Day 320

Thurs Dec 15

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have violent thoughts towards a person whom I judge as being offensive towards me based on our current system. I realize that the system was accepted and allowed by my ignorance, acceptances and allowances, therefore violence will not solve the problem, I must change my DNA programming so as to not be controlled by fears and judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst and project thoughts of disasterous outcomes before being informed of the reality of the situation. I realize that thoughts like this only serve to make matters worse in the end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into panic over not getting what I want or expect, and thus allow myself to go into my worst case scenario in my mind and project how I would handle things if worse came to worse - this so that I can protect myself from my worst fear and shame of having allowed another to abuse me without standing up to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to others beliefs, and not challenge others to push themselves as I would like to be challenged. I realize there is consequence for this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be liked by others. The outcome as equality far outweighs the desire to be liked in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the dietary needs of my body so that I continuously experience headaches due to starchy foods and sugars. I realize that this creates an imbalance in my system as I am not eating what my body needs, but what my tongue wants to taste and my stomach wants to feel.

Very angry today after hearing news of my vehicle going to cost over $2,200 to get fixed. Had some reaction, which I was concentrating on breathing but did have a slight outburst when I allowed myself to get annoyed by someone I was working with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose patience for a moment during an outburst at work. I was able to remain calm and even apologized afterwords so it was quite controlled now that I think about it and I handled the situation reasonably well, however it is not over yet, so I will have to work to keep my cool and handle things in the best way I am able.