Thursday, 14 March 2019

Day 383 - Loons on the Lake

Was feeling down this morning. Got through the day with a little progress.  Took an edible after work.  Shot my new bow a few times.  Took a nice walk up the paved road near where I live, and then chatted with the neighbor on my way back.  Played a game of Dota 2.


Listening to loons on the lake video on youtube.  The sounds they make are so haunting to me, listening breaks down my sense of self and brings up emotion as I reflect how well they are able to express something so awesome, which I am unable to match.  They create such a rich ambiance despite being in what can appear to be an empty place (the wilderness).  They are something I did not expect to encounter in this life, and I am grateful for their sounds, and all animals along with them.

I considered the potential to change emotions last night, as a form of transmutation

Sadness to indignation
Indignation to anger
Anger to determination
Determination to resolution

Perhaps this is something that can help me in difficult emotional situations. Learning how to direct this fleshy vehicle is more of a task than I had imagined.  Goal setting has been particularly difficult, as I find points of doubt and distrust and uncertainty within myself. Worry to is prevalent, yet still I sometimes look at people grateful that I don't have the problems that they have. 



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my ability to create practical goals for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself in my ability to create and achieve practical goals for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about creating/not creating, achieving/not achieving practical goals for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to -out of fear of being seen as bad, childish, or undeveloped - refrain from using the energy I have been given to do something that would be of some benefit, or at least some artistic expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect creating for myself support that would assist me to living my best life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so caught up in my mental fantasies that I did not consider what is my responsibility to create something to give back to life what has been given to me.


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