Saturday, 5 January 2013

Day 147 – Negative Feeling





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a negative energy experience of myself – within which I have trained and programmed myself throughout my life… to chase after personal desires (positive energy experiences) in self interest.


What I did not realize in this was that, feeding those selfish desires and fearing that I would not fulfill them, only created more insatiable selfish desires for myself, unto the death of myself. Therefore within this, I have never been satisfied with myself here, always wanting more and more for myself, not realizing the consequence of my own desires, as compromising myself and sacrificing myself for selfish desire. I never realized that the real me as the physical, does not actually desire to be selfish, as the desire for selfish experiences of myself is self compromise/self destructive – because if I consider all dimensions and consequences of my desires, I realize selfish desires are absolutely spiteful and inconsiderate to myself and all as me. Therefore I do not actually desire my own desires, because they are not what is best for me, as what is best for all.


Through this realization of me as the negative experience of myself, I realize that I can stop the desire for the positive energy experience of myself, and in doing so, learn to be here with myself, embracing myself in doing whatever is required to be done to support myself, and at the same time Equally supporting what is Best for All, in which case I in turn will be supported as an Equal, and no longer compromise myself within selfish desire.


When and as I sense a negatively charged feeling/experience within myself, I realize that this has an equal positively charged (and defined) feeling/desire within me. So I clear my starting point to here as breath, investigating what is the source (memory/idea/belief) of the negative feeling, and the corresponding positive feeling/desire, and stop both the negative feeling and the positive desire through self-forgiveness, so that I may correct myself by practically moving myself to support myself.

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