Saturday, 4 August 2012

Day 93 - Tarot Self-Reflection Part 2

Note:  I do not promote Tarot as a tool unless one fully understand the fundamental principles of Equality.

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort and relaxation as when I have a feeling that things are going OK with myself.  This is my acceptance of myself through false perception - seeing myself as separate, unfocused and neglecting the rest of myself as if it were not my responsibility.  I realize that I have programmed my whole life around avoiding responsibility to myself and the rest of existence, avoiding anything that would appear to threaten my 'mindset' in a  attempting to 'just survive and be content' - trying to save myself from the evil of the world in false humility.  I realize that I have allowed these programs to run in my subconscious mind as subtle self-beliefs that I am right and doing the right things, the best I can, and that is the only way I know how to be happy - for myself in self-interest of course, without considering who I actually am as Equal to my world and reality. Its fucking amazing how I understand this and have seen and understood the point before, but completely forgotten.  I realize I have to look at the point from all angles and walk it from every perspective I have created so that I can stop the entire program.

I commit myself to GIVE all that I have and all that I am to Life.

The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Seven of Cups (Temptation): Daydreams and things seen in the glass of contemplation. The scattering of energies by strong desires and unrealistic goals. The pursuit of illusions and the dissipation of energy on false choices. Intoxication, delirium, and hallucination, leading to the negation of effort. Under rare and extreme circumstances, may indicate the revelation of transcendental spiritual truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue illusions as memories and fantasies of my mind which allow me to temporarily feel better about myself in the illusion of separation.  I realize that I have allowed myself to be drawn into the mind out of feelings of discontentment (as fear of missing/losing out on an experience - which in turn is based on the fear that I will never get another chance to have such an experience/fear of aging) and desire for experiences as good feelings for my self in self interest as false perception.  I realize that this is the trap in which I feel I deserve a certain type of experience based on comparison and self-pity, which is not real because my ideas of comparison are based on false perception of myself and the other - as seen through the eyes of the mind system, not actually seeing the whole picture of myself as who I really am and who others really are.

I commit myself to see myself as Equal and One, and NOT through the eyes of the mind.

I commit myself to realize that if I don't apply myself within my application, I can be - and am not above being - seduced by the subtlety of the mind.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Eight of Wands (Swiftness): A sudden release of raw power, cutting through confusion and indecision, and setting things in motion. Rapid progress towards a desired goal, brought about by immediate and decisive action. Boldness and daring in love, business, travel, or spiritual growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself within the belief that I cannot stop myself when being seduced into a desire for an experience or to entertain a memory in my mind. I realize that the mind does not want to give up on its desire for experience thus I am accepting and allowing the mind to dictate its desire without seeing the starting point of the desire and how it compromises me.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuses and justifications of the mind as the suggestions of - fear of loss of the experience - if I stop the desire for the experience and direct myself.  In so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to fear of loss of the experience as suggested by the mind and so give up on myself.  I realize I need to stop myself and breathe within these situations so that I can understand the starting point and what and why such experiences are transpiring - as showing me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that I can change myself to live what is Best for All, despite the fact that it appears I will suffer if I 'lose' the opportunity to experience myself in selfish desire.

I commit myself to stop myself and take directive principle in all situations.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. The Magician, when reversed: Trickery, demagoguery, and artful deceptions. The use of knowledge and skill for selfish gain or destructive purposes. The abuse of technology. Incompetence and uncertainty. A lack of will power. A fatal flaw in a great work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-will to the mind of desires and selfish gain.

I commit myself to realize when I am being directed and controlled by the mind as selfish desire, and when I am living as directive principle of myself. 

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Seven of Wands (Valor): Standing courageously for your beliefs in the face of adversity. Fear of failure overcome by the will to succeed. Great obstacles met with heroism and determination. Inner strength brought to bear at a critical moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in the character I have created as VALOR/BRAVE/COURAGEOUS.  I realize that within this character I believe myself to be 'better than' others as a hero, which only causes me to go into guilt because it is not by VALOR as a character that I become life, it is through self-honesty as seeing myself as Equal and taking responsibility - any ideas of myself as better than due to characterization are of the mind and delusion.

I commit myself to realize myself as Equal, and that no character traits are able to assist me in any way.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Two of Cups (Love), when reversed: Instability in romance, friendship, or business. A deep infatuation that excludes existing friends. A false promise or premature commitment. The entanglement of male and female interpreted in the broadest sense. The profaning of the sacred through the introduction of base desire. Folly, depletion, and waste. May suggest conflict, divorce, or a severing of ties.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I see desires within myself, embrace the experience rather than fear or try to hide from it, so that I can see the starting point of what I have already created within myself and deconstruct the point.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgement when I see a point of desire within myself.

I commit myself to live self-forgiveness, as there is no other way to live.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Nine of Wands (Strength): A pause in the current struggle to ready oneself. Preparation to meet the final conclusive onslaught. Forces assembled in anticipation of trials and tribulations. The steeling of the will to stand or fall. A line drawn in the sand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the character of 'strength' and 'being strong'.  I realize that the strength character attribute creates weakness within myself as I am attempting to validate myself as 'being strong' as a character.  Obviously within comparing myself to the physical my apparent strength is virtually non-existent and a pathetic joke which deludes me and prevents me from realizing myself as Equal to and as the physical.

I commit myself to realize that there is a deadline and so I commit myself to realize myself in this life

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Knight of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water behaving as fire, such as a flash flood: Deceptive charm in the service of intense insecurity and rapidly shifting moods. Selfishness, indolence, and a complete lack of maturity. Misguided idealism divorced from practicality. Destructive romantic passions and infidelity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by my mind as belief through the justification of 'if I could only get some help' or 'I need something/ outside myself' and so allow that justification to go unchecked and lead me into thoughts/desires which accumulate and ultimately lead me into a situation where I am acting in self-interest.

I commit myself to see past appearances as what may appear to be helpful, may actually be harmful through subjecting myself to unnecessary consequence.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Page of Pentacles, when reversed: The dark essence of earth, such as a chasm: Unfavorable news about business, finance, or the physical world. One who delights in all forms of luxury and physical excess, leaving practical matters unattended. Irrationality and failure to recognize obvious facts, coupled with a poor work ethic. Wastefulness, lack of focus, and loss. May portend the loss of a job or promotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working as fear of having to do things that I perceive to be negative experiences.

I commit myself to realize that it is in facing my perceived fears I am able to transcend limitations and false perceptions within my mind and so expand myself.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Five of Swords (Defeat), when reversed: Refusing to achieve success through personal degradation. Friendship maintained through the abandonment of a dishonorable gain. Slander and infamy avoided.

The outcome is Equality

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