Day 346

Jan 12

Part 3

Creating myself as Naive in order to try and avoid the trap of ego, yet that did not turn out the way I intended it would.

Seeing myself from the perspective of others in order to See Self Worth. Its okay to be proud of oneself in understanding one has corrected ones past mistakes in order to restore ones honor within oneself.

Purge

Part 2

I am aware of my many haters... something that ought to have no bearing on my determination to stand for Life, if anything make me more steadfast and consistent.

You have ONE job in this life.

What if I were to sell my house now. Is it time to move on somewhere new? I feel that I would miss this house and all the amenities of the urban living, however who can know what adventures may await. Don't adventures ever have an end - B.B.?

Part 1

Issues Responsibilities and Consequences Relating and/or Contributing to Dimensions of Abandonment

Abandonment issues more prevalent, source of many problems. How to deal with it? What is the solution(s)?

Low Self Worth

- Solution - Create Self Worth through expanding Awareness and understanding self honesty, self trust, self expression.

Fear of making the wrong choice(s) and letting others down

- Solution -

Irrational fear. Projection. Unacceptable. Be decisive, considerate, within the realization that as long as I am being responsible to myself here, I will be able to correct any errant decisions

Fear that I am evil at source

- Solution -

I am aware that this is a falsity, as I have traced back my starting point many times, and I trust myself in my awareness of the course we have walked to get to this point. Evil is simply a polarity of Good, thus Good and Evil maintain each others existence, and cannot exist without one another.

Feel a Responsibility to be something which I am not exactly certain what

- Solution -

Create myself in defiance of the fear of the unknown. Push myself to Birth myself in the physical.

Frustration

- Solution -

When and as I feel myself getting frustrated, I stop myself and bring myself back to breath with the awareness that I have committed myself to freeing myself from enslavement to energy, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Frustration - if it is to be real- must be created in the moment. Self directed.

Self Conscious

- Solution -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Self Conscious, as worried about what others will think of me, thus allowing that Worry to direct and control me into ways which do not create what is Best for All. When and as I see myself worrying what others think of me, I stop and bring myself back here to breath so that I may let go of the worry as thoughts, and start creating myself as Life.

Don't seem to fit in

- Solution -

Create myself within the understanding that I have just as much right to exist as others. Equal Rights.

Unable to find my 'groove'/Self Expression (past fears)

- Solution -

Practice, apply, projects, goals. Djembe group. Dancing. Yoga.

Envy goes hand in hand with Lust

- Solution -

Realize the many gifts and experiences I have been given. Don't focus on Regrets, rather on who I am here, and what opportunities I can create for myself and others.

Inner Anger

- Solution -

Awareness of Extensive Suppression

- Solution -

Fear of Boredom

- Solution -

Fear of Failure

- Solution -

Dissonance

- Solution -

Spent my entire life escaping/abdicating/separating myself into enchanting mental fantasies

- Solution -

Regrets

- Solution -

Flag Regrets to change past memories. Don't allow Regret to fuel Ego and Self Sabotage. Ex. Xgf and I having sex near the street... change to sitting down and talking, clearing up communication so that we can understand one another, and how we can create ourselves as Life.

Self judgment

- Solution -

Purge all impurities of thought, word, and deed. Purge past memories. Purge perceptions. Purge beliefs. Purge ideas. Purge moralities. Purge all sin. Purge fears. Purge injustices. Purge trepidation. Purge hesitation.

Self sabotage

- Solution -

Assist and Support self to stand for Life. Bring self back here to breath. Physical Self Directed Movement as Breath.

Self punishment

- Solution -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself based on how my parents were programmed to believe punishment was the proper course of action. I realize that it was necessary for me to learn that there was a problem with reality, and the necessity to correct myself

Weight of the world

- Solution -

The only weight should be my own physical, and the consequences I create for myself as assisting and supporting me to become Life. Work ethic is one determining factor is effectiveness of process.

Paralysis

- Solution -

Stagnation

- Solution -

Unable to move forward

- Solution -

Pessimism

- Solution -

Vocational Ineffectiveness

- Solution -

Financial Circumstance (debt)

- Solution -

Naivety

- Solution -

Extensive Religious Programming

- Solution -

Traumatic past Relationship experiences

- Solution -

Betrayal

- Solution -

Humiliation

- Solution -

Isolation

- Solution -

Addictions Past, Present, Future

- Solution -

Coping mechanisms

- Solution -

Health Issues past, present, future

- Solution -

Frequent Glucose Intolerance Headaches

- Solution -

Weakness

- Solution -

Lack of Energy

- Solution -

Throat problems

- Solution -

Diet

- Solution -

CO poisoning

- Solution -

Zodiac Personality Constructs

- Solution -

Physical Design

- Solution -

Solutions

Acting out or pretending as Practice. The practice of Being real is to deliberately Pretend. Initiate. Act.

Upset inside. Uncomfortable. Uneasy.