7yr Journey to Life - Day 34 - Pushing Resistances

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself my best in every moment.  In this, I realize that at times I just want to give in to resistances if I feel tired or unmotivated - yet what I  realize is that I have been limiting myself extensively within the belief/thought that "I will not be able to push through this resistance".  Within this, I am 'keeping score' on myself within my mind as a success/fail 'valuation' where I project myself as 'having already lost' so that I may allow myself to instantly 'give in' and experience the comfort of the temporary stress release that - the mind game is temporarily over.

What I also realize in this is that, in moments where I feel resistance such as tiredness, drudgery, fear of loss, or anxiety etc. - I can stop the 'success/fail/0-1' scoring method, and instead PUSH myself within a resistance without anticipating the outcome beforehand.  If I push through completely, great - if eventually (for example with tiredness) I rest - so be it - but I do not instantly give in, but rather push myself within the resistance as best I can in each moment.  In this, I am able to transform myself and stop the 'mind game' of winning/losing within myself - and thus stop the judgement and guilt that is associated with it, because I am actively pushing my resistances to stop being enslaved to the mind system.

What often happens when I face a resistance is that, a thought/belief will emerge such as 'if I push this resistance now, it will not go away, and I will have to push it ALL DAY LONG '.  Thus the negative feeling comes up and I do not even want to push the resistance at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to resistances immediately because I accept and allow thoughts of 'I will not be able to push through this resistance' which limits me and tricks me into immediately give in to resistances without pushing myself at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to resistances immediately without pushing myself because I have placed a score/value as a win/loss or success/fail within my mind of how the outcome will be of me pushing my resistances, thus allowing myself to fall victim to judgement and guilt of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the idea that I will have to face this resistance all day long, rather than bringing myself here as breath and taking the point step by step.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my full potential by not pushing my resistances thus allowing myself to give in and diminish myself within limitations of the mind/ego/beliefs.

I commit myself to stand as self-awareness that I am able to push myself in my resistances in each moment without mind projections of success/fail/win/loss.

I commit myself to realize my full potential through pushing my resistances, as my resistances show me the way to realizing myself and aligning myself with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to become a living example of what is best for all through pushing my resistances and transcending the limitation of beliefs and thought projections which only exist and function within the energy based system of my mind.

I commit myself to changing myself and in so changing my world as me step by step until all is Equal and life can be born for real.

Day 33 - I am my Words

The more I hold myself accountable to all as myself and my world, the more I am aware of my responsibility to - through my living example - assist others to see and understand the root problem of our reality.  Each and every one is responsible, and all excuses and justifications stem from fearful and selfish, ego-based desires in attempt to escape responsibility change and align ourselves to the principle of what is best for all.

So how can I direct myself most effectively so that others can garner the necessary knowledge and information required to unlock their individual fears and false perceptions of reality in order so that they may realize themselves as Equal?

I have to apply myself in every moment of breath as becoming equal and one with my words so that my inner reality is reflected in my outer reality.  To stand as my words as every word spoken as me.  In that I take care that when I speak, I am specific and considerate of all potential outflows of how my words are received. From the simplest of conversations to the most in depth, it is to be ever aware of myself here and my responsibility to my agreement with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my words as insignificant and meaningless, when my words have potential to assist myself and others in self-realization at any given time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through my words where I have created a system that dictates what words I should speak and when/what words are morally 'correct' and what is morally 'incorrect' - as a system that has replaced responsibility to life with valuation of deceitfulness where I get a receipt for my co-operation and compliance rather than sharing earths resources equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through my words where my words are not the expression of me, but my words are dictated and programmed through an education system which does not support life - but slavery as creating 'good slaves' and 'bad slaves' to a cruel system of self-destructive nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my world, my reality and my existence through abusing words to justify 'correctness' in the belief that some are 'better than' others in fear of survival.  I realize that living from the starting point of fear-of-survival and competition does not support life, but manifests the inevitable plundering of all of the earths resources through and insatiable lust of consumerism which can only result in suffering and death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through my words in my own self-deception because I felt I could not live without playing the game of competition, always seeking and desiring more and more and more and more and more in a never ending cycle of self-abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to fill gaps of space where I feel uncomfortable if I do not say something.  In that, I take the opportunity to consider the possibilities where I can take self-responsibility to express myself in a way that my words have impact and change my world and reality to that which honors all life Equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my ability to use words because I fear saying things in front of certain people or I fear the people themselves and thus fear the reactions I may/may not get. 

I commit myself to use my words as effectively and specifically as possible within slowing myself down and breathing so that I am speaking words as myself in creating only that which supports all life Equally as what is best for all

I commit myself to speak my words effectively as possible so that they may have an impact and manifestation of change as me and within my world and reality.

I commit myself to work diligently with discipline in using my words with care and consideration for all life.

I commit myself to retrace my words that I speak so that I may purify my words and clarify as I purify and clarify myself into a living example of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for me.

Day 32 - Me as My Words

"Everyone Pays Full Price" I stated into my cell phone voice recorder yesterday. 

So after finishing my job of the past two days, it came time for the customer to pay.  He did not want to pay tax (as is typical of most clients), so I accepted that.  In addition to that, the customer was telling me that the type of work I was doing was not worth what I was asking, despite the agreement we had on the price beforehand.  So he began 'talking me down'.  I argued my points that I was well worth the price I was asking, and I had done a great job, yet he continued to demand a lower price.  So I conceded to give him 10% off the price in addition to the taxes discount. 

Upon reflection of what happened, I realized that I accepted the compromise, I did not stand my ground and demand full price, because I felt I had no ground to stand on, I needed the money and re-acted in fear of not getting it from interactions in the past.  What I did not realize is that I was compromising myself in not standing equal to my words.  In compromised myself through pitying the client, even though he was very wealthy.  Self-sabotage yet again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in not standing equal and one with my words, and so sabotage myself through irresponsibility to myself and my world through speaking words of compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am my words and thus when I speak words as me, I stand in agreement with myself as my words without compromise through reactions of pity or fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take pity on someone else, and their fear of having to spend money, and in so compromise myself and my words through lack of integrity to my agreement to myself and my words as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall victim of fear of not getting paid and in so compromise myself and my words and my agreement with myself as my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the emotions of someone else rather than standing absolute as myself, my agreement with myself and my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can compromise my words as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to take responsibility for others through compromising myself in the desire to be a good, helpful and kind person.  I realize that if I compromise myself and my words through kindness, goodness and helping others, I abdicate myself and my agreement with myself as my words which is unacceptable and denial of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to be specific with my words as myself in walking my process of self-honesty, and in so reap the consequences of inequality as the evidence of me not standing equal and one with my words as me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to slow myself down in and as my breath to clear myself before I speak words as me.

There is no half-life, either I stand absolutely equal to life in every way, or I cease to exist.

I commit myself to stand Equal and One with my words as me in total agreement with myself

I commit myself to be the living example of standing Equal and One with my words

I commit myself to slow myself down in breath awareness and clear myself before I speak, so that I can be sure that the words that I speak are self-directed in full awareness of my responsibility to my agreement to myself and my words.

I commit myself to, when I find myself running at the mouth, stop myself, clear myself through breath, and speak words as myself even if it means having to go back and re-state what I had said previously.

Everyone Pays Full Price in repayment of the debt we all have to Life.

Day 31 - Rednecks guide to Equality

Breaking teh ice is perty easy these days... any oppertunity I git, I like tuh chat wit folks n bring up dis here muney system 'n how its so crupt n abusive 'n all.  Then, when ah git em goin, I like tuh take things a lil further, yeah hehee.. I know, seems ta git folks all worked up inside... kina like firin up an ol rusty tracter, one dat ain't bin started in years woohee!  So, Ah take de oppertunity ta see where folks r standin on dis here matter uh "Eekwul Muney fer Allll"!  Yeehaw, kina fun, yeah I know. 

Mazin tho idnit? Many folks jus wanna challenge me right off de bat dog-gonit! Sayin things lak, uhh 'dat wud never wurk'.... -_-

Uh, Wut?  Right then n there, mah jaw drops rite teh de floor, and it almost knocks me outta ma britches!... How'd yall know it'll never work!!! When I dint even splain it yet???  Ah jus gotta sit dere in awe fer a secnd, scratch'n ma head...  Hmmmm... Mighty strange... Miiighty strange ndeed... that der answer seems laik sum kina Meeraculous, Extra-Ordinary form of En-lighten-ment er sumpin...  clearly b'yond mah understandin.  Maybe I need ta practice dat der Tran-scendental Meditation uh bit more... cept ima need teh kine fer hillbilly redneck folks laik maself, cuz Ah jus don't undetstand it one bit.  I sit dere fer five minutes, an I'ma thinkin "Wuuut in teh Helllll Am I Doin Here!!?  Hole lotta nutin, dats wut!!  I gotta go n plant sum corn, er feed dem cows er sumpn...Transcendental hogwash.... mah ass, I gots ta wurk for a livin!"

So Ah figur if Ah cud jus git em t'understand wut's best fur all, is best fer dem, maybe den dey cud git it, cuz its jus so simple n all, but noooo sir-ee... an den dey say sumpin r'diclous laik... "oh-hoah, so ur wunna dem Comm-u-nists,.. oh-ho-hoah!" 

Awwwe possum feathers, here we go agin... sheesh.  Tho, sum times I jus gotta have a lil chuckle at dat one...Heeeheehee, whoo-eeee, yeah...   Jus laik a robot wud say.  Lisen up now, Comm-u-nizm wuz dsignd ta keep y'all enslaved, an it AINT laik Ekwul Muney 'tall. Naut one dang bit! If ya thank Ekwal Muney is Comm-u-nizm, den y'aint figured nutin out yet an yeh probly wont git it, till ur sarry ass is in teh di-menshuns, an bye den it's too late! Tzif ya'll r on auto-pilot r sumpin.

Maybe Ahm not splainin it right er sumpin, but cmon now... t'aint all dat hard te git! Jus think, if evryone shared everything n stopped all teh greed n killin n spite, we cud all have us a whole lotta good times n fun fer all, n we cud sort out da real problems on deh planit.  We cud solve starvation n slavery n cruption n everythin! Woweee dat 'd be mazin wudnit?  I dunno bout you, but Ah'd kina laik ta take care of ma planit, rather 'n destroy it cuz uh sum silly misunderstandin.  Ah'd laik ta live fer once, staid uh being a slave ta muney and corperations fer ma whole life.

Lets all join dat der Destny group, dem folks know wut der talkin bout, no nonsense folks laik u n me who jus wanna spport life, n do wuts best fer all.  Thats de way't shud be.

Day 30 - Excuses

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live my life based on the false belief that I am a good person because I care and do good deeds, such as giving to charity or helping people, when in fact, it is dishonest and irresponsible for any person to define themselves as good while existing in a world where billions suffer - because EVERYONE thinks they are a good person, thus this belief that 'I am a good person' is the very LIE that promotes and justifies abuse where one fools oneself into believing 'I am doing my part' - while refusing to stand ACCOUNTABLE in every breath, and support the ONLY solution to solve the entire problem within our world - Equal Money for All. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that inequality is 'just the way it is' and justify my beLIEf with statements such as 'it will never change' 'it can't change' or 'Equal Money is Communism' - in doing so I am only justifying my fears that I cannot change myself and that the truth is that I do not WANT to change because I enjoy living in my own false mind bubble of selfishness and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of FALSE HUMILITY, where I continually justify my denial of myself and abuse because I feel protected by the system.  In that I feel comfortable playing the game while my world is being destroyed and life is being subject to unimaginable horrors for which I am in FEAR of facing as what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of false humility wherein I deliberately appease my mind with thoughts that 'I am content being/existing as just another clone of the system' with the justification that 'I am doing my part through my good deeds'.  I realize with absolute awareness that these justifications and excuses are me HIDING from the truth of WHO I REALLY AM, as equal to all of my world and reality.

In realizing this, I see that I am 'no better than' a murderer, or a drug pusher, or a corrupt politician, or a serial rapist, because I have allowed this type of behavior to exist in my world through my passive yet deliberate acceptance and allowance by NOT supporting the only solution which would create a world that is BEST FOR ALL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play dumb with myself in my mind, telling myself that 'I just don't understand it all', meanwhile all the answers are HERE as me as the physical that CANNOT BE DENIED, because we all move and interact within the physical in every moment, as within absolute awareness of (the denial of) ourselves.  I realize that even DEATH is not an escape from myself as who I have allowed myself to become, but at death, the shameful realization of who I am is faced head on as I allowed myself to live in self-interest and self-denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate life to a personality so that I could CAMOUFLAGE myself within the system and only look out for myself and those who support my selfish disguises as personalities which only serve to justify my dishonesty and abuse of life within my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the goal of life is to just 'BE HAPPY' in seeking happiness for myself only, rather than support what is best for all.  In realizing this, I see that I have allowed abuse of my world through my selfishness with the evidence being that I am CONSTANTLY SEEKING A DIVERSION such as trying to make myself happy, or being a sports fanatic, or constantly seeking a joke to laugh at, or wanting to get high, or vegetating in front of the TV, or blabbering about the stupidity of the world - while REFUSING to face myself and change myself in order to change my world for REAL by standing with a group that supports what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to point fingers, blame and mock the world in an expression of 'I am better because I see how retarded the world is'. Meanwhile, I COMPLETELY DENY that the world is the way it is because I accepted and allowed it to get to this through my deliberate participation withing the mind of thoughts, judgements, blame, irresponsibility and DISHONESTY with myself as who I am and the reflection of me as my world.

I commit myself to stand as a point of responsibility to change myself and support life in every way possible until absolute Equality is established in every way so as to put an absolute end to neglect and inconsideration which has brought us hell on earth.

I commit myself to stand for the only solution that will change my world to that which is best for all in challenging myself and the system to expose the dishonesty within myself and my world which is perpetuated through the secret mind of self-interest and irresponsibility.

I commit myself to relentlessly pursue absolute Equality, and not stop until I have turned this abusive and atrocious Hell-world on its head as a heaven on Earth for EVERYONE.

I commit myself to expose the delusional deception and cowardly lies of people who are promoting love and light and charity as the solution, all of which have done NOTHING but bring our world to the brink through the parasitic, ego mind.

I commit myself to stand with the GROUP which stands for what is best for all in every way, in so I realize that I am supporting the only solution to the enormous problems within our world where no law or guru or religion or politician has EVER considered the consequences of inequality. 

Day 29 - Raccoon Rescue pt 2

So to continue my raccoon story from yesterday, an interesting thing happened.  I bought some formula for the baby raccoons I found by the side of the road and fed them.  After doing some research online, it turns out that it would be highly unlikely that I would be able to keep them.  I don't have enough space in my house, and they are 'not the normal' kind of pet, thus frowned upon by most people in society.  Not to mention they are nocturnal animals and the financial costs to raising such pets is significant.  I would have loved to keep them had I had the resources and been able to give them an enjoyable living. 



So I read online that there is a chance that if you leave the babies outside, the mother will come back for them, and since the raccoons are often in my backyard, that's what I decided to do this evening.


The babies were crying quite loud when I let them out in the early evening in a vivarium I had used for my lizards, and sure enough, within a half hour, a raccoon showed up to scout out all the commotion.  I thought 'awesome', but then the raccoon left.  Another raccoon showed up 20 minutes later, but also left.  The babies continued to cry and I felt kinda bad that perhaps the coons would come and just eat them.


A half hour later, I heard one of the babies crying like crazy really loud and I thought 'ah crap', I sent them to die.  So, feeling awful, I went outside with a flashlight to try and save them.  I went to the edge of my yard, and had to bush-wack through some brush to get to where the baby was screaming.  I got there and the coon had fled, and the baby ran up to me.  I checked it and there was no injuries, strange I thought because he was crying so loud.  I then heard about 20 yards off a strange sort of growl, but it was more like a humming noise.  I thought to myself 'show yourself' as the baby huddled around my feet.  I heard a few more growls and hums, and then some movement.  Sure enough, it was a heavy set raccoon, and it came right up within 10 feet of me.  Instantly I knew this was the mother, she was telling me that this was her pup and to back off!  The baby wanted to follow me because it didn't recognize its mother out of fear and just being too young to realize what was going on.  I said 'its OK its your mother', and went back inside.  


If by chance it was not the mother, it was at least a very willing surrogate.  I don't think any coon would have challenged me like that, had it just wanted a meal.  And if it did want just a meal, it would have most likely killed it on the spot.  Anyway, cool story.


Animals are more aware than we give them credit for.  Far more aware than humans I'd say.  And they feel pain every bit as much as we do.  Its amazing how we see animals as less than ourselves, as pests or just food and some even enjoy killing them for sport or egotistical haughtiness. Animals can teach us a great many things about ourselves, how we have become less than ourselves as physical beings controlled by a mind system of greed and slavery - and we are not even aware of what we are doing - killing our home planet.  The ultimate stupidity of the entire universe without comparison is found within the human being.  There is no question.  And all those who claim to be intelligent - how smart are you really, when you live in a world that is being destroyed by greed and self-interest, and you do nothing to support the only solution - Equal Money for All - but prefer to pad your ego??? All foolishness such as this will end with Equal Money. 

7yr Journey to Life - Day 28 - Surprise

Ok so took a little bike ride this evening while thinking of my blog topic, was planning on addressing the falseness of how love is expressed in our world, but that will have to wait for another time, as something unexpected occurred.

It was dusk, and I was on my way back home when I saw a faint shadow by the edge of the road.  I thought it was a porcupine but it turned out to be a baby raccoon. So I went up to it and picked it up - very young baby right by the side of the road.  I immediately wanted to keep it, but was not really sure of all the implications and so I let him down and he awkwardly stumbled away. I was thinking this is strange him being all alone like this.  So I went closer to him and he stumbled a bit further away. I assumed he didn't want to come home with me.  Then I noticed a cardboard box and a plastic food tray nearby and hear another little squeaking in the bush. Sure enough another little one popped out.

So it appears that someone found the youngsters and left them by the road in the box.  So I put them in the box and took them home.  When I got to my house, I saw a pack of 4 raccoons at my driveway.  I sometimes leave food out for them so they are often around my house.  I thought if I could get them to realize I had two of their pups, maybe they would take them... but how could I do that.  I dunno.  Now what lol.

I took them inside and tried to feed them but they were too frightened to eat.  They were afraid to move until I began petting them, and then they began hobbling about.  I pet them for a while till  they got comfortable and calmed down and eventually began to fall asleep.  

On the back of one's head was a bit raw and I thought he was injured, but the other had been licking it in an effort to comfort eachother, so I knew they were under some stress. 

The sounds they make are really interesting, the sound is almost like a cross between a cats purr and a monkey.  I would really like to keep them, I realize there is a big responsibility and I don't know what all is entailed, will have to do some research.  I suspect that people in this area would frown on having raccoons as pets.  Will have to see what happens I guess.  I'm really not sure what to do at this point.  They are sleeping on my couch atm. 

In an Equal Money System all life would be cared for without question.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 27 - Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could experience love for myself while the rest of the world suffers.  And in so, I justified my personal and selfish desire for love through the excuse -  'It's to big for me to understand' - 'there's nothing I can do about it' and 'it's too scary for me to consider'.  Never allowing myself to realize and understand that all the fictitious bandage excuses I used were only a cover up, and never able to stop my addiction to the desire to experience love - in spite of the big picture - I always knew my love wasn't real, the evidence was all around me, every moment of my existence, I was just too afraid to face who I am for real, and in so, I denied who I am, and traded my eternal self for a morphine high, subject to the ultimate low of death, as complete self-denial.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a spiritual 'heart of love' out there somewhere, in the great beyond, that has accounted for - numbered, and made a record of, all my feelings of love that I had in my life, so that I in my selfish mind, could use these thoughts of love to comfort myself in thinking that I lived a good life - because I felt feelings of love.  Yet I never allowed myself to realize that these feelings of love can only exist within a physical body - therefore when my body dies, all my love DIES with it - completely proving that my love was never real, but only fleeting feelings of selfishness to cover my guilt and shame of who I had accepted and allowed myself to become - as a self-deceiver that did not give my whole life to expose spite, and honor all life Equally.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the lie that love is forever, when in fact love is subject to time and death, and cannot exist without me or the earth - as a physical expression of me, as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my love is sweet and caring, when in fact, my love has only the appearance of sweetness, but it is a deadly poisoned apple, seducing and killing all who eat it through a slow and painful death by corruption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my love as bait to lure others into my traps of guilt, shame and desire for revenge I experienced within myself, so that I could have company in my judgement against life, sighting legalities and false justifications, in my self-denial, misery and deceitfulness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself through thinking that I wanted love when what I really wanted was sex, as an energy high to pacify my irresponsibility to life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become entranced and enchanted with thoughts of love and delight, seeking nothing but fulfillment of selfish desire, in full awareness of how I was injecting hatred and enmity into all of existence as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to celebrate the lie of love, and in so manifest the extreme polarity as murder, rape and killing in my world because I laughingly accepted my own lie, thinking I could somehow escape myself, and would not have to face the consequences of what I had allowed myself to become.     

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am brave because I accepted the lie of love, I am brave because I can deny myself,  I am brave because I see fear in the reactions of others, I am brave because I can cheat death,  'I must be a supreme God' because I can abuse love - when the reality is no one is able to cheat death, as the manifested consequence of what we have allowed through the belief in love - which is spite - as fear of self.

I commit myself to expose the lie of love and its deception which is used by Hollywood, media, and corporations to sell more products to fuel consumerism for profit resulting in the corruption of life and the destruction of our planet.

I commit myself to live myself here as breath in every moment facing myself for who I am as a physical being that does not require love from an outside source.  I embrace, support and care for myself as I embrace, support and care for all life as changing myself and our world into a place where life is honored in Equality

I commit myself to stand for and support the only solution that will bring us out of the massive problems and consequences we face in our world.  Equal Money for All.

I commit myself to bring awareness of Equality to those who do not fully understand the deception propagated by corporations, Hollywood, media and politicians in our world through blogging and sharing and becoming a living example of what is best for all

I commit myself to give all of myself to Life as Equality as breath as aligning myself with the physical in all ways so that I may become the living expression of life, Equal and One, until it is done.