Day 89 - Fear of Death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as Fear of Death, and so rather than take Responsibility for what I have created for myself - as Death - I have Feared Death as the reflection of my Self-Denial in fear of facing who I really am, in so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a complete Lie.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that fear creates false comfort, as the system I have created to protect my self-interest from my fears with indulgences, entertainment, luxuries and every form of mind control that would prevent me from seeing who I really am, and what is actually happening as energy consuming the physical.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the lie that everything will be 'OK' at some point in the distant future, after I die. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a religion that dictates that I must Fear God in order to have a chance to achieve my desire of escaping from myself so that I can go to a heaven somewhere out there in an alternate, spiritual reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick myself into believing 'someone else's answer to the question - what happens when you Die? - Rather than understand fully for myself with absolute certainty how and why Death exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by fear of death so extensively that I have allowed a system of lies and enslavement to exist that constantly lures my attention away from myself and protects the illusion in the belief that "everything is going to be OK", so that I never see/realize/understand and Resolve what I have become as a system, subject to Death.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the harsh reality that Dying is the ultimate separation from Expression of Self - as the consequence for what I have allowed myself to exist as - as a Lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the Macho Male-Ego that pretends to have no fear of death so that I can appear 'wise' and 'strong' to others as a make-believe hero character that laughs at death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself - as the Macho Male Ego - to pretend to face my fear of death by killing animals, people and insects for show and/or entertainment - thinking that acts like these will make me appear courageous, as having a 'deeper understanding' of life, while I am actually demonstrating and proving that I have no understanding, no consideration, no courage, and no compassion for life whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself in pretending to face and understand death through seeking energy highs from movies, books, religions, entertainment, games, music and dressing/adorning myself in themes of death so that I can appear to be 'deep' and 'mysterious' when in reality I was just seeking to get attention from others.

I commit myself to expose the Macho Male Ego as the gutless and cowardly fear of self that it is.

I commit myself to realize that to face death is to face who I am and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to create as spitefulness with a death sentence.

I commit myself to realize that through pretending to face death in ways which abuse life is self-deception as giving into fear of death rather than facing it for real.

I commit myself to realize that all excitement in this reality is based in fear of death, and fear cannot be Life

I commit myself to the Journey to Nothingness so that I can re-create myself as existence without death or fear thereof.

I commit myself to understand that to face death for real is to be aware of every breath so that I can stop all abuse within myself through fear of death/fear of loss and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to create -

Day 88 - Self Reflection

The feelings of frustration and regret hit me this evening as I reflected on how I managed to arrive where I am now.  "Why didn't I do this... "   "Why didn't I do that... " as I hopelessly wished for a time machine to take me back 25 years so I could correct myself.   Then comes the guilt and blame "Why didn't anyone help me understand..."  Why did people lie to me..."   The demon wants to go back and Rage.  Futile.  I accepted a lie within myself... We all did.

So I am here with no other option but to face the consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, and that daily medicine is somewhat painful to swallow.

I had so much potential and opportunity.  I could have done anything.  But there was this 'thing' within me which I did not understand.  So I allowed myself to play the fool, and the victim, and a host of other characters without ever realizing the critical piece I was missing. 

Self-acceptance. 

Finally, I understand... yet much of my life has been spent in the searching. 

I thought I understood myself.  I understood in my own way, from 'my limited perspective'.  All I could see was Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies everywhere, as my inner battle with the Balrog raged inside me as Self-denial, I feared losing myself as Anger and the Bitterness of Blame pulverized and consumed me from the inside.   

Some thought I was a stupid and a fool, and I understood that, yet I did not understand how to solve that problem for myself.  I just assumed that was "just the way it was", I figured I had to be that way, and I would figure myself out eventually. No way could I confide in anyone or share what I Really felt, the feelings were all too strange and awkward, suppressed deep within myself.  And I didn't trust anyone anyway.  

I could not grasp a purpose for myself, or a place.  My father told me "I had no direction"... to which I had no answer.  Which way do you choose when everything is fucked and you have no starting point?  I felt like flotsam, moved only by the waves of the ocean.

Why do we not realize such things until it is too late to change?  Why do we live our lives in reverse?
Why is life so unforgiving?  Is Life stupid, and a fool?  I often thought old people must know what the hell is going on.  Why weren't they telling and sharing with everyone?  Why are they hiding all their understanding and keeping it a secret?

I sit here and think how easy it could have been, if only I had understood Self-acceptance. If only there was some honesty and accountability in life.  Some actual Life-support. 

Thinking is Futile and will not change the past. I am here now, and being aware of all the deception I am determined to expose it, so others can see for themselves while they have an opportunity to change themselves and this world of Lies.   We must accept ourselves as who we are, but that can only be real if we realize who we really are as Equal, and that the only way out of this huge mess is self-honesty and self-forgiveness, lots of self-forgiveness.  Because Life is not just for taking, or hiding, or about denying oneself.  Life is for Giving in self-honesty.  If Life is given, but not in self-honesty, then it is not truly given.  It's finally time to stop living the lie.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 87

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 
that I have free time.  I realize that 'Free time' cannot exist - as long as I 
am enslaved to time, and the world suffers, I am not free - thus free time 
is an illusion of temporary comfort/stimulation in self-interest, waiting for 
consequences to catch up with me rather than me facing consequence 
here through creating myself as Life as what is Best for All in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself 
as breath, but rather placed my trust as a belief in a character of my past 
memories of mistakes and failures based on valuations created through my 
programmed mind.  In not trusting myself as breath, I have not trusted life, 
and so I have manifested fears based on my past accepted and allowed 
characters whom have continually misguided me. 


I realize that Self trust cannot exist outside of standing Equal to breath, as 
trusting the mind is like trusting a cloud to remain in the same shape forever. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences, 
and so create more ill consequences for myself through my accepted and 
allowed fear of consequences, following the patterns of my upbringing and my 
parents systems which have enslaved me to fear of taking responsibility.
I realize that Confidence cannot exist outside of breath, all confidence that is 
not within breath is of the mind, which con's oneself into thinking that one can 
Con Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of 
others who are working to place themselves in positions where they will have 
influence in the system and so be able to impact the world and change it to 
what is best for all.  I realize that this jealousy is based on fear of being 
less than others, and that my responsibility is to align myself with what is best 
for all, and so doing, I will become self-responsible and have opportunity to 
participate in supporting Equality of Life for All. 

 

I enjoy being the directive principle of myself here

I enjoy taking responsibility for who I am in each breath

I enjoy directing my breath

I enjoy the opportunity to become Life

I enjoy being here as the physical, moving myself

I enjoy facing my resistances

I enjoy the opportunities to face myself

I enjoy taking responsibility for myself

I enjoy seeing my reflection in existence so I can change myself to what is 

best for all in all ways 

I enjoy cleaning up my mess

I enjoy exposing the lie

I enjoy the fact that I have misplaced my trust and fucked up my life for the 
sole reason that I am able to correct myself so that this will not happen ever 
again. 

I enjoy the journey to nothingness, as the journey to Life as it is the only way 
to be Life

I enjoy this opportunity to share my realizations, so that all may be free from 
the illusion. 

I enjoy freeing myself from the addiction to energy 

I enjoy becoming Equal to All as the physical

I enjoy setting myself as all life free from the abuse and harm I have allowed

Day 86 – Risk, Fear and Judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awful 

about myself, in that I have not done as much as I could have in the past 

because I have allowed myself to get discouraged with my situation and 

regrets/resentments of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others 

through arguing in my head as backchat in the belief that others are to blame 

for that I have created.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to judge myself as a failure and seek to give up on myself – as the 

‘good' feeling’ of spite in my mind having played the ‘ace in the hole’

where I feel better through vengeful thoughts of spite, in spite of

myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear future 

outcomes based on my past where I am allowing myself to be controlled by 

fear as future projections of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself 

to myself in the past, where I believe I was doing better or worse in the 

past – not seeing the point that I am facing here.I forgive myself that I 

have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for each thought 

that comes up and so allow thoughts to go unchecked and accumulate into 

self-judgement and fear and self-sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 

can just coast through times of relaxation without pushing myself to direct 

myself in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to 

become jealous of others who seem to have it easy in life with a well secured 

future, without realizing that each will have to face themselves as what they 

have created themselves as, thus we all face the same future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame 

myself because I have not fully walked my self-corrections, rather than do the 

work that needs to be done to correct myself through listing all the points 

and getting to the root of the issues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this process 

as the reason I do not have enough time to focus on work, when it is this process 

that is assisting and has assisted me to become more effective in every aspect of 

my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the process for 

me not being able to make more contacts/friends/relationships within the system, 

as within the system its “who you know” that gets you money and success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not 

standing up for Equality, when it is myself who needs to perfect myself – the 

focus is always me so that I am standing absolute within myself, and then I will 

be able to assist others effectively.I forgive myself that I have accepted and 

allowed myself to blame “how I got into process” as an excuse as to why I can 

justify inaction and self-defeat, as I have trained myself in these characters of

justification.

I commit myself to write out all necessary Self Forgiveness statements so that I 

can again clear my starting point of all that must be corrected within myself 

and in so bring myself back to the starting point of here.I commit myself to take 

points of blame back to myself, not as blaming myself, but seeing why it is that 

I want to blame others – as being an excuse, so that I can use when my fear of 

failure manifests. Therefore I realize I must face all points of fear related to 

blame and stop pretending that I have no fear – If I have blame, I have fear.

I commit myself to, when I see that I am in a state of mind of 

self-defeat/discouragement – use it as an opportunity to see what points are 

activated through writing.I commit myself realize that fear of the future is of 

the mind and not real, and that getting discouraged with myself is based on past 

experiences.

I commit myself to realize that there is no stopping Equality, and that the 

outcome of changing and aligning myself to live what is best for all has great 

reward for all life in the end, as the true beginningof life, freed from all 

enslavement forever.I commit myself to exercise my opportunity to work on myself 

and push myself to become the directive principle in my life through pushing

myself to breathe every breath and face myself, as there is no point

complaining about it or putting it off, the sooner I perfect myself,

the better for all. 

Chained - Day 85

  I remember hearing this story when I was a child.  A long time ago, there was a man who lived with his family in a cabin.  One afternoon, the man was in the woods working and was bitten by a wild animal.  So he went to see a doctor to treat the wound and prevent infection.  The doctor informed him that he had contracted rabies.  The man and his family were all very sad about the news, as there was no known cure for rabies.  They understood that the virus would make him go mad - to the extent that he would go into a rage, and not be able to control himself and so possibly injure and even kill his family.  

     Then one day, the family was waiting for the man to come home from work, but he did not show up.  They all became worried, and went out to search for him, but they did not find him.  They asked all around, but no-one had seen him or knew where the man was. 

     A week later, the man’s daughter was walking in the woods and found her father chained to a tree… dead.  The man cared about his family, and the last thing he wanted was to see them get infected, or hurt by his inevitable madness.  So he made a decision.  He went out into the woods, chained himself to a tree, and threw away the key into the woods as far as he could so that it would not be found, and he would not be able to free himself. 

This story resembles very closely what we have all done to ourselves.  We have all done things in the past that we feel guilty about.  Yet through our continued self-judgement, we have diagnosed ourselves as having an in-curable disease.  And so we have ran into the ‘woods of our minds’, chained, hidden, and condemned ourselves, throwing away the key in the belief that there is no cure, or solution in fear of what we will become. There may not have been a known cure for rabies at the time, however this does not automatically imply that the man’s body could not have fought off and overcome the virus.  Also the idea that he would attack and kill his family is a fear of losing self-control, and so a justification and excuse to not face consequence.

Was what this man did honourable? 

The man trusted the doctors diagnosis, and so assumed that he would go mad, rather than trusting himself and dealing with the situation if, when, and how it actually manifested.  So his life was lost, and his family was left without him. 

This is what we often tend to do in our experience.  We trust the judgement of others rather than trust ourselves, we run from ourselves in fear of what we ‘assume or believe will happen.


Fortunately, there is a cure for what we have all allowed ourselves to become – as rabid, warring, judgemental, consumers chained to the tree of our mind in ego and self-interest.  The cure is Equality, and the medicine is self-honesty and self-forgiveness.  This medicine sets us free from the delusion that hiding and suppressing ourselves to death is the answer.   All we need to do is take the medicine and learn to trust ourselves to walk the solution. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no cure for what I have allowed myself and my world to become, when the cure is right here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and diagnose myself as evil in self-condemnation, justifying why I must run away from myself into my mind as the alternate reality where I think I can hide from myself and my responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself because ‘a doctor’ told me what would happen to me in the future.   Not to say ‘don’t trust doctors’, but rather self-honestly look at my situation and learn to communicate with my body and support my body through what my body is telling me.  I realize that getting multiple perspectives is also helpful in understanding what is best for my body and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future rather than face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed so that I realize that I must change myself to no longer accept and allow dishonesty within myself and my world.

I commit myself to embrace my situation as whatever presents itself in the moment, so that I can walk the correction of what I have created to realize what I am doing to myself

I commit myself to realize that beliefs are not cures, but rather deceptive pacifiers which allow projections into the future which only serve to complicate and confuse matters.  To be here requires no beliefs.

I commit myself to trust myself so that I can support myself in what my body requires

I commit myself to my agreement with my body to live without hiding in my mind as ego/personalities/characters/opinions/beliefs/thoughts/feelings and emotions, so that I can become Equal to all as a physical being in my reality that does not form judgements about myself or others.

I commit myself to realize that the only honourable way to live is to live as Equal to all, as the physical, and so bring about change in myself and my world to create a world based on the principle of what is best for all Life, rather than existing within a system of self-judgement and self-denial.

Day 84 - Illusion

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that excuses in and as self-denial create Hell on Earth so that the Earth has become the executed-use of Life, relegated to a memory to be forgotten and drained of all ability to give Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there will be enough time - later.  I realize and I am fully aware that time was created through separation and self-deception, therefore relying on time in the hope that I will have 'more time' only creates more deception of time as spiraling and diminishing cycles of enslavement.  I realize that my stubborn belief that I was born a long time ago as 'just a stub', separate from the whole Tree of Life is a justification as to why I can persist in the desire to be enslaved to time, as opposed to taking responsibility for myself as all in each moment of time I created, and so untie myself from Tie-me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions, as believing a conclusion to be something, somewhere safe to land, where I can relax... pat myself of the back and feel better about myself, because I, as my ego/mind, have formed the Great Religion of Knowledge of Who I Am, in my spitefully concocted-illusion as consciousness, rather than physically working to create myself as Breath, as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-forgiveness, as if it is some kind of imaginary monster that is going to conjure up fear and judgement against me.  I realize that in fearing myself, I am the Conjurer that cons myself, and the Jury that judges myself, condemning myself in the Preference to make myself magically appear how I Like to be as the illusion - conjuring images and thoughts in my mind in the desperate attempt to escape responsibility for who I am as a physical being with an opportunity to become Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain and death, not realizing that I created pain and death for myself, as my gift to me, the mirror reflection of what I have allowed myself to become, as consciousness - a cruel and thieving bully who's only goal is to steal life, as I have siphoned energy off the physical in fear of my creation - Pain and Death - In so I have preferred to be content with contention, and to remain silent and phony when faced with my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in the secret paradise of my mind, where I roll a random pair-of-dice to run from my self-domination and enslavement to choose a role for myself, as a character who will play out my secret fantasies in Spite of all that is here as me as the physical.  I realize that all secrets are inevitably secreted, and that my mind is merely the magic projector in the back of my head, playing a movie of pretty lights and colors, distracting me and stimulating my selfish addiction to energy, in the foolish hope that one day, the reel would become real.


I commit myself to realize that there is nowhere in the entire universe where I can hide from myself.

I commit myself to understand that understanding is the way to gain perspective of how knowledge is the impostor of Life, and through understanding I can learn how to forgive my abuse of knowledge and move myself from a place of standing under to standing Equal to Life.

I commit myself to share who I am and to give myself as who I am so that I can for-give myself as who I have allowed myself to become - as a database of knowledge - and change myself to support all Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to expose myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that all secrets can be forgiven and so we can learn that secrets are harmful abuse of life.

I commit myself to realize that to be life is to be here as breath in taking responsibility for all that we create individually and collectively so that no more harm, enslavement, or abuse of Life is ever again allowed to exist.

I commit myself to supporting systems that will support Life, as what is best for all, such as the Equal Money System.

I commit myself to agreements that support Life, so that Life can be born from the physical as Equal.    

Day 83 - Limitation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that limitation only exists because we have all individually and collectively allowed it to exist, as the system of the mind of judgments, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, control and power.  All because we fear ourselves, and feed an illusion of limitation by way of self-denial and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the limitations of my mind, where I only consider myself in self-interest and fear, as the boundaries of what I have been taught, programmed and punished to believe.  I realize that I am responsible for accepting and allowing myself to believe the limitations of the system, despite the programming that took place, because I have contributed in creating the current abusive system in past lives that I do not remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to such an extent that I have diminished myself to a point where I do not even realize how much I have diminished myself and what I have actually sacrificed - as myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for my limitations within arguing and defending my limited point of view as my opinion, in ignorance and denial of myself as who I actually am as Equal to all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to such an extent that I actually believe that bullying, punishment, suppression, oppression and existing within the starting point of fear is OK with me - in my personal opinion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason limitation exists is because I have created it through my irresponsibility to myself as Life. I realize that this occurs through me accepting and allowing a system of inequality to rule over me, and dictate how I should act, how I should express myself, what I should say, how I should say it, what I should wear, where I can or cannot go, and what I should be like - all promoted as freedom, when in fact it is absolute enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am contributing to my own limitations through thinking that I am happy enough, and everything is going to be alright in the end.  I realize that this is the deception, and that me accepting and allowing myself to follow the deception as a sheep - I have become the deceiver of myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the fact that my existence as all is far worse than I can comprehend through my limited senses of sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing.  In that I realize that it is my responsibility to understand the deception that is going on beyond the borders of my senses, because if I do nothing, and just let it slide, inevitable destructive and horrific consequences will be faced by all, including myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that denying responsibility creates serious consequences of abuse of Life and self-diminishment, and if I continue to deny responsibility to Life as all as myself, I will suddenly be subject to consequences and instantly become powerless to change or correct myself for the life I lived in ignorance and spite.

I commit myself to consider that which is beyond the limited ideas of what I have been taught to believe.  In so I commit myself to realize that if I stand with the group that supports Life as Equality, limitation of the mind will diminish in time, and what will be left is unconditional self-expression, as me expressing, giving and sharing myself with all in self-honesty - rather than living a lie.

I commit myself to face my fears so that I do not accept and allow fear to rule my existence.

I commit myself to stop blaming others and relying on others to take responsibility for me

I commit myself to rather than fight for my limited and borrowed opinions and perspectives, trust myself to understand how I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through following the opinions of others.

I commit myself to - within common sense - push myself beyond the limitations of what I have been taught to believe I am, and so face my fear of myself so that I can get to know who I really am for real as a physical being Equal to all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist in my world and reality, and in so, look into myself in self-honesty so I can change myself and align myself with the Life honoring principle of that which is Best for All.

I commit myself to supporting the only solution to the current abusive money system - which is Equal Money for All.

I commit myself to undertake the Journey to Life in blogging and sharing myself and my self-realizations so that all will be supported in giving ourselves to life through self-forgiveness.


Artwork by :

Sebastian Eriksson

Day 82 - Re-Constructing Consequence

Self Writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself through not prioritizing my days.

I have seen this before lol.  I have written it a number of times, yet I have not yet walked the point to completion, as I have prioritized things, and then fall back into old patterns when I forget about doing it because have not fully integrated prioritization as myself, and I believe that I am past the point.  And so consequence creeps up on me again as the point seems to be more extensive than I had perceived it to be.  My system is very adverse to prioritization, there is definitely a negative charge attached to the word, as if it would make my skin crawl. 

I have defined prioritization as 'being enslaved' where I have to follow rules.  For my whole life I have sought to bypass the rules of the system, as if this were the very key and expertise within the system - do as little as possible so i can have as much free time as possible.  So within that, the opposite charge as defined as 'freedom' - free time.  However this freedom is in self-interest.

When I don't prioritize correctly, I have taken on actual points within myself, but since they are 'out of priority', my pile continues to grow bigger.

Within this there are many supporting points/characters, such as;

- I have defined myself as a loner character, thus I have walked alone for most of my life
- I have relied on my physical strength character, and knowledge character to get by, which is typically not enough to compete with groups within the system, as there is no support when things get difficult
- I have created an efficiency character, where prioritization is based on whatever occurs, or whatever I prefer to do on any given day - thus prioritization is out the window, as I have relied on myself where I did not take into account all the facets of the mind characters.
- I have created a hope character, where I have been waiting and hoping that things would simply fall into place.
- Past situations where I had allowed the anger character are still playing out as I am still paying for the consequences rather than creating and expanding myself.
- There are still remnants of the blame character as backchat indicates.
- Within situations where I feel I have done all that I can, there is still the frustration character
- There is still the resentment for the past character, as the pattern keeps repeating.
- There is a valuation character, where the fear of losing money character keeps me from spending money because I have not made as much as I expected to and dislike being in debt.
- Within that there is another resentment character - resenting mr. Nice guy character for not charging enough money on jobs where I should have made more.
- Then when I am faced with situations, the indecisive character shows up, due to me not recognizing and correcting all these characters, but rather want to go into the blame character and the I give up character and the passify and denial characters in a never ending loop of fuckness.
- Through the passify, denial and indecisive characters, I end up with the negative energy experience as self-defeat character wanting to blame the fact that I dont have enough money to invest to expand how I would like, as I know I could be effective.
- So I go back to the resentment for the past character and ultimately self-imprisonment character as the warden of my mind prision, where I experience myself as the comfortable character who supports the fear of change and uncertainty characters.  Somewhere in the middle, there is the evade character, where when I get stuck on issues, I want to change tasks to let the problem simmer itself out for a little while.

Underlying all of that, there is the character that just wanted to live a simple, easy life - which contrasted the secret character that wants to be famous.  And of course there is still the lingering character that judged anyone who had a title, as seeing themselves as important in a position of authority in the world as evil, therefore my polar opposite spiritual and caring character avoided positions in the system that my character considered evil - through my intention to do good and be a good person character.

Lets see if I have all the characters and the entire pattern this time so I don't have to make even more rounds on this fucking bullshit merry go round.

Backchat

"If I just had money, all of these characters wouldn't be a problem". The situation as it stands is not so, therefore blaming the system will not help me here.  And there was a time where I was existing fully within the evade, fantasy and fear characters, so I am reaping the consequence of that. 

"I can't stop the consequence, its too strong for me to deal with... "

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as internal conversation where I have created the belief as separate from myself as I cant stop the consequences of what I have created, thereby limiting myself to a belief as an idea and thought projection of myself in the future which is not best for all. 

"everything I have tried to get myself back on my feet has not been successful".

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as memories where my mind is directing me into self suppression and self-sabotage, as keeping me enslaved to a system of self victimization.

"I wish I could win the lottery"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as desire to win the lottery, to have the easy way out.  I realize that what I have created is my responsibility and I must face what I have allowed and walk through it so that I can realize myself and live self change for myself. 

"I hate the idea of going to kiss ass"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as a belief system and character that hates kissing ass, I realize that within this system I must support myself, but do not have to create a character that kisses as to do so.


"Its a good thing I can write so at least I know how fucked I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as the realization of fuckness, yet I do not accept and allow this knowledge to condemn me, but rather use it as a tool to assist me to direct the points that need direction in my process.

 The reality is, if I had not realized Equality through Desteni, Im almost certain I would have been in an entirely worse situation by now. The fact that I am in process does not exempt me from consequences. It only shows me how to stop creating more ill consequence.  I still have to pay up - as walking self change for myself. 


Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have walked the point of prioritization to completion, creating a prioritization character rather than continue to walk it until I have fully integrated the point into and as myself so that I become stable - financially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a loner character who is able to do everything myself.  I (at last) realize that this loner character is not effective therefore I must place myself in an environment where I have support from others, even though it may be difficult.  Either that or I make the decision to take a financial risk on investment to grow. Decision pending.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely solely on my belief in my physical strength and strength of mind to succeed.  I realize that this is not practical and that I need to find a way to get assistance or get involved with a team for support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the efficiency character.  While I have created a very efficient efficiency character, it at times goes against me and I have created  in-efficiency, in that I have allowed myself too much slack and prioritization has been neglected, and I have allowed myself to become subject to consequences of self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and rely on the hope character.  In this I realize that hope has deserted me, as hope is not real and only produces expectations of the mind that are doomed because the expectations are based on ideas which are not physical application as dealing with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to situations in the anger character for which there are consequences which I must face.  I realize that the anger character does not support me, but is a manifestation of the blame character in that I have not fully taken responsibility to deal with my issues effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the frustration character.  I realize that frustration does not help or assist me in any way other than to show me the point that is necessary to be dealt with.  I realize that the frustration character shows up when I have not identified characters and prioritized issues that are necessary to be dealt with.  Rather, I have forgotten about issues because I have allowed myself to procrastinate as a character, because I was uncertain as to which decision to make, because I was in fear of loss and fear of change and still relating experiences of the past to the current situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in resentment, where I have allowed myself to fear future consequences based on past experiences rather than trusting myself to make an effective decision that would support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of loss as fear of losing money.  This without realizing that if I make investments practically into my business I will have returns that will support my decision - despite the fact that some decisions have not worked in the past - does not mean I should stop making decisions in fear that they will not go as expected.  I have to take some risk in any event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the Mr. Nice guy character, in that I have not been firm and specific enough in negotiations so that I am covered for all the work that I do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray the blame character when situations appear difficult, in fearing the future as opposed to being here and dealing with what is necessary to be dealt with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that there are too many variables when I am stuck on making a decision.  I realize that when that comes up, I can explore my options by writing down all the possibilities and from there move myself to make a decision based on my written assessment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up because the situation appears hopeless and futile.  I realize that giving up is not an options, and that I must do what is necessary to be done in the most effective way I can manage. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the passify and denial characters, where I seek to evade responsibility within the belief that "I don't know" what to decide because there are too many variables and I believe that I am uncertain, which is used as an excuse for me not to do the work that is necessary to be done to get business going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the indecisive character.  I realize this happens when I fail to prioritize myself properly and so create a procrastinating character in the belief that I will have time to do it later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the self-defeat character, where I have judged my situation as too difficult to overcome and in so wanting to go back into the passify, denial and blame characters as not seeing the full extent of connected points that lead to the complete construct of characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the pattern and so again fall into the resentment of the past character where are attached feelings of guilt and regret of missed opportunities that I did make the effort to put into perspective the starting point of what I was accepting and allowing within myself and my world.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the self-imprisonment character, where I have secluded myself in the psycho ward of my mind in trying to figure out what went wrong, but inevitably do not sort it out, because I am attempting to sort it out within my mind in which the actual starting point is easily lost and avoided in fleeting thoughts and memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray the fear of change character, where I fear that whatever situation I decide to make will not support me or will not work out.  I realize that this fear of change is limiting and suppressing me within my mind as a character and creates situations where I am unable to move myself through the point of fear of change because I have created layers of deception as beliefs for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the uncertainty character, where I do not walk self-trust here, but rather look at my past and judge myself according to my past failures in fear of failure character, because I have not sorted out the starting point of uncertainty, fear of change and indecisiveness within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the anxiety character where I exist in a thought projection of the future rather than deal with what is here and what is necessary to be done in the present.  I realize that I must plan for all eventualities so that I make sure my bases are covered within priorities.

Within this, I realize there is a point of me fearing to express myself because I had considered myself - in the past - as dishonest within myself and uncertain, because I judged myself as 'not good enough' and 'not as good as' others.  I realize that this is directly the result of the preprogramming of the mind that was designed to keep me enslaved to the idea that I was an evil character so that I would never realize myself as Equal. I realize that the judgement of myself was also due to fear of death and the pictures that flashed in my head where I would be acutely aware of in thinking that I was the creator of such pictures, and so not understanding how to stop them as myself, I rather went into self-judgement and sought to condemn myself for creating atrocities in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire things to be simple and easy in the desire to escape myself and what I have created for myself.  I realize that this is a fantasy character of the mind that only serves to comfort and energize my mind, and in so allows ill consequences to persist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be famous in my secret mind, as the polar opposite of the quiet humble character.   I realize that this desire is in self interest, selfish and does not serve what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person character, and in so allow myself to exist within an idea in my mind in trying to be the Houdini character  who is an escape artist of physical consequence of what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person character and in so perpetuate the belief system of the mind rather than actually dealing with what is necessary to be done here in changing and aligning myself with myself in the physical through writing myself out and walking the correction for myself in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by energy systems of the mind as 'mental tiredness' when writing this blog.  I realize that this is the minds attempt to get me to stop writing so I do not have to face the points within me that need to be addressed so that I can stop my mind as characters and thoughts and become effective in supporting myself and others. 





Self Commitment Statements

I commit myself to prioritizing issues in my life that need to be attended to so that I can sort out what is necessary to be done.  In that, I realize that this is a point that I really need to work on so that I can take responsibility for the primary points that need to be addressed and I can focus myself on productivity that will produce that which will support me effectively.

I commit myself use opportunities to engage others so that I may seek to get involved with a team where I can work as part of a team in supporting myself and becoming effective and expand myself and my understanding of myself and existent systems.

I commit myself to realize that I will be more effective should I be working with a team, therefore I commit myself to stop fearing myself and move myself.

I commit myself to fully consider the decisions I am making so that I do not put too much unnecessary stress on my physical body and can move effectively within making decisions.

I commit myself to rather than rely solely on myself as knowledge I have acquired realize that I can learn from others as I will also be able to assist them in understanding aspects of work as well as aspects of self realization.

I commit myself to  realize that efficiency is only a portion of being effective as myself in totality, where in becoming effective I push myself to move myself so can accumulate consistency and discipline within myself so that I do not allow myself to exist solely as part of myself.   Within that I realize that I must push resistances to move myself effectively and stop wasting time.

I commit myself to realize that hope is useless, as I must move myself and become effective, not wainting for the perfect scenario I have in my head appears to support me.  I take responsibility to support myself in what ways I am able so that I can stop being directed and controlled by the mind as fear.

I commit myself to become as effective as possible within writing and business so that I no loger accept and allow myself to create more characters that do no support life.

I commit myself to move myself and no longer allow myself to create false hope which does not support me or life in any way.

I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me, so that I do not accept and allow anger to germinate and spread within my physical body, but I direct myself to move myself within what is best for all.

I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me, so that I do not accept and allow frustration to form and develop within me as an outflow of not prioritizing and taking responsibility for what is necessary to be done in my reality.

I commit myself to take responsibility to recognize resentment when I see it within myself as looking at the past and what I have created myself as.   Within that, I commit myself to direct myself with what is here as breath so that I can accomplish that which is necessary to be done to become effective in walking my process of self realization and self change.


I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me,to no longer accept and allow the fear of loss character, but rather direct myself in self trust as what is here as me within realization that allowing fear creates fear, therefore fear does not assist me in any way.

I commit myself to realize that Mr. Nice Guy does not assist me, but rather only supports the character of the mind where I am existing within the belief that I am special and can save others through my good deeds as my belief that I am a good person.   Therefore I commit myself to assist others to realize what they have created themselves as for themselves and stop trying to take responsibility for others.

I commit myself to, rather than blaming others, take responsibility for myself so that I can change myself for myself as what is best for all so that I can stand and become effective in supporting the group that supports what is best for all .

I commit myself to stop making excuses such as there are too many variables - which only hinders my process and shows me that I am not taking my process step by step and breath by breath, but attempting to skip steps to get things done out of fear.

I commit myself to develop consistency within and as myself so that I may become effective and support myself.

I commit myself to realize that there is no such thing as giving up as there is no escape from myself here.

I commit myself to stop making excuses and face myself so that I no longer allow myself to exist within the passify and denial characters.

I commit myself to recognize when I see myself participating within the indecisive character, so that I may address the starting point as the root cause as to what I am doing to sabotage myself within my process of standing for Life.  In so I commit myself to address any points where I find myself procrastinating so that I may become effective in taking responsibility to support myself.

I commit myself to stop existing within the belief that I am defeated as a character of my mind that only wishes to suppress me and make me ineffective entirely.

I commit myself  to recognize all patterns where my mind is directing me to go back into the passify, denial and blame constructs as opposed to directing myself here within breath as the directive principle of myself.

I commit myself to stop judging myself as a failure having failed at life.  I realize that this belief system does not support life, or the process of me becoming Equal to life as my commitment to myself.

I commit myself to identify points of backchat, as these are the keys to unlocking how I am sabotaging myself within my process.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself go into moments of resentment, stop, breathe and clear my starting point to here so that I may realize what my mind is attempting to do as self-sabotage and keeping me enslaved to ideas and memories of past experiences.

I commit myself to free myself from the enslavement of the mind as self-imprisonment where I have in the past condemned myself and subject myself to self-punishment because I have defined myself as having failed myself.

I commit myself to embrace change and see it as an opportunity to move myself and align myself with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself existing within uncertainty, write myself out, so that I may place my words in writing as visible so that I may identify any patterns that are creating uncertainty within me, so that I may become directive and eventually certain within the decisions I am making for myself as all.

I commit myself to stop fearing failure and move myself without fear of failure, fear of loss, and fear of change - but rather as self directive in doing what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself anxious, stop, breathe and clear my starting point to here so that I can address what issues are creating anxiety within me and face myself in aligning myself with what is best for all through organizing and prioritizing what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to self-discipline, in limiting my selfish desires for relaxation and non-participation.

I commit myself to walk my self forgiveness and self-correction statements despite the spitefulness of the system which I have accepted and allowed in the past - with a clean slate from here - no longer judging and condemning myself within the realization that characters of the mind are abusive to life.


Word Redefinition

Prioritization

Dictionary definition :

1. to arrange (items to be attended to) in order of their relative importance

2. to give priority to or establish as a priority

 

 

 

Redefinition - To order myself, as self-organization.  To discipline myself so that I may accumulate an outcome for myself that does not create ill consequence but rather creates what is best for all including myself. 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a negative charge to prioritizing as organization and order where I have programmed myself to believe that this action is evil based on subjecting myself to a system of enslavement.  I realize that prioritization, order and organization are self-disciplines that I must develop for myself in order to create what is best for all, therefore the word has no charge, but rather it is essential that I create prioritization for myself so that I can become effective in walking my process of becoming self-directive and take my power back for Equality for all. 

Day 81 - The Con of I Don't Know

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I know full well - but I refuse to take responsibility"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say the words "I don't know" in refusing to take responsibility for myself as what I create and have created through careless and inconsiderate use of the mind in fear of myself.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is  "I blame you for my irresponsibility to life"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say the words "I don't know" in attempt to blame others for my lack of responsibility to myself and all as life.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I want someone else to take responsibility for me"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say the words "I don't know" in the desire to have others take responsibility for me and what I have created accepted and allowed.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I am too weak to face my fears"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say the words "I don't know" in the belief that I am too weak to face my fears and stand for Life.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I accept my limitation"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say the words "I don't know" in acceptance of the belief that I am limited and cannot change.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I don't care about life"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" to hide from myself and make an excuse in blame that I don't care about life, when actually this is a lie because, Life does care about Life, but it has to be lived to become real.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I am not here"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in the denial of myself here.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I am afraid of who I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in fear of and the desire to hide from myself as who I am.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I am afraid to die"

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" as showing myself the fear of death that existed within me.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death as me, as I created death, therefore fear of death is fear of myself.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I will compromise Life, if you will"

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I don't understand, meanwhile I am fully aware"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in attempt to make myself believe that I do not understand, yet I am fully aware of myself here and that I am not being honest with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in seeking to escape myself through compromise with others by way of agreement of words or contract.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "knowledge is all there is".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in the belief that knowledge is all there is, yet clearly this is not the case, as knowledge is not a requirement for Life. 

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "Go fuck yourself"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in attempt to defend my mind as the statement go fuck yourself.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I want God to take care of me like a little baby"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in desiring for a god to care for me as a little child.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I only care about myself"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in self-interest, greed and selfishness of the mind as only caring about myself as my mind and personal experience.

 When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I give up"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in the desire to escape myself as if to surrender to the mind as "I give up".  I realize this is not an option as Life does not consist of giving up, and giving up does not consist of Life.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I can't"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" as a desired escape mechanism within the belief that "I can't" as a belief system in limitation and separation from myself here.

When I say "I don't know", what I am actually saying is "I don't want to exist"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words "I don't know" in the desire to escape myself within the thought of "I don't want to exist"

When and as I see myself using the phrase "I don't know", I stop and clear my starting point within breath to here so that I may forgive myself within realization of the fact that I am repeating a pattern of the past as self-manipulation and self-sabotage.  Through realization, I give myself the opportunity to commit myself to walk the physical change, to direct myself within the given situation to state that which I do know and understand as myself - That, I must make the decision to move myself in what is necessary to be done to change myself and align myself with the principle of Equality as what is Best for All in all ways.

Day 80 - Self Forgiveness for The Activist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself within a character that pretends to care rather than become actual caring as myself in considering all life Equally and living the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that an opinion is based on a limited perspective, and thus dishonest and not real.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Value my Opinion Above what is best for all, and in so, I have created an opinionated character who perceives myself as being special. and better than others in my world and reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed to exist as myself in this world, and so believe that I must take up a cause so that I can redeem myself, not realizing that I am only perpetuating my characters ego, and thus not making any difference in the world because I am not addressing the starting point of the problem - myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that everything I believe about this character of mine was borrowed from others, just a copy and not original in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of Hope so that I can gain sympathy from others, so that I may further manipulate myself and others within the belief that I am fighting for a good cause, when actually, I am only denying myself, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what I am doing with my characters is in separation of myself as the physical, therefore through playing the role of my characters, I am leeching energy off the physical in order to keep my make believe characters alive - as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use characters to justify hiding from myself and so refusing to face myself in self-honesty as who I am here as a physical being, no better and no less than anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice my self-honesty, only to replace it with a false character of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others do not understand my struggles, and so believe that I am better than others because I have struggles that no one sees I am going through, yet those struggles have only resulted in me creating more characters for myself in my denial of myself as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in all my characters roles to the extent that I get fearful when at times I do not know which character to play, as the evidence that I am acting an array of characters rather than being myself as the physical which does not change roles out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in which I can believe I am Humble, and so, when appropriate, I can fall back on this character so that I may attempt to avoid responsibility to myself as all, as well as manipulate myself and others for my own self interest because I fear for my characters survival.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a character of Hope, in that I want and desire others to validate my characters as Compassionate, Loving and Caring because I have deluded myself into believing that someone or something is going to solve everything for me, and reward me for my dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to receive a high honor, as wanting to be seen as better than others, not realizing that that is hierarchy and abuse of life as is existent within the current world system which is ready to collapse due to this system of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of others as ignorant and unaware, without placing myself in their shoes to fully understand their whole life story to find out what actually caused others to be the way they are.  In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on my opinion that I am good, because I am doing a good deed, in character, thus judging others as less than myself in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be wiser, smarter, or more intelligent than others based on my limited point of view of myself.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to falsely blame others for not taking responsibility, when I myself am not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by energy as emotions and feelings, where I will react in situations where I feel threatened, as opposed to stopping myself and clearing myself in breath so that I may speak - not in reaction, but rather speak words as myself so that I can take responsibility to direct myself in what is best for all in each situation, rather than be directed and controlled by fears and projections of the mind.

Day 79 - The Activist

Secret Mind Script:

Please Notice that I "Care" so much that I am willing to create a Care-Actor that raises Awareness to support a Good cause

It is My (Personal) Opinion, that this cause, is the BEST cause of them all, because I fear it the most.  Yes, there are other causes, but I Like this one, it was so easy to just 'copy and paste' in my mind, and I feel comfortable in this role

I Realize that all the work my character is doing will never change my cause, that's okay, because I have to keep my Hope character alive anyway... My Hope character helps me look pathetic, so others will sympathize with my Activist character 

Please Validate the role of my character I have created through your comments and support, to rejuvenate my characters energy

Please Support my character, so that I can justify in my mind why I do not have to take responsibility and Face the Truth of what I have created, and who I really AM

You don't Understand what I had to sacrifice to create this Activist Character

No, you don't understand, I have many other battles for good I am fighting, not just this one, I am Double-Worthy

Please Notice, I care so much, that I am willing to sacrifice my Main Personality Character for this Alt(alternate) character... some of the time... I hope to be able to afford to be this character most of the time, maybe even make it my main character 

My character would like to be recognized and rewarded for all the goodness I am promoting, but this character would never say that because I need to maintain my Humble character, my other Alt

Please validate my character as Loving, Compassionate, and Caring, so the Higher Power will recognize all my characters as good, and I will be rewarded a High Honor

If you don't support my character's cause, you are most likely Ignorant and Unaware of what is really going on in the world - and you are Less Than me because of this

Please Realize how much deeper my understanding of Reality is than yours, because obviously you don't understand, you don't see things the way I see them

Please Understand, that if you mock my character or my cause, I will retaliate and take revenge on you in my Secret Mind.  I will judge you and label you as evil and an abuser

I feel so Guilty.... I need a new Character to hide from myself...  Time for another Alt

Self Forgiveness for the Activist Character to follow in my next blog....

Day 78 - Self Forgiveness on the Informer Character

Continuing from yesterdays post: The Informer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the secret character of the Informer from myself, as I have continually put on a per-form-ance in self-abuse through using and manipulating myself and others through perceiving information and knowledge to be of more value than life.  In such valuation, I have neglected myself as life, and so created a disastrous and terrifying existence where extreme suffering is accepted and allowed in our world, and considered normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and portray myself as the Informer, as a character of myself within my world where I have believed my own lie, that I am doing good by promoting and spreading deception as lies of manipulated knowledge and information which is deliberately used to terrorize, abuse and destroy all life, all within the staring point of me fearing myself and fearing to take responsibility for who I really am as a physical being equal to all that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the Informer character and the knowledge and information I have used as leverage to always win, and gain power and control over others, which has caused extreme suffering in my world. I realize that this abuse must stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to become the Master Informer in which I have hidden the fact from myself that I actually desired this within the belief that I always wanted what was best for everyone, thus keeping me enslaved to the idea that I am/was better than everyone else in the physical reality, because I knew better, as my knowledgeable Informer confirmed for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have power over and pass judgement over others in my secret desire to have an energetic experience, where I desire to experience myself as a rush of blissful energy - in separation of all that is here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life can exist within me if I allow spite and corruption to exist as my desire to have power over others.  I realize that this deception I have created for myself has limited me to such an extent that I do not even realize what I am sacrificing in order to perpetuate and animate characters such as the Informer and the Informant within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority of life over to a consciousness system/entity which I created, in spite of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create laws and systems that protect the lie of existence, that consciousness is life and everyone has free will to do what they want, to the extent that most believe it is ok to allow suffering, torture and abuse of life in our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning authority, as I as directive principle of myself here as Equal to all, must question and investigate everything to make absolutely certain that no abuse is ever allowed within my world and reality in any way.  If abuse exists, I must be aware of it so that I can correct the situation to align it with what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being punished, ashamed and ostracized.  I realize that these fears are an instrument of the mind used to control me so that I do not challenge the authority of consciousness and I remain enslaved to consciousness, as the trap I have created for myself in fear of facing myself as who I am as Equal to my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed and fear being killed.  I realize that these fears are showing me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, as ruled by fear, and until I stop this fear within myself, fear will rule over me and others in my world.  I realize that the only way to stop all fears is to face myself and stand as the self-directive principle of myself as all here, and take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a reward within Spite.  I realize that any reward granted within this world is based on the starting point of spite, and therefore is of no value to life, as life needs no reward to be life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Unknown and fear being Un-informed.  I realize that these fears do not support life, but rather support the suppression of life, as the accumulation of knowledge and power used to abuse and harm and protect those with money is absolute abuse of life.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to use this character, the Informer as a supplier of energy to feed systems of enslavement.

I commit myself to expose myself as the secret character of the Informant, so that I can forgive and correct myself to align myself with that which is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to realize how performing and performance of the Informer and Informant characters as per the script in the acceptance of fear promotes the illusion of Life so that Life is never realized for REAL as the physical.

I commit myself do what is necessary to be done to stop all performances so Life can be born for real, without the need to be driven by fear and greed and lust for power.

I commit myself to realize that Equality is the actual manifestation of Life as equal consideration for everyone and everything in existence so that Life is supported - rather than destroyed through enslavement to fear. 

I commit myself to stand for Equality in all situations in order that I may create myself as Life, Equal to the physical as my creation as me.

I commit myself to realize that Equality is actually the best for all life, and so would actually be immeasurably better than what we exist as currently - as separated, suppressed and enslaved.

I commit myself to expose that Consciousness, as the manifestation of the Informer and the Informant within the minds of human beings - is the Evil perpetrator and starting point of performing characters that must be stopped at all cost.

I commit myself to show that Information is the manipulated reflection as the false interpretation and false perception of Self, which in turn creates a warped reality of atrocity leading to self-destruction.

I commit myself to show how Information is used to manipulate the money system and sustain the lie of consciousness so that people remain enslaved and unaware of who they really are and can be.

I commit myself to assist others to realize that the only way to stop the abusive money system is for each one to support an Equal Money System, within a real democratic system as 1 MAN - 1 VOTE.

See Also;

 Creations Journey to Life

Heavens Journey to Life