Tues Dec 20
Bought a car today as X was gracious enough to drive me to the dealership. It has a lot of miles on it, however I feel some relief after all I have been through over the past few weeks. Feeling a little antsy. Wish I had the car today, but I can wait a couple days.
Is there anything constructive I can do with my time? Seems like I am wasting time that could be used doing something helpful or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Abandon myself as the physical in favor of mental fantasies, because I created a subconscious fear that Real Life in the physical will not live up to my expectations, and so I justified to myself that to be real will inevitably be 'not worth the effort or risk', or worse, I will be embarrassed/ashamed of myself for trying to accomplish what is generally accepted and believed to be ridiculous and or impossible.