Day 255 - Greed and Aspiration

Problem

Greed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be greedy, in that I fear sharing myself, in and as the fear of my own self judgments and the judgments of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be a burden to others, as within the belief that I am not good looking enough, smart enough, wise enough, tall enough, important enough etc. and therefore hide myself in greed, as repressed ambition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to greed after possessions, money, and material things, rather than agreed with others to create a world that is shared Equally and Best for All, at all cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be greedy, in that I allowed myself to seek after the spiritual nature, to the detriment of the physical nature.  I realize that I have repressed my own ambition, and allowed myself to easily give up, because in the back of my mind I believed I was separate from this existence, and therefore justified to do whatever I wanted to, not realizing that I have a responsibility to everyone else in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to partake of the greed of self interest, in thinking primarily about myself in personal aspirations... and when they failed, self-pity and blame.  This as opposed to me taking initiative to create Equality of Life for All, in spite of my emotions and self interested desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others will judge me, and what others will think of me if I share who I am, and what I stand for.  I realize this fear is rooted in me not truly understanding the nature of my reality, in that our judgments are a reflection of ourselves and our inner fears.  If I am offended by the judgments of others, then I must look within myself to see where I am not being self honest, and correct myself in self forgiveness.

I commit myself to, rather than be subject to fear, stand in the face of fear refusing to be bullied by fear as the judgments of others.


Solution

Aspiration

I Aspire to realize Self Honesty and Self Acceptance within myself as I push myself to transcend all mental delusions of Greed and so stand within and as the physical reality here as breath.

I Aspire to direct myself in the will to create awareness within myself as the will to stand for Equality of Life Unconditionally.

I Aspire to live breath by breath so that I may catch myself whenever I see that my mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions begin to try to take over my awareness in attempts to distract me from being here.

I Aspire to forgive and change all systems of greed within myself, so that I may do what is necessary to be done to correct inequality within myself and in my world.

I Aspire move myself to create practical solutions that will improve quality of life such as sustainable, communal living conditions, and responsible, holistic, businesses rather than profit driven corporations and institutions.

I commit myself to create Aspirations within myself as goals that will assist myself and others within the process of standing as Equals and supporting each other to change

I Aspire to change this world - from a world of greed, to a world in agreement - on the One Principle that will manifest Heaven on Earth - The Principle of Equality

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Day 254 - Immaturity to Expansion

Problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain Immature within my business responsibilities, relationships, and dealings with others.  I realize that this is a barrier to self-development in that it prevents functionality, focus, and the establishment of self-trust.


Supporting The Problem

I realize that what supports immaturity within my experience is Insecurity, as fear of (the essence or nature of) chaos.  This fear exists within and as the knowledge of how corrupt and deceptive consciousness is within our existence, therefore something is inevitably going to go terribly wrong at any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear as insecurity, and fear of chaos as the expectation that something will inevitably go terribly wrong at any moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become Fickle, thus not allowing myself to develop consistency, stability, or steadfastness within my decisions and commitments.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace new things, new experiences, new opportunities, and new relationships that would assist and support me to expand myself and grow myself in new ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by Greed.  I realize that greed is rooted in fear of lack/fear of loss, and also the less than/better than idea rather than seeing myself as Equal to Life.


Solution

I realize that the solution to immaturity is in taking Initiative, (responsibility) which can assist others in the process or realization and awakening to what is here as consciousness - so that we may stop being controlled by consciousness and assist and support each other to walk the process of Self honesty.

I realize that this requires me, within full understanding of myself as Equal, to Trust myself in my commitment and realizations, thereby enabling myself to express myself without being moved by fear.


Rewards

I commit myself to Expand myself so that I may grow and develop myself thereby assisting not only myself, but others in order that all may reach our full potential for the creation of what is Best for All Life here in this world.

I commit myself to let go of personal opinions, ideas, desires, and wants in order that I may abundantly embrace, give as I would like to receive, and participate in what is my responsibility as part of the entirety of our existence, thus Fulfill my destiny in support of the creation of Equality of Life.

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Day 253 - To Do List

1.  Reprogram my DNA so that all my energy is efficiently and effectively self-directed towards creating myself as Equal to Life in each Breath


2.  Blog every day


3.  Move and motivate myself to create income in order to survive in the system


4.  Balance my diet, while lowering my sugar intake so that I do not get headaches and experience lethargy, and lose precious time


5.  Investigate, Research, Reflect, and Find ways of Networking with people so that I may expand myself and get input as to how I can improve myself in order to live my full potential, and at the same time assist others to live their full potential.


6.  Enjoy walking and biking around the neighborhood.


7. Save Planet Earth



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect being directive in reprogramming my DNA so that I can, through my Words in each breath, change myself to assist in the creation of a World that Cares for Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist without the realization that I am fully capable of reprogramming my DNA through the sound of my Words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to permit my diet to become unbalanced through my desire for sweet foods which give me headaches.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the grocery stores to sell so much garbage that it is like walking through a deadly mine field when I go grocery shopping.

I forgive myself that I have neglected and denied myself the opportunity to network with people so that I may expand myself and my awareness, and so improve my life and the life of others through sharing realizations.

I forgive myself that I have neglected and denied myself the opportunity to assist others to live at their full potential, and thus because of that I am not at my full potential.

 

 Desteni I Process Free Course for Self Support

Day 252 - Mental Barriers to Communication

     1. Ego

     Any exchange of knowledge and/or information where the premise is subject to or tainted by, any (or all) of the following;

          a) False Presumption and/or False Assumption. Any misunderstanding or lack of understanding of the actual nature of the subject, and/or our shared collective reality, (either through lack of research and understanding, or deliberate spite, or neglect) within the context of the process of the creation of Life as Equal.  This including how the physical reality operates and functions within the Principle of Oneness and Equality, and of Universal Karma (Give as you would like to receive).

         b) Belief - (held at large). For example, religion, indoctrination, ethics, dogmatism, ideology, moral belief, logic, reason... Including any and all stance or rationale(s) which (listed or unlisted here) infer or imply judgement and/or condemnation, and are thus inherently manipulative and based in Self-Interest.

        c) Opinion - (held by a single individual, or a small group of individuals). For example, perceptions, personal biases, morality based ideas, teachings, theories, vendettas... Including any and all rationale(s) which (listed or unlisted here) infer or imply judgement and/or condemnation, and are thus inherently manipulative and based in Self-Interest.

        d) Personality. Including any mental character design, learned or acquired behavioral pattern or trait used for the purpose or intent of diminishing, harming, or abusing another in Self Interest.

All of which detract from authentic, self-honest communication, and therefore must be *treated and corrected. 

    2. Self-Dishonesty

     Deliberate neglect (whether aware, or unaware) of the realization and understanding of one's own self-responsibility to stand for Life. This often falls within the belief that one is free (despite the obvious fact that all are living in a shared physical reality) and as such, any being thereby falsely justified, believes that one can thus choose to live in Self-Interest, in spite of the Universal Common Sense Principle which states that;

          a) All shall live in accordance to what is Best for All Life - in order that Life may be free from all enslavement. If one believes oneself to be free, that one is clearly deceived, and thus self-dishonest... as none are Free until All Life is Free.

     3. Relationship and Agreement Inequality

Unequal terms (as the starting point) of a relationship wherein disparity is contained within a Hierarchical structure (i.e. boss/employee, master/slave relationship). 

          a) There exists no authentic communication within this type of (verbal, physical, or written) exchange, but rather a distraction from Self here, thus self dishonesty and self dis-empowerment. 

          b) This system of exchange is solely designed and perpetrated to accomplish only the (self-interested) goals of those who would profit from the aforementioned agreement. All interaction(s) carried out with the purpose of exchanging knowledge and information, whether consensual or not, are thus limited within the confines of the terms of that initial agreement, thereby rendering all attempts at communication predetermined from the start, as the agreement is one of control, a.k.a. a condescending dictatorship. 

          c) The context of this type of agreement can be further expounded to illustrate the foundation of the consensual (verbal, physical, or written) contract within such a limited agreement. Any exchange of information is existing within the belief that;

             i) One being is superior (or conversely inferior) to the other, thus diverting all outcomes into self-interested, polarized results which are inevitably favorable to one party (like), and unfavorable to another (dislike), thus necessitating the exchange of currency in attempts to correct for the imbalance.

                 A) Currency exchange or credit is subject to central manipulation, power, and control, and is therefore an unacceptable means of correction for unequal (self dishonest) exchange. It is necessary to understand that within our current economic system, currency exchange is permissible by the laws we have created, and as such, many utilize this exchange as a means of survival until an Equal economic system can be implemented - this is not dishonesty, but taking responsibility to stand within our creation in order to change it to something that is Equal to Life.  Once an Equal economic system is in place, we will eventually come to the realization that knowledge and information is best shared openly for the purpose of creating what is Best for All Life.

   4. Emotional States and Reactions

Fear as the primary example, is often a severely limiting communication barrier, as it is innately infused (by communicator, communicatee, or both) with distrust.  In some cases, fear is used deliberately with the intent of manipulation of another being in order to achieve self interest. Examples of feelings and emotions most often reactionary based; 

          a) Hate, blame, jealousy, revenge, anger, rage, etc 

Thus,

         b) Any reactionary feeling or emotional response which is not an unconditional, self-created expression honoring Life Here, thus carrying a resonant outflow or consequence, and as such, shall be addressed, diagnosed, and *treated, firstly at the source of the condition so that the condition may be corrected and brought to a resolution in the Best interest of All Life.

* (treated) self-treated with assistance and support of the one group which stands in support of what is Best for All Life.  This to the realization and understanding of the process of using the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

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Day 251 - Mundanity

During my contemplation today, there was a feeling I had which I will try to describe using a few words from an online thesaurus;

Dullness, bland, boring, abject, joyless, mundanity


mundanity : dull and ordinary

monday nitty gritty
mud vanity
under vanity

If I could further describe what I was experiencing, it was as if I were looking at my life experience in that moment as one single point, and could see nothing of any interest at all.  It was like my whole experience of myself was nothing, worthless, meaningless, and there was no motivating factor that I could think of to excite or stimulate myself to move myself.  I was simply here, trapped in this experience of myself.

At the same time, I understood that this was an illusion, because if I were to look deeper into the point to peel back the layers, I would see that I could move myself to change the interlocking dimensions of the kaleidoscope, as I am aware that there are times when I enjoy myself, and am motivated to move myself, or do activities.  I just could not see it in that moment... it was hidden from me.

I realize that what I should have done in that moment is write out what I was experiencing.  Perhaps I was in fear that I might have had to push myself to create something or do something I wasn't prepared or motivated to do.  Perhaps there are still lingering emotions from past perceptions and experiences of failure, self-pity, and doubt.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the opportunity within this experience of mundanity, where I could have moved myself to write out what it was I was experiencing, and thus open up new dimensions of the problem rather than just accept the condition as 'me being trapped' in an illusion.

 I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see past the surface of this illusion experience I had of myself in order to dig deeper and peel back the layers of the one point that I was existing as, as mundanity

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within this experience of myself as mundanity, there are more 'hidden' dimensional layers which exist that can show me something more about myself, which will allow me to grow in my relationship and understanding
of myself, and in turn I will be able to assist others within that understanding as well as whatever else I may discover about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there is no point in moving myself, because I am only seeing what my mind as consciousness sees as this one point of mundanity, thus there is no point, no stimulation, no excitement or reason to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require stimulation, excitement, or a reason to move myself - but rather that I must move myself out of a point of responsibility I have to myself and others to stand for Life, and do what I am able to stop the illusion from controlling my Life and my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the emotion of vanity, seeking to be stimulated or excited by the desire for others to like me based on a personality system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my attempts at moving myself to create myself will be in vain, and that I will therefore be fruitless in my efforts and remain stuck within this experience indefinitely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved/not moved by the negative/neutral emotional experiences of dullness, boring, blandness, and mundanity.

I commit myself to, when I see myself go into an experience or state of mundanity, or the lack of self-movement, to realize that I do not require feelings or emotions as stimulation or excitement to move me.  I move myself, and investigate my experience in writing if possible so that I may uncover the layers of the illusion, for no reason other than to create myself to my fullest potential in standing for Life as what is Best for All Life...until it is done.


Mundanity Redefined:
Opportunity to peel back the layers and investigate this illusion, and expose it for what it is, an illusion, perhaps behind which is hidden all of the secrets to the joys of Life yet to be discovered.


Free Self Support Course

Day 250 - Redefining the word Belong

Belong(s), Belonging(s)

Dictionary Definitions
to fit into an environment - the plant belongs outdoors
to be proper, appropriate, or suitable - a napkin belongs at every place setting
be the property of... the earth belongs to the living
be a member of or have an affinity... such as a club

(+ positive charge)
Depicting hierarchy, ownership within a dominant/subordinate relationship where trust is placed within that limited, defined, and contrived circumstance.

Be - to exist
Long - at length, stretched out over time and/or space dimension


be lone
be alone
be a loner
be a loan
be loaned
be gone



This definition can be understood to demonstrate that the words 'belong' and 'belonging' have to do with what 'fits' or is 'right' based on maintaining power and control over a situation, and a false state of security/stability within the mind/mental belief system.  This can be described as the attempt to create and prolong the idea that one is 'alive' or 'living' because one experiences a 'positive' or 'good' feeling through the use of and relationship to the word 'belong'. (Can also be conversely observed within the negative as 'I do not belong' as being rejected/banned/unfit/cast out of the relationship.)  It is also necessary to consider the point of manipulation through believing oneself to be 'better than', valuing self as 'more than', justified through belonging to a relationship where strength is derived in numbers, rather than standing unconditionally (not directed or controlled by fear) and accepting oneself as Equal to Life as the shared physical reality.

This faulty creation (meaning that it does not support Life) as the system/relationship of belonging and 'prolonging' of such, is the foundation of the idea that hierarchy, and maintaining control of people/animals/plants/Life through the principle of ownership (as belonging to) is justifiable by means of the 'good' feeling (only experienced by the few), and the belief that one is doing 'good' by maintaining this belief system.

Within this, a self defined 'governor/government' or a group of (self) elected 'officials' must have promoted themselves to be the primary decision maker(s) who (believe they have the right to) choose (and enforce with violence if necessary) what belongs, and what does not belong, as well as the - who, where, when, what, how, and why. These foundational principles of hierarchy and control form an alliance of power structures within society, and thus are used to oppress, manipulate, and dominate the masses through the use of make-believe justice systems used for this same purpose.


In this case, I experienced belonging as a need to be a part of something other than and/or greater than myself.  This so that I would feel 'accepted' and thus could lighten the load of insecurity - as the feeling of fear of rejection, fear of dis-association, disconnection. In essence, fear of being alone and fear of death.  


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must belong to something, or someone, or some place, or some situation.  I realize that this desire is designed to keep me trapped within a master/slave relationship as the need to belong based on a limited, fearful, and subjective view of reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not belong to anything, anyone, therefore I must be some type of reject with no value.  I realize that I am composed of physical substance, as any other human being, thus as all substance is of Equal value as I am of Equal value as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to belong to something/someone/some group/some place in order for me to achieve a feeling of happiness, comfort, joy, acceptance and/or any other positively charged feeling.  I realize that these polarized feelings are dishonest in nature as they create the opposite by way of exclusion.  If no one belongs to anything, then All belongs to Everything, thus no belonging is necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality within the fear of loss as me desiring to belong to someone/something/some environment/something special, thus creating a relationship with fear within myself and so creating fear and creating loss within myself, my world, and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control someone/something/some entity in the desire to belong to someone/something/some entity.  I realize that this is unacceptable and thus I commit myself to change myself to no longer desire to control anyone/anything in any way, but rather focus on my process of standing in self-love, as physically actually caring for self through that which is shared Equally with all Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death/dying and so manipulate and deceive myself into a false creation (which does not support Life) through a relationship of belonging.  I realize that belonging implies separation, and Life requires no relationship of belonging in order to be Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I currently belong to a group or organization, that I am evil or do not deserve to be part of the process of becoming Life.  I realize that I must support myself within the current systems of what is here as what we have created ourselves as, therefore I will support myself from within these current relationships to consider how I can develop myself from this point, without judging myself, to assist and support myself in the process of becoming Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection within subjecting myself to the belief that I need to belong to something/someone as a relationship construct.  I realize that this fear and this belief both not only limit my expression of myself, but also limits and suppresses the expressions of others as well.


Redefined:
If no One belongs to Anything, then All belongs to Everything, and Life can Be Free

Free Self Support Course Here

Day 249 - Anger Dimensions Pt. 2

General

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Anger prevents us from listening, as we are existing in our thoughts when we are in Anger, and thus unable to hear, learn, communicate effectively, or understand anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sustain massive amounts of coiled up and compressed anger within myself, and so feed off of the energy of that Anger, and use it as a means of suppressing myself and my real expression here as an Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use coiled up, repressed, and compressed anger within myself as a mental weapon to inflict harm onto myself and others in thought, as self-sabotage and self-hate which manifests physical consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger and rage to suppress myself and so manipulate how I perceived myself, thinking of and defining myself as anger/angry.



Childhood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, be Angry with myself and others because of the abuse I endured as a child where person X would get directly in my face and scream at at me for whatever it was that I was doing wrong which I cannot remember now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, have thoughts of killing person X because I hated person X so much and wanted person X to die, thinking that I would be so happy if person X died because I accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by anger inside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, repress myself (a construct which persisted throughout my entire life) because of this Anger that remained suppressed within me, because I did not know how to voice myself and feared standing up for myself as a child, fearing death or more harm would come to me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, realize the extent to which child abuse and Parental Conditioning/Bullying/Punishment would impact my life experience - because I did not realize that it was necessary for me to forgive myself, and stand to put an end to this type of abuse.  I realize that Parental Conditioning/Bullying/Punishment not only exists within me and my family, but others also, and therefore it must be exposed and corrected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, develop a character of extreme internal conflict and Anger, because of the Anger that existed within person X, that being the personification of the inner frustrations and Anger of the entire world as pressurized systems of suppression and enslavement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, fear bringing up the situation with person Y, for fear that I would suffer more abuse, hate, and humiliation from person X.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, hate the world because I did not stand up for myself within seeing the solution to the problems I had as a child within an abusive situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, believe it is OK to just forget about it and sweep these experiences under the rug as if they never happened, when in actuality they have serious consequences throughout my own lifetime as well as others and therefore must be forgiven and corrected so that abuse of Life is no longer tolerated in any way shape or form.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, program myself to be directed and controlled by Anger, wherein I learned to use Anger as a point of intimidation of others so that I could manipulate others to achieve my own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, create Anger as a personality type separated from who I am so that I would not have to take responsibility for my reactions/emotional outbursts of Anger.  This within the excuse that 'I was Angry' or 'I got very Angry' or 'He/She made me Angry'.  I realize it is my responsibility to stop the creation point of Anger and contributing factors within myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my reactions of Anger and all the emotions and feelings that contribute to the main construct of Anger.  That is to, when and as I see Anger arise within me, I slow myself down, breathe, and change/correct myself to not be moved by it, but direct the energetic reaction through the physical so that I may discharge the energy, and so be able to see clearly the situation, to be able to deal with it in a way that is Best for All Life.



Teens

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, while I was a teenager, become so Angry within myself, that the energetically charged thoughts would create friction, conflict, anxiety, and stress within my physical body resulting in tiredness, self-suppression, rebellion, distrust, enmity, rage, judgments, aversion, insecurity, uncertainty, blame, suspicion, irresponsibility and desires for outlets of these systems through the use of substances such as alcohol and drugs.

I realize that substance abuse is not necessary to express myself, and that there is far more to life than just 'trying to be cool' and/or protecting an image that 'I am tough' or 'I can handle all of this self-abuse', or that 'I abuse substances to prove to myself and others that I am an adult', or to show others 'how fucked up I am' in order to get attention for myself, and/or have an outlet for the compounded Anger I harbored within myself because I was fully aware of my own self-dishonesty within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, while I was a teenager, get drunk, and within that state make foolish decisions such as over-reacting in Anger and starting a fight, in what I perceived as a threat when someone glared at my girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, while I was a teenager, consume alcohol to try to hide my true expression in fear that I would not measure up, or be too boring, or not be cool enough. I realize that this fear only resulted in me acting foolish and doing and saying things that did not in any way accurately express who I am.  I realize that this resulted in me becoming even more Angry with myself, thus compounding my Anger towards myself and others whom I blamed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, while I was a teenager, use alcohol because I believed I could use it as a means of hiding my true expression which I feared others would reject... thus compounding my Anger towards myself and others.

I realize that this fear of rejection stems from me not knowing myself, not being honest with myself, and not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself in self-honesty.  I realize that if I were to do so, that I would be self-confident in who I really am, as who I really am as an Equally valued being, is self-evident.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a teenager, exist within an inferiority complex, and thus fear I would be exposed as being 'less than' and/or a 'loser'.  I realize I chose the 'loser' personality in self-righteousness because I judged 'winners' as egotistical, false, and abusive - thus I fell into the trap of my own making, further compounding my Anger towards others and myself.

I realize that this perception I had of myself was based on social norms, the family system, and the education system, where people are programmed to believe that youth have little to no value, because they do not have money and/or 'experience', which is equated to power in society.  I realize that this concocted perception is complete bullshit.  Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a teenager, fall for the illusion which is not/was not the real me, which is why I am taking responsibility to expose this false perception here within self-forgiveness so that I may release the compounded Anger within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a teenager, abuse alcohol, and within that state allow myself to get Angry with myself and others and start fights for petty reasons.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, while I was a teenager, get unnecessarily Angry with my friends when I thought that they had betrayed me within speaking behind my back. I realize that I did not consider my options at the time and how I could have corrected the perception/situation through talking it out calmly, using self-forgiveness in understanding the actuality of the situation - where I am no better/worse than anyone.

I also realize that it was my own insecurity pointing out the fact that I was being dishonest with myself, not understanding who I was within my relationships, thus fearing I would lose friendships, or end up being disliked and not having any friends.  Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a teenager, fear that I would be disliked and not have any friends.



Adulthood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in adulthood, further develop and compound my Anger and hatred towards those who sought to be wealthy, rich, and/or considered themselves 'elite' as 'better than'.  I realize that this Anger was me judging others rather than seeing what I was doing to myself - which was self-suppression as a form of revenge - stemming from my own internal conflict as Anger.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in attempting to exact revenge on others, and thus judging others while not seeing my own participation in what I was doing to myself, which was equally dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in adulthood, become Angry with employers because I felt as though they were mistreating me, through treating me as if I were a slave that had to do whatever they wished. I realize that I placed myself in this situation, through abdicating the opportunities I had, and squandering my time and resources within selfish pursuits such as drugs, alcohol, video games, religion, etc etc. thus I placed myself in a position of inferiority, through not taking responsibility for myself to realize, understand, research, achieve, and live my fullest potential for myself, and I did not consider how consequence actually plays out within the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in adulthood, become Angry with myself, for accepting and allowing myself to play 'the fool' within my life experience.  I realize that there were times in which I relished the enjoyment, and yet I did not fully grasp/possess or create the foresight to see the 'how' and the 'why' of what I was creating for myself, and what consequences would play out within my lifetime, as the creation of resentment and regret.  Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, in adulthood, create a future of regret for myself because I did not consider the intricacies of how I was creating my life, nor did I foresee the consequences of self-dishonesty.  Thus I commit myself to from here forward, move myself to create only that which is in alignment with that which honors Life as what is Best for All Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in adulthood, create Anger within myself through looking back at my life experiences, and seeing how I have neglected to correct myself effectively to stand in complete self-honesty with myself as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in adulthood, become Angry with myself in the sense that I tense up, have a mini-tantrum, and throw, kick, punch, slam, and break physical objects.  I realize that these little outbursts are me still wanting to escape my responsibility to stand in self-honesty and realize what is being communicated within a given situation.  I commit myself to when these 'little anger tantrums' arise.. stop myself and breathe to release the energetic build up within myself back into the physical, so that I may investigate, see, realize, and understand what it is that the situation is supporting me to consider.  It is not necessary for me to submit myself to little outbursts of Anger, but rather it is an opportunity for me to slow myself down to a point where I can direct the energy effectively, and use the opportunity to support myself to transcend enslavement to energetic reactions.  I realize that trusting the physical as support for myself is key here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in adulthood, be directed and controlled by Anger by way of self-devaluation because I have devalued myself based on my financial status/position within society.  I realize that this Anger, as projected fear of circumstances which may or may not befall me in the future is a mentally constructed illusion in which I have deceived myself.  This illusion resonates fear which actually creates that which I am fearing.  Thus, I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a pattern of Anger based on a projected fear of 'what will happen to me if I do not have enough money'... to stop, breathe, and stop all projected fears of the future, realizing that these projected fears are illusions and me not trusting myself as the physical reality which is here as me.  I realize that there is no point in fearing the future as that will not help me.  What I can do is stop creating more fearful consequences for myself in this moment, and learn to trust myself as the physical reality.


Rather than be Angry with myself, I choose to be here with myself, enjoying and applying myself in each moment that has been given to me, so that I may integrate myself within and as the physical reality as Equal to Life.

Free Self Support Course

Day 248 - Anger Dimensions Part 1

Dimensions of Anger



Observations 

In understanding the nature of Anger, I refrain from judgment, as placing Anger in a 'good' or 'bad' context.  Anger is simply an expression - a form of communication.  Thus I cannot blame Anger, but rather I must realize that when Anger is being expressed, it is showing me that I need to pay closer attention to what I am doing and accepting and allowing within my reality. This supports me to grow in awareness of understanding myself and others with whom I share this reality.

Through my own investigation I have perceived Anger to be an emotional build up inside of myself which is suddenly released, often before I am consciously aware of how it has taken possession of me.

This Anger is a learned behavior/personality/character/trait through which I have justified rash or selfish actions by way of observing - primarily parents - but also friends, teachers, random members of society, television, and movies.

I have at times used Anger as a means of forcefully imposing my own self-interest on a situation, often as a means of demanding that my personal needs/wants/desires be placed at a higher priority within the 'Better than/Less than' constructed way of thinking.  Thus I have deceived myself into thinking that I can subjugate my reality, and use physical/mental forcefulness in order to achieve my own goals in spite of seeing, realizing, and understanding that it is possible (and necessary) for myself to change myself to live within and as the Principle of what is Best for All Life.

Over the years I have expressed much Anger, both inwardly and outwardly.  I have found my use of Anger to be, most of the time, detrimental, harsh, and sometimes extreme in nature, to the extent that it harms myself and others, often with unforeseen consequences extending outward incalculably.

As we are all aware, the starting point of Anger is most often fear.  Thus when I accept and allow Anger to possess me, rather than me direct myself in what is Best for All, I need to stop myself and breathe... realizing that Anger is a Red Flag, as it is a stepping stone in the creation of Guilt, Humiliation, and Shame.  All of these are crucial problems which are required to be corrected immediately in order to stop the creation of further ill consequence for myself and others.

Here I will be sharing my notes and Self Forgiveness statements as well as my commitments and re-definition in order to correct myself and change.  This so that I may no longer accept and allow Anger to possess, control, or dictate my life experience, or that of others in a harmful, detrimental, or consequential way.


Definitions

Anger
Sounding
Angst - deep anxiety or dread
Bang (explosive), Hang (death, destroy) ER - Energetic Reaction

Also;
Frustration, Agitation, Rage, Rashness, Mad, Choler, Wrath, Freak out, Tantrum, Crying, Mean, Blow up, Snap



Manifestations

Blame - Directing the (negative) energetic emotional reaction outward (and/or inwardly towards self) towards someone or something rather than stopping oneself to see and realize what the physical reality/situation/being is attempting to communicate/show.

Repressed Anger - Re-direction or channeling of ones personal (energetic, positive) desires towards pleasurable instincts in spite of consequence.

Suppressed Anger - The emotion remains vindictive in nature, existing in the unconscious/subconscious mind as thought/backchat, typically waiting for an opportunity to exact harmful mental or physical revenge.

Compressed Anger - Anger that is compounded by layers of thought as miss allocation, misinterpretation, blame, denial, suppression.  Anger which is not dealt with but rather 'left on the back burner' for too long often becomes compressed as a person is required to move on in life without understanding or realizing how to properly investigate, address, and correct the behavioral pattern. Often creates resentment and regret as well as many other unforeseen consequences.

Subtle Anger - Seemingly harmless emotional reaction Stemming from a single thought, idea or opinion and left unaccounted for within ones life experience.  Can often lead to blame, suppressed, and/or compressed Anger.

Seething Anger - Conscious and/or subconscious, vengeful thought forcefully held back from being expressed.  Can be a form of inner Rage as Anger which is directed inwards towards oneself as self-inflicted blame, or waiting for an opportunity to explode outwardly.

Possession - Anger which completely takes control of a being. Typically where a being 'blacks out' in a state of heightened fear, such as a physical conflict suffused with strong emotional rage.

Oppression - Cruelty inflicted upon a large body of beings in order to subjugate and maintain political, mental, and physical control.

Resentment - Inability to forgive as not understanding the nature, solution, and/or context of the Anger emotional reaction. Infers blame of self or others or both.



Expressions (body)

Fear (or fearless), yelling/screaming, harsh tonality, (volume, pitch), heavy breathing, strength/force, tension/tightness, judgment/condemnation stance, stressed/pressured/anxiety


Expressions (Facial)

Eyes very wide open, Frowning, raised and/or tense eyebrows, clenching (teeth, muscles), pursed, stretched or cinched lips, stiff posture, arm posturing depending on type/level of anger



Outlets, Channels, Coping Mechanisms, and Consequences

Drugs, Alcohol, Violence, Music, Conflict, Fighting, War, Hate, Revenge, Gossip, Slander,Vandalism, Destruction (breaking/smashing objects) Theft, Subversion, Deception, Regret, Fantasizing, Escapism, Paranoia, Suppression (Self), Repression (Vices), Depression, Sadness, Guilt, Blame, Humiliation, Shame, Dis-empowered, Diminished

Free Course

Day 247 - Herd Mentality Test

Are you part of the Herd?

Ask yourself this question...

Would you support, and be willing to change yourself to become what is Best for All Life.., if every other person in the world did so?

Most people would of course. Not only because it is obviously the Best decision anyone could ever make, but because there would no longer be any fear attached to the decision. You see, we have learned to live with a 'herd mentality'. Follow the herd and do what the majority does. Believe what the majority believes, and things will go smoothly for you in your life. Do this, and you will be able to have those luxuries you dreamed about such as love, money, sex etc etc. This, in essence, is living in Fear.

If we answered yes to that question, one must inevitably ask the following questions... Are we afraid of finding out who we really are inside? Afraid of facing or forgiving the shame as the skeletons of our past? Are we controlled by the judgments and decisions of others? Are we living in fear of our own survival? Are we afraid of what others will think of us if we Stand for Life? Are we afraid we will have to give up possessions and/or loved ones if we decide to make a visible Commitment to Honor Life?

Understandably, given our current monetary system, some people live with genuine concerns for their personal well being if they were to publicly speak out.  I am not suggesting anyone put themselves in unnecessary danger.   At the same time, we have to realize that if we do not address and forgive our fears, they will only cause more problems and regrets in our lives in the future.  

Engaging ourselves in the process of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-realization is in fact changing ourselves in the physical to become what is Best for All Life.

At times, it is extremely challenging to change ourselves from 'living in the ways of the herd'. However, the rewards of Connecting with ourselves, Understanding our reality, and Self-Empowerment are quite exhilarating. No matter what you do in this Life, nothing can compare to true Self-Realization.

So what is Best for All Life? Here I have provided the link to the most current definition provided by Destonian Wiki.

Take the Free Course

Day 246 - Universal Karma

How is it possible that we as human beings, have dared to put our own self-interest above the Best Interest of All Life?  How can we not be astounded at the extent of our collective arrogance? On top of that, how can we justify our selfish behavior, because we believe somehow we have earned the 'right' to our own Personal Opinion of reality, and that apparently our individual 'right' SUPERSEDES the Principle of Universal Karma!  Is it not supreme audacity and spite to believe and act as if we are individually better than the Entire Universe?

That's Business, we say.
That's Politics, we say.
That's Life, we say.

But is it Really?


This Universal Karma exists within the Common Sense Principle - Give as you would like to Receive. Whether we choose to believe it or not - this is how it works.  One does not need to be a professor of some neurological science to understand this.  Any child can understand it, and the sad actuality is, We ALL know it, because it exists within ourselves!  That is why No one will be able to deny the fact that there is No Excuse.  If anyone believes they have an excuse as to why they are somehow exempt, and can choose to live in self-interest rather than to Stand for Life, there will come a time when they will find the physical reality to be very unforgiving.

I say this in part because I would have liked to have understood this principle myself a long time ago. Nonetheless, I do not complain, I am honored just to be able to express that which I have come to realize and understand, and I would not wish the consequences of denial on anyone... for that is a terrible thing, to be in ignorance of oneself.  To have lived a lifetime in the physical reality and never truly understood oneself, or known the answer to the question 'who am I for real?'  This especially when one had many opportunities to simply investigate for themselves, and the answer was literally handed to them on a golden platter.

From a universal perspective, what we currently live in this world as systems is maximum stupidity.

This stupidity (for lack of a more profound word) is astonishing in itself, without mentioning that we do this in total contempt and ignorance of the consequences.  We do not understand consequence, so we just assume and hope everything will be taken care of in some way... some how... by some one else, besides ourselves.  We sign a blank cheque to the universe and say "I don't care what the cost is, just give me My Ego, My Personality, and My Self-Interest!" Fuck the World!

Little do we Realize...

This deliberate negligence is so blatantly blasphemous it is a wonder that anyone ever bothers to question 'Why did this awful, horrifying, experience happen??' when some terrible event occurs in our lives, or some other beings life.

Are we really so bent on revenge that we cannot see the bigger picture of what we are doing, and what is happening to ourselves and our Planet?  Do we really think that hoping for the World to End will solve our Problems and Grief?  Are we really that Dumb?  Or, is it actually Possible that there is a Solution?

What if Everyone Loved Life?... to the extent that, we would All be willing to give up our Personal Opinions, Beliefs, and Self Interested Desires - and rather choose to Live what is Best for All Life? Would that be so Bad?

Would that not bring everyone together within One Principle, so that we could Stand Together and Stop All Enslavement to Systems of Greed and Ignorance?

Or, are we really so hateful towards Life, that we would rather Destroy Each other, the Animals, and the Planet itself - just to prove how Vindictive we All are?

Here is the Free Course to change the World - Desteni I Process

Day 245 - Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as consciousness, in hopes that I can someday be here as Life. I commit myself to apply myself here and stand as Life in this moment and apply self forgiveness in each moment that I realize that I am not applying self-honesty in being here as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am existing in consciousness while existing within my thoughts being unaware of myself here. I realize that I must be here in each and every moment, in standing within myself in spite of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how to be here as the unconditional expression of what is Best for All Life where no choice can exist, as choice would be separation from Life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself being here as myself standing in and as self-forgiveness and self-honesty, where every decision I make is of and as self-honesty in living what is Best for All Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss what it is to be here standing as Life. I realize that consciousness appears to contain everything, yet does not contain Life, therefore is void of Life, while to stand here as Life appears to contain nothing, but self here as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can not be Life within this Lifetime – not realizing that that in itself is a deception – because I am here, and the only choice that exists is for me to stand for and as Life or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being and standing as Life, as the fear of what others will think of me while testing my expressions in the moment – moving myself without thought or premeditation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to retain programs of information stored in my physical body which would subvert me and cause me to doubt myself in the moment of movement of myself here. I commit myself to embody myself as Life as the physical despite what programs as judgments would dictate I should be like in order to define myself within limited ideas and system defined archetypes.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to question what it is to be Life here in each moment of breath and simply explore my expression without fear of judgments. 

Desteni I Process 

Day 244 - Deprogramming Doubt

{Long blog post}

Direction

Doubt – General, external
Self Doubt – Personal


Sounding Doubt – out, negative, disappointed, tenseness, declination, resistance, defensiveness, cant, anger, jealousy, revenge, punish, tantrum, give up


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in a negatively charged manner in order to achieve my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a means of justifying being disappointed with myself, hence justifying going into the emotional states of blame and self-pity.

I commit myself to no longer use doubt as a means of achieving emotional/energetic states and/or a means of blame.  I commit myself to expand myself and walk in self-honesty and self-trust in ways which will assist myself to create myself as what is Best for All Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word doubt to create tenseness within me, and as such I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this tenseness is an indicator, a communication from my physical that there is an energetic reaction going on within myself.   When and as I feel communication from my physical body with regards to a tenseness (fear), I slow myself down, stop, and breathe so that I may effectively move myself to address any fears existent within me and proceed in self-honesty and self-trust.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as an excuse to decline or withdraw my participation, and hence not investigate further as to why exactly I was in doubt.

I commit myself to fully participating within my world and reality to my fullest potential.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist situations, people, opportunities, realizations, expansion, and growth because I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doubt as being a valid excuse - when in fact, I just wanted to get out, or escape the situation, so that I could get revenge on others (whom I blamed) for not taking responsibility, while in actuality it is mine as well as everyone else's responsibility - primarily mine, as I am responsible for initiating communication regarding the issue, because others do not necessarily understand or see the problem from my perspective.

I commit myself to utilize effective communication so that no doubts may exist and I may assist myself and others to walk in self-honesty and self-trust, which is the solution to doubt.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a defensive mechanism in fear of survival, and as a tool to get what I want in self-interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I can't do something within the use of statistical number crunching in my head based on past experiences and how I determine a given situation will turn out, in my favor or not.  Self-Interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a means of venting my anger, jealousy, in attempt to get revenge and/or punish myself and others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in order to justify me going into a tantrum/fit.

When and as I see myself going into a mental or physical tantrum/fit, I slow myself down, breathe, and move myself in trusting myself to walk self-honesty.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in order to justify my desire to give up on myself as a means of self-sabotage/suppression so that I may manipulate/leverage the situation in order to get attention or help from others.



Reading/Writing

Experience, Definition, Relationship with doubt

The 'D' representing the negative or reversed current of energy.  D – OUT.  Negative current – Escape. The silent 'B' representing a (secret mind) double reversal within a mental excuse as the word – 'but' – as seeking a positive scapegoat (in self-interest) within the negative.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as within and excuse as 'but'.

Repression as the declination to 'try' or attempt to put effort into something.  Not seeing a worthy reward.  Attempted Sabotage through disbelief.  Fear of failure/Fear of judgment.  Doubt seems easier than acting/moving in self-trust (risk).  Justifying and laying ground work for blame.  Taking a position of knowledge rather than physical movement or calling self to action.  Abdication in frustration.    Sometimes rebellion as revenge.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a means of repression/suppression of myself, as the declination to move myself in self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the great reward of self-honesty, self-trust, self-expression and Equality as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Sabotage and/or compromise myself through use of the word doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in disbelief within the polarity of belief/disbelief.  I realize that this ping-pong tactic of my mind distracts me from moving myself forward and doing what is necessary to be done/lived as myself Equal to my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide from taking responsibility for myself within facing my fear of Failure and fear of Judgment of self/others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy road in using a doubt construct rather than walking/acting/moving myself in self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a position of knowledge rather than acting in physical movement in real time, calling self to action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself and my responsibility to myself in frustration through the use of the word doubt.   I realize I must investigate the point of what it is I am actually 'doubting' to test whether it is valid, and whether there is actually a possibility for me to move myself in transcending a point to potentially grow and expand myself/my awareness/my understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use doubt as a means of getting revenge on myself and or others.



Expressions 


I doubt it. - My judgment on the situation.  Creating a resonance of negativity, (the negativity, religious ritual scene) as an outflow of distrust of myself and others that a solution can be found.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create distrust within myself through the use of the word doubt as fear, prejudice, presumption, and the desire for power and control over a situation... This based on how my inner mind functions within self-interest as justified by very loosely calculated (and topped off numbers) memory based statistics and projected outcomes.


No doubt about it. - Personality, said with flare designed to attract attention, or get a laugh in order to add value to my character, hoping I will be liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use doubt within a phrase in order to attempt to attract attention to myself as my character/personality in order to get a laugh, hoping that others will like me. Self-Interest.


No doubt. - An agreement in words often used to justify compliance or simply fill in space.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify compliance or use words to fill in awkward spaces. I realize that silence is often best, as opposed to wasting words.


Doubter – Someone who is in descent, or disagreement of a movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as doubters.  I see and realize in self-honesty and self-trust what I must create within my responsibility within any given moment.


I do not doubt that... - A personally imposed belief.  Giving credence I would like to see a particular outcome as being more likely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose a belief on others through the use of the word doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a particular outcome based on self-interest through the use of the word doubt.


Without a doubt. - A statement of certainty, attempting to prove a point by stating that I personally have no doubt with regards to the subject in question.


Self-Doubt

Not knowing/trusting self.  Fearing the Unknown.  Fearing Failure.  Fearing Rejection. Fearing Humiliation.  Fearing Loss.  Fearing Anger/Repercussions.  Fearing Punishment.  Fearing Shame. Fearing Death.  Revenge as an outflow of Desire to Blame others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Religious Programming (Faith) to stand within myself as a replacement to Self-Trust, thus preventing growth and contributing to Self-Doubt.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Know myself and Trust myself in so much as I understand that I have neglected my opportunities in the past to be self-honest with myself. I realize that there is no valid excuse, which is why I am taking the time to investigate myself here, so that I may know myself and trust myself with certainty in the future, so that I will no longer serve self-interest, but rather the Best Interest of All.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself and use that as a mask to hide my Fear the Unknown.  I realize that fearing the unknown is unnecessary, as all knowledge is simply compiled information based on random perspective, therefore this fear of the unknown is invalid and there is no point in fearing the future, (as consequence, suffering and death) because that will not help alleviate the situation, but only make it worse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide my Fear Failure.  I realize that fear of failure only creates failure through prematurely giving up, thus I commit myself to stop hiding fear of failure behind the word doubt and rather face and stop creating/justifying such fears.

I commit myself to realize that failure is just another opportunity to show myself that I can forgive myself, change, and approach things a second time, giving myself a second chance as opposed to giving up and condemning myself to shame.  I do not need or desire to prove anything to anyone but myself, and I am not in competition - I commit myself to move myself in learning to trust myself, so that I may create my fullest potential in my one goal to stop the bullshit in our existence, and create this world into what is Best For All Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide Fear of Rejection.  I realize that fear of rejection stems from me not accepting myself, not trusting myself, not caring for myself - because I have in the past placed my trust in others to love and care for me, and inevitably, they had let me down because they were unable to care for me in the way in which I wanted/desired to be cared for... which was Self-Interest.  I realize that the best solution is for me to care for myself and others in the best possible way I am able - Not in Self Interest - but in a way that is Best for All, as assisting another to live their fullest potential so that All Life may be cared for Equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide my Fear of Humiliation.  I realize that the fear of humiliation stems from me fearing to be seen as 'Less than' others, and likely even desiring to be seen as 'Better than' others, therefore the fear arises because I see the inevitable outflow of what we have accepted and allowed our world to become - complete humiliation in waiting.  Therefore there is no point fearing humiliation because it is coming whether we like it or not.  Fearing it will only make things worse.  We need to apply the solution to humiliation - which is assisting ourselves to support and stand with one another through times of humiliation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask for me to hide the Fear of Loss. I realize that there is no point Fearing Loss, as ownership is a deception. Therefore the fear of loss is actually the fear of shame of not having taken responsibility for self. This shame is required to be faced immediately so that we may change and avoid having to face shame for eternity.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt to hide my Fear of Anger and Repercussions.  I realize that fear of anger stems from me desiring to fight for my ego, and/or to prove that I am 'better than' another.  Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to React in Anger - whether in thought, word, or deed.  This so that I may create solutions for myself and others without unnecessary violence, harm, abuse and as little suffering as possible.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in order to hide/mask my Fear of Punishment.  I realize that the fear of punishment comes from my childhood when I would fear being punished by my parents.  I realize that I must not allow myself to be bullied by people who are bigger/stronger/louder/more intelligent than myself, therefore I must not allow myself to be moved by the fear of punishment. I realize that the fear of punishment is the fear of suffering and shame which is inevitable as the massive consequences that we have already allowed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide from my Fear of Shame.  I realize that I am facing my shame and therefore there is no point in fearing shame any longer, as further fear only creates more shame.  Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear shame.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide from my Fear of Death.  I realize that there is no point in fearing death, as it is random, and inevitable that we must face that which we create.  I realize that this point assists us to  realize the reality of who we are so that we may learn to live and create only what is Best for All Life - thus transforming death from what it currently exist in and as separation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as an outflow of my desire to blame others.  I realize that blaming others is not effective at creating a world that is best for all, in fact it is counter-productive as within that desire I am not facing myself and taking responsibility for myself.  I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and my world and no longer blame others.



Childhood thoughts of violence within my mind and as seen via Television programming when I was young (Control Mechanisms).  Fearing that I am evil because these thoughts existed within my mind.  Fearing that others would discover that I am evil and thus hate, reject, torture, banish and/or imprison me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'I am evil' because of the violent thoughts which existed in my mind as memory implants/soul programming


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others would discover that I am evil and thus hate, reject, torture, banish and or imprison me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of scenes within my mind of people/animals screaming as their heads are being split open.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of scenes within my mind of people being shot, stabbed, tortured and killed


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of preprogrammed scenes within my mind of babies screaming and being tortured and killed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of scenes within my mind of drowning, falling to my death, and suffocation in dreams as representing fear of death.


I commit myself to live and walk in self-honesty and self-trust, free from all self-doubt, as it is unnecessary to doubt myself any longer.   I am Here.





Desteni I Process self-improvement course

Day 243 - Life can be Free

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a world full of...


Lies, corruption,
oppression, rape, torture, terror,
denial, neglect, destruction,
deception, killing, lust, greed,
consumerism, consumption,
murder, violence, abuse, imprisonment,
foolishness, enslavement, segregation,
discrimination, racism, species-ism, brainwashing,
debauchery, humiliation, shame, disgrace, disease,
cannibalism, secrecy, war, pollution, waste,
bullying, fear, insanity, grief, inequality, sloth, wrath,
revenge, ego, conceit, torment, despair, blame, jealousy,
fascism, hate, envy, anger, gluttony, enmity, animosity,
suicide, delusion, separation, discrimination, crime,
condemnation, hierarchy, stupidity, arrogance, conflict, beliefs,
opinions, atrocity, tragedy, falseness, trauma, suppression,
resentment, theft, abduction, addiction, coercion, bribery,
duality, exclusion, imposition, sacrifice, carelessness,
inconsideration, intoxication, subversion, threatening,
intimidation, depression,oligarchy, deforestation,
irresponsibility, disregard, conflict, self-interest,
narcissism, entitlement, starvation, degradation,
recklessness, blackmail, agony, hypocrisy, injustice,
misleading, propaganda, subterfuge, bewilderment,
obliviousness, spite, aggression, fraud, sabotage,
exploitation, desperation, and death.


I realize that this kind of existence we endure now is Unacceptable, it is Not Life, but a mockery of Life - a Deception, and a Disgrace - where we have all Deceived ourselves into Thinking all of this Abuse of Life is somehow justified and OK because really, we want to live in our own Self-Interest.  I realize that there is no love, or God, or any kind of power within the universe that can save us from that which we ourselves have created ourselves as, and that the only way we can stop all of this is to Stand Together as Equals within One Common Principle... That being, to All Together Create a world that is Best For All Life - and so End all Enslavement - along with all of the problems listed here.  If we come to our Common Senses, we Will find the Will within ourselves to leave our Personalities at the Door, and Stand Together to Create Heaven on Earth, Here in this World, where Life can be Free, if we Stand for Life.

Day 242 - Communication

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get excited and work myself into an over-charged state of verbal expletives when interacting and sharing with another.  I will from this point forward structure my conversation to first slow myself down, to be in cadence with and as breath, and secondly with temperance, utilizing self-control and refraining from over talking or getting overly excited.  Within this I will give equal consideration to talking and listening according to what is required in a given situation.

I realize that there are many dimensions connected to this main point of communication which must be considered.  I will be addressing this with regards to how I have learned to communicate over the years, and in this many fears have played a part in how I converse.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a knowledgeable teacher, in that I desire to be a giver of knowledge, to be seen as someone who is knowledgeable, wise, intelligent, and giving.  

I realize that there is nothing wrong with having knowledge and teaching or sharing it in support of another, it is when I desire to take on a false character of superiority, inferiority, or false humility that creates a barrier to real assistance, support, and the empowerment of another to be able to see and realize for themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how critical it is to learn how to communicate effectively in order that I may be clear and avoid any misinterpretation and/or misunderstanding. 

I realize that there are many barriers to effective communication and that is something I will be studying in an effort to become more proficient, clear, and directive with my words which are me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say things that I don't stand by, or that I didn't even mean to say.  I realize that this in itself is an indicator of a larger problem which must be dealt with.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exaggerate and jump to conclusions within my conversations. 

I commit myself to slowing myself down and being aware and cautious when interacting with others so that I may refrain from jumping to inaccurate conclusions based on assumptions and energetic influences of topics which trigger feelings and/or emotions. 

I realize that there are times where it can be acceptable to let loose and just express or get shit out. I don't seem to have a problem with that at all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted, sidetracked and go off-topic from the primary point of what it is that is necessary to be communicated.

I commit myself to structuring my communication to effective listening, as well as slow, clear, and controlled speaking so that I may bring the conversation to a point of potential solution(s).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rashly predict what the other person is thinking or going through, and thus assume that I know the solution before I have thoroughly heard the entire issue and it's related influential factors and causes.

I commit myself to slowing down not only in speaking but in listening, making sure that I have acquired all the necessary information possible before making an assessment of the situation and how I should respond. 

I commit myself to being directive and confident within myself during conversation, making sure that I clearly understand the point of what is being spoken/written about - so that I may direct it in a way that is appropriate - and ultimately Best for All. 

Day 241 - Resentment Revisited

Resentment was a huge point.  There was massive anger within me.  There was a pronounced physical tightness in my chest area which I could not get rid of.  Forgiveness could not help me because I did not understand the point.  What I needed to understand was that all of the people who had 'abused' me in the past - did so in order to 'wake' me, or assist me to realize the state I was in.

The fact that they weren't aware of what they were doing (which was precisely how I justified my anger and resentment towards them) is not the point.  The point is that I created the situation where I needed to be 'awoken' in the first place, even if it began before I was born... I was the one who was in ignorance.  Even if it took physical or mental abuse (though I do not justify abuse in any way as it is unnecessary) there is no point to me blaming or resenting them for it.  I can only be grateful for the lesson learned and move on.  This is what I created for myself, and this is what has assisted me to understand what the hell I have been doing to myself through my irresponsibility to stand for Life.

Quite a simple point really, yet I had only glanced over it, not seeing deeply enough into the problem to fully understand and see all dimensions of it.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be resentful to those in my past who yelled, screamed, mocked, bullied, harmed, and abused me.  I realize that I created the problem through my own ignorance and irresponsibility to stand for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame people within my past who bullied, harmed, and abused me, and within that accept and allow myself to become vengeful, negative and cynical in ways that suppressed myself and prevented myself from realizing myself and expanding myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent myself, suppress myself, and withdraw myself because I was so infuriated with myself for all of the torture I had caused myself and others within my life experience.  This because I was unaware of who I am as an Equal, how I had created my own life experience, and I was neglecting my responsibility to stand for what is Best for All Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful, angry, and blaming toward others who make mistakes or errors in judgment.  I am fully aware of how often I make mistakes - mistakes are literally a constant in my life, so much so that I have come to the conclusion that trying to stop them is nonsense.

The point within this is that mistakes assist and support us to realize forgiveness is here in the very next moment.  That way we don't have to fear making mistakes.  Mistakes are often hilarious, and can create opportunities for change, or simply allow us to realize we need to step back and take a breath... perhaps we are trying too hard.  We must stop condemning ourselves for mistakes, as mistakes are the spice of Life.

I could not have understood these points without the tremendous help of the Desteni I Process.