Day 316

Sat Dec 10

Up a little later than usual. Early morning dream. Intimately, and comfortably lying in bed with an older female (mother figure). She lay back as I was positioned between her legs as if we had just had sex. She said 'You are waiting'. I did not understand and responded 'for what' as if to say why. She replied 'just believe'. I see this as a point of me not trusting myself, therefore not fully committing myself to life. I have defined beliefs as being bad, or wrong within the context of self-interest. Is there a point of belief where it supports life? Belief as self-trust, trusting oneself to walk the process of what one has already realized. I believe (trust) in myself. I do not place my belief (trust) into that which does not support life. To have confidence within myself and to give confidence to others as a point of sharing, moving, and expressing my trust.

Regarding my infatuations, there are some good feelings involved. I do not know where to draw the line within myself. What is ok and what is not ok kind of thing. What upholds the principle and what does not. I trust myself to realize if things are not cool, as I do not wish to compromise myself or another, or the principle as a whole in any way.