Day 362

Jan 31

My apologies for the absence.  What I really wish for in my life is for myself to stand as, and in support of Equality as Life. I am creating myself within a role of responsibility to myself and others in a way in which I can be Confident and Considerate within Awareness. This way I can move forward in the way I see as Best for All, including myself.

I realize I am not special within this, as such is foundational within Equality, though I have participated within inferiority/superiority polarities in times past. Having said that, there are a number of reasons why I may come off in an offensive manner. Understandably, there are still points I require to walk in my process which have yet to be corrected and are in part due to past programming.

I can be outspoken and frank, in direct contradiction to conventional norms of the system. I can at times have a tendency to be overly zealous to a point of over-correction, not giving enough forethought to my actions. I have in the past desired to help others, and I understand how that can have an adverse effect, in that I realize each person must stand up for themselves, by themselves. 

Through this, I realize that I must expand my awareness to consider what direction is best given a broader perspective. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect everyone from myself as the projection of my worst case scenarios. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relationships based on past relationships. I see this as a point of me irrationally fearing facing points within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as naive or less than in that I suspected there was a point which I did not see which everyone else was aware of. I realize that this is a point of self trust which I must walk, and as such, I must trust myself that through self honesty I will be able to see what is necessary to be addressed, and that others will support me to see the actuality and what is necessary to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when they are attempting to assist me to see points which need to be addressed. I realize that this stems from childhood programming where I would fear being reprimanded etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to get back at others indirectly through punishing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough through the assumption that I must have missed something through my own fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally and jump to the conclusion that I am to blame, I was the one who was wrong and at fault. I realize that it is simply a matter of me learning to take responsibility for myself, and within that I must not blame or condemn myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the situation was unable to be resolved, which is a point of me being narrow minded and not allowing myself to investigate my options.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear (as assumptions and jumping to conclusions) that I was being too pushy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to fight or flight reactionary syndrome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict and thus seek to avoid conflict rather than addressing the situation directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as quirky, weird, or strange and thus creating an excuse and justification for rejecting myself as not able to fit in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my projected results as my life situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would corrupt others as there are still points which I require to walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the irrational fear that I am creating more problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection. I realize the solution is self acceptance and moving myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the inferiority/superiority construct