7yr Journey to Life Day 52 - Excluded

 I was just out for a bike ride and stopped by a baseball diamond, where there were people playing softball.   I wanted to play, but I did not ask anyone because I did not want to 'impose' on everyone and disrupt the game, or the score.  Everyone saw me sitting there watching, yet neither did anyone ask me to play.  It's so easy to just say 'ah whatever' and forget about it - as humans always do.  Yet here is a small, yet clear example highlighting the collective negligence and spitefulness in our world.  I realize I did not take responsibility to express myself, yet that is not the point I care to share here.  The point is what is the source of the COLLECTIVE failure?

Why is our reality so Exclusive? - to the extent that we disregard ourselves and others, and in so allow suppression/exclusion to exist?  Clearly we all share this experience in our world, and ALL are able to participate, so why are we not ALL-Inclusive?  The answer is simply, because our reality is a FEAR based SYSTEM - pre-programmed through KNOWLEDGE, with the resulting consequence of self-denial.

Welcome to the wonderful world of 'fuck you buddy!'... lets everyone just PRETEND we are not fully aware, and that life does not care.  Humans are Artisans of pretentiousness.  We physically see eachother and the exclusivity, yet not only do we blatantly deny it, we then go on to actually DEFEND it!!...  As if we are actually afraid of losing our pretend - and sickening - reality!!  To take it even further what really amazes me is that people actually think they can get away with it... As if life would never call us to account.  People actually live by the core morality of "No one else is admitting it, I don't have to either!" Complete bullshit, and irresponsibility to life.

This example is merely a fractal of the greater picture, where exclusivity is taken to the extreme, causing massive abuse and torment beyond comprehension.  

Within the realization of Equality - as what is best for all - full payment for our shockingly outstanding and overdue debt to Life is suddenly upon us.  And to those that outright deny Equality, even when directly presented with its cold, hard truth - will find themselves excluded through their own devices, as they deny themselves life, because Equality is the only road to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a pretentious reality where exclusivity is accepted and allowed as the norm wherein we humans do not seek to solve the problem, but bury it within suppression and self-denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Life will not call me to account for my self dishonesty in how I have denied myself and others within living a lie of exclusivity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system which is based in fear as knowledge and information where fear is permitted to exist within the false belief that this is just the way it is and nothing can be done about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend that this 'fuck you buddy' reality is acceptable in any way, and use that justification to live in self-interest rather than change myself for the good of all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend a sickening world system because I fear losing my pretentiousness and changing myself into a being that honors life - as opposed to self denial where extreme consequence takes place through me making false excuses and justifications.

I commit myself to change myself to align myself with that which is best for all so that I can change my world and reality through being self honest with myself first.

I commit myself to face the actual physical reality and stop the ego/mind reality so that all can be physically manifested and exposed so that no point goes without notice

I commit myself to create a world that is all inclusive and nothing is excluded in false mind beliefs and fears.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 51 - Words Change Time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my self-forgiveness statements as not standing Equal to and One with my words, where I have written out words of self-forgiveness, and yet not followed through with the full corrective application in changing myself to align myself with my words as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my words as less than me - through not living true to my words as who I am in each moment - as directing myself as the physical in standing for life, without compromise, or going into my mind of thoughts as desires for experiences of the past where experiences 'felt good'.  I realize this desire to go back into the past is in separation of myself here, and what is necessary to be done for me to stand as life in self-responsibility to all in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must discipline myself - because my programmed mind and the information stored within my physical body will still want to take the easiest road as following the path of cycles of the past so I can operate on autopilot as being dragged through life by my mind of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibilities to myself and my group where I have not given my best in each and every moment, through allowing myself to be subject to discouragement - as fear of not having any encouragement in the polarity system as needing an external stimulus in order to conduct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being here and directing my movements, my breath and my words as me, constantly making excuses in my mind because my mind wants control of me because my mind fears its own death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my time as effectively as possible.  I realize at times when my mind takes over - as autopilot - I have accepted it and allowed it to continue unchecked, assuming that everything is fine, yet if this happens, it is evidence that I am not fully directing myself in every moment and I am allowing myself to be mind controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project ideas of my financial situation into the future and so allow my mind to use that as a tool against me to sabotage me into believing that my situation is much worse than it is. I realize that if I move myself here in each moment as doing what is best for all, then I will be able to support myself as always doing what is necessary to be done in any given situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction to my minds future projection of the possibilities of what could happen, and in so allow it to impose feelings of discouragement on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change, in any construct that I have created.  ALL mind/personality manifestations can be stopped with the tools of self-forgiveness, breathing, and corrective application.   I realize I do not have to fear stopping patterns, or fear letting go of patterns because I am still here in each moment and I am doing what is best for me as best for all. And best of all I am birthing myself as life by walking myself to nothingness to undo all of the spitefulness that I have accepted and allowed within my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reactions of others if I talk slowly, and or directly, with care for my words, correcting myself if necessary and speaking self forgiveness.  I realize that me fearing what others will think of me creates anger and indignation within me through suppression of self and conformity to a system of false beliefs.

I commit myself to stand equal to my words, to slow myself down and stand boldly in the face of fear so I can express myself without concern for what others think.  In so, I am allowing myself to express myself as true to myself, as standing Equal to my words so that I can by example, change my world and reality.

I commit myself to integrate all that is not physical within me, all that is not Equal and One with my physical body.  I will do this through deconstructing the mind and thoughts, feelings, emotions and DESIRES and transmuting them into physicality, as what is tangible, able to be seen by all, and thus trustworthy

I commit myself to self-realization in each moment, despite what fears may come up, I deal with them without judgment upon myself, I stand for life no matter what events or experiences occur.

I commit myself to use my time effectively in moving myself and directing each movement so all aligns with the principle of what is best for all - so there need be no feelings of guilt or remorse, as everything I do supports life as best as I am able.

Day 50 - Lust Ignorance and Greed

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the simple fact that money is false valuation based in greed, and that I am responsible for supporting and creating the current money system as consumerism and greed.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I do not take a stand to change the current money system, I am continuing to support it, and therefore I am accepting myself as being subject to, controlled by, and consumed with greed, making me the complete manifestation of greed and thus a willing abuser of life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the entire universe is aware - as myself here, and that I cannot cheat the universe as myself through excuses and justifications and blaming others. I realize that this is me trying to cheat and escape myself - because I fear taking responsibility, and fear facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as greed.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and understand that by me not standing for life as what is best for all, I am making the conscious decision to deny myself here, and  I am endorsing all the lies, cruelty, torture, and horrors of this world through renunciation of self-responsibility - thus denying my very existence for fear of facing who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to comprehend the extent of the suffering that is occurring in my world and reality - this due to me not taking responsibility to support the clear and obvious solution that would bring an end all unnecessary suffering - Equal Money For All. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own selfish desires ABOVE that which is best for all - and in so abdicated my responsibility to do what is necessary to be done to stop the abuse and destruction of life on my planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander opportunities for myself to investigate and understand the true nature of my world and reality - and WHY the world is the way it is - and HOW I am contributing to a system of enslavement.  I realize that it is deliberate ignorance, in trying to appease my own infinite selfish desires as addictions to energy, and fear of losing my personality and what I 'think' is my life - as relationships based in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the inevitability of death, and that I must face myself and how I have chosen to live my life when my physical body dies.  In that, if I continue to live based solely on my 'personality', I am intentionally disregarding my responsibility to stand for and support all life and the simple solution to a self-destructive world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to challenge myself to move myself and expand my understanding of myself through investigating the nature of my reality and the reason why we live in a world full of spiteful behavior and wars of all kinds - from military conflict, to marital conflict, to sibling rivalry, to the war in my head as my secret mind that I believe no one knows about but myself - yet it is all manifested as the consequences we are currently living out.

I commit myself to change myself so that I am no longer directed and controlled by greed - but change that into a life of giving and forgiving myself so that I can change my world and bring about Equality as me being equal to my world and reality in every way so life can be honored, rather than money.

I commit myself to challenge myself to see when, how, what and why I am not being real and honest with myself. In that I understand that living a lie is of NO BENEFIT in any way to myself, nor the rest of the world as me.

I commit myself to push myself to investigate the true nature of my existence and why I exist the way I do, and to see that there is a practical and inevitable solution to all the problems we collectively face in our world and reality - by standing as Equals and supporting all life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to move myself constantly and consistently to bring awareness to myself and my world through working to expose and deconstruct the harmful nature of secret mind/ego participation as lust for power and control over the physical reality - which is foolish because I am seeking to have power over myself - as mind over matter - yet this is the deception that breeds fear in me, as fear of taking responsibility and standing to support all life as Equality.

I commit myself to realize how I can change myself to assist and support all life, in becoming effective and aligning myself with the principle of what is best for all through the desteni-I-process course.

Day 49 - Organization, Prioritization and Motivation

One point in particular that I allowed myself to get discouraged lately was where I am trying to a certain form of abstract artwork over the past year.  I have spent many many hours trying to get it but I am not getting the desired effect.  It is very challenging to see something that you would like to do, but it is not turning out the way I would like whatsoever.

So I am stuck in the situation, because I am committed to keep trying to get it.  I suppose I should stop judging the outcome and just keep working at it until either I realize that it is not going to happen or I create something I'm happy with.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get discouraged with myself through judging what I have been attempting to do.  In this judgement, I am not realizing that what I am attempting to do takes some development and learning, and that I am in the learning phase of this process.  Therefore I stop all self-judgement and apply myself practically to see how I can assist myself to achieve my goal - or perhaps alter my goal accordingly. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - through the discouragement system - disregard my responsibility to myself, to see the bigger picture in the long run, so that what I do today creates the world I want to live in tomorrow.

Through this, I see that when I accept and allow myself to participate in my mind without pushing my resistances, but rather 'putting things off', I am accepting and allowing the current consequences of what is here - as hell on earth - to direct my situation rather than me changing myself and directing and supporting myself to have an impact on this world.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap myself in a state of mind where I feel that I am unable to work in doing practical things because 'I don't feel like it right now' or 'I can do that later'.  I realize that I have to change myself to become effective in doing things immediately when I have responsibilities.  If I do not do them, there must be a resistance stopping me from doing them so I have to write out the points and apply self-forgiveness for them. Again I am writing the procrastination system.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack off within doing my work.  I realize that I have to work, and I do enjoy working, yet there is resistance to working at times.  I realize that I have to push through the resistances to working.  In this I am seeing a pattern of myself not being effective enough with my work, where situations are arising which are causing me to have to do much more work than is necessary and for less money.  I also realize that if I push this point/resistance effectively I will alleviate a lot of stress and anxiety from my life.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by resistances to working at my computer.  I realize that I need to organize and prioritize my life so I can become more effective in getting things done that need to be done so I will not have stress and anxiety in the future - because I have not taken responsibility in the present.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame rich people and the world in anger and frustration for what I have myself created for myself as my current situation.  I realize that what is here is my responsibility and therefore this is what I have to work with.

I commit myself to pay attention to myself as to pushing resistances and getting things done that need to be done through organizing myself and prioritizing things in my life.

I commit myself to - when a system of discouragement arises within me - to stop, breathe and WRITE OUT what is going on within myself so I can see myself from a different perspective and stop the cause that is causing the negative/self-sabotaging effect in my life.

I commit myself to maintain an up to date and easy to reference prioritization of things that need to be done

I commit myself to staying organized and staying on top of issues so I can become effective in my world.

I commit myself to motivate myself through self-encouragement by doing work that I will be happy with in the future with things such as blogging and vlogging so that I am contributing in making an effort to change my world to a world that will support life as Equality and an Equal Money System.

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical

Day 47 - Confidence, potential and opportunity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for no reason when I find myself around others whom - within the system - would be defined as 'of a higher class' or 'of higher intellect/status'.  I realize that this guilty feeling is based on my past identity of myself where I had for so long thought of myself as less then others, not standing equal to other physical beings in my life because I thought and believed that I was somehow 'less than' because I was aware of the abusive nature of our reality.  I realize that in me not wanting/understanding how to change myself to align myself with what is best for all, I abdicated myself through a belief system of 'making myself less than others' within the belief that I would not have to take responsibility for myself and my world as standing as an Equal in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself in playing the role of a humble person in that I do not stand up to direct a situation because I am still clinging to a personality role as opposed to moving and directing myself in ways that would support all as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within limiting my awareness as being fully present in the moment, and so not realizing and so passing up amazing opportunities to share insight and understanding of Equality and how others can support themselves in stopping the mind of enslavement to thoughts/feelings and emotions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reactions and judgements of others if I should express a point in directing myself to carefully share a realization that would assist others to see how they can transcend a mind pattern.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit potential through placing others inside a defined box of how I believe they will react in a given situation.  I realize that those who directly or indirectly act or speak within mocking, spiteful, or abusive words or behavior, have no chance of self-realization.  Therefore I do not participate with such people unless I have no other choice in the matter. If that be the case, then I direct myself firmly and bluntly, without allowing myself to participate in any form of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchat where I allowed myself to perceive and think of a woman as 'beautiful' - when I know full well that there is no such thing as beauty, and it is nowhere to be found in the entire universe. Beauty is deception because it exists within the polarity of Beauty/Ugliness and all polarity is based on personal opinion which is personality/ego based and is of the mind of thoughts and energy.

I commit myself to establish confidence within myself in every situation, allways prepared to stand accountable for every moment and every situation that arises so that I can direct it in full awareness of myself as Equal to all.

I commit myself to act within the certainty of what is necessary to be done, and therefore I can direct myself appropriately in being specific and focused on supporting life.

I commit myself to test myself and face resistances as a challenge to myself as challenging my beliefs and perceptions so that I may transcend all limitation and belief systems, and walk myself to nothingness with discipline and absolute self-will

I commit myself to face all fears directly and immediately upon realization so that I may no longer be subject to and enslaved within fears, as fear has no part in life.

Day 46 - Before Its Too Late

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by money, where my feelings are determined by the number in my bank account.  I realize we live in a system that is not Equal or fair in any way, but destructive in nature and that it came to be through my acceptances and allowances.  Therefore there is no choice in the matter, I must stand up for life and change myself so that I can change the system to stop the abuse of life and create a new system that supports life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think only of myself, where I lived in the belief that the rest of the world was not my responsibility and the belief that I did not create this mess, when in fact I did create this mess through my acceptances and allowances and participating in a system based on greed and self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blame others such as politicians, stock market traders, bankers and those that attain money easily through leverage tactics and deliberate harm such as drug dealers and criminal activities groups.  I realize that I am no better than any of these people because I myself allowed the system to function through my direct participation, and therefore I am equally guilty for the demise of life as anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system which tolerates abuse of life in infinite ways through the promotion of capitalism, consumerism, war, slavery and all types of cruelty and disregard for life.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system based on fear where three quarters of the world are struggling to survive because money and resources to make money is extremely difficult if not impossible to attain. I realize that this type of capitalistic system promotes fear as the primary driving force for life and thus many are so driven by fear they will stop at nothing to obtain money, even killing and torturing other human beings and animals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the deliberate murder of those who are unfortunately are out of the loop, unable to attain resources that are necessary to survive such as medicine, health care, food, water and shelter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where people are so fearful that it is necessary to have a police force, military, and weapons that can destroy the whole planet. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that breeds clones that mimic eachother out of fear of facing themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where parents punish their children into submission and submit them to an education system that programs them to be good slaves to the system rather than allowing them to express themselves as life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system of religion where people are so fearful of an imaginary god that they don't even realize they are funneling money into the system which perpetuates false beliefs and false people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where money is given more value than Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where profit and greed are promoted through the media in a propaganda war against Life to keep the masses blind to the fact that they are living in a system of enslavement, functioning as organic robot slaves to money, profit and greed.

I commit myself to stand for life in appling myself in self-honesty to stop the mind system of consciosness that is conning all of humanity into self-delusion and self-destruction.

I commit myself to expose all the abusive ways the system is being sustained through selfishness and inconsideration for everyone as a whole.

I commit myself to realize and see and understand what is really going on in my world and reality so that I can do what is necessary to be done, as standing with the group that stands for what is best for all.

I commit myself to align myself with the physical in stopping participation in the mind as that which is based on energy and pictures/thoughts/feelings/emotions/perceptions/beliefs/ideas and opinions which do not support life.