I had a dream where I was sitting on a hospital bed in hospital robes, half my body exposed. I was posing in a sitting position, with my torso crossed over to one side, and there were women watching me.
Reflecting on this dream, I realize that I have sub-consciously desired for others to be attracted to me so that I could get attention, feel good about myself and be desired by others. I have created an egotistical projection of myself within defining myself as ‘attractive’ and/or ‘unattractive’ to others.
I see how this very subtle belief system plays out within my experience of myself, and how my mind uses this system to goad me into self-pity - through suggesting that I ‘should/should not have’ female partners and/or admirers. My mind also uses this system to get me to pity others so I can feel good/bad/better about myself within how I have judged my physical appearance. I realize that this plays in to the beauty system where I have secretly judged myself and others within ‘attractive and ‘unattractive’ polarized ideas I have created, and allowed to be created within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself based on the projected idea that ‘I should have admirers’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play a character within comparing myself to others rather than seeing, realizing and understanding how the beauty system is destructive belief which separates me from myself through programmed ideas and desires which are not in the interest of all, but self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly desire to be desired by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others within a false beauty belief system, as beauty is not real, it only exists as a programmed belief system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through judging myself and others within the beauty/ugly, attractive/unattractive polarized belief systems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project selfish ideas onto my world and reality where I play into the belief system of ‘I should have this and that’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the beliefs, ideas and opinions which are judgments of the physical, as me judging and condemning myself through appearances
I commit myself to stop participating in the beauty/ugly polarity game which facilitates delusion, judges the physical reality and therefore does not assist or support equality of all life.
I commit myself to catch myself when I find I am participating/playing a character within the beauty belief system. When and as I see myself playing a beauty/ugly character or judgement within this system, I stop and clear my starting point to here through breathing so that I can see myself and change myself support all equally without judgement, to live what is best for all
I commit myself to change my desires for attention from others to the single desire of becoming a living example of what is best for all through self forgiveness, breathing every breath as myself and writing myself out.