Day 205 - Is Freedom a Human Right?

To understand this, we must place the word Freedom into context. 'Freedom' as the vague and broad term often used is not a Human Right in itself, as many people have different definitions and interpretations of what Freedom actually means - predominantly that of being able to do 'whatever one wants' within the bounds of one's own moral judgement and/or financial capacity.  This is a fallacy and blatant dishonesty to say the least, as personal moralities are easily manipulated, changed, or adapted to suit ones situation or fears.

Example - Is Person A 'Free' to take a walk in the park?

This action would be dependent upon many factors, such as;

- What is the purpose/intent of the walk?  Is it for simple exercise, or perhaps Person A has something more sinister in mind?
- Does this person have responsibilities that must be taken care of before taking a walk?  Is there young children at home?  Was something left cooking on the stove unattended?

We can see that our current system is highly dependent on law enforcement to provide security and come to our rescue when help is needed. Yet this system is highly ineffective and altogether lacking the ability to stop the problem(s) at the source, for a number of reasons;

Primarily, the legal system is subject to a corrupt monetary system, therefore judgement is not based on justice, but rather on how much money one has access to in order to purchase bail, lawyers, witnesses, and/or judges decisions.  Not to mention the ingenuity on the part of wealthy corporations and/or individuals in the act of prevention of legal altercations, as well as the utilization of shady tactics such as bribery, or blackmail in order to fly under the radar of the legal system.

Secondly, our convoluted legal system cannot be traced to any one principle, or even a specific morality for that matter.  It is a dysfunctional conglomeration of ill-rooted protocols that only serves to protect the rich and/or the elite of this world.

Accountability should not be dependent on financial status, but rather absolute self-honesty, responsibility, and integrity.  Why do we abdicate and impose our responsibilities on law enforcement?  The only possible answer is that we desire more than our fair share, and fear for our own survival.  We fear being self-honest, as that would imply sharing the resources of the planet, and taking responsibility for ourselves and those around us.


Another Example - Is Business B 'Free' to conduct business?

What factors are involved in Business B's affairs, and how does it conduct business?

- What products are created, sold, consumed?  Are they best for all, or harmful for all?  (Ahem... Monsanto)
- What byproducts are created?  Does it produce chemicals that are bad for the environment (everyone), thus poisoning the earth?

We can see clearly that 'Freedom' - without specific context or foundational principles that serve the best interest of all - is nothing more than justified abuse by means of a linguistic and/or legal loophole.  This is the reason for tremendous abuse of Life on earth and therefore absolutely unacceptable.

Freedom must be clearly defined so that it can be traced back to determine if it in fact does or does not support the Equal Life Rights of All.  The Equal Life Foundation's Bill of Rights outlines each and every Human Right as being  accountable to actual Life principles, so that each and every person can see, realize and understand what it means to take Equal responsibility to support Life as Equals within our shared physical reality... Because None is Free until All is Free.

Know Your Rights.... And Stand For Them.

Equal Life Foundation page
Equal Life Foundation - Bill of Rights
  

Day 204

Today started off with the realization I have much more work to do on this current job than I had thought.  This has been a particular problem for me in the past where I underestimate the amount of work required to complete a job, as there is always unforeseen factors that arise throughout the job, and so end up in a situation where I don't make what I had expected to make.   I have been aware of the issue for a very long time and despite efforts to stop underestimating, the problem continues to resurface.

I am writing the point here to identify the problem for myself so that I can be more careful in considering my estimates, taking care to consider the unknown factor and not rushing myself when estimating everything that will be involved


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider all aspects of a job while estimating, not realizing that I will be putting myself in difficult situations in the near future due to rash and hastily made decisions that I make without full consideration of all dimensions of a job.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into states of frustration while working due to
anxiety over decisions I made in the past without full consideration for what all is involved and the consequences of making poor decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind/ego take control of me during a situation where I did not direct myself to take a break and relax when I needed a break, and so allowed myself to try and take a short cut resulting in an error, which resulted in lost time and materials and as a result of that I allowed frustration and inner conflict to arise and possess me.  I realize that I must walk through the consequence that I create for myself and use it as a means of developing self-trust, rather than fear of a hypothetical mind-created problem.

I commit myself to write down all estimates in full so that I see clearly and exactly what needs to be done and how long it will take, as well as accounting for the unknown/unforeseen factor.

I commit myself to - when and as I see myself going into frustration due to physical tiredness - slow myself down and breath, trusting myself to work the problem out through self-forgiveness and corrective application.

Day 203 - Decisions Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate within uncertainty as to how I should proceed with plans.  I realize that this hesitation comes from attempting to weigh and consider all the variables to make sure I am making the best possible decision, yet at the same time I am not able to see all the outflows of decisions I make - so it is a point of standing in self-trust that whatever decision I make I can stick to it through being here as breath and adjusting the decision if necessary as I move through the point.  Too much consideration for a problem leads to frustration - in attempting to solve issues which are hypothetical and derived from 'fear of making a mistake' and therefore shows me that I am not standing in self trust and thus not moving myself as effectively as I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within decision making

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over analyze and over-consider problems, to the extent that I am creating infinite imaginary problems for myself and thus going into points of frustration and confusion because the problem then seems unsolvable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should have all the answers and therefore be able to make all the right decisions.  I realize within this current abusive and corrupt system there are no guarantees, which is why I am supporting myself in this process of becoming self-honest so that I can stand within absolute self-trust and absolute certainty within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be upset with myself for not knowing the 'right' answer 'best' or 'proper' decision beforehand.  I realize that the priority for myself is within making the decision to move myself within self-honesty, not fearing an outcome one way or another as I realize that is subjecting myself to enslavement to fear of myself and/or fear of the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that I do not understand or I don't know as a means of putting off making a decision for myself and moving myself within that decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the gambling game within my mind where I feel happy about myself if I made the 'right' decision and upset with myself if I made the 'wrong' decision.  I realize that each decision that I make show's me something - and so I must stop fearing to be wrong through the desire to be perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be perfect from the starting point of self-interest, where I have sought to inflate my ego/mind through the idea that I was right or that I am right or I am special in some way for being such a good decision maker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get off track when going through the decision making process.  I realize that I must consider all dimensions of a problem in an efficient and effective way so that I can move myself forward and not stagnate within uncertainty.

I commit myself to pay attention to myself within this point of decision making and move myself decisively in trusting myself and not fearing the outcome

I commit myself to step myself through the process of decision making systematically considering all dimensions and then moving myself

I commit myself to focus myself within the decision making process so that I stand by my commitment to honor Life as all decisions must align with the principle of what is best for all 

 

Day 202 - Freedom without Responsibility is Delusion

I just witnessed a video of a masked man with a woman sitting on her knees in front of him.  He was shouting something in a foreign language and waving a knife.  He then proceeded to cut the woman's throat and continued until he removed the head entirely.   In an instant, her life was over.  The woman appeared to be in her 20's or 30's. This video reveals the consequence of personal beliefs and self-righteous judgments that we have allowed to exist in our world.

What could have caused the man to do this?  What beliefs did he hold that were above this woman's existence?  What beliefs did she have that possibly could have caused her death?  What sacred rule did she break? What unforgivable, un-correctable crime against Life did she commit?  I could speculate that she did not agree or comply with the gang's cause, or mode of operation.  Perhaps she spoke out against the gang or did not wish to follow their orders.

The fact that this form of killing goes on all the time in our reality shows us that there is a problem with our existence.  I, or anyone else for that matter, could have been in her position, with no trial and no justice.  By justice, I mean accountability, where everyone is within understanding of what is our responsibility to Life, so that we are all accountable for all actions, and no 'evil' is ever permitted, and no individual is permitted to freely take another's Life unless all is in agreement that that action is in fact best for all Life.

If we continue to allow personal beliefs and self-righteous judgments in our world, we consequently create hell for ourselves, where evil - as anything that is not best for all Life - is permitted to flourish.

Consciousness is fruitless, as it does not support Life, but permits and gives our acceptance and allowance of freedom in the form of atrocity justified by the belief that there is no consequence.   Clearly freedom is deception in a shared physical reality, because none are free till all is free.  We must move ourselves realize what we are allowing and take responsibility so that no disregard for Life as what is best for all is granted authority to exist anywhere in existence.

Who has authority over our lives?  Is it us? Clearly not, as we are all subject to a corrupt money system that is constantly abused and manipulated, keeping the masses enslaved to the false hope and false idea of freedom.

Please investigate and support the Equal Life Foundation and Equal Money Capitalism so we can stop the madness of this world.

Day 201

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to extensively limit and confine myself within the fear of god/ fear of the system - which was the reflection of me fearing myself - and so I did not allow myself opportunity to expand and find fun ways of expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and suppress myself in fear of myself - to the extent that I feel as if I don't even know myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret 'what life is' and 'who I am' through a personality, formed through a constant barrage of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and detest who I have created myself as, and who I have allowed myself to become.  I realize that this is in part the desire to escape consequence, as well as existing in hope that someone will walk this process for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a world so completely fucked up that expressing self-honestly sounds strange or awkward and we become uncomfortable and find it necessary and acceptable to resort to a false personality character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see future play-outs/consequences/rewards  and so I haven't trusted myself to make critical and informed decisions about how I should direct myself in consideration for myself and others in the future.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to blame consequence for who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as if there is an easy way to solve the problems of this world and reality.  I realize the process of changing myself can only be done breath by breath, accumulating self-honesty and self trust within myself to walk myself out of all dimensions of myself so I can be here, living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to challenging my limitations of mind to see what is possible when I focus myself.

I commit myself to know myself beyond the limitations of my mind.

I commit myself to embrace myself here within the realization of my commitment to myself and my goal of becoming absolutely self-honest with myself.


Free Course

Day 200 - The Fear God System

We have all had our secret dealings with the Fear God.  The fear of not knowing, and not understanding the unknown.  Now that we have come to understand the limitations of knowledge and information, and how knowledge was created by all as a reflection of existence, self, we can now see and realize the starting point - and the consequence - of giving more value to knowledge than to Life itself.  All this time we have been looking in the mirror of knowledge in our mind, and thinking the images perceived were 'me', when they were just reflections, reflections of ourselves in fear.

Finally one day I overdosed on fear, and could take no more. I faced the great Fear God, and made peace with it.  "OK Fear God,  please take my fears away... I will do anything".  I was grateful that I was no longer on the 'bad' side of the Fear God, and could now experience the 'good' side of fear, because we had an agreement, a relationship which I thought and believed I could trust.

I did not recognize however, that this was not the first time.  I had always been in a relationship with the Fear God.  The same pattern was there repeating itself all along, only now it seemed so much more profound, as if it were the first, and last time.  All the reassurances were there, the words, the feelings, the love, the hope, the anticipation, the excitement,  the energy... it felt so good!!  The belief that I was better than they were, because they didn't know of my secret agreement, was exhilarating!  I was so much better than those on the bad side of the Fear God, who had no relationship or agreement with fear.  Eventually however, and somewhat to my amazement, I came to realize that everyone had a secret relationship with the Fear God, and most were not even aware of it.  And so slowly, the Fear God grew stronger in power, until it controlled everyone.

The Fear God, like a disease, is a master at infiltrating, occupying, and possessing everything, feeding of every last drop of energy we have surrendered to it.  It is like the machine which has no consideration for anyone or anything, but to keep itself running, in fear.  Everyone now bows, serves, and surrenders to the Fear God.  The System.  The Fear God System is now everywhere, and there is nowhere to hide from the Fear God system, because we all created the Fear God System, we are the creators of fear... we are the Fear God Systems.

There is no point in fighting the bitter and agonizing consequences we all face, they are already here, and that would only empower the Fear God System and create more fear.  The only way to stop the Fear God System is to take responsibility to stand and support the one solution.  Equality - as the Equal Life Foundation and Equal Money Capitalism.  Join the Journey to Life.

Day 199 - Drone Strikes - A Violation of Human Rights

Between 1,990 and 3,308 people are reported to have been killed in the drone strikes in Pakistan since 2004, the vast majority of them during the Obama terms.
In the 12-month period up to 2011, 43 out of 95 drone strikes in the reports (which give an account of the vast majority of US operations in the country) were not aimed at al-Qaeda at all. And 265 out of 482 people killed in those assassinations, were defined internally as “extremists”.

Indeed, only six of the men killed – less than two percent – were senior al-Qaeda leaders. - source rt news



Is the 'war on terror' a valid justification to carry out random drone bombings in Pakistan and many other eastern countries?  The number of  innocent men, women, and children slaughtered continues to rise while the people of the world remain silent.  The fact is that there is literally no accountability for these detached acts of violence, and very little is communicated through the media.  According to the UN Declaration of Human Rights, these drone attacks are in direct violation of every facet of the UN Charter and International Bill of Human Rights - See below for reference.  This in addition to the fact that clearly, these attacks have in no way reduced the problem of terrorism.  Does anyone really believe that poor, uneducated beduin people are the cause of terrorism in the United States and Europe?

Who has the job of upholding human rights?  According to the UN Charter, countries carry the main responsibility, yet that responsibility is being completely neglected by leaders and citizens alike, because to stand up and demand an end to senseless abuse would mean putting one's own career, status, and financial position in the line of fire.  Therefore everyone - except those who are directly affected by the attacks - prefer to remain silent, justifying in their minds 'why these people deserved to die' in submission and denial of the horrendous atrocities of what is actually taking place.  It is simply beyond the capacity of our imaginations to comprehend... unless of course it happens to us, then of course it really hit home, and we would understand, but then it is too late to speak up.

When I visited the middle east a number of years ago, I was a bit surprised to find out that, although they have their share of problems primarily due to the strains of our current economic system, the majority of these types of people are as kind, friendly, gentle, and caring as any human being can be.  What does this say of us if we accept and allow these people, and children to suffer and/or die... because an armchair soldier with a joystick missed his target or was relayed wrong information?  By the absolute law of universal karma, events such as this cannot take place without grave consequences for us all.

Countries and governments are run as a business, funded by corporations for profit, power, and control.  The fact is, due to the corrupt monetary system, it is 'not profitable' for anyone to speak out and demand this type of abuse to stop.  The United Nations does not have control or power over any sovereign country, and they are subject to the many convoluted bureaucracies and arbitrary limitations of the legal system.

The solution to the problem of human rights is accountability, by each and every person being individually responsible and accountable.  The Equal Life Foundation is a non-profit organization that has outlined a precise, all encompassing, workable solution to the problem of human rights in our world.  I would highly recommend everyone reading this document to educate and familiarize themselves with human rights based in genuine Equality and consideration for all Life, where every human being has an Equal right to Life.   This is everyone's responsibility if indeed we would like to have a future on this planet.


Notes on Human Rights according to the United Nations.

 UN human rights website
- Human rights are applied to every person in every part of the world with no exception.
- They are universal and apply equally to everyone
- Regardless of race, gender, age, culture, appearance
- They are part of international law and based on the UN Charter of 1946
- Contain the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights
- International Bill of Human Rights
- Ban on slavery, torture, and discrimination
- States the right of everyone to work and a decent wage
- States the right to physical and mental health
- States the right to education
- States the right to peace
- States the right to a clean environment
- Countries must refrain from violating human rights,
- Countries must protect people from violation of human rights, and create the necessary conditions for people to exercise their human rights
- The UN central body is the human rights council which reviews the situation on human rights in all of the 47 member states.
- There are many countries on the council who do not themselves uphold human rights.
- The International Criminal Court in the Hague's powers are limited and lacks the support of the US and China.



Investigate:
Equal Money System website

Day 198

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a positive energy experience of myself in attempt to cover up and justify the negative energy experience of myself.  This is not to say that I should not enjoy myself, but that I must address that which my mind defines as the 'negative' experience, such as - things that I know which I must take responsibility for and act upon - and in doing so, I realize that I am doing what needs to be done to face myself as my mind-system-creation of enslavement and control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by thoughts as consciousness.  I realize that thoughts as backchat and internal conversations must be forgiven, stopped and corrected if they do not support what is best for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that fears that I have allowed in the past have integrated into my physical body - and so my responsibility is to address these fears as they surface, so that I may correct them and direct myself in a way that supports myself and is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live self forgiveness as myself in every breath as I enjoy each moment of self-movement in walking myself out of mind-control and undesirable consequences and into the process of realizing what it is to become myself for real and to become Life as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discover myself and my full potential - which I have hidden from myself through past 'misallocated' desires based in self-interest.  I realize that the only way I can see/realize/understand myself is through self-honesty in standing Equal to myself and all that I have created myself as, here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to receive the support of others and/or support others as I would like to be supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste words through auto-pilot reactions, waste opportunities through unpreparedness, waste time and energy through following fears and imaginations, and waste breath through forgetting my starting point.

I commit myself to face all aspects of myself in addressing and taking responsibility to direct the negatively defined points within myself so that I may sort myself out and remove all fear associated with taking responsibility for myself and all.

I commit myself to address the backchat on any points that come up within me which do not support myself as life.

I commit myself to address and direct any and all fears that arise through my physical body within the realization that these fears are assisting me to see and understand myself.

I commit myself to live self-forgiveness as myself in each and every breath as I move myself throughout my days

I commit myself realize my full potential through walking my process of self-realization and self-movement.

I commit myself to examine all experiences where I have defined as wasteful, and use these experiences as points of correction for myself in order to perfect myself in being honest with myself.

Day 197 - All things are Possible

Jesus said "With God, all things are possible"


What is possible?

What is impossible?


Let's investigate to see if we can draw a conclusion from this statement.

If we define 'God' as Money (as money is in fact God in this world) - We can see that money can buy you anything - fame/property/people.  Money definitely buys (a form of) freedom in this world, where with enough money, one is 'free' from having to slave away in a job they don't like, and so has plenty of 'free time'.  So within the context of this world, Money 'fits the bill' as God, and thus all things are possible with Money, as with enough money, a person can buy almost anything...  

Conversely, I know absolutely and without question, that Money cannot buy me.  That is to say that all the money, fame, and riches in this world could not bribe me away from my process and my goal of absolute self-honesty and standing for Equality of Life.  Why would I forsake my eternal self - for a false character and a temporary high - knowing for certain that I ultimately must face myself and thus the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in this world?  So I myself, am certain without question that money fails to fit the description of what Jesus was saying here.

If we define 'God' as 'Love' as many vaguely claim in this world, we can see that love appears to make some people feel fulfilled and happy - yet all the 'love' in the world has not helped the world in any way, in fact we see only more and more selfishness, suffering, and abuse.  So clearly it is self-evident, that alleviating suffering is impossible by way of love - because if it were possible, love would have done so long ago.  In fact, Love actually requires the suffering of others to exist.  So Love cannot be God as what Jesus was referring to here.

If we define 'God' as the omnipotent spiritual being separate from ourselves - then we have the same issue as with Love - God is either incapable, or unwilling to stop the suffering in the world - therefore limited, and this spiritual being cannot be the 'all powerful' God Jesus was referring to.

If we define 'God' as Equality, as human beings living the principle of what is Best for All in self-honesty, then we can clearly see - yes within this (and only this) context - all things would be in fact possible, because, if everyone were to live this principle as Equals in service to Life, then we would - immediately - alleviate and eradicate every and all forms of conflict and suffering in our world - nothing would be neglected or disregarded, and nothing would impossible!... because we would all realize our responsibility to stop all abuse and change ourselves to support Life, thus All would stand for Life, and Life would be supported Equally in all ways.

Day 196 - Desire and Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequence, and so allow myself to be directed and controlled by that fear - to the extent that I do not move myself effectively but rather remain 'stuck' in a position of fearing the worst, in the belief that the only thing I am capable of doing or creating is more consequence.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me being here and working out the solution to myself is the best I can do to manage consequence and stop creating more consequences for myself.

 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that facing and taking responsibility for consequence is assisting me to realize what I have accepted and allowed and therefore assisting me to become self-honest with myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to avoid consequence, as that is merely hiding from myself and not taking responsibility for what I have created myself as within this physical reality.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that my personal desires based in self-interest are self-sabotage in that they attribute a greater value to a selfish want/thought/idea in the imaginary hope of creating/experiencing something good for myself - thus creating the illusion that I am able to escape the consequences of what I am creating.  I realize that these selfish desires only create conflict within and without, because they are not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a distance of time/space between myself and consequence in separation of myself through not being honest with myself in every moment.   I realize that the only way to stop creating consequence for myself and others in separation is to change myself here through self-forgiveness, so that I can take responsibility to prevent myself from creating anything that would potentially harm or abuse Life.  In this I also realize my responsibility to create and implement solutions to the already existing consequence that is currently playing out in myself and my world as a whole.

I commit myself to accept the reality of consequence and through the process of self-honesty face it directly.

I commit myself to bridge the gap between myself and consequence so that no separation exists between myself and the results of what I am creating.

I commit myself to stop all desires within myself which are not aligned to that which is Best for All Life.

I commit myself to create myself as the solution, managing consequence as effectively as I am able through standing Equal to myself and All in and as the physical.



 

Day 195 - By Whose Authority?

I woke up this morning from last nights sleep, grabbed some breakfast and sat down at my computer.  It was right then that I had the thought "you're not free to do what you want - you have to push your resistances" which resulted in a negative energy experience/feeling, because I did not want to push the resistance or deal with it at the moment.  So In that moment I chose to watch some videos... when what I should have done is address the energetic experience I felt, but rather I chose to simply put the thought out of my head. What I was doing was giving in - sacrificing my self-responsibility as my directive principle of myself in the comforting hope/desire to avoid/escape the negative energy experience I felt.

What I realize looking back at the experience is that - because I have allowed such points of self-denial in the past - within an instant of this single thought, my mind had conjured and executed from my memory, a program based on my past experiences and beliefs of 'who I was' as (being subject to and therefore less than) knowledge of my past (in case any is unaware, knowledge in the form of energetically charged streams of information which is simply a limited and defined misinterpretation of myself and my existence from a separation standpoint in fear of self, believing it to be inherently evil - but we all know evil in the greater context is in polarity to good and therefore another false opinion based on separation, and therefore unacceptable - lol).

In that moment, I accepted and allowed that program to 'authenticate' itself through my permission, therefore through my authorization as my acceptance and allowance.  I subscribed and signed myself over to the belief that it is 'who I am' - as less than/subject to the knowledge and information.  So I subjected/diminished myself to the authority of that belief program as me having to struggle with this constant and nagging negative energetic experience of myself.  I believed myself to be too weak to stop the program - partly because my own energy was being resourced to run and execute the program - I created the idea that it (facing the energetic reaction) was a 'big deal' which it is not really - and I am fully capable of stopping and changing the program because I am the one who created it - I am the author, I wrote the book and therefore I can change the ending or re-write the entire book if I like lol.  

This comes back to my commitment.

Realizing that while in the physical I have the power to change in each moment.  Now that I recognize how it works and the consequence it creates for myself and others, I simply refuse to allow it to control me by addressing it when I see energetic movements within myself.  I make the connection to who I actually am as the directive principle of myself, not subject to anything, but standing Equal in taking responsibility for myself now, and in the future to create a world that is best for all.

With this point, I realized that I was trying to avoid the negative experience because I had defined pushing resistances as 'boring' and/or 'draining', when in fact NOT pushing resistances is the actual drain.  I can change the negatively charged definition of 'pushing resistances' I have created for myself and so redefine and realize pushing resistances as the 'live show' of me facing myself and creating myself as self-honest as Life... and learning to trust myself in the process.  Pushing resistances is literally creating heaven on earth as the accumulated outcome of moment by moment transcendence of each fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pushing resistances within myself as work/slavery/drudgery/negative/boring/tiring as I realize that pushing resistances is me becoming Life for real, and that is the best and most awesome most rewarding experience as it is teaching myself to be absolutely honest with myself which is the best I can possibly be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authority of myself as Life to a knowledge based program.

I commit myself to take back my authority as Life, in that there is zero tolerance and no program shall be permitted access to execute or run in place of my self-direction as what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to directly facing all energetic experiences first thing in the morning as they come up so that I can stop the program before it takes control and traps my mind into a belief of myself.

I commit myself to investigate all things which go on within myself so that all things may be tested to see which is good for myself and all and which is not - so that I may recognize myself and realize my ability to forgive myself and change myself in each moment to create myself as self-honest and Equal in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I can absolutely do this without question - because I see/realize/understand how it works and how the addiction to energy destroys and where that leads us all.


It's interesting that the mind tends to value the present moment over the future - 'I want to feel better now' type of thing - thinking and believing I am giving 'sufficient' value to the future here, when actually I am giving it significantly less value within the mental perception that it is not here now, therefore not a guarantee, so I should live for the moment.  I have considered my future 'less important' because it is not within my direct experience here now. This is a problem because (as it exists now) the future is inevitable and as such a direct result of what and who we accept and allow ourselves to be in the present moment.  We sacrifice the future here rather than standing Equal to it - so that we may have that warm cozy feeling of hiding under the electric blanket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice the future here for a more cozy present here now.  I realize that taking value from the future is diminishing my own value here now, and in the future here, because I am not standing in Equality with myself and taking responsibility for myself in all dimensions.

I commit myself to give myself Equal value for here now and for the future here and now that is inevitable.

Day 194 - My Competitive Football Story

When I was younger, as all young people, I had little understanding of myself and/or how world works.  I signed up to play football when I was 12, and being slightly larger than most kids my age, I was placed in a league with 15 and 16 year old kids.  American football is a rough contact sport, which I was eager to try as it seemed like a cool identity I could assume to get some attention for myself at the time.

During my first season, I didn't understand the mechanics of the game and was somewhat intimidated by players barreling at me head down full steam.  I recall one specific play, I just stepped out of the way and let the guy have the touchdown lol.  I didn't know how to tackle properly.  We lost all but one game that season.

The next year I played I broke my elbow in the second game, and was out for the season.  The year after that was when I finally learned how to hit 'correctly'.  My coach saw I was trying to grab players to the ground and said "hit this bag" - so I hit the bag straight on and he said "Why don't you hit players like that?".  I knew it was because I was afraid of injuring my neck.  He said "Come-on! You have a helmet and shoulder pads - hit him!" So I lined up opposite the runner and hit him straight on.  It felt good to overcome a fear and learn a new technique - but what I did not realize, is that I was still being controlled by fear - as the fear of being honest with myself.  This provoked an inner rage, which manifested as vengeful, outward, physical aggression.

I began to really hit players as hard as I could, straight on, constantly seeking to get high on the feeling of unleashing my inner demon, vainly trying to prove to people how 'fearless', 'strong', and 'powerful' I was in the desire to be revered as 'crazy'.  I was caught up in an exhilarating battle.  I see now how obvious it is, that I was doing this in an effort to hide myself, cover up who I was, and make amends for the frustration I felt inside myself because I had allowed myself to devalue myself so extensively.  So rather than address the issue, I sought out and created the heroic fearless character in my mind, neglecting myself, and neglecting to realize that this was clearly dishonest, and not the solution to myself.

Throughout the season I was constantly seeking that 'high', to hit a player as hard as I could to try and get the reputation - trying to become a legend in someone's mind.  I regarded other players as simply 'the enemy', and I really had no consideration for them whatsoever, no rule existed in my mind to prevent me from my secret ego's revenge.  I only cared about getting my high - primarily because I was so angry with myself and the world... this seemed like the perfect outlet, the scapegoat, to express my inner rage and animosity.  I did not dare to express it in words, in fear of being seen or defined as 'weak' or 'stupid'.

I hit a few players quite hard that year, and the year after.  I would see 'stars' and gouge my helmet and then rave to people about how great it was.  Little did I consider the physical consequence.  One night in practice I got lined up against another heavy hitting player, everyone was edging and cheering us on as from a full sprint, we collided head on.  Both of us blacked out for a few seconds, and then looked at each other in a slight daze.  I recall the sharp pain in my neck, and the great fear that came over me of what I had just done to myself, but I quickly covered it up with the tough guy lie "wow that was awesome!"  Inside I knew I was 'fortunate', and I was very relieved to realize that I did not seriously injure my neck, as the impact was significant to both of us, and we both had sore necks for about a week afterwards.

A couple years later, I heard a story on the news of how a player ran into a wall head on in frustration after losing a game and broke his neck, paralyzed for life.  The fear and relief swept over me again.

Competitive sports serve nothing but the ego, the vain glory of seeking the 'identity' high and hiding ourselves from the real issues going on inside.  This shows the direct correlation and connection - from the mind to physical consequence - of me trying to achieve a reputation and an energetic high, and how the combination of neglecting to take responsibility to face myself in self-forgiveness and correct myself, and being controlled by fear, very nearly broke my neck.

What consequences are we creating for ourselves in this world through neglecting to address our mind/ego?  The physical reality shows, but sadly much more is on the way, and will continue until we all stop and face it.

Take the free course offered by Desteni if you dare get real, and face your ego.

      

Day 193 - Daily Reflection

Looking at the extent of the deception in people and the system, it is apparent that, despite the obviousness of abuse, any attempts to provoke realization in others are largely in vain.  I say 'vain' because not only is there little recognition or realization, but also because I myself have to look at my starting point as to why I am so 'anxious' to 'preach' about Equality to others.  Why do I insist on being so 'wise' to think that I can assist anyone to realizing themselves?  It is as if I have taken the point of caring for Life and formed it into a character of myself who thinks he's got all the answers for everyone.  I recognize the pattern within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get all worked up in my mind about sharing Equality, only to entertain the vain and charitable character, and so watch my words fall into the abyss of arrogance and self-pity.

I commit myself to focus on standing for myself as my priority point, so that I may be as effective as possible at directing myself in self-honesty, and not waste my words and efforts on a fictional character of my mind.      

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in frustration towards myself because change seems to move too slowly.  I realize that this self-judgement of myself is showing me that I must continue to push through resistances to realize change as myself in each moment.

I commit myself realize that pushing through resistances is the key to change and standing up for and as myself as change in each moment - so that I may change myself and realize my ultimate goal of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in recognizing this point within myself - where I look at my application throughout the day and see how pushing resistances appears difficult, and at times confusing - as within pushing resistances there exists some uncertainty and ambiguity.  I realize that this point is showing me that these resistances are opportunities for me to realize myself in being specific within my application, so that I can focus myself and direct myself in learning to trust myself to stand by my decisions with absolute certainty.  When and as I see my situation as difficult or confusing I slow myself down and bring myself back to breathing and doing what is necessary to be done, trusting myself that any point of dishonesty will reveal itself.

I commit myself to honor my commitment to myself in my goal of self-honesty through pushing resistances and changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in making and standing equal to my decisions as my self-movement due to past 'failure programming'.  I realize that my entire life has been taught, dictated and programmed to think and act within the success/failure construct where most experiences have been subject to failure, rejection, abandonment and criticizing, thus I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to that very same system in an infinite loop of self-condemnation and self-judgement, ultimately creating the over-riding fear of failure.  This creates the consequence of me fearing to trust myself to make decisions and take responsibility for myself.  I realize that the process of making decisions and seeing them through to whatever end, so that I can face myself in becoming self-honest with myself.

I commit myself to recognize any fear of failure within myself and change myself to align myself with my ultimate goal of self honesty

Also within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the fear of futility - where I see my decisions as insignificant and of little value.  I realize that this point is showing me that I am still comparing myself to - and thus acting within the fear of - the money system.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself through comparing myself with money as the value that is dictated by the system rather than valuing myself and each decision that I make as Equal to Life.

I commit myself to stand Equal to myself as the value of Life here and work to create an Equal Money System so that Life can be dignified for everyone.

Day 192

Reading the document by Lao Tzu - Manifested Consequence - was very supportive.  I have read it a few times before, and it has each time revealed a deeper insight into myself.  This time I reflected on a few points which really hit home, so I will write them out here for myself.

I have not gotten to the point of absolute self-honesty yet.  There still exists separation within and as my mind where I have not been fully aware of myself in each moment.  Thus I have not fully made the connection from what I am creating, accepting, and allowing within myself - through not being fully aware in each moment, and thus allowing energetic re-actions to play out and create consequences.  This as well as repeated devaluation of myself within and as my mind through attempting to accommodate and infuse past beliefs, hopes, and desires into an idea of self-honesty where I portray myself as a good character in my mind in a positive energy experience of myself - an example being the point where in the past I have said to myself many times 'I think I have it this time'.  Because if I had really self-honestly changed in each moment - nothing would get by my self-honesty, as it would be me in each moment, equal and one.  There are still points where I have given value to personal experience as my mind, still trusting my mind as opposed to trusting myself to change and stand up.  Points where I still seek the 'easy way out' and/or try to escape myself, trying to escape the stress and anxiety I myself have created for myself, and/or desiring to give up on myself.  So I have to clarify for myself again within specificity exactly how and why I give value to these mind characters and experiences.

More to follow...

Day 191 - Freedom

What is Freedom?  What is it to be Free... is it the ability to have a walk in the park, in our 'free' time?  Getting out of jail?  Is it the ability to buy an expensive gift with the money we 'earned' through our hard slavery/work? Is it the ability to make a choice about who we think is beautiful and/or ugly?  Or is it just a good Feeling?

Would not actual Freedom 'free' us from the very limited ideas and definitions of Freedom itself?  Would not real, ultimate 'Freedom' eliminate all Fear, Doubt, Guilt, and Shame?    

Why then do we harbor the false belief that we are 'free'?  Simply because in doing so, we create a positive 'feel good' experience within ourselves.  Seems harmless on the surface.  The term Freedom, as it is used, interpreted, and perceived within our world, is a dualistic concept... An idea only attainable with the existence of it's polar opposite counterpart, and dependent - Slavery.  So, if we are self-honest, we will admit that we are refusing to realize and consider the inherent consequence of promoting such a belief.  In actuality, 'believing we are free' manifests as a direct result of the fear of facing the discomforting realization that many experience the opposite side of the coin - as extreme suffering and miserable lives - so that we can have our tyrannical belief.

We see the word 'Freedom' splashed all over the news and tossed around by guru's and preachers alike.  It is the subtle bait which triggers our subconscious emotions into our beloved fear induced mind-euphoria.  Many believe enlightenment is freedom, or that Jesus will set you free.  So peaceful in the bubble.  Fascinating, that despite all we have seen, we still do not recognize the renown of consequence for being abrupt, crude, and unforgiving... the ultimate bubble-crusher... and let's not forget or deny the blatantly obvious fact that no god can or will, save us from ourselves.  

Still we are stiff-necked, individually choosing to experience ourselves within and as this positive feeling of being free, further believing that it is 'better' to selfishly 'feel positive' then it is to be honest and considerate of Life.  We are Dom-inated by our belief in Free-dom, a blashpemy and disgrace of Life.  

Free-Choice then is the evidence that we are enslaved - because free-choice creates the illusion that we can decide to live in self-interest without facing any consequences of our own decisions.  The only viable choice in a shared physical reality is to live what is best for all - that way, all is living within the principle of responsibility to life, and no one has the 'free choice' to abuse another.

The acceptance of the idea of 'Freedom' and the existence of 'Free Choice' in Duality/Separation is complete Self-Deception, and therefore unacceptable.  There is only one option that will support Life - that is Equality and living what is Best for All.  

Day 190 - Using the Mind as a Tool

Consciousness, or the mind, is what we have created through our separation and the 'little misunderstanding' of who we are. So consciousness is what must be used to correct ourselves... not in how we have traditionally used it - to wish for things in self-interest or make believe we are better than one another - but rather to change ourselves to support the realization of Equality, within and without.

Not long ago, I would say to myself that I would not touch the law of attraction with a ten foot pole. Within this, I was aware that I did not fully understand – within the context of my own process and systems - how the mind was controlling me, and so I was hesitant of using/abusing the mind too extensively through inconsideration and/or not doing it 'properly'. I assumed I would be creating a form of consequential hell for myself because I had not yet fully dealt with all of my priority issues. 

Even though I understood a great deal, it became apparent through my inability to direct every breath, that there was likely things which I did not fully understand yet, or perhaps only understood as knowledge and information. I chose to focus too heavily on stopping my mind, and so was not using my mind as a tool, as effectively as I could have been.

I was well aware of the fact that consciousness could be, and was being used by many people as a means of achieving money and success, and I defined that as irresponsible – which it is when used only in self-interest. Little did I recognize how I too was already using it – in allowing thoughts of limitation, thus diminishing myself. therefore I did not trust myself, and so projected this distrust onto the physical. I created a relationship to the words 'law of attraction' giving the phrase as negative energetic charge, and so within that I was partially blaming the mind as evil. Interestingly, I have noticed that the mind often makes out the physical to be the cause of dysfunction through backchat.

Meanwhile, I believed I was doing something 'good' because I was in the process of stopping my mind, and so created a polarized dissonance within myself through allowing a series of self-sabotaging beliefs and justifications, as the 'bad'. I felt guilty, and awful about myself because I knew I was not 'in control', I was still controlled by addictions, not realizing exactly how I was creating the cycles of self-abuse. This was compounded by the fact that I feared giving up my addictions.

Since then, I have grown more confident in my understanding of how the entire system works, I can trust myself more to use the mind as a tool in order to support myself to change and align myself to live the solution – as what is best for all. To give an example. It is necessary for me to get organized so that I can become more efficient and so expand myself. So when I see myself entertaining limited beliefs and thus straying into idleness of my mind, I can recognize the pattern and support myself to change it through changing the negative thought patterns into creative, self-directive, positive commitments and actions which have no negative polarity or connotation for myself or others.

Day 189 - Recognizing the Silent Accomplice

How is it, that I have put so much effort, so much time, and so much resources of myself into aiding it, never realizing how it works, and what I, and it, was doing to myself?  How is it possible that I could not recognize something so corrosive, and sinister?   Why didn't I realize?  I ask myself. I mean, I see it every day, it's so completely out in the open and obvious, yet I was blinded to how I was participating within it, and so I deliberately allowed it to infiltrate, possess, and consume me.

When did this all start?  Looking back, it was a very slow and subtle process of indoctrination, and on top of the fact that the only alternative seemed to be to transgress everyone and everything - which would have meant being honest with myself - an epic challenge no less, which undoubtedly, I would have found myself in a rather 'uneasy' and 'unpredictable' situation.

This seemed like the perfect time to get a second opinion from all of those 'ready-made' and 'up for grabs' justifications.  "What!?  I can't do that!?  People will think you are crazy!?  No Way!?"  Oh they were more than happy to 'jump to the rescue' in my mind, though little did I realize, a rescue it was not, but an approval of and for the surrendering of myself.

That was the time I allowed myself to cave in to fear of myself.  That was the time I began the ever losing battle with myself...  and sadly, I did not count the cost.

That was a very long time ago, and the consequence of that decision affects me to this day.  I wonder what it would have been like if I had chosen to transgress everyone and be honest with myself.   What would it have been like... to stand for Equality, and to not allow myself to give in to fear of god, or fear of my parents, or fear of my teachers, or fear of my friends, or fear of death, or fear of myself?  What would it have been like to be honest with myself?  Wow, that would have been Epic fun!!  No doubt accompanied by it's share of hardships... But it would have been sooo worth it hahaha!!

Nevertheless, wondering does not change what is here.  I do not blame myself, and I have forgiven myself for the most part.  What is important now is for me to see, and realize, and to understand, with what time I have left - absolutely, and without question - that this war, this self-dishonesty within myself  MUST STOP at all cost, or I will face far worse.

What is this war with myself?  How is it happening?  How am I allowing it to happen?   How am I participating in it?  Why am I fighting myself?  I realize - war is conflict. Conflict is the clashing of two opposing forces, both believing and/or having the opinion they are 'good', and the other is 'evil'.  Obviously if war exists, then neither side is 'good' - and the only way they can have that belief that they are 'good' or 'better than', is if they believe they are separate, and so are existing in delusion, fear, and denial.

So to stop conflict, I have to first recognize, then deal with, and deconstruct what is supporting the conflict.  Namely - Justifications.  Justifications heal, comfort, and console... as long as the conflict is supported.  Justifications appear to have great pity, compassion, and caring - yet they only care for the conflict to continue. They make it seem like everything is OK, everything is 'all right', everything is 'normal', everything is gonna be juuuust fine.  Justifications are masters of seduction, seeking only power and control.

Justifications esteem and admonish the highest places of leadership and authority.  Justifications think they are better, and wiser, because they believe they are 'more knowledgeable', and therefore always the 'safest' choice.  Safety first!  Justifications judge what is right and wrong, secretly blaming and neglecting responsibility - while inducing and indulging in inner conflict.

Justifications appear to be very 'aware' of everything, having the appearance of composure and self-confidence, yet secretly they are fearful and insecure.  Justifications adore definitions, classifications, achievements, and titles for the purpose of promoting self-righteousness, and belittling those they deem unworthy. Thus they have high respect for laws, first and foremost the laws within their mind.  Justifications  nurture competition, and greatly value winning - yet they often disguise this with an attitude of 'fairness' or a clever term like 'democracy'.  They value beauty and the appearance of perfection, desiring to cover up mistakes - as if a mistake is something to be ashamed of - unless of course they must protect their compassionate character.

Justifications adore celebrations and excitement, and feed off the attention of our minds, draining us of the energy we so willfully provide in our service to fear.  Justifications strictly impose their beliefs and opinions, so as to justify their ego's, and boost their own 'moral standards' with more complex, and self-centered justifications.  Justifications are always ready to offer a sympathetic excuse, or a perhaps quick-witted, light-hearted diversion.  Justifications accept the existence of consequence as a 'casualty of war', and to them change is impossible - because this is 'just the way it is', and 'the way it always has been'.  Justifications are systematic, premeditated, and vindictive, existing merely for an opportunity for revenge - the revenge of the ego.  They are the reflection of ourselves as the image in our secret mind.

Through all my acceptances and allowances, justifications have infused themselves into my very being.  So now, I have the task of re-creating myself through breathing and self-forgiveness, so that I can stop ALL of the dishonest justifying within myself.  To create myself, and commit myself to no longer accept and allow ANY justification whatsoever within myself, as justification only means conflict.  Without justifications, conflict could not exist, as conflict would be exposed for what it really is - separation - and separation means defeat - and defeat is simply unacceptable.

Day 188 - Dispelling the Delusions of Sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within myself for a sexual experience with another person, as seeing sex as something separate from myself - which I must apparently 'attain to' in order to achieve value for myself as a positive/good energetic feeling - a false ego-boost - a positive/good energetically charged feeling of accomplishment - and/or a positive/good energetically charged feeling of excitement. I realize that the positive energy experience of myself is used by the mind in attempt to cover-up/pacify the negative energy experience, which only results in the perpetuation of separation of myself as (+ -) energy, and thus self-delusion and enslavement. I realize that the definition of sex which I have accepted and allowed to be programmed into my mind throughout my life experience is not real – as it was specifically designed to keep me distracted, and chasing after the desire for experiences, rather than realizing the truth of who I am and my responsibility to stand Equal to myself and Life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to escape my responsibility to myself and my commitment to myself through chasing after the desire for a sexual experience - in the belief that I can release myself from the anxiety of life's problems through seeking/attaining a positively charged sexual relationship. I realize that this desire for a positively charged sexual experience - triggered by the mind - is a form of self-manipulation where I have defined the act of sex with another as simply 'enjoying myself', meanwhile not fully understanding 'who I really am' and thus not fully understanding 'what sex is' - I have neglected to see how the entire system is playing out within and as myself, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself, deny myself, and neglect seeing myself for 'who I really am' out of fear of facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the 'fear of loss' system, where I have submitted myself to the fear of losing an opportunity to experience myself within a limited, predefined thought of myself, believing it to be the totality of 'who I am' when it is absolutely not. So within this belief, I have accepted and allowed my mind system of beliefs to direct and control me in seeking to fulfill this 'thought/fantasy' with justifications such as 'I will feel better' or I will have 'achieved something special' – when in actual physical reality, the positive energy feeling/excitement soon dissipates, and I all I have 'achieved' is the maintenance of the mind system which keeps me blinded and enslaved to chasing after positive feelings and fleeing from negative emotions. I realize that this form of self-denial accumulates, prolongs, and compounds consequence for myself and all, as I am fully aware that inevitably, I must face myself in self-honesty, and stop the enslavement of myself to false assumptions, delusional desires, and energetically charged feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase after a moment of enjoyment, and so within seeking to accommodate a selfish desire, I am accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice of a vastly larger part of myself for a limited, and temporary experience of myself - as allowing myself to be the subject of pre-programmed mind desires, rather than taking responsibility to be self-directed and express myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that Life in this physical existence is the priority, as without Life in the physical, sex cannot exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship with the words sex and love, limiting and defining them within the beauty and value systems, and so limiting and defining myself in self-dishonesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a high value on an experience of sex - defining it as the best possible experience I can have for myself, when in actuality, I realize that all moments must be Equalized as Equal to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the belief that within the act of having sex I am doing something good by making another person feel good. I realize that this justification is another program designed to 'make me feel better about myself' in order to feed the mind with energy, and that each person must take responsibility for themselves to stop enslavement to Equalize and direct themselves as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge sex as 'good' or 'bad' from the starting point of a morality based belief system, rather than assessing myself in self-honesty and self-intimacy, in order to determine and create myself as what is in fact, best for all.

I commit myself to stop all enslavement to energetically charged systems of the mind and so face myself in self-honesty in every moment so that I may stand Equal to myself in the physical as Life, here. 

Day 187 - Forgiving Myself

   

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the negative energy charge coming from the fear of not being able to compete with larger companies.  I realize this limitation I have imposed on myself through my mind is assisting me to change and realize what I am doing to myself through self-imposed limitations, therefore in examining this point I can see that once I drop the limited belief, I open up much more opportunity for myself to investigate other areas where I can expand myself and direct myself.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being overloaded with too much strenuous work.  I realize that this self imposed fear is leeching the enjoyment out of me!  As well, it is showing me that I have not trusted myself to be able to be here as breath, as when I am here as breath, I am acutely aware of my physical body's requirements and so am easily able to tell when my body is becoming over exhausted so that I can slow myself down – as opposed to racing against myself in submission to this fear system.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to maintain a negative outlook based on past patterns.  I realize that this point is assisting me to change in that I must learn to forgive myself of the past and trust myself to stand here self-directed in each moment.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain a negative outlook based on 'hopeless/inescapable situation' mentality within a paranoid delusional mind-created character.  I realize that this point is assisting me to see that - allowing myself to be controlled by fear only creates self-torment, dis-functionality, stagnation and suppression of myself.  This as well as showing me that I am fully able to see the starting point and stand up to fully stop the cycle within myself, thus freeing myself from fearful mind projections.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through the feeling of being trapped in my situation/consequence.  I realize that the starting point of this fear is a thought projection from my past experiences where I have not forgiven myself, and so I have accepted and allowed myself to go into feelings of guilt.  In attempt to alleviate the consequential guilt, I accepted and allowed myself to revert to 'the easy way' or 'the path that was already chosen/created' for me within my mind as pre-programmed methods of self-punishment.  I have realized a better/the best way for myself, where self-punishment is not necessary, but rather taking responsibility to be here within and as myself in self-honesty, identifying the pattern and it's play out/consequence, forgiving myself, trusting myself, and simply walking/creating the correction.

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     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself based on the belief that I am unable to move and expand myself due to financial constraints.  I realize that this point is showing me – firstly, a fear of loss, as the fear of losing money - secondly, I am not yet trusting myself and - thirdly, I am still being controlled by fear of making mistakes as well as me being in fear of 'being punished' by myself or others for making mistakes.

Backchat dimension
“I'm in trouble” - as the phrase was commonly used when I was a child, meaning that my parents would be upset with me and I would face some form of mental/physical abuse in the form of a punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by fear of loss, specifically of money.  I realize that this point is showing me that I have placed my trust in money as opposed to trusting myself... wups.  OK so I no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of loss as the fear of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of being punished – triggered by the phrase “I'm in trouble”.  I realize that I can direct myself without punishing myself.  I also realize that if I am to be punished by an outside source which I am unable to direct or control, then it is a consequence that I have created for myself in the past which I must face to see what I have created through my acceptances and allowances, this to show me that I must stop the cycles and patterns of abuse within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes.  I realize that mistakes are showing me that the physical reality is not subject to my beliefs and expectations and that forgiveness is an essential component of Life.

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     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself resulting in a lack of personal enjoyment/fulfillment, and consequentially resulting in lack of self-motivation.  I realize that this point is showing me that suppressing myself through chasing after selfish desires is not the answer, but rather a cycle of self-delusion.  In order to transcend/break this cycle I must create for myself a way where I can enjoy sharing myself in self-honesty and assisting and supporting others to realization of the amazing awesomeness of Equality.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal conflict within myself as the realization of my actual potential vs system misgivings, education requirements and inflexibility.  I realize these points are showing me how many limitations I have imposed on myself through subjecting myself to negative self-image as system beliefs.  Each of these self-imposed limitations is a road map, and an opportunity for me to realize and transcend each of these false limitations through directly facing and challenging each one in order to disprove their authenticity and take authority for myself as me standing for Life.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief in my mind that I can temporarily sustain myself on the baseline income enough to get by.  I realize that this belief is a cover-up, showing me that I am still being controlled by, and 'living' in fear of myself.  Being controlled by fear is not living at all, it is enslavement.  Therefore I commit myself to stop being controlled by fear in any way shape or form, so that I can stop the delusion within myself and create myself as Life, as Equality.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief that I see no opportunity for expansion, and therefore can postpone responsibilities until an opportunity presents itself.  I realize that this point is showing me that I must create the opportunity for myself and not wait, as waiting is hoping, and hoping is not taking action.  This point again relates to fear of taking responsibility, where I have not yet fully re-defined taking responsibility for myself, as in my mind it is still related to 'being blamed' and 'having a crappy job to do'.  Therefore here...

Within the context of doing what is necessary to be done to stand for Life as Equality...

Responsibility = CREATING HEAVEN ON EARTH

Day 186 - Working out a Solution for Myself

Last night I stumbled upon a video that really assisted me to remove a major stumbling block. It really seemed to 'click' where many missing pieces fit together and made a lot of sense. Now I have to do the work to apply myself in a practical way, and see what else is preventing me from changing, aligning, and re-creating myself free from patterns of enslavement.

I woke up and was going over it in my mind, yet could not seem to place it exactly, hence feelings of agitation.

Why do I not want to get up?

Why am I feeling agitated?

Why do I not want to achieve goals for myself?

Why do I not want to enjoy my experience?

- Because I feel I have messed up my life and missed so much potential in my life.

- Desiring to blame and punish myself for messing up my life

- Not trusting myself that the application will work – doubting myself based on past failures and the absurity of the system

- Thinking I do not have enough time or energy to do it and the reward will not be satisfying enough

- Not seeing, trusting, realizing the reward as being worth it

- Energy resistances of negative emotions as jealousy

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and others for the situation I am in and for the fact that I perceive myself to have missed so much opportunities in my life. In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for my past in the desire to be better than others – as within this thought of blaming myself and others for my past I accepted and allowed the belief that I was 'foolish' – in the polarity of desiring to be 'more intelligent' than others as I should have figured it out for myself, yet the support of others was essential to me being able to figure things out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself for past mistakes and blind acceptances and allowances. I realize these mistakes allowed me perspective to see myself in what I was accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that the process will work for me in self-doubt rather than simply trusting myself which is the only obvious solution – despite how difficult and brutal the situation appears to be – it can and will change through pushing my resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind as the belief (as a negative energy charge) that I do not have enough time or energy to correct the situation, rather than simply dealing with what is here and working towards a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reward will not be satisfying enough, as well as the belief that it will be drudgery, as mind created ideas of what life is, in the minds attempt to sabotage my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there will be no reward, thus it will not be worth the effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play host to jealousy within myself as the mind of thoughts of envy towards others, seeing and defining them as 'better than' me for having figured out different aspects of how the system works and so have been able to use it to their benefit.

What are the specific starting points of resistances and energetically charged feelings within myself;

- Negative energy charge as a result of fear of not being able to compete with larger companies

- Negative energy charge as a result of fear of being overloaded with too much strenuous work

- Negative energy charge related to a negative outlook based on past patterns

- Negative energy charge related to a negative outlook based on 'hopeless/inescapable situation' mentality

- Negative energy charge based on the feeling of being trapped in my situation/consequence

- Negative energy charge based on the lack of perceived ability to move and expand myself due to financial constraints

- Negative energy charge as a result of lack of personal enjoyment/fulfillment resulting in lack of self-motivation

- Negative energy charge as a result of the internal conflict of understanding my actual potential vs system misgivings, education requirements and inflexibility

- Positive energy charge within the belief that I can temporarily sustain myself on the baseline income enough to get by

- Positive energy charge within the belief that I see no opportunity for expansion, and therefore can postpone responsibilities until an opportunity presents itself

Origination of Consequential Outflows

- Not understanding myself and thus naively following beliefs

- Me trusting the education system and not understanding how the world system works

- Resulting in; me making improperly aligned career choices that did not specifically suit my skills.

- Underestimating the inherent lack of responsibility within the system

- Not understanding the point - that the system works through relationship bribery and 'who-you-know'

- Myself being acutely aware of, and therefore rebellious towards the manipulative and coercive 'brown-nosing' within the system.

- Therefore I deemed it best for myself and necessary to separate myself from those who were manipulative and controlling, so that I could understand and make choices for myself, unhindered by the biased influence of others, as it eventually became clear that I could trust no one.

- Hence I find myself in a somewhat awkward and isolated situation.

- This, in addition to the patterns of suppression within myself I have not fully dealt with yet - thus energetically charged systems resonate within my physical body in a type of 'eddy' creating substantial resistances where my physical body is absorbing all of the current and depleting me of physical energy, which otherwise could be used to direct myself towards working as much, and as effectively as I could be.

More self-forgiveness and solutions to follow...