Yesterday I had missed a point within myself. The starting point I see is me acting out a point of self interest, rather than doing what is necessary to be done to support myself, and in so allowing my mind to use that as justification as to why I must rebel against myself in resentment. It lead to me getting frustrated, as I was projecting fears into the future about what could possibly happen or 'go wrong' within looking at the current pattern of how things have been shaping up in the past.
Since I did not take notice of this point developing, it compounded itself into more of an issue in a number of levels in the great multi-layered lasagna of my mind. I became lethargic, upset with myself, and my whole 'being' shifted to embody this point in desire to escape myself in not wanting to face the point - but rather to blame and get revenge on myself for allowing this to happen... thus making things even worse for myself, at which point my neglect and denial programs kick in, as with the desire to escape myself / give up.
In order to stop this blame and self-judgement, I have to forgive myself, and in so forgive all the alternate personalities and characters in my head as memories of people from my past in whom I wish to attribute blame and judgement - so that I can take responsibility for myself and no longer project it onto entities of my imagination. This way, I create myself as living, walking, and breathing, self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss a point within myself through living in self-interest and not doing what is best for all as what is necessary to be done to support myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my capacity and ability to forgive myself, and so use that point of judgement against myself as a justification as to why I must rebel against myself and resent myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated with myself and project fears into the future about what could possibly happen, as me creating the future in my imagination - projecting the fear of facing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated and angry with myself because I did not realize or want to face this point of self-interest within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape myself rather than face the point within breath and self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and others of my past as personalities and characters within my mind which I have stored as memories.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get revenge on myself for allowing consequence to get to such a point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically run the programs of neglect and denial within the desire to give up. I realize I created this situation - no matter how fucked it seems to be - through my acceptances and allowances, therefore I am responsible for it and within this there are opportunities for me to realize points within myself - even though it seems as though the situation is here for no other reason but to rub my shame in my face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all family members past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all friends past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all relatives past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all co-workers past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all x-girlfriends past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all acquaintances past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all imaginary reflections of myself past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all friends past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all teachers past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all role models past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all leaders past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the alternate personality as the memory of all people I hate past and present - in which I use in my mind to attribute blame - I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to transpire and accumulate here.
I commit myself to stop separating myself into alternate personalities and characters which work in my mind to sabotage me and compound my process, making more problems for myself.
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