminish and lose the image I have in my head of myself - as that which I believe makes people like me, thus giving me security and comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in foolishness towards myself and my reality, taking existence for granted when I did not really understand it for myself within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a position where my only option is to continue to pay interest on the debt I have because I accepted the corruption of fear and self-manipulation and self-interest as a mode of life, when this InEquality is unimaginably horrific for many people in this world, as well as many who have gone before us.