Day 333

Friday Dec 30

Feels like one of those days... Fell asleep in chair, then went to X and played some darts. Got some groceries. Made a self support video. One point that came out regarding my uncertainty is me developing self trust, and learning that when I receive constructive criticism, it is support to enable me to grow and develop a closer, deeper, more direct, and more profound relationship with Life. I have been programmed to run and hide when I feel that I have failed to consider something, or when someone tells me that I am being selfish. What I must do is quickly align myself, check my starting point, and make the correction in line with my commitment to myself to honor Life. Do this until no one is able to knock me off of my starting point, as self honesty and developing self trust in the realization that self forgiveness is always here - so I must be ready to use it immediately without allowing myself to go into stagnation, regret, shame, fear, hiding, and suppression etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into endless uncertainty within myself for fear of failure and letting others down. I realize that there is no point in this, and it does not solve the problem, thus I must check my starting point and correct myself asap so that I may continue establishing self honesty, self trust, self expression and thus growing, expanding, and developing my relationship with Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear constructive criticism. I realize it is a point of support that assists me to grow in my relationship to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that criticism is destructive, invalid and coming from a point of jealousy. I realize that I must be very careful with assumptions and not trust ideas that cannot be cross referenced in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to replay the old patterns of fear of making the same mistakes as I made in the past, and thus fear that I will repeat the same patterns. This indicates that I have not developed self trust from the starting point of my commitment as me here honoring Life - not condemned by past mistakes, failures, and programmed beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moving myself as the fear of judgments of myself and others. I realize that this fear is unsubstantial and has no basis in reality, thus it is not a valid reason to allow myself to stagnate.

I commit myself to moving myself forward in my relationship with Life and my commitment to honor Life.