Day 209

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be specific enough with myself - as I acted on an idea I had, yet it did not materialize because I did not fully consider how to apply it, laying out each step in specificity before I went ahead with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the mind as the feeling of tiredness when I begin to write self forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the positively charged energetic feeling of relief as having completed a long and arduous task, and so within that allow my mind to seek another positive experience of myself as a reward.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when I catch my mind wandering in search of the comfort of positive energy - attempt to blame myself rather than immediately apply self forgiveness and corrective application on the spot/point.  Within that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that me - seeing the starting point/corresponding consequence - and thus stopping the thought is sufficient - when in fact I must fully address each point through self forgiveness and self-correction, so that I am fully here within complete awareness and responsibility to myself and my commitment to stand in each breath as Life as what is best for all.  Me desiring/wanting a reward of comfort or relief does not relieve or solve the deception and suffering that exists in this world.

Feeling of tiredness persisted - took a walk outside and it has passed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and do too much and over step my practical responsibilities/alignment points in the belief that I can do everything by myself.  In that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of guilt for not having been as effective as possible in the past.

I commit myself to continue to push my resistances of consistently establishing and directing my breath - as the trap I have set to catch my mind before consequence is created.

I commit myself to be specific with planning my days so that I do not allow any points of justification to hide beneath good ideas or good intentions.

I commit myself  to fully realize that while my body must rest - to 'rest' as who I am is to abdicate myself to the control of the mind - is unacceptable.   I must breathe every breath as me, and stand Equal to the physical as all that is here.

Within that I realize that the times which seem more difficult to direct my breathing (typically between noon and 4pm) it is essential that I push myself specifically during these times so as to maintain consistency and continuity of my application.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 34 - Pushing Resistances

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself my best in every moment.  In this, I realize that at times I just want to give in to resistances if I feel tired or unmotivated - yet what I  realize is that I have been limiting myself extensively within the belief/thought that "I will not be able to push through this resistance".  Within this, I am 'keeping score' on myself within my mind as a success/fail 'valuation' where I project myself as 'having already lost' so that I may allow myself to instantly 'give in' and experience the comfort of the temporary stress release that - the mind game is temporarily over.

What I also realize in this is that, in moments where I feel resistance such as tiredness, drudgery, fear of loss, or anxiety etc. - I can stop the 'success/fail/0-1' scoring method, and instead PUSH myself within a resistance without anticipating the outcome beforehand.  If I push through completely, great - if eventually (for example with tiredness) I rest - so be it - but I do not instantly give in, but rather push myself within the resistance as best I can in each moment.  In this, I am able to transform myself and stop the 'mind game' of winning/losing within myself - and thus stop the judgement and guilt that is associated with it, because I am actively pushing my resistances to stop being enslaved to the mind system.

What often happens when I face a resistance is that, a thought/belief will emerge such as 'if I push this resistance now, it will not go away, and I will have to push it ALL DAY LONG '.  Thus the negative feeling comes up and I do not even want to push the resistance at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to resistances immediately because I accept and allow thoughts of 'I will not be able to push through this resistance' which limits me and tricks me into immediately give in to resistances without pushing myself at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to resistances immediately without pushing myself because I have placed a score/value as a win/loss or success/fail within my mind of how the outcome will be of me pushing my resistances, thus allowing myself to fall victim to judgement and guilt of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the idea that I will have to face this resistance all day long, rather than bringing myself here as breath and taking the point step by step.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my full potential by not pushing my resistances thus allowing myself to give in and diminish myself within limitations of the mind/ego/beliefs.

I commit myself to stand as self-awareness that I am able to push myself in my resistances in each moment without mind projections of success/fail/win/loss.

I commit myself to realize my full potential through pushing my resistances, as my resistances show me the way to realizing myself and aligning myself with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to become a living example of what is best for all through pushing my resistances and transcending the limitation of beliefs and thought projections which only exist and function within the energy based system of my mind.

I commit myself to changing myself and in so changing my world as me step by step until all is Equal and life can be born for real.