Day 97 - Favoritism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I must have Favorites so that I can Compete for the Attention of others in the Desire to be appreciated and Cared for - Not realizing that this Desire is actually Fear of Not being Accepted as who I am, and so within Acting on this Fear of Myself, I have Forsaken my True Self for an Imagined Favorite Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that having Favorites makes me Unique and Special.  I realize Life does not require Favorites to be Life, and that all Ideas, Opinions, Personalities, Tastes and Preferences that do not serve the Best Interest of ALL are based on Fear of Myself, and as such can only harbor Greed, Selfishness, Self-Deception and Death. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live a Lie - using "I have Favorites" as an Excuse to Justify my Selfish Desires as my Lust for Special Attention as a Personality/Character in Spite of others and in Fear of Facing myself as who I really am - as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I can abuse Favors in obvious and subtle ways to get My Way for Myself, as you scratch my back... or kiss my ass, and I will return the Favor - Using the Excuse that 'Everyone else does it', therefore I will be able to escape Consequence, knowing with absolute certainty that I cannot possibly escape myself, or the Consequences I have created for Myself, and Others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify the use of Favors as being Good and Kind and Positive, not taking into Account the Deceptive Nature of Favoritism, as Irresponsible and in Spite of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Trust in the Favor of a 'Higher Power' as the Justification for my abuse of Favor.  I realize that any Hierarchical Structure is nothing but a Trap of Absolute Enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the current Money System as Capitalism is the Manifestation of the Abuse of Life through accepted and allowed Separation through Favoritism.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to See and Understand that Parents are the Progenitors of Favoritism through Favoring their offspring, in whom they Indoctrinate Lies, Fears and Suppression of Life through the blasphemy of Love.

I commit myself to Realize that if everyone was Equally Favored, there would be no need of Favor, or of God, or of Love, as All would be Equal to Life, and therefore All would be Free from All Enslavement, from All Fear, and from All Limitation.

I commit myself to Understand the difference between Living Common Sense as what is Best for All and Spiteful Favoritism.

I commit myself to Forsake False Characters as Personalities and so stop the Fear of Myself, so that I can Stand Equal to All and to Life

I commit myself to Expose how Favoritism is Fear in Contempt of Life

I commit myself to Show how we have accepted and allowed Imaginary Characters to Dictate a Hierarchical System of Abuse, and in so we have in Absolute Arrogance Dared to call this Life.

I commit myself to Expose that Favor is the Delusion of Free Choice, where we Think and Believe the Lie that it is OK to Selfishly Choose whatever Flavor of Character we Desire - because A-Parent-ly that is what we 'Like' - without ever considering the Starting point which creates the Destructive Patterns of Lust for Sweet Flavor Despite CONsequence.

I commit myself to Realize that it is through Favoritism that Enemies and Wars are Created, and that an Equal Money System would release us from the Bonds of Favoritism so that Heaven on Earth could be created for Real in the Physical.

Day 96 - Dream Reflection

Dream

I was on a couch beside a TV (not watching it) 'Person A' was sitting on a chair... I Asked Person A a question regarding breathing, Person A understood and interpreted my question as me wanting to be a portal - Person A appeared to grow increasingly attractive with a growing smile as if to convey a sense of certainty and urgency. I focused intently at her right eye (which appeared as a greenish color) in attempt to understand the message she was conveying. She informed me that "111 portals are needed to solve/save myself - we are currently at 14". There was a slight fear that came up with that knowledge. I was slightly disappointed with myself, and slightly jealous that I was not yet able to leave my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as pride as the desire to leave my body, existing within the desire to 'save myself' and 'save the world' and 'do good' when what I am actually doing is seeking to escape myself and the work that I need to do on myself here, as deleting my memories, stopping energy addictions, and directing my breath. I realize this desire is actually a fear of facing myself and changing myself to take responsibility and live within and as my physical body as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be disappointed with myself within my process where I have created a fear of who I am, as not being able to take full responsibility for who I am and what I have created myself as - as existing within the mind of Pride/Ego/Vanity and Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the beauty system where I define myself and others as beautiful or ugly. I realize that desiring beauty is existing in and as fear of myself where I am seeking a positive energy experience and so seeking to avoid the negative energy experience. I realize that hiding from ugliness is defining myself in polarity based on personal opinion and thus denying myself as who I am here as the physical. All must be taken into consideration Equally as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desiring to have more knowledge of life, as if knowledge of Life would save me from myself, when knowledge is not Life. I realize this is a manifestation of the Fear of not being able to become Life myself - this rather than apply myself and push myself to realize myself in each moment HERE, through breathing and deleting memories as they come up with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have enough value - as a statistic based on knowledge - to be Life. I realize that this is a false perception within my mind which keeps me in an imaginary character of myself as the mind, which is preventing me from realizing myself and becoming the directive principle of myself as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the act of Smiling as a stimulation and in so created the simulation of life which can only function through the stimulus of mind/energy as polarity - rather than actually living as Self-directed Equals in common sense.

I commit myself to face myself as the dimensions of myself which I have created in trying to escape myself in order that I may align myself with Equality as what is best for all through stopping my mind as memories and desires/fears.

I commit myself to walk myself out of the dimensions I have created for myself so that I can live as a physical being here in applying myself to realize myself here as an Equal in every way.

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to pass through 'the eye of the needle', I must take full responsibility for who I am and all that I have created and all that I will create in the past so that all align with the principle of Equality as Best for All.

I commit myself to make breathing with myself as the director - a habit in which I am constantly pushing myself to be aware of every breath until the mind has no power over me to enslave me to a program.

I commit myself to transform myself into a person that actually cares about life for real, so much so that I become the living expression of what is best for all in every way. 

I commit myself to realize that Desteni is the only group of human beings that are actually working on a solution that would actually SOLVE every problem in the world without creating any new problems. 

I commit myself to realize that dreams are an illusion created through consciousness as a reflection of who I am as the physical, and in so dreams are able to assist me solely for the purpose of stopping my selfish desires and fears so that I can take responsibility for myself as birthing myself as Life in the physical.  

I delete the memory of the dream  

Day 95 - Pride and Vanity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Proud about things I have done in my life without realizing that pride exists in polarity to Shame and Humiliation, and as such, Pride is a false perception of myself in ignorance of the totality of myself.  I realize that Pride is an attempt to make myself appear 'better than' who I am, and so others within the mind, so that I can for a moment believe that I can escape the fear of myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as existing completely within and as Fear.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Pride/Ego/Mind is what I have created, based on the interpretation of what I perceived as being myself (or no-self), as perceiving myself through and as consciousness, as a collection of defined symbols based on knowledge and information.  In so, I believed the Light to be who I am and/or who 'god' is, never realizing that this perception is in separation from the totality of myself, as the light and the darkness and all of existence, where the darkness is actually the starting point of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow Pride and Vanity to dictate my behavior, and define who I am, and in so I believed myself to be 'less than' the totality of who I am as all.  Thus in fear of diminishing, I have manifested the diminishment of myself to a collection of one dimensional ideas, definitions, perceptions, opinions, and beliefs of myself, rather than seeing, realizing, understanding and being myself here as Equal to, and One with the physical. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from myself in and as Pride, and so making Pride the most difficult, aspect of myself to see, yet at the same time the most obvious because it is hidden in plain sight, as the very thing I was hiding myself within, and so allowing myself to think that I must achieve the highest form of Pride in the forms of happiness, love, bliss, ego, and consciousness within seeking self-gratification through energy in separation of myself as all, and therefore I manifested self-interest, greed, desire and all forms of abuse of Life as myself as All.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand the statement of Solomon in the bible "Vanity of vanities, All is vanity" which implies that even God was in Vain, and so I too feigned Vanity as myself, never realizing that the solution to Vanity was right here within in the Veins of the physical body, where All have the opportunity and are able to change to stop living in Vain, and so realize themselves as flesh and veins to become the directive principle of Life through Self Forgiveness and living what is Best for All.
 
I commit myself to realize that whenever I find myself hiding from myself, I realize I am acting within and as the deceptive character of Pride.  I realize that Pride is where I Pretend to Hide as just 'Part of the Ride' in the Van of Vanity where I am taken for a ride in my false perception/idea of Life, as opposed to taking responsibility to direct myself within and as breath. 

I commit myself to face all points of Pride within myself so that I no longer accept and allow Pride to exist as the director and controller of myself as being a slave and servant of Pride. 

I commit myself to realize the Hidden Cost and Consequence for Pride and Vanity - Shame, Humiliation, Death and Destruction of Life.

I commit myself to carefully consider the vast extent to which Pride and Vanity has been allowed to infiltrate existence through FEAR of Self, and so to not slight myself within my process through assumption and miscalculation in the great and subtle deception of Pride.

I commit myself to live what is best for me, as who I actually am as All, therefore what is Best for All is best for me.

Day 94 - Tarot Self Refelction Part 3

The topic I selected was - My Fear


The card in the center represents the attitude you assume. The Lovers, when reversed: Inner strife, frustration, suspicion, and disagreements in a relationship. Irresponsibility and indecision. Avoiding true intimacy in favor of lust. Unfaithfulness.

As the resulting consequence of what I accepted and allowed in the past, in fear of facing myself, I trusted god, and so denied myself completely, and ran from myself in the hope that God would take care of everything, I naively believed I just had to trust him and I could cast all my worries aside.  Heaven was there waiting for me.  I took on many heroic characters in my mind to avoid facing myself, relishing in fantastical imaginations that covered, pacified and justified the inner oppression of myself.  I was a complete fool, and I knew it.  I justified the fool character as the essential adversary to the world which I hated - but what I did not face, is that I was hating myself, and now I reap what I have sewn for myself. 

At least I had a chance to see and understand myself in the greater picture, to finally understand Equality... and so say my piece.

This is not a sob story, or a surrender.  I have done much self forgiveness on these points and will continue to do so.  This is facing the reality that self forgiveness does not change the situation unless all change, and still the consequences of the past must be faced, however harsh, there comes a point when consequences can become very demanding... as money still rules the big game, and if you don't have it, you are virtually worthless and helpless in the world.  






The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. The World, when reversed: Incompleteness and shoddy design. A great work betrayed. Insecurity, fear of change, and the failure to reach goals. Regret and disappointment.







My goal was to find the truth, what use was living life based on a lie?  Whatever cost I didn't care, even if the cost was myself. I deliberately avoided becoming successful, as I knew that being successful entailed accepting and serving a system based in abuse.  I thought it would be more fun being poor.  Seeing it from my characters perspective in self-interest of course, although I covered that up with the 'caring person' character.  And so I assumed the role of the good and faithful servant of god, partly to alleviate the tremendous guilt I had.  I was very naive, believing all the prophecies people would tell me about myself, believing myself to be 'special' and 'chosen' by god for a great purpose... lol.  It all sounded very cool... What a sucker I was.  I really had it coming.

As for other goals that I had, they were minor, and the choices I made simply did not turn out in my favor, and I did allow fears to get the best of me. Sure I regret many things and would have done things differently.  Regret however is useless, as is disappointment, and hope.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.

When the money runs out, as it most assuredly will, this is the future we all face.  Just look around. Does the world care about homeless or starving people?  Clearly not.  Charity is a pathetic excuse. The only ones that are protected are the ones who are in positions of authority, given value by corporations and a corrupt system.  If people in the world actually cared, Desteni would have had a million followers by now, and we would be on our way to transforming the world.  Looks like the only way we will realize is the hard way. 




The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. Ten of Wands (Oppression), when reversed: Refusing to take on burdens greater than you can carry. Noble leadership restrained from transforming into tyranny. Bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility without being crushed. Through careful conservation of their fuel, the engines of creation continue onward.

Oh yes the excuse that I'm taking on the weight of the world.  If everyone pitched in just a little bit we could actually do something.  The fears really have people in a stranglehold.  We face them all eventually, and the consequences, so I don't see the point in putting it off... comfort disappears very quickly.


The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Three of Wands (Virtue), when reversed: Pride and arrogance. Convincing oneself that the ends justify the means. A great act of betrayal set in motion. Sinking to the level of an opponent. The vain quest for glory and a personal spotlight. Charity or friendship offered with intent of material gain.


The Pride character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud in thinking that I am special in any way, in that I think I am better than anyone because I realize and understand Equality.  I realize that it is not just understanding, but actual application of myself in taking responsibility to become life and live what is best for all absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could change the world, when actually fear is far more prevalent and ingrained in the minds of people than I had considered, so much that people cannot even take a stand on Equality one way or the other, in fear of stepping out of character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this character William, to think that I have achieved anything to be proud of, when there is absolutely nothing in this world or all of existence to be proud of.  All is a Shameful, Fear-filled Disgrace of Life and a Lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of arrogance, wherein I believed the lies that everything would be ok, god would solve everything, I could just deny myself and the physical existence did not matter in the end as long as I played by god's rules, he would take responsibility for me and send all the evil people to hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to arrogantly believe that I could do everything on my own without the help of others.  I realize that I can do many things on my own, but eventually, the system of gangs as cults of corporations, governments, businesses and families overpower through money, contracts and relationships as the spite of Life. 

Day 93 - Tarot Self-Reflection Part 2

Note:  I do not promote Tarot as a tool unless one fully understand the fundamental principles of Equality.

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort and relaxation as when I have a feeling that things are going OK with myself.  This is my acceptance of myself through false perception - seeing myself as separate, unfocused and neglecting the rest of myself as if it were not my responsibility.  I realize that I have programmed my whole life around avoiding responsibility to myself and the rest of existence, avoiding anything that would appear to threaten my 'mindset' in a  attempting to 'just survive and be content' - trying to save myself from the evil of the world in false humility.  I realize that I have allowed these programs to run in my subconscious mind as subtle self-beliefs that I am right and doing the right things, the best I can, and that is the only way I know how to be happy - for myself in self-interest of course, without considering who I actually am as Equal to my world and reality. Its fucking amazing how I understand this and have seen and understood the point before, but completely forgotten.  I realize I have to look at the point from all angles and walk it from every perspective I have created so that I can stop the entire program.

I commit myself to GIVE all that I have and all that I am to Life.



The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Seven of Cups (Temptation): Daydreams and things seen in the glass of contemplation. The scattering of energies by strong desires and unrealistic goals. The pursuit of illusions and the dissipation of energy on false choices. Intoxication, delirium, and hallucination, leading to the negation of effort. Under rare and extreme circumstances, may indicate the revelation of transcendental spiritual truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue illusions as memories and fantasies of my mind which allow me to temporarily feel better about myself in the illusion of separation.  I realize that I have allowed myself to be drawn into the mind out of feelings of discontentment (as fear of missing/losing out on an experience - which in turn is based on the fear that I will never get another chance to have such an experience/fear of aging) and desire for experiences as good feelings for my self in self interest as false perception.  I realize that this is the trap in which I feel I deserve a certain type of experience based on comparison and self-pity, which is not real because my ideas of comparison are based on false perception of myself and the other - as seen through the eyes of the mind system, not actually seeing the whole picture of myself as who I really am and who others really are.

I commit myself to see myself as Equal and One, and NOT through the eyes of the mind.

I commit myself to realize that if I don't apply myself within my application, I can be - and am not above being - seduced by the subtlety of the mind.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Eight of Wands (Swiftness): A sudden release of raw power, cutting through confusion and indecision, and setting things in motion. Rapid progress towards a desired goal, brought about by immediate and decisive action. Boldness and daring in love, business, travel, or spiritual growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself within the belief that I cannot stop myself when being seduced into a desire for an experience or to entertain a memory in my mind. I realize that the mind does not want to give up on its desire for experience thus I am accepting and allowing the mind to dictate its desire without seeing the starting point of the desire and how it compromises me.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuses and justifications of the mind as the suggestions of - fear of loss of the experience - if I stop the desire for the experience and direct myself.  In so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to fear of loss of the experience as suggested by the mind and so give up on myself.  I realize I need to stop myself and breathe within these situations so that I can understand the starting point and what and why such experiences are transpiring - as showing me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that I can change myself to live what is Best for All, despite the fact that it appears I will suffer if I 'lose' the opportunity to experience myself in selfish desire.

I commit myself to stop myself and take directive principle in all situations.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. The Magician, when reversed: Trickery, demagoguery, and artful deceptions. The use of knowledge and skill for selfish gain or destructive purposes. The abuse of technology. Incompetence and uncertainty. A lack of will power. A fatal flaw in a great work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-will to the mind of desires and selfish gain.

I commit myself to realize when I am being directed and controlled by the mind as selfish desire, and when I am living as directive principle of myself. 

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Seven of Wands (Valor): Standing courageously for your beliefs in the face of adversity. Fear of failure overcome by the will to succeed. Great obstacles met with heroism and determination. Inner strength brought to bear at a critical moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in the character I have created as VALOR/BRAVE/COURAGEOUS.  I realize that within this character I believe myself to be 'better than' others as a hero, which only causes me to go into guilt because it is not by VALOR as a character that I become life, it is through self-honesty as seeing myself as Equal and taking responsibility - any ideas of myself as better than due to characterization are of the mind and delusion.

I commit myself to realize myself as Equal, and that no character traits are able to assist me in any way.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Two of Cups (Love), when reversed: Instability in romance, friendship, or business. A deep infatuation that excludes existing friends. A false promise or premature commitment. The entanglement of male and female interpreted in the broadest sense. The profaning of the sacred through the introduction of base desire. Folly, depletion, and waste. May suggest conflict, divorce, or a severing of ties.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I see desires within myself, embrace the experience rather than fear or try to hide from it, so that I can see the starting point of what I have already created within myself and deconstruct the point.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgement when I see a point of desire within myself.

I commit myself to live self-forgiveness, as there is no other way to live.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Nine of Wands (Strength): A pause in the current struggle to ready oneself. Preparation to meet the final conclusive onslaught. Forces assembled in anticipation of trials and tribulations. The steeling of the will to stand or fall. A line drawn in the sand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the character of 'strength' and 'being strong'.  I realize that the strength character attribute creates weakness within myself as I am attempting to validate myself as 'being strong' as a character.  Obviously within comparing myself to the physical my apparent strength is virtually non-existent and a pathetic joke which deludes me and prevents me from realizing myself as Equal to and as the physical.

I commit myself to realize that there is a deadline and so I commit myself to realize myself in this life

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Knight of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water behaving as fire, such as a flash flood: Deceptive charm in the service of intense insecurity and rapidly shifting moods. Selfishness, indolence, and a complete lack of maturity. Misguided idealism divorced from practicality. Destructive romantic passions and infidelity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by my mind as belief through the justification of 'if I could only get some help' or 'I need something/ outside myself' and so allow that justification to go unchecked and lead me into thoughts/desires which accumulate and ultimately lead me into a situation where I am acting in self-interest.

I commit myself to see past appearances as what may appear to be helpful, may actually be harmful through subjecting myself to unnecessary consequence.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Page of Pentacles, when reversed: The dark essence of earth, such as a chasm: Unfavorable news about business, finance, or the physical world. One who delights in all forms of luxury and physical excess, leaving practical matters unattended. Irrationality and failure to recognize obvious facts, coupled with a poor work ethic. Wastefulness, lack of focus, and loss. May portend the loss of a job or promotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working as fear of having to do things that I perceive to be negative experiences.

I commit myself to realize that it is in facing my perceived fears I am able to transcend limitations and false perceptions within my mind and so expand myself.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Five of Swords (Defeat), when reversed: Refusing to achieve success through personal degradation. Friendship maintained through the abandonment of a dishonorable gain. Slander and infamy avoided.

The outcome is Equality

Day 92 - Tarot Self Reflection

The card in the center represents the attitude you assume.
Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the attitude of defeat, as being defeated, as the mind stuck in limitation and fear of facing myself because I am embarrassed (I'm-bare-assed!) about who I am as who I have allowed myself to become - as uncertain, not knowing myself based on self-reflection from my parents, and not the hero I made myself out to be in my mind. Within this I also fear failure, as the ultimate rejection, as the rejection I felt because my parents split up when I was young and I felt rejected.

I commit myself to change my attitude of defeat to the attitude of success within creating myself as Life, by dissolving the reasons why I feel defeated and fear facing myself

Why do I not have the will to succeed, why have I given up on myself?
- Frustration
- Giving up
- Self punishment?
- Self pity?
- Blame?
- revenge?



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of Frustration leading to Self-Pity leading to Giving up as a form of Self-punishment, Blame and thus trying to get Revenge as the abdication of Self-Responsibility for what I accepted and allowed to transpire through not seeing or accepting myself as Equal to my world and reality.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for myself and my world in so that I no longer accept and allow myself to blame or punish myself, but rather direct myself in Equalizing myself to what is here and creating the solution to all as myself as Equal Responsibility for All. 



The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. Nine of Wands (Strength), when reversed: Delayed preparations for an impending trial. Efforts compromised by traitors or saboteurs. The scattering of forces before the conclusive battle is fought. Ill health and faltering of the will.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the thoughts and feelings of weakness within giving up on myself based on my projected idea of how the situation will play out as knowledge of my past.

I commit myself to strengthen myself within breathing and preparing myself and strengthening my will to direct myself as Life and do what is necessary to be done.  I no longer accept and allow thoughts or feelings or beliefs of weakness as pathetic excuses of the mind.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. The Empress: The essence of femininity and matriarchy. Creativity, productivity, and the foundation of civilization. Initiative and practical actions that promote prosperity, comfort and luxury. Fruitfulness and motherhood.

As creating myself as Equal as Life



The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. The Hermit: Withdrawal from events and relationship to introspect and gather strength. Seeking the inner voice or calling upon vision from within. A need of understanding and advice, or a wise man who will offer knowing guidance. Personal experience and thoughtful temperance.

Each is Self-Responsible as Responsibility to All as Self.



The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot face success, as defined as me directing myself and my world as becoming the living decision to live what is Best for All. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success and profit, as judgment based on my past programming of Self-punishment as opposed to Self-Acceptance and living Self-Forgiveness so Self can change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear debt, but rather I should use my debt as a means out of my current situation - in facing my accepted and allowed fears, fearlessly.

Day 91 - Williams 7yr Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to complete my process because I have not yet been able to direct every breath, as me fearing the future outcome based on the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself through self-judgement and the belief that I cannot change myself or my situation no matter how hard I try to apply myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that this process be over and I could just wake up and everyone would be standing as Equals as heaven on earth. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to 'skip steps' as if I am searching for a shortcut to some place I have defined in separation from what is here. I realize there is no shortcut to life, as all that is here as me must be considered, deconstructed, redefined, and walked into Equality and Oneness.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to the idea that I am stuck.  I realize that the mind is stuck in self-interest as self-limitation, therefore I am stuck is but a false perception of who I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of powerlessness.  I realize that the idea that I am powerless is of the mind and actually a reflection of how I am giving my power away through the belief that I am stuck or trapped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire everything to be easy for myself when easy is not what is here.  Life would be easy if we all stood as Equals, yet we have made our situation appear difficult due to separation and perceptions, simply due to our collective denial of responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear when things appear difficult.  I realize difficulty is of the mind as fearing the future and fearing for my survival as this character and thus not who I am, but a limited perceptional point of view of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to wonder about things in the desire to 'know' things as knowledge and information thinking that that will help me understand myself and be myself, when in fact knowledge of myself is only the tool with which I use to deconstruct myself so that I may stand Equal to my physical body as the physical existence in Equality here.

I commit myself to push myself in supporting and directing myself to align myself with living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to constant change as self-movement, as me in the realization that I am able to change myself, integrating into and as my physical body and out of my mind of ego and abuse.

I commit myself to expose the falsehood of preprogrammed expectations of myself within 'what I think will happen' is never actually what happens, as happening is always happening here, as me birthing and changing myself so no enslavement exists within me or my world.

I commit myself to embracing what is here as me so that I can use this opportunity to Equalize myself with all of existence. 

I commit myself to change myself when times appear difficult and use those experiences as opportunities to transcend my fear of the future/fear of survival as thought projections, expectations and ideas based on my past.

I commit myself to, when and as I perceive myself to be stuck, use the opportunity to change and direct myself so that I can move myself and prove to myself that being stuck is merely a limited idea of the mind and an illusion.

I commit myself to Equalize myself in all ways so that each moment is Equally here as me and I stand in Equality as myself no matter what.

I commit myself to realize that limitation is of the mind as it attempts to fool me into the belief that I am limited and therefore cannot change or move myself.

I commit myself to stop judgements of time as I realize that time is a mechanism through which I am able to see myself and use to expose the deception that exists within my world and reality.

Day 90 - Parents Suffocating Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a Parent, as a Bully of Life - and so allow deception myself as a Parent, believing myself to be 'good', 'loving' and 'caring', when clearly all the apparent goodness, love and caring of myself as a parent is actually suppression and oppression of Life, as a Parent only considers and cares for its own ego and self-interest, and so we inject our fears and beliefs into our children with the audacity to call it Love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to bring a child into this world without understanding the very foundation upon which I am creating life, thus allowing life to proliferate in absolute disregard, negligence, self-hate, and spite of myself and All of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to bring a child into this world so I could feel worshiped as a God by the child that I created in absolute self-dishonesty and abuse of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to bring a child into this world knowing full well I was doing it out of fear of being judged by others and my own self-judgement, and so wanting to hide myself behind the systems perception of innocence of being a Parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to bring a child into this world so that I could get money as a handout from the government.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to bring a child into this world so that I could fulfill my own selfish desire to be a Parent - In spite of living and doing what is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to believe that I am somehow better than others who are not Parents because I am able to raise a child in a corrupt and abusive money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to enjoy the energetic thrill of suppressing Life by programming 'MY?' children through a system of punishment and reward  through MY personal belief systems as MY apparent pattern of parental wisdom, which is only MY perception of wisdom in MY own selfish and fearful opinion of MYself.  My, my, my, my, mynd. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to abuse Life within the excuse that I am just doing what is natural, when I know full well there is no excuse for abusing Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to believe I can hoard Life in the justification that I am the protector of my children, and if MY children interact with others whom I do not like, I become exceedingly fearful and protective of my children so that they too learn to become fearful of interacting with others and want to hide themselves in fear.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to extensively judge people in that I have allowed myself to be controlled by the fear that everyone is a kidnapper just waiting to steal my child from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a Parent to be so spiteful in my egotistical view of myself that I would flaunt my parenthood right in people's faces so that they can see that 'I am special' and 'God has blessed me with children'.

I commit myself to realize that parents are responsible for sustaining a system of Lies and Fear.

I commit myself to realize that Parents who deliberately do not take responsibility to change and stand for what is best for all Life - are perpetuating abuse and choosing to support their programmed fears 'over' Life.

I commit myself to understand that Parents are the God Imposters, the Bullying Bouncers and the Wolves in Sheep's clothing who hoard and consume Life through using children as an excuse why the current abusive system should not change to support all Life Equally.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand how InEquality begins when a child comes into the world and is programmed to be a total slave by and to parents.

I commit myself to show that life has become the product of fearful, lustful, deceitful, abusive consumers - parents.  

I commit myself to show that parents must be held accountable to Life, so Life can be born in the physical without the restrictions of Parents.