Wed Dec 21
I Forgive Myself
That I haven't allowed myself to see
Just Who I would Be?
Were I to Live Life for Real,
In Self Honesty, as Me.
Who am I then?
And Just What is Self Honesty?
I am Not more than a Tree,
Yet High as the Top of a Mountain,
As Deep as the Roots,
That Reach out unto stream
I am You, and You are Me
I saw it in a Dream
I was in the attic of an old mansion digging through various things. It was a kind of creepy atmosphere, but well lit and clean. There were 2 young girls with me. We were unpacking boxes and talking about a ghost which was believed to visit the house at times when there came someone to the door. I rushed downstairs to see who it was. When I opened it, I was surprised to see there was a little girl with a large box in her hand who looked exactly like the ghost we had just been talking about.
With a blank stare, she handed me the box and asked me to put it away. She then turned and began walking towards a truck with more boxes. I noticed there was a small patch of white in her blond hair. Suddenly, things began to get strange as an older woman whom I felt I knew and was an owner of the house appeared directly in front of me. She was calm, and there was only darkness where her eyes should have been. This woman's cat appeared out of nowhere and leaped up onto the back of her head in a frenzy. The cat appeared to be very tense and spooked, its ears were flatly pressed all the way back. I slowly looked over the crest of the woman's head at the cat who's eyes were thinly slanted outwards. I then sensed a demonic fear. I intentionally looked directly into the cat's eyes in order to confront the demon, and I saw the eyes change in representation of what it was. These eyes had an eerie gaze but I only saw the fear in the cat, then suddenly they changed to reflect the demon, and appeared as two greenish lightning bolts, and then vanished as I looked directly into them.
Fear of exposing my mistakes
Fear of money system demon
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself to how the systems within myself are playing out and preventing me from becoming life as Equal.
There also exists this subconscious fear that I will not measure up if ever I were to make the connection.
So this realization is important to be aware of when times of trial arise within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have a valid, Equal value connection to self as what is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not measure up if I were to make my connection to self as Life here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the inner anguish rather than expose it for the falsity that it is based upon.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust and doubt myself as who I understand myself to be as Equal to and One with existence.