Day 119 – Aversion and Procrastination

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid my responsibilities in the belief that I have lots of time and I can do things later, in seeking to avoid the real issue. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my responsibility to myself and others within the belief that ‘I don’t know what to do’.  When and as I see myself saying to myself ‘I don’t know’, I clear my starting point to here within breath, and take some time to write myself out so I can see the root of the problem and work it out through self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to avoid negative experiences of sitting down to do work on the computer, in the belief that there is enough time for me to do it later, and so allowing myself to drift into passive positive energy experience of playing games etc when I have work to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to do enough so that I can get by, where I only do the minimum, not pushing myself to do all that I am able, in the belief that I am content with just getting by, in the belief that ‘I’m not greedy’ and ‘I’m not motivated by fear’ – Meanwhile, these are excuses which have allowed my to avoid the actual point being - I’m not just working for myself, I have a responsibility to others . 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the negative energy charge/emotion of issues that I perceive to be difficult/undesirable – because within my personality design I resent being forced to do work that I don’t want to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to escape the stress of the situation through avoiding the problem altogether, in fear that my work/efforts/planning will not be considered as ‘good enough’. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do something that will compromise myself, and then go into a reaction of anger because I will have found myself in another situation that I did not foresee.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to foresee every eventuality and outcome of a situation and therefore seek to avoid situations in fear that ‘I did something wrong’ because I did not see every outcome that would happen in the future.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the wrong decision or making a mistake in self-judgement, thus seeking to avoid a situation where I fear that I would judge myself and/or become angry with myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting a job/contract.  As long as I continue to move myself in self-honesty, I will always have work to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of others, when they want work done right away, thus allowing myself to embody that stress within my own expression, thinking that it is my responsibility to ‘be stressed’ because the customer is stressed.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how this system of fear plays out, and stop myself within bringing myself here within breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not working hard enough, when the situations are stemming from a series of issues/beliefs/ideas which are not aligned with living what is best for all.  In this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write the issues out for myself when I find that I am in aversion to facing an issue.

 

I commit myself to align myself with Equality as what is best for all.

 

I commit myself to re-define enjoyment as taking responsibility, not only for myself but for others.

 

I commit myself to push through resistances and procrastination to stop fearing myself, and realizing that self-writing is never a waste of time.

 

I commit myself to will myself to power through resistances despite my perceptions of desiring to avoid negative energy experiences.    I realize negative energy experiences are an opportunity for me to transcend my design and change myself

 

I commit myself to stop my mind projecting situations that I believe (based on my past) will be negative experiences.

 

I commit myself to writing myself out as soon as I see that I am avoiding myself

 

I commit myself to realize that rooting out the source of the problem through writing is the key to clearing my starting point so that I can enjoy taking responsibility for myself and others.

 

I commit myself to realize how much better I will feel about myself when I take responsibility and change myself to align myself with what is best for all in each moment.

Day 118 – Why Do We Not See?

Why do we not see Self Dishonesty?
Why do we only see ‘what we should have done’ in hindsight…

Why do we say ‘we understand’…
When we do not?

Why do we boast of our goodness…
When all our goodness allows a world full of evil without restraint?

Why do we boast of our intelligence…
While our intelligence creates only deception, fear and destruction?

Why do we boast of our beauty…
When all beauty is comparison, in false judgement and condemnation?

Why do we believe the lie that we cannot change the system or ourselves…
When change is always here as ourselves?

Why do we consider ourselves as powerless to do anything…
When clearly we can speak, write, and communicate with each other?

Why have we devalued ourselves to that of less value than printed paper…
Without realizing that we created the paper, the banks, and the valuation system?

Why do we not realize the simplicity of united we stand, divided we fall…
When Best for All is the absolute Best for everyone?

Why do we fear the solution to the problem…
When the solution is within our self-will to implement?

Why do we not realize that everyone is aware that we are living a lie…
When self-honesty is to be true to yourself and everyone?

Why do we not trust ourselves…
When trust is the key to self-realization and knowing thyself?

Why do we believe we must punish ourselves…
When self-punishment only creates retribution, blame, and resentment?

Why do we not forgive ourselves…
When forgiveness is the key to self-empowerment?

Why do we create false characters, pretending to be something we are not, deceiving one another in fear of who we are…
When our real expression is fascinating, unconditional, unlimited, eternal, sharing of self here?

Why do we believe it’s ok to be a little bit selfish…
When all selfishness leads only to misery and death?

Why do we place our trust in useless hope…
When all hope fades in realization of self here?

Why do we place all our trust in that which we cannot physically see… trusting only that which we see in our minds?
When the physical is right here before us, able to be seen, touched and verified beyond the shadow of any doubt?

Why do we forsake ourselves in the belief someone outside of ourselves will save us…
When the existence of any idea, belief, opinion, or being - as separate from the physical Self here - is limitation and enslavement?

Why do we think slavery is ok?
When we can see that slavery results in extreme suffering and unspeakable atrocity

Why do we value ourselves as less than Life…
When the value of Life itself is Equal?

Why do we say that we know that we have to face ourselves…
yet continue on living in self-deception?

Why do we say that we know that we have to face ourselves…
yet continue on living in self-deception?

Why do we continually deny the truth of what is here…
When what is here is self-evident?

Why do we Not see, Realize, and Understand the consequences of condemning ourselves…
When consequence exists in spite of ignorance, and thus is inevitable, until all stand responsible as Life?

What will it take for humans to realize the physical state we are all in?
World War 3?
World Wide Plague?
World Wide Famine…?
Countless other consequences lye in wait for us…

What will it take for humans to realize, that hindsight only pleads with us to use foresight, so that we may realize that the only way to freedom is to take responsibility for Life… to create ourselves as Equal to Life so that we may Live free from enslavement and needless suffering.  

Find your courage to stand for Life.

Self support at Eqafe

Day 117 – The End of All Selfishness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that love can only exist if Life exists, and that love can only be real when it is given Equal value as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the extent to which I have allowed neglect and spite to exist, and the extent to which it causes pain, fear, suffering and sorrow, and the extent to which it is so easily swept away and forgotten in the mind, only to be re-enacted through the very same cycle within the desire for selfish experiences, as limited joy, and pretentious love.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to clearly see and understand, that the problem has a root within myself, and that unless the root of the problem is corrected, the problem continues to physically consume me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the solution to the problem as simply taking responsibility to change myself, to give up selfishness… and in doing so, I can contribute to the solution to the root of the problem, to bring an end to fear, suffering, sorrow and all enslavement forever. 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the simplicity, that Equality as What is Best for All is the absolute solution to all problems, as everyone working together for the common sense practical solutions to assist all Life to have an Equal opportunity to express and enjoy Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through the inner valuation and judgments of my secret mind, I have participated and given my support to the greater valuation system, in spite of myself and as all of existence.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Life cannot exist within competition, conflict and careless consumption, nor can it exist within a valuation system where Life is regarded as the lowest of all values, in favor of self-indulging experience as greed, as this results in Life itself being consumed, for nothing.

I commit myself to creating myself as Equal to Life so that love can exist for real, as Life, as me

I commit myself to abandon all selfish desire, so that I may honor myself and All as Equal so that Life can be of real value

I commit myself to understanding the common sense that the root of the problem must be corrected and lived within myself

I commit myself to realize the simplicity of changing myself to live Equality, and to work for common sense practical solutions that will give every being an opportunity to live, express and enjoy the gift of Life

I commit myself to make a stand against all valuations and judgments so that we can replace this valuation system for a system where Life can be supported

I commit myself to give Life as Equality the highest value so that a valuation system is no longer necessary, as all can exist Equal to Life.

Day 116 –The Fraud of Believing in A Higher Power

Many people hold to the idea that there is a ‘higher power’ in existence.   This is the most ‘politically correct’ form of religion, yet it is still a religion, and a beLIEf just the same.

Lets challenge this religion and belief system.

What is a ‘higher power’?  First of all, a statement such as ‘I believe in a higher power’ could mean anything, from an invisible all-powerful intelligent being (or even the possibility of such), to a ‘higher self’ separate from yourself, to a guardian angel… Maybe its your favourite teddy bear, or your cat… who knows…

Secondly, it is a way of saying that something else is in control of your life, and is more powerful than you – which is another fancy way of saying – I am content with my bewilderment, so I don’t  need to know what’s really going on, as long as I am comfortable – I’m happy with my life… fuck everyone else.

Most often, people who hold this belief deliberately leave out the specificity – likely they don’t have an explanation themselves as to ‘what it is’ - or they do so in order to avoid confrontation, perhaps embarrassed to admit they don’t understand.  This is nothing but a lame excuse, and a cop-out.  Sometimes the issue is that people fear they will be drawn into some religious belief if they were to trust themselves to take responsibility to investigate. 

God forbid people would have the courage to investigate the subject for themselves in self-honesty.  After all, what better way to cover up the question of your existence than to say ‘I simply believe in something random which cannot be defined or explained!

So, out of fear and/or selfish greed - gotta keep up with the rat race, besides, who has time to actually question what we are doing, surely someone will do that for me - people will lay claim to this vague belief system and voila!  No more worries, no more responsibility!  Secretly, they think “My Higher Power will take care of everything for me!”  “I’m special and a loving and caring person…” “I like to keep conversation light and fluffy, deep conversations are awkward…”  “Ah, life in a Bubble!”  

This is very subtle trap of self-deception, because it is through acceptance of this belief system that we justify self-dishonesty, in compliance with the greater system of deception.  Within this world system, people are generally in fear of what others will think of them, so they ‘don’t want to go there’.   Fear itself is self-dishonesty.

It’s like taking a back seat to avoid your responsibility – as within the belief in a higher power, you automatically classify yourself as ‘Less than’ the higher power, so you can have a sense of comfort, in the belief (belief on top of a belief, just pile on the lies until something sounds plausible lolol) that you are ‘free’ from the stress and anxiety of that whole messy question of ‘who am I…?’ and ‘What am I doing here?’.

I am here telling you now that this belief system is complete bullshit, as is all forms of religion if one simply does a little bit of research.  So, upon reading this, you are now aware and absolutely responsible – that is to say that, should you continue in this fraudulent belief system – you are willingly choosing to do so in ignorance and denial of your responsibility to yourself – and consequence grows ever impatient.  

I for one, am taking responsibility for myself, in changing myself to live what is best for all, so that this horrible world can wake up and realize and understand that self-dishonesty is no longer acceptable in any way whatsoever.  Life must be given Equal value, and NOT be valued by bogus dollar signs and fearful elitists who think they can bully and deceive Life in spite and selfish greed.  

All spitefulness is doomed.  

Join Desteni in supporting an Equal Money System, so we can bring an end to this complete nonsense, and actually live.

Self Support is available at Eqafe

Day 115 – Is God a Fraud? – Multiple Choice Quiz.

To see if an all powerful, superior, and intelligent being (God)exists, we can perform this simple test.  Ok, raise your right arm (if you have one and are able, otherwise any body part will suffice).  Now who was it that moved your arm?  Was it…

A. You
B. God
C. Both
D. Neither
E. Sometimes You, sometimes God

If you said A. You.
This is the best answer, and I will explain why.  If that is the case, then as you just demonstrated by your movement, God is not omnipotent (all powerful) because you moved by way of nothing but your own will to do so.  And if God is not omnipotent, then God is also fallible, untrustworthy, and a complete fraud.  In which case that would indicate that, by default, you are thereby responsible for everything you have done in your life, and thus you are also accountable for the mess you have contributed to making in this world through your self-willed participation, and/or negligence. 

If you chose B. God.
Then this would imply that God is in absolute control of your every movement, and thus your entire life – no matter what you choose to do – actually, there is no ‘you’ at all… you don’t even really exist! It’s all God…, so why would I even bother to communicate with a programmed clone?  Perhaps you would be so kind as to take me to your leader?  Oh that’s right, he only exists in your mind. 

If you chose C. Both. 
That would indicate that you are in fact God - one and the same. This also clearly illustrates that there is no separation between you and him/her/it, because you just proved that all decisions are made instantaneously without the need for any communication or debate.  If that is the case, then why don’t you manifest you’re every hearts desire… God?… And why don’t you perform miracles such as walking on water… God?  Why are you (God) unable and/or unwilling to stop all the wars and remove all the suffering in the world… God?  Unless of course you are a cruel God who just wants to see people suffer needlessly, in which case, you are rather lame to make people suffer for your own personal and selfish ‘glory’… poor excuse for a God you are.

If you chose D.  Neither.
Ok then perhaps you are Anonymous, or Satan, or bugs bunny, or whatever mysterious character your randomly generated pick-three-and-win multiple-personality-disorder system chooses to decide upon at any given moment. Regardless, for the purpose of this experiment, please choose a name so we may figure out if God really exists or not.

If you chose E.  Sometimes God, sometimes you. 
Interesting choice.  This ‘God’ entity must be able to take over your bodily functions at any time.  So, you must be kind of like… Gods Nintendo?  Isn’t that kind of a scapegoat though?  I mean, if you ever find yourself robbing a bank, or killing someone or something, you can just say oh ‘God made me do it’?… isn’t that the perfect excuse to get you off the hook?… it’s not irresponsible or inconsiderate to anyone of course nooo, because after all, God is Good… right!?…  And God owns everything!??…  Either that, or just embellish yourself in anything you wish, and then just ask God to hit the forgive all button and make it all better.  Everything will work out in the wash??
The problem is you would have to place your entire trust and life in Gods hands, because there is absolutely no way to tell if anyone else is actually being controlled by your ‘Good’ God… or something else.   Doesn’t it say in the bible that Satan disguises himself as an angel of light?  Tricky tricky… and quite the gamble I must say.  It also says in the bible that ‘God creates evil’ so obviously someone is telling so tall tales here.

Lets quit the make believe game, get real and take responsibility for ourselves and our world shall we.  Join the Desteniiprocess and stand with the only group that stands for real Equality in our world, as what is best for all…  And support the Equal Money System to stop the abuse that we have all created.

Day 114 – Intelligence is Fear

Fascinating, yet repulsive, how we as human beings have attributed such high value to intelligence in our world.  Yet we have deliberately neglected to realize that, this great worship of intelligence (As most believe that intelligence is the ultimate attainment in the Universe), inherently and simultaneously manifests the polar opposite – stupidity - on a massive scale.

Look in self-honesty.  If you adhere to the virtue of intelligence, as giving it ‘value’, or claim to be ‘intelligent’, do you not judge others as ‘unintelligent’… or ‘less intelligent’, and thus of ‘less value’ than yourself?  Have we ever considered who created this ‘Intelligence God’ in our minds, who judges others so that we can believe we are better, or more deserving of life?

It is really quite simple to understand.  The word Intelligence is programmed into the system and automatically given ‘high value’ so as to justify itself as real – but it is NOT REAL in any way. That is to say that, it is merely a minute perception of reality, an IDEA, an OPINION, and a LIMITED DEFINITION of what actually IS REAL.  Thus it is a FALSIFIED PERCEPTION of reality, formed out of the desire for power and control over the physical reality… and it is used to generate one thing – FEAR.

This IDEA of ‘Intelligence’ is derived from knowledge and information – which is force fed through the education system, and those who, in fear and submission, store and regurgitate the best, are given higher value.  Thus knowledge and information is manipulated and controlled for the purpose of deceiving humanity into BELIEVING the false perception of who we are.  This is done so that some beings can have power and control - while many suffer. 

We are programmed to believe this is ‘just the way it is’, and ‘it will never change’, because if we were to change, and realize ourselves for who we really are within and as the physical reality, we would never allow such deception, ever.  

We can see with our computers and information systems, knowledge and information can be broken down to a Binary system.  A combination of 1’s and 0’s, in essence, which can be arranged in a multitude of ways to produce a desired outcome.

So, why is it that we give higher/lower value to our fellow man, purely based on the configuration/or how many 1’s and 0’s ‘the system’ has attributed to them?  Especially when we have a justice system that is absolutely controlled by the very same manipulative and corrupt value system.  If you have enough 1’s and 0’s, you can literally get out of any situation.  That, is a farce. Yet that, is what we have allowed to exist. Foolishness. 

We have neglected the simplicity of living common sense as what is best for all, in favour of claiming the belief that some beings have ‘more sense’ because they have more 1’s and 0’s than others???  
Meanwhile the actual real root of the problem is fear – allowing ourselves to be controlled by the idea that we must live in, and obey Fear, and every action we take MUST be done in compliance with the ‘Great God of Fear’ - so that we can ensure our survival and the selfish energy highs of ‘good experiences’, for a limited  time.

Just look at how much we have evolved – thanks to intelligence - we have justified every possible form of cruelty, abuse, destruction, and harm imaginable, all so that we can lay claim to a selfish experience of ourselves, in absolute ignorance of what is actually happening in our world.   

Intelligence should be to support Life in common sense and living what is best for all life –  and to NOT allow ourselves to be controlled by FEAR.  How simple is that really?… It is literally a matter of 1+1=2.  

Day 113 – Dream – Condemned

I was standing outside in a parking area with trees, it was winter, and very cold.  There was a young man there, emphatically accusing me of some violation that he claimed I did.  I tried to speak to defend myself, but it was no use – no matter what I said, I knew there was absolutely nothing that I could say that would make the man consider, never mind convince him of my innocence.   His facial expression became very tense and defiant.  With closed eyes he continued raising his voice louder, yelling at me in condemnation.

The next scene was of a man in his 50’s.  He had a moustache and very stern face.  I could tell he was a very ‘cold’ person, and very set in his ways.  He did not even look at me directly, nor did he yell. He acted as if I did not exist, having the very same condemnation as the younger man.  I said nothing.  Just looking at him I could tell that In his mind I was guilty, and there was absolutely nothing that I could say that would change that, I was labelled… dead in the water, and he was going to make sure that I suffered for it. 
I returned to the scene with the younger man, as he continued to yell, a crowd formed behind him, everyone yelling in condemnation.   I felt completely helpless.

I see this dream as the nature of the system that we have created.  The consequence for what we have accepted and allowed through our ignorance and self-dishonesty.  It may have started with just a snowflake of self-dishonesty, but all the same, quietly and gently it has gathered itself and grown to become this massive consequence that is here.  The men were so resolute, showing me that the price has to be paid - until it is paid in full.  Self-forgiveness in no way lets us off the hook. We must change, face the consequences, and walk through them as living proof that we have changed, so that we never again allow such horrible consequences to play out, ever.  Self-forgiveness is the key to the door, but we have to open it and walk through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn myself, not realizing what I am doing to myself in ignorance and denial of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a system that is absolutely negligent, and cruel beyond comprehension because it does not see itself for what it is, or realize the possibility of forgiveness and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in the past, where I have in ignorance and selfishness, pleaded my self-righteous judgments over that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that punishment and revenge is something ‘good’ will help us change or improve the quality of life on this planet.  I realize that punishment, judgement and condemnation do nothing to solve the problems we all face, but they actually bring us all more guilt, shame and suffering.

I commit myself to assist myself and others to realize that we can change ourselves through self-forgiveness and seeing, realizing and understanding that we can live as equals without any horrible consequences that need to be paid in the future.

I commit myself to assist myself and others in the realization that Equality is the only way in which we are able to stand together within one principle that supports all life Equally, without the need of punishment, revenge, judgement or condemnation.

I commit myself to working with the one group that stands for the Solution to Life, as changing ourselves to free ourselves from this hell of enslavement to ideas as energy addictions which only serve to punish ourselves in our own greed and self-interest. 

www.desteni.org
www.equalmoney.org

Day 112–Astrological Alignment

I have found astrology quite supportive in pointing out different aspects of my individual programmed design, although I have found that not every prescribed definition outlined is pronounced within my behaviour.  I have made myself aware of the inherent systems of my birth sign, in the attempt to transcend what ‘traits’ imposed a limitation on myself, and so attempt to use my traits or ‘talents’ to focus and align myself in ways that support me aligning myself with Equality, and living what is best for all. 

However due to the nature of the system as a whole, my personal systems, and various aspects of my current situation, I have for the most part, been unable to be substantially effective in positively focusing and aligning these traits to the best of my abilities.   

According to my astrological sign (Aries - program) I am predisposed to the following traits…

Adventurous and energetic
Pioneering and courageous
Enthusiastic and confident
Dynamic and quick-witted

On the dark side...

Selfish and quick-tempered

Impulsive and impatient

Foolhardy and daredevil

It’s interesting, the ‘dark side’ traits are obvious points that require work –  specifically selfishness, which I have been working on over the past little while. (Obviously selfishness does not support what is best for all.)
The positive traits, once aligned with equality, could effectively be used for the benefit of all.     
I realize that I must transcend (the limitations and definitions of) all of the astrological signs, however starting with my own sign seems like a good starting point.

During my brief research into Alchemy and Kabbalah, reading some books and so on, I recall some interesting perspectives with regards to the balancing and alignment of myself – to myself - from the mind system’s starting point of self-interest and energy of course, (becoming my own god in the imaginary land in my mind).

One book in particular outlined a series of imaginations where I would see myself within my own kingdom, with a central tower, where each level was a part of myself.

One portion of the imaginations I found particularly interesting was on the ground level of the tower, I would sit at a large round table with the selected members of my council. Each member was of a different astrological sign, so as to compliment me of course (haha) and so to grant me a balanced perspective in dealing with matters of interest or concern within my magical kingdom in my mind.

I see this (practical Astrology, no imagination required) as a good starting point in assisting myself through transcending all of the designated and limited characterizations outlined within the astrological chart, so that I can understand and realize different aspects of myself through changing myself, and in so approach challenges with the ultimate goal of transcending all limitation and fear of self, so that best for all can be realized within myself, here.

Taking responsibility for myself as all is the greatest relief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as selfish, and in so shrivel up into the shell of my mind rather than change and expand myself in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be directed and controlled by anger, as the energetic response to frustration, as my mind not getting what it selfishly wants immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impulsive, in that I have allowed myself to be directed and controlled by external impulses, rather than be the starting point of myself, as directing myself and living in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impatient.  I realize that patience essential to my process so that I can learn to slow myself down and not jump to conclusions based on ideas, frustration or anger in selfish desire to get more for me, because I fear for my own survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the foolhardy and daredevil characters in vain attempt for personal glory and or excitement, risking life and limb.  I realize that this type of behavior does not serve the interest of all, but is also selfish and thus foolish in nature. 


I commit myself to realize that aligning myself to Equality as what is best for all is the only way that I can transcend all of my selfish desires and so find true self-enjoyment and fulfillment with myself and my world.

Day 111–How to Have an Amazing Realization

What is a ‘Realization’? 
Firstly, I am not referring to small realizations here – like you realized your bike was stolen, or that someone doesn’t like you.  I am referring to dramatic, life changing Realizations - when we discover and understand something about ourselves that we previously had no idea existed.  Something that strikes the core of you, and entirely changes who you are.  If this has never happened to you, well, continue on, it may very well be right around the corner… 
Can anyone have a Realization?
Yes, anyone can have a realization, however people that are self-centered, judgemental, inconsiderate of others, ‘know-it-alls”, content with their life, and/or greedy - are unlikely to have a realization – unless of course they encounter serious, life-threatening tragedy which can often trigger a realization – although by that point it could very well be too late.  
I myself had a big realization shortly after I was involved in a car accident. I thought I was going to die, so that caused me to ask myself some tough questions – primarily “what was required of me in this life” - so that I could look into getting that done before I died - lol.
Additionally, those that make the foolish assumption that there is nothing for them to realize, vainly fall into the trap of their own making.
And finally, those who place all their trust in beliefs and ideas such as religion, science, or spirituality to provide the answers for them - without having the courage to question beyond their beliefs - are also trapped by their own design.

Here’s How to have an Amazing Realization…
So first lets take an example.  Say a wife finds out her husband has been cheating on her.   All the while she has been thinking that they were in love, but she suddenly realizes that she was being deceived.  It may seem somewhat painful to realize this, however, most of us would rather be on the ‘realization side’, knowing the truth of the matter, rather than continue on living blindly being deceived by the lie. (Although there are exceptions) 
Now, it is possible that she could have found out ‘by accident’, but since her husband was likely doing his absolute best to keep it a secret from her, she would more likely have found out through investigation, in the way of research and asking questions. Investigation is the key.
Suppose her suspicion was aroused somehow, and she began asking her husband questions.  She would likely have some fears come up such as “what if my husband suspects I am suspicious?”  “Will he think I don’t love him?” “Will he beat me up?” “What if he divorces me?” “Where would I go?” – So you can see that one must employ a fair amount of courage to face these fears when investigating.  Yet if she does not ask, then she may never find out.
So if we take this example and change it to the subject of life, we can see that there are many questions that need to be answered, and we must have the courage to trust ourselves and ask them. 
Wherever there is a fear, that is a very likely we are hot on the trail of having a realization, as fear always leads the way to the answer - because fear is a tool of manipulation, and deception.  
If I were afraid of snakes, I might ask “Why am I afraid of snakes?”  “What caused this fear of snakes?” “Is this fear really who I am?”. 

How do I know for certain that I am not being deceived?
Its funny that many people fear investigating and asking questions because, not only do they know they are afraid (and reluctant to admit so), but they actually believe themselves to be totally existing as Fear.  So if they are ‘fear’ in essence, then they fear that they will inevitably deceive themselves.  The infinite loop, and unfortunately, the ultimate trap.  Yet all they need to do is face their fear of themselves and realize that they are not this fear.
If there is any fear in your realization, it is either not real, or you have not fully realized yet - you still have not faced the fear completely.  A real realization is the absolute transcendence of fear, so that there is no doubt whatsoever about what you have realized within yourself.
So take courage, trust yourself and face your fears – you will soon realize that there is no reason to fear, and many awesome and amazing realizations lay buried just beneath the surface of our fears.  
A really good start is to investigate Desteni.  There is tonnes of material there that will challenge you to be honest with yourself, and face your fears, so that you can find out for certain, who you really are – without fear.
Enjoy!

Day 110 – Roots of Selfishness

Looking at my experiences when have allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories because I would rather not ‘be here’ as breath… typically because I am doing something I don’t want to do, such as heading to work, where fear and anxiety come up.   I want to avoid the situation, make myself feel better, disappear in to ‘my happy place’ in my mind… because I create the idea that ‘work’ is a negative experience – as it is tied to money as enslavement, as something I am forced to do.  As well I feel that I am being judged based on my performance and ability to ‘produce’ a good result based on the customers expectations.

I see where I have judged myself in the past if I did not meet up to expectations of others.  I have come to realize that I can only do what I am able to do, as my physical body has limitations.  So I have for the most part released that form of judgement on myself.  I don’t really mind the work most of the time.  Here though, is the stress factor, of having to work so fast that I am able to make a profit, along with not making mistakes and doing a good job  – so there is fear of the future as not having enough income to support myself.  I see this as fear of my own self judgement – as the fear of loss and fear of death.  Still discontent with who I am and what I have allowed myself to become. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories for temporary ‘mind-highs’ - because I want to escape the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in my world, and so I am reluctant to face the consequences I have created for myself here in each moment.   I realize that I cannot escape myself, nor does it make the situation any better when I try to escape into my mind – It only perpetuates the addiction to energy as spite.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as a ‘negative experience’ of myself because I fear failure, fear loss, and fear the judgement of myself and others.  In this,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money and time, as selfish experiences of myself.  I realize that these experiences are necessary consequences that have played out in order for me to see who I am, and face myself as what I have accepted and allowed to exist here as me.  Thus it is supportive to myself and my process of understanding myself.  I realize I have to let go of the self-created idea of who I am as ‘separate’ – so that I can realize myself, as an interconnect part of my existence as a whole.
  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough income to support myself.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the selfish desire for ‘free time’ and ‘easy money’ wherein I seek my own self interest, or seek to boost my own ego/mind system with the idea that I could be better, have a better life, and or do things that would grant me more fun and enjoyment, as well as the admiration of others.   I realize that the first and primary responsibility I have is to become absolutely self honest with myself, so that I can rid myself of all fears, greed, and selfish delusion, and so become physical, and real with myself.  This is the only way I will free myself from the anxiety of self judgement and selfish desires, and in so I will actually be able to enjoy myself for real, for the first time ever.
Actually, the only reason for my anxiety, is because I know I am not absolutely honest with myself yet, I am not here taking responsibility for myself as all in every breath yet, and so I fear that about myself, fearing that I cannot do it, based on my past fuck ups.  I fear myself, because my mind fears losing the personal experiences of the selfish energy highs in my mind.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my past experiences of myself – condemning myself in the idea that I cannot do it, creating an image of myself that I have too many systems, my selfish desires are too strong, or that I am too weak to stand absolutely equal with myself as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the energy highs of my mind - because my mind tells me that all I will experience will be ‘negative’ or ‘neutral’ all the time – Yet I realize that this is projection of my mind, not the actuality of me here.

My mind fears that it will take so much energy just to direct my breathing all the time, thus I fear losing the idea of myself as who I have defined myself as within my mind as energy, and  so I project that fear onto another self created idea of ‘who I would be’ (negative and/or neutral) if I stop my mind and take complete responsibility for myself in every breath.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping the energy highs of the mind because my mind tells me that “I am wasting good experiences”.  This comes from the self-definition I have created myself as a ‘non-wasteful’ person, or someone who does not like to waste things, as the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  In so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ‘positive’ energy experiences because I fear ‘wasting the experience of myself’ in the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as ‘non-wasteful’ in the belief that I am better than others in my world who I have defined as ‘wasteful’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent life, because I feel I was never given a fair chance to understand myself, and thus I made errors that cost me myself.  I realize that this life, and this realization is my opportunity to realize myself here. 

I commit myself to take this opportunity within this life to realize myself for myself and all so that I can rid myself of the guilt, shame, anxiety and resentment that I feel towards myself.
I commit myself to face my fears within writing so that I can realize where I am not taking responsibility for myself so that I may be as effective as humanly possible without fear of judgement, loss or death.
I commit myself to realize that the situations that I face in my reality are here to support me to self-realization, and in that, I am able to stop self-judgement so that I can stand equal to my world and reality in taking responsibility for what is here as myself as all.
I commit myself to stop all mind-created ideas and projections of ‘who I would be’ should I stop the positive, negative and neutral energy experiences within myself, which I realize are the desire for selfish experiences of myself in separation from myself as my mind.

Day 109 – Hello From The Summit of Mount Stupid!

I cannot stop the killing, torture, destruction, and wars of the military system.

Nor can I stop the bullying, harassment ,and abuse of the justice and legal systems.

Nor can I stop the corruption, abuse of power, and coercion of the political system.

Nor can I stop the lies, deception and distortion of the media system.

Nor can I stop the programming, conditioning and cloning of the education systems.

Nor can I prove to you how these systems are in fact abusive to life, each must see for themselves.  Though it ought to be blatantly obvious…  it is not, simply because we have allowed ourselves to become such ‘willing’ and ‘obedient’ slaves to the system - in our stupid and selfish desire to be better than each other, and our foolish fear for our own survival.

Selfish, Fearful and Foolish. 

Ahhh…  apparently this is what our ‘great evolution’ has taken us to.  Is it actually possible, for us to become any more retarded? No…,  we have in fact arrived, at the epitome of retardation and denial.  We are at the highest peak, the absolute summit, of Mount Stupid.  We cannot possibly get any higher on this baby. 

Now consider there are those in our world claiming to be wise and intelligent…  “Look how Smart I am…Here at the summit of Mount Stupidity!!!”  Wohoo… Who’s got a calculator?  Can we check the elevation…?

Those esteeming themselves to be of High ‘Moral fibre’… “Look how Right I am, on top of Wrong Mountain!!!  Please, someone take a picture…!

Those flaunting their ‘Goodness’… “Look how Good I am, on top of Mount Evil..!!!  Its times like this, we all benefit from a sudden gust of wind…

Those claiming to be ‘strong’ and/or ‘in shape’… “Look how strong I am… Whoa, check out them biceps…” atop Mount Weakness!!!  Did you really climb the whole way, or did you take the ego-lift?

Within the acceptance of myself as irresponsible to my world, and in my irresponsibility to see myself for who I really am as an Equal, and in simple common sense stand for what is best for all life, I have diminished myself and allowed myself and become subject to, and enslaved to foolishness.  In this system, I am literally forced to waste time and energy doing futile and senseless jobs that do not support life, but only boost peoples ego’s… so that I can make money, so that I can survive…?

WTF#!%^&!

Jesus said (Not that he was special, though some people choose to believe so, he did for the most part, understand Equality) “If you have love, you can say unto this mountain, “be thou removed and cast into the sea, and it would be done” ”.  In other words, if you cannot move a mountain, your ‘love’ is not real.  

It is only when we stand together, undivided, as Equals, Equal to the physical reality, that we can remove the mountains of Selfish Ego we have all created within ourselves, and the world as a whole.  From that starting point of Equality and Oneness, we can create Life free from the enslavement of systems, which only serve to divide, kill and destroy ourselves.  Join the Desteni I Process and see who you really are for the first time in your life.  Or, take the Free course DIP Lite, and Support an Equal Money System. www.Equalmoney.org

Day 108–Beauty Belief System Dream

 

I had a dream where I was sitting on a hospital bed in hospital robes, half my body exposed.  I was posing in a sitting position, with my torso crossed over to one side, and there were women watching me.

Reflecting on this dream, I realize that I have sub-consciously desired for others to be attracted to me so that I could get attention, feel good about myself and be desired by others.  I have created an egotistical projection of myself within defining myself as ‘attractive’ and/or ‘unattractive’ to others. 

I see how this very subtle belief system plays out within my experience of myself, and how my mind uses this system to goad me into self-pity - through suggesting that I ‘should/should not have’ female partners and/or admirers.  My mind also uses this system to get me to pity others so I can feel good/bad/better about myself within how I have judged my physical appearance. I realize that this plays in to the beauty system where I have secretly judged myself and others within ‘attractive and ‘unattractive’ polarized ideas I have created, and allowed to be created within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself based on the projected idea that ‘I should have admirers’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play a character within comparing myself to others rather than seeing, realizing and understanding how the beauty system is destructive belief which separates me from myself through programmed ideas and desires which are not in the interest of all, but self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly desire to be desired by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others within a false beauty belief system, as beauty is not real, it only exists as a programmed belief system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through judging myself and others within the beauty/ugly, attractive/unattractive polarized belief systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project selfish ideas onto my world and reality where I play into the belief system of ‘I should have this and that’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the beliefs, ideas and opinions which are judgments of the physical, as me judging and condemning myself through appearances

 

I commit myself to stop participating in the beauty/ugly polarity game which facilitates delusion, judges the physical reality and therefore does not assist or support equality of all life.   

I commit myself to catch myself when I find I am participating/playing a character within the beauty belief system.  When and as I see myself playing a beauty/ugly character or judgement within this system, I stop and clear my starting point to here through breathing so that I can see myself and change myself support all equally without judgement, to live what is best for all

I commit myself to change my desires for attention from others to the single desire of becoming a living example of what is best for all through self forgiveness, breathing every breath as myself and writing myself out.

Day 107 – The 11 Keys to Heaven

Jesus said… ‘The kingdom of Heaven is within you.’ 

If this is so, then Heaven is not ‘somewhere out there’.  I am here, therefore Heaven must be here as me.  Then why is it that we do not experience this ‘Heaven’ all the time?  More precisely, what is preventing Heaven from being experienced and expressed by us? 

We can examine this a little further by asking ourselves... What do we know about Heaven? We know a few things for certain if we apply common sense…

1.  There can be no Conflict in Heaven, because conflict is war, and war is suffering, so obviously war would not exist in Heaven.

2.  There can be no Greed in Heaven, because that would imply Heaven is limited and/or lacking, and greed would result in conflict, jealousy, and war.

3.  There can be no Deception or Confusion in Heaven, because well if that were the case, then Heaven itself would be a lie.

4.  There can be no Secrets in Heaven, because secrets are another form of deception.

5.  There can be no Judgement in Heaven, because judgement would imply condemnation, punishment, harm, and suffering.

6.  There can be no Slavery in Heaven, because that would make Heaven a prison.

7.  There can be no Fear in Heaven, because that would make Heaven a horrible and terrifying experience.

8.  There can be no Selfishness in Heaven, because that would imply fear.

9.  There can be no Death in Heaven, because that would mean that Heaven is temporary, corruptible and subject to non-existence.

10.  There can Distrust in Heaven, because Distrust would indicate that Heaven is untrustworthy.

11. There can be no God in Heaven, – as defined as a superior being - as that would imply hierarchy, control and enslavement.



Now that we have clarified what is not in Heaven, lets examine the opposite to see what Heaven consists of.  In essence, what are the keys to Heaven?

1.  Peace – Absolute Peace, as the total end and cessation of all conflict (as polarities of good/bad, right/wrong etc.) within self

2.  Giving – Absolute Giving, where all gives all to all without fear of loss

3.  Honesty – Absolute Honesty, where no deception is possible or desired

4.  Communication – Absolute Unconditional Expression of Self, within the realization that secrets are unnecessary

5.  Forgiveness – Absolute Forgiveness, as the end of all judgements

6.  Freedom – Absolute Freedom, with no possibility of ever becoming enslaved again

7.  Fearlessness – Absolute Fearlessness, as there is no reason to fear and nothing to fear

8.  Sharing – Absolute Sharing, where everything is shared Equally

9.  Life – Absolute Life, where all is considered Equally into eternity

10.  Trust – Absolute Trust, where no possibility of distrust can exist

11. Equality - Absolute Equality, where nothing is excluded or left out.

Heaven can be summed up in one word - Equality.  So if Equality is Heaven, then why do we accept and allow inequality in our world?  Why do we not take responsibility to take a stand against oppression?  Why do we cower and submit to enslavement and cruelty of the world system? 

There are a number of answers to this.  Primarily lack of understanding, yet fear of self, and the selfish desire for the experience of love in separation, are also prime factors.  Love as what most have defined it as - within separation - is not real, it is spitefulness, as the selfish desire for comfort and happiness to the exclusion of the rest of existence as ourselves.

If the Kingdom of Heaven is within you, then you and I are responsible to create and express Heaven here in this physical reality.  This can only be done through self forgiveness, self-realization, self-correction, and supporting the group that supports what is best for all.  Because, whether you are aware or not, this world is a living hell, as the consequences of what we have allowed are undeniable.  Having only hindsight is of no use whatsoever… it is foolishness, and it is too late.

I am the key to you, as you are the key to me, and together we are the keys to Heaven, as Equality, as what is best for all Life.

There is one more key I did not mention, that I will leave up to you to find for yourself…

Day 106– Laws are Abusive to Life

Laws are nothing more than opinions.  From the belief that “I have a higher moral standard than you, hence I am better than you”… or “I am more-all than you”, therefore I have power and control over you, and the ‘right’ to dictate by force what you should do and what you should not do. 

So from these beliefs, we have created a system where ‘laws’ are enforced by humans with weapons.  If you do not obey the law, (which is interpreted as the hand of god in our world – ‘its the Law’…) you will be threatened, beaten, punished and or killed. 

Laws are ‘supposed’ to protect us, yet , laws only create abuse, fear, and harm of life.  If there were no laws, people fear there would be chaos, yet the exact opposite is true – each person would actually have to become self-responsible.

Laws create a false system of responsibility, where no one actually takes responsibility for ones actions in our world – as it is automated within the system driven by and for profit.

Laws do not ‘catch’ evil, they create and facilitate evil.

Laws are also created through abdication of responsibility by those who entertain the polar opposite belief that “I can do whatever I want, I have no responsibility to life”.  This is obvious spite and carries the consequence of spiteful re-action in the form of laws.

Laws are entirely fallible… fairy tales created to generate a false state of ‘righteousness’ or ‘civility’.  If you follow the law, you are right, and if you break the law, you are considered to have done wrong – in essence you are judged and labelled as a criminal.  Someone to be feared, therefore you are to be punished by the system.

Punishment by force if a very ill-effective tool of change, in fact it is does the exact opposite… punishment creates a negative reaction by re-enforcing fears, which in turn keeps everyone enslaved to the greater system of fear.

The only way we can all change is if we realize that multiple laws do not support life, they are self-harm.  We only require one law, rather a principle, to support ourselves and actually free ourselves from our self-inflicted harm and abuse.  The whole of the law must be - for each human being to take responsibility to live and do what is best for all.  That’s it.  If we employ this one principle, everything in life will literally take care of itself. 

In living what is best for all, we will realize the simplicity of life, and that we are able to forgive ourselves and stop harming ourselves so that we can actually support and enjoy life as the gift to ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a system which dictates laws to me and others in my world, which enslaves me and my world to an abusive, tyrannical system of inequality and terror.  
I realize that the one law of living what is best for all is the only law required, and in that way, life can be supported through self-correction and self-responsibility.

Day 105–The Dawn Of Life

Life has realized…
Nothing can be better
Than Life.
And only Life,
Is Equal to Life.
So there is no alternative,
But to Live,
What’s Best for All.

So Life has decided…
Its time has come.
It matters not what,
That which is not Life decides,
Life has determined,
The termination,
Of its cruel oppressor,
The days of Spite are numbered,
As spite has always been,
Subject to termination,
It was inevitable…
All Life needed was to see,
Life has no adversary.
So spite has finally served its purpose.

Yet the question remains…
Who am I?
Am I spite…?
Or…
Am I Life…?
Time will tell…
tick tock tick tock tick…
Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep!
You snooze…
Wake up Sillies!
It’s the Dawn of Life!
The Final Unification,
Of Self Here
As Equal
As One
Eternal
As Best for All!



Artwork by Osnat www.osnatfineart.com

Day 104–Arrogance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly seek personal happiness, relief and comfort for myself in spiteful arrogance, while the world suffers.  As the deadly arrow glances by, and I pretend that I have no responsibility, and that consequence and death will never happen to me. 

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the selfish pursuit for personal happiness, relief, and comfort for myself is foolish, self-centered, and inconsiderate of everything else in my reality in which I currently depend on to support my existence.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can have my own personal opinion and moral standard about how my world should function.  I realize that all opinions are counterfeit, as they are all programmed ideas which can only exist in spite of life, and thus do not support what is best for everyone and everything.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am fully capable of forgiving and changing myself to live what is best for all life through a simple process of self-forgiveness and correction, so that I can stop all selfishness within myself.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by my ego/mind which gives me every possible (and impossible) excuse ever conceived as to why I cannot take responsibility to stand for Equality and support the one and only solution with the absolute certainty to solve all of the problems in our world and our entire existence.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, accepted and allowed myself to go into frustration and mind tantrums, where all I do is complain about how I think things should be, rather than take responsibility to do what I am able to do, and what is common sense in supporting that which supports all Equally.

I commit myself to abandon foolish arrogance, in favour of changing myself into that which supports my existence and the existence of those who care about life.

I commit myself to realize that real happiness can only be truly fulfilled and expressed when enslavement ends and that this can only be achieved through standing Equal to life as myself as all.

I commit myself to realize that the relief and comfort I often seek after is only temporary, while as long as we allow a world full of inequality, anxiety, wars and all of our worst nightmares will come to pass, as our own shit smeared in our faces to show us what we are doing to ourselves, in our stubborn blindness, stupidity, arrogance, and selfish disregard for life.

Life is for giving, but life will not forgive me, if I do not forgive myself, and create myself as Equal to Life in every breath.

Day 103–Alignment

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be myself for fear of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to run and hide from myself because I fear facing the consequences of what I have created myself as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the knowledge of myself is enough to bring me to life, while it is self will as self trust and self honesty in combination with my commitment to my agreement with myself.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and so condemn myself because I feel that others are better than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an image of myself as someone special where I have to live up to the image of myself as opposed to taking responsibility for myself as who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my responsibility to myself till the last minute as the pattern I have developed through my rebellious personality character since I was a child and I rebelled against the system.  I realize that rebellion is only rebellion against myself and procrastination is fear of taking responsibility to support myself as life, because I fear losing my 'selfish’ desires to do what I want in spite of all that is here as my world and reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into cycles where I have to repeat what I have done in the past because I did not transcend my own mind created ideas of who I am.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully realize and see who I really am, and the consequences to be faced for not supporting all as myself in standing in and as the principle of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my selfishness through thoughts and ideas about what I am doing so that I can continue to exist as selfish.

I realize that selfishness is spiteful, in spite of myself and my world and reality, therefore I no longer accept and allow myself to create myself as a selfish being who only cares for my own self interests, but rather I commit myself to stand equal to myself as all that is here so I can direct myself to live what is best for all life.

I commit myself to stop all selfishness within myself

I commit myself to facing who I am and what I have created and the consequences thereof, so that I can change myself and correct what I have done as my responsibility to myself and all as me.

I commit myself to make the connection with myself and understand why exactly I do everything that I do so that I can understand the nature of consequence and how it plays out through the resonances

I commit myself to write myself out so that I can see myself, and place myself into perspective and not desire to hide from myself.

I commit myself to allocate the resources I have effectively so that I can support life with what has been given to me.

I commit myself to face the discomfort I feel in my physical body as the indicator as to how and what I need to do to direct myself to assist myself in aligning myself with what is best for all in every breath.

Day 102–Selfishness

 

 

self·ish [sel-fish]

1.devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

 

Selfishness is the lack of caring, or deliberate disregard and reluctance to care for others.  In a word -  Inconsideration.  It is created by ourselves through giving higher value to our individual, personal interests and desires - based on our  interpretation of what is ‘good’ and what is ‘not good’ for ourselves.

 

If we look at our world as a whole, we can easily see that it is completely based in selfishness.  Everyone acting in their own self interest, for personal gain and profit.  Seeking personal experiences so we can ‘feel good’.  What feels good to me MUST be good..???

 

Fascinatingly, our own selfishness is cleverly hidden from ourselves within the belief that deep down… somewhere… we are ‘good’.  This is a very destructive belief.   The reality is – no one is good, we are all collectively existing in selfishness.   The evidence is all around us as the cruelty, war, and destruction of our planet.

 

So in our selfish existence, we seek positive experiences to alleviate our conscious regret and guilt.  We do things like – tell people we love them, or have ‘loved ones’, or give to charity, or work really hard at becoming a ‘better person’, or we (have the audacity to) judge others as selfish… etc etc etc.  All of which only serve to re-enforce the belief that ‘I am a good person’… so that we never have to face the reality of our own selfishness, and, so we can continue seeking positive experiences that we believe will make us happy, yet they never produce lasting happiness, because it is selfishness… in the fear of changing ourselves to become actual caring beings.

 

We are all trained from a very early age to accept selfishness as ‘normal behaviour’.  How could we have possibly allowed this to happen?  Suffice to say it is a combination of self-dishonesty and misunderstanding – yet neither is an acceptable excuse, because neither consequence nor death, accept any excuses.  Death is the consequence of selfishness, and everyone that dies deserves it, through the acceptance and allowance of selfishness.

 

Common sense tells us that we must support ourselves in this reality we have created, so obviously supporting ourselves should not be confused with selfishness.

 

It is odd however that we fear forgiving and changing ourselves, because we are aware that if we commit to changing ourselves, we will have to sacrifice our personal (selfish) desires to do so.  Yet that is the only way to stop becoming selfish, and the reward – though unseen and not understood – is great beyond description.

 

We have to realize that the ‘positive’ or ‘good’ experiences we seek are merely fleeting moments in time that pass away in the blink of an eye.  They are in fact not even real, because they exist in and as selfishness.   What is real, is changing ourselves to become what is best for all, into beings that actually care for all life Equally.   

Day 101–Fear of Myself

 

We don’t live, we exist.  There is a big difference.  There is no reason behind our existence, nor does there require to be one, because a reason would indicate something completely separate from ourselves… And if there is separation, there is conflict, and self abuse, because as long as there is separation, existence cannot be life as what is best for all.

If we lived, each would be self-responsible in every way.  There would be no confusion, no misunderstandings, no secrets, and no conflict or cruelty whatsoever.  Its a simple mathematical equation.  The only point of this current existence is to reveal ourselves to ourselves, so that we can become life. The rest is only a memory to be deleted.

We have never been responsible for life as living what is best for all, so learning to do so is a process. 

A particular point came up in my process where I saw the point of responsibility to myself and I was alright with that, because I could always forgive myself.  But then I began to realize my responsibility to others, and that’s when the fear crept in, because it is at that point I realized that I cannot live for myself anymore, I have to give up everything of myself –  as my personal self-interest - for that which is not yet fully realized. 

I feared that responsibility, as me fearing that I would mess up somehow and others would be let down (as me judging myself and my past inadequacies), and so I feared being seen as an example.  Interestingly, the fear goes deeper than that.  I feared myself becoming something I have never been before – responsible to self as all of existence… and so I feared becoming enslaved to responsibility.  I have to chuckle a little at that because that is my mind placing an idea on what it is to be self-responsible, rather than living it moment to moment.  I am already enslaved to a system which I myself created through my irresponsibility to support all life Equally.  Therefore to fear being enslaved to responsibility is ridiculous because self-responsibility is the only way to free ourselves from the mess we have created.

My mind kept telling me not to participate because I feared I was becoming “self-righteous”.  This mostly coming from my religious training, having seen my share of ‘what I deemed as’ self-righteousness in the church, I had learned to judge people as such, so that I could label it within my mind and play the polar opposite ‘humble and honest’ character which conveniently veiled my own self-dishonesty and allowed me to continue playing the game.  Clever clever.

So, am I fear?… or am I here, with an opportunity to become life?” Will I allow fear to dictate who I am, or who I will become within my existence?”  That would be rather foolish.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-responsibility to all as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself and all because I feared who I am based on my ‘failures’ and ‘inadequacies’ of the past, which caused me to judge and condemn myself in the present as a cycle of enslavement to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, as me fearing that which I have not ever been – as the fear of changing myself and the fear of the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself as all, and so fear self-responsibility through defining it and falsely labeling as ‘self-righteousness’ so that I could feel better about myself and blame others as self righteous while I played the role of being ‘humble and honest’ which only masked my dishonesty towards myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself as all and in so direct myself to become self-responsible to all as myself.

I commit myself forgive my past self-judgements based on my past failures within a system of abuse which only served to show me what I had allowed within myself and my world.

I commit myself to embrace changing in each moment and so embrace the unknown as myself, so that I can learn to embrace myself as all and so move myself towards equalizing myself as all.

I commit myself to realize that defining others as self-righteous is a reflection of how I have judged myself in order that I may remain dishonest with myself, and so seek to escape responsibility to myself as all.

 

And one last point I would like to make.  I always told myself that “I love Equality” as a personal stimulation, or reason why I could participate.  This because I had created the idea that I am someone special because I was able to realize the solution for myself.  Yet this reason is no longer valid as stimulation, actually there requires no stimulation to support Equality, because there is simply no other alternative.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality character as “I love Equality” so that I could have a point of stimulation to energize my character to participate from the starting point of seeing myself as special.   I realize that this is no longer necessary, I am simply here creating myself in what is common sense as best for all.

Day 100 – Learning to Jump

 

 

I remember jumping off the diving board for the first time when I was young.  Someone wanted me to do it and actually tried dragging me, but I yelled and fought… I would not do it because someone wanted me to do it, that only increased the fear and anxiety.  So, when no one was looking or paying attention, I gathered the courage to walk over to the diving board myself, and jumped.   After which I came up from the water to a chorus of cheers.

In that jump, I had to carefully consider exactly where I would land, and what I would do when I was in the water.  To me at the time, I was risking my life – I was afraid of drowning, after all, the experience was unknown to me.  So I had to conquer my fear by trusting myself – my physical body, and trusting my ability to use common sense. 

It is similar to process, except process is learning to face the fears and jump in every moment.  As strange as it sounds, my primary fear is of becoming enslaved (even though Equality is the opposite of enslavement) and having nothing to do but work for Equality with no foreseeable reward in this lifetime.  Here is where self trust is tested. 

There is the fear of losing my personal comforts.  The fear of losing my personal desire to take revenge on existence, because I want to blame everyone for allowing me to become who I am, and as I see who i have become, it is clear that this is not cool, to put it very mildly.  

All the dreams and hopes I had for life when I was a child turned out to be nothing but a fantasy and an illusion.  I completely missed the point of life, myself. 

Now I face the bitter consequence.  And to add insult to injury, everyone acts like we should ‘just be happy’ in our miserable, selfishness…  content in our prison cells.

When will I learn to jump.  When will I forgive myself and realize that there is nothing in this world to be truly happy about.  I wonder what it is like to be rid of all my fears and anxiety, and to live for real.

Day 99 – Equality Means Sharing

 

Life is to be shared.  There is nothing more enjoyable than sharing.  So why do we support a system of competition that actually punishes us for sharing?  What if everything was shared, in essence free?  We would actually have nothing left to share but ourselves.  Everyone would have everything, rather than a few having more than enough, and half the world in poverty.  

 

The money system rewards selfishness and greed, to the extent that we are so afraid of the system we created, we feel compelled to bully and backstab each other to ensure our survival.  This leads to thoughts like “If I get more (money, value, respect) for myself, I will be more happy”…this is the trap, and it is the opposite to real enjoyment – sharing.  

 

We value ourselves by how much stuff we own.  Sure we share a little bit, with those we ‘trust’, yet that is simply done to boost our ego’s and pacify our feelings of guilt, because we know deep down that we have been selfish.  Why do we want to be “looked up to” by others, or to be seen as “special” or “important”, or “valuable”... better than others… as if we desire to be better than life itself? 

 

Equality means Sharing, and the Equal Money System will ensure that everyone has the opportunity to share, in what life has shared with us freely. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and who I really am as a physical being, and in so, choose to play the role as a character that would grant me higher standing within the system, so that others would look up to me as being more valuable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a system where sharing is punished, and selfishness is rewarded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself and suppress myself in fear of myself and fear of being judged by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being honest with myself in fear of what others might think of me.

 

I commit myself to supporting a system that supports sharing, to not accept and allow a system that rewards selfishness

I commit myself stand for Equality of life for all, so that everyone can have equal opportunity to share

I commit myself to walk the process of self-forgiveness until all realize that sharing is the only way to exist

Day 98–Selfishness and Resentment

 

So after a long break, here is my humble return to blogging.  Now seems like the time to give an explanation as to why I have not blogged in a while.  This not to give an excuse, but merely to provide some insight into my experiences over the past 2 months.   Firstly, as petty as it sounds, I started playing starcraft as the pacifier to shield myself from myself and my responsibilities.  From doing that, it was an easy glide into fear of starting to blog again, as the fear of the judgement of others.  From that point there comes the self-judgements and further reluctance to write myself out, it was so much easier to just play the game it seemed. 

 

I came to a number of points within myself, such as frustration with how work was going, along with the pessimistic projections that inevitably serve to complicate matters even worse.  Some projections were based on my fear of the past repeating itself as the pattern I have observed over the last few years.  Compounding that factor, came resentment and blame for the choices I made (based on my lack of understanding of the system, other people, and myself) as well as the many opportunities I passed up and much squandered potential.  Those feelings easily turn to self-sabotage and neglect, as me wanting to punish myself for not being ‘wise’ enough to have seen how things would turn out.    Interesting that I did not take into account the fact that many of the choices I did make actually assisted me to be honest with myself and ultimately have to opportunity to realize Equality, for which I am forever grateful to myself.

 

2 months is obviously a lot to put into one blog, nonetheless, my experience can be summed up in a few words.  Selfishness and resentment.

 

Selfishness - as doing what I want to do, rather than taking responsibility to do what I am able to do to support Equality of Life, regardless of how my mind tells me “its not having any effect”.

 

Resentment - in the form of reversely polarized desire, as the desire to blame myself and punish myself so that I can leech some energy out of the feelings of self-pity, this compounded by my fear that I am losing chances to experience what remnants of my '”life” that is here.  So, in a nutshell, I am upset with myself because I feel my life sucks.  I naively (and repeatedly) placed my trust in the wrong people and places many times in my life – yet although that did assist me in showing me the error of my ways, trusting myself has become a challenge.  Resentment can be summed up in the denial to forgive oneself and move, yet there is fear at work there as well, as the fear of myself, and what it really means to take responsibility for myself and all. 

 

So here is yet another humble attempt to establish self trust within myself. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself and all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to the extent that I wanted to punish myself in the desire to experience the feeling of self-pity as the desire to blame others for what I have accepted and allowed in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others, and in so, resent myself and pity myself and place blame on myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear future projected outcomes of my mind rather than accepting myself here and taking responsibility for who and what I have allowed myself to become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character image in my mind of who I could have been, and in so, allow that image to cause me to go into guilt, shame, regret and resentment for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself, and so allow that feeling of shame dictate to me what I should do and how I should behave towards myself and others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the opportunity to forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in spite of myself, desire to punish myself so that I can feel better about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to punish myself so that I can gain momentum and self will within myself to boost myself into taking responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be selfish, not allowing myself to realize that life is for giving, and if it is not given, then it is not life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone else will save me from myself.  I am the key to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become pessimistic when ‘the chips are down’, at which point I realize that is a supportive test for myself

 

I commit myself to stick to my commitment to myself, to be self honest with myself and to establish self trust within myself in supporting Equality of all Life

I commit myself to realize that the fear of judgement of others is merely a projection of my mind, as me fearing to express myself and take a stand for myself as an Equal

I commit myself to align all my desires to serve only that which is best for all in all ways

I commit myself to replace blame with self-responsibility

I commit myself to realize that self-responsibility is the key to actual self-enjoyment as standing equal to life as all

I commit myself to stop all future projections as they only serve the interest of the mind as inducing fears so that my mind will have an excuse to not have to take responsibility for myself here

I commit myself to encourage and enjoy myself rather than punish myself as I see that punishment only leads to negativity and self sabotage

I commit myself to myself rather than to the comparison with others as that does not serve the interest of anyone

I commit myself to establish self trust within myself so that I may prove to myself that I am trust worthy

I commit myself to forgive myself for my past missed opportunities as I realize that my past assisted me to realize myself here, and here is what I have to work with.