Day 124–The Conversationalist

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself – within slowing myself down – to maintain the pace of myself within breathing constantly and consistently being here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in situations where I believe that I can relax from being directive principle of my breath.  I realize that within these situations, I must still apply myself within awareness so that I continue to push myself in practicing taking directive principle in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my directive principle when a moment changes, as I find myself speaking with someone, and words just come out of my mouth, showing me that I am not equal and one with my words yet.  I realize that there is subtle fear there, as the fear of how others perceive me, fear of others thinking that I am weird or foolish if I were to slow myself down within conversation and direct my words as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how other perceive me, and allow myself to be directed and controlled by that fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the fear that others will believe me to be foolish or weird.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am getting value from saying things that are funny, as the desire for a personality character experience of myself in the belief that my personality character is better than others because I want to prove to others that I have no fear.  In so I am attempting to validate my own character as ‘funny’ or ‘unique’ rather than applying myself, and so placing value on my personality character above standing equal to my words as directive principle of myself. 
Within this believe that I am getting value from being humorous, there is fear of changing myself and fear of uncomfortable moments where nothing is being said – fear that I am wasting opportunity to express.  So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting opportunities to express, when what this leads me to do is to act or speak without standing equal to my words as directive principle because I am allowing myself to go on autopilot in fear of wasting a moment to express myself.  I realize that I must first slow myself down to here as breath awareness to acquire the starting point of myself, and then speak words equal to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear uncomfortable or awkward moments, as projecting the belief that others will become uncomfortable if I do not speak and potentially believe that I am afraid to speak.  In this, I realize that I am trying to be the conversationalist hero that saves others from awkward feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be the conversationalist hero, as placing my personality above being directive principle of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself when speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my funny personality character.

I commit myself to practicing maintaining directive principle of breath awareness when I am speaking with others.

I commit myself to realize that I must first establish my starting point of here as breath when speaking with others.

I commit myself to stop fearing what I think that others will believe and take responsibility for myself first before trying to assist others.

I commit myself to realize that I cannot help anyone if I am not clear within myself first.

I commit myself to realize that I must not place any value in funny or wise personality characters, as this only serves as a distraction and a false appearance of myself.

I commit myself to stop projecting the fear of what others will think of me if I slow myself down and take directive principle of myself when speaking.

I commit myself to equalize all times with myself where I am not in fear of others when speaking or interacting.

I commit myself to realize that I cannot afford to take breaks from applying myself within breathing.

Day 32 - Me as My Words

"Everyone Pays Full Price" I stated into my cell phone voice recorder yesterday. 

So after finishing my job of the past two days, it came time for the customer to pay.  He did not want to pay tax (as is typical of most clients), so I accepted that.  In addition to that, the customer was telling me that the type of work I was doing was not worth what I was asking, despite the agreement we had on the price beforehand.  So he began 'talking me down'.  I argued my points that I was well worth the price I was asking, and I had done a great job, yet he continued to demand a lower price.  So I conceded to give him 10% off the price in addition to the taxes discount. 

Upon reflection of what happened, I realized that I accepted the compromise, I did not stand my ground and demand full price, because I felt I had no ground to stand on, I needed the money and re-acted in fear of not getting it from interactions in the past.  What I did not realize is that I was compromising myself in not standing equal to my words.  In compromised myself through pitying the client, even though he was very wealthy.  Self-sabotage yet again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in not standing equal and one with my words, and so sabotage myself through irresponsibility to myself and my world through speaking words of compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am my words and thus when I speak words as me, I stand in agreement with myself as my words without compromise through reactions of pity or fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take pity on someone else, and their fear of having to spend money, and in so compromise myself and my words through lack of integrity to my agreement to myself and my words as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall victim of fear of not getting paid and in so compromise myself and my words and my agreement with myself as my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the emotions of someone else rather than standing absolute as myself, my agreement with myself and my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can compromise my words as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to take responsibility for others through compromising myself in the desire to be a good, helpful and kind person.  I realize that if I compromise myself and my words through kindness, goodness and helping others, I abdicate myself and my agreement with myself as my words which is unacceptable and denial of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to be specific with my words as myself in walking my process of self-honesty, and in so reap the consequences of inequality as the evidence of me not standing equal and one with my words as me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to slow myself down in and as my breath to clear myself before I speak words as me.

There is no half-life, either I stand absolutely equal to life in every way, or I cease to exist.

I commit myself to stand Equal and One with my words as me in total agreement with myself

I commit myself to be the living example of standing Equal and One with my words

I commit myself to slow myself down in breath awareness and clear myself before I speak, so that I can be sure that the words that I speak are self-directed in full awareness of my responsibility to my agreement to myself and my words.

I commit myself to, when I find myself running at the mouth, stop myself, clear myself through breath, and speak words as myself even if it means having to go back and re-state what I had said previously.

Everyone Pays Full Price in repayment of the debt we all have to Life.

Day 23 - Mind, Energy and Speaking

My mind always wants to 'figure' it out - as placing a figure(picture) or definition or label on it - Why? Sometimes it is necessary to see/identify a pattern I am playing out so I can stop the pattern. Other times, I am seeking to encourage myself. Is encouragement necessary or genuine? Do I not trust myself? Do I need encouragement? I am self-encouragement, if I realize myself as being here as a physical being as only desiring Equality as that which is best for all, self-trust is solidified through time as myself here, realizing myself as self-response-able. 

At times I am glad of assistance, if I allow myself to get discouraged with myself as self-judgement. So I asked for assistance, and got some. Why do I fear that I am not 'doing good enough' in process - because I am not here in every breath, and I have at times uncertainties that have not been thoroughly cleared through writing and self-forgiveness.  Insecurity, as evidence within my in-effectiveness in my blogs as knowing I did not consider something or did not consider all dimensions and outflows - Equally.

Point - not being specific, also, to not giving my all in every breath to Life. Why do I not 'give my all'.  Fear of losing myself.  Ideas that I must punish myself (past programming).  Fear of running out of energy.  Fear I do not have enough energy thus not focusing myself.  Trying to save my energy. Belief that I am subject to energy.  Forgetting who I am lol - thinking I am the 'image' in my mind of who I am rather than here as a physical being applying myself in birthing Life as the physical.   Belief in the 'image' of myself as self-judgement can only exist in an unchangeable image of the mind.  Belief/idea that I am unworthy due to patterns of the past I am still accepting and allowing to play out. Fear of exposing my expression and being 'labelled' as overzealous.

Speaking to others - Catching myself on autopilot when encountering a person because I have not trusted myself as here and able to move and change myself in the myriad of opportunities of every moment.  Moving too fast. 

Seeing/judging others who do not understand Equality as zombies 'less than'. I need to stop and clear myself before I just ramble off at the mouth, so I can speak words, specifically as myself, in what way I decide how they should be spoken, slowly, and precisely, within realizing my profound responsibility to Life, in that what I say resonates throughout multi-dimensionality. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my mind to dictate/project me, as trying to place definitions, images and labels of me within my life experience so that I do not see and direct myself here in each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to establish self-trust within myself and my living experience where I accumulate and solidify self-trust as myself here through walking self-honesty and applying myself in corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I judge myself and become discouraged with myself - not slow myself down, stop, clear myself and apply self-forgiveness so that I can stop undesirable consequences and re-align myself with myself here in supporting myself as all life and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'not good enough' and so fear asking for assistance because at times I am glad of assistance as it assists me to support myself in aligning myself in living Equality as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inconsiderate of all dimensions of myself in that I do not fully consider all outflows of myself and so find myself in undesirable consequence of realization of what I accepted and allowed in the past experience of myself which always leads to here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'not give my all' in applying myself in self-honesty in every breath here because I have accepted the belief of 'fear of losing myself' when in fact, I am not losing myself but becoming true to myself for the first time ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out the self-punishment program of the past within my mind, ignoring the fact that it creates consequence within my living experience for myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I do not have enough energy or that I will run out of energy as an excuse as to why I cannot give my all in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and 'save' my energy in the belief that I am subject to energy.  I direct energy as me as supporting myself and in so supporting equality for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget who I am, as seeing myself as the image within my mind based on my past experience, and so I limit and judge myself in the belief that I cannot change, as I am only an image. I am here as a physical being in supporting myself in living every moment as Equal to what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am unworthy due to patterns in the past that I am still accepting and allowing to play out within my mind as not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application for past acceptances and allowances and then changing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being labelled as overzealous and so suppress myself expression. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist and participate within speaking on autopilot when encountering a person because I have not trusted myself as here and able to move and change myself in the myriad of opportunities of every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move too fast.  When and as I see myself attempting to move fast, I stop, I slow myself down and within breath I clear myself so that I may speak the words which I decide must be spoken, specifically and directly as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pre-judge others who do not understand Equality as zombies or 'less than'.  I stop all pre-judgement as prejudice in giving everyone Equal opportunity to self-realize.  I act in common sense in not accepting and allowing myself to participate in any form of spiteful behavior and as such, do not associate with those who are explicitly spiteful.

I commit myself to stop imprecise, empty words as verbal diarrhea on autopilot, but to place my words with care as myself, in speaking words that I can stand as - into eternity.