Sunday, 13 March 2016
Day 241 - Resentment Revisited
Resentment was a huge point. There was massive anger within me. There was a pronounced physical tightness in my chest area which I could not get rid of. Forgiveness could not help me because I did not understand the point. What I needed to understand was that all of the people who had 'abused' me in the past - did so in order to 'wake' me, or assist me to realize the state I was in.
The fact that they weren't aware of what they were doing (which was precisely how I justified my anger and resentment towards them) is not the point. The point is that I created the situation where I needed to be 'awoken' in the first place, even if it began before I was born... I was the one who was in ignorance. Even if it took physical or mental abuse (though I do not justify abuse in any way as it is unnecessary) there is no point to me blaming or resenting them for it. I can only be grateful for the lesson learned and move on. This is what I created for myself, and this is what has assisted me to understand what the hell I have been doing to myself through my irresponsibility to stand for Life.
Quite a simple point really, yet I had only glanced over it, not seeing deeply enough into the problem to fully understand and see all dimensions of it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be resentful to those in my past who yelled, screamed, mocked, bullied, harmed, and abused me. I realize that I created the problem through my own ignorance and irresponsibility to stand for Life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame people within my past who bullied, harmed, and abused me, and within that accept and allow myself to become vengeful, negative and cynical in ways that suppressed myself and prevented myself from realizing myself and expanding myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent myself, suppress myself, and withdraw myself because I was so infuriated with myself for all of the torture I had caused myself and others within my life experience. This because I was unaware of who I am as an Equal, how I had created my own life experience, and I was neglecting my responsibility to stand for what is Best for All Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful, angry, and blaming toward others who make mistakes or errors in judgment. I am fully aware of how often I make mistakes - mistakes are literally a constant in my life, so much so that I have come to the conclusion that trying to stop them is nonsense.
The point within this is that mistakes assist and support us to realize forgiveness is here in the very next moment. That way we don't have to fear making mistakes. Mistakes are often hilarious, and can create opportunities for change, or simply allow us to realize we need to step back and take a breath... perhaps we are trying too hard. We must stop condemning ourselves for mistakes, as mistakes are the spice of Life.
I could not have understood these points without the tremendous help of the Desteni I Process.