I have become more aware of my words as of late, and how there exists this peculiar dynamic within conversing with others. My mind as well as my physical body, has over the years accumulated layers of physically resonant imprints through how I have used various aspects of my expression - in ways such as thinking, speaking, and acting out - all of which have been channels of my intent, or will.
Realizing that my 'will' or 'intent' has been very much diffused, and confused since childhood, I see the necessity of getting to the root and solving this problem for myself. In so doing, I will be utilizing self forgiveness to redefine my words and assist myself to communicate more clearly and effectively.
To start with, I can look at the word Trust.
My current definition of the word Trust:
Knowing and feeling that I can depend on someone to keep a secret, and to tell me the truth of a matter, as what actually, physically happened.
1. firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
"relations have to be built on trust"
synonyms: confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance
"good relationships are built on trust"
2. (LAW) confidence placed in a person by making that person the nominal owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more others.
1. believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.
"I should never have trusted her"
synonyms: rely on, depend on, bank on, count on, be sure of
"he can be trusted to carry out an impartial investigation"
allow credit to (a customer).
Interestingly, there are many connecting words to the word Trust which assist in understanding the common definition of the word, yet the word is interpreted and perceived differently by different people.
According to my definition, the word is very much tied to a relationship, where I place Trust in myself or another person(s), so that the word becomes part of an agreement, as the terms of the Trust. Thus, as there are undefined terms of Trust, the Trust is in a form of 'limbo' or 'suspended state' within the possibility of the opposite polarity of Distrust.
So the question arises... Can I completely Trust myself, where no Distrust exists in polarity? Is there a way in which I can be certain that my Trust is placed firmly and reliably? Can I Trust Trust itself? The answer here would be yes, because I can perform a simple test to examine the reliability of my Trust - That being the simple breath test - where I make an agreement with myself that I am going to Trust myself to right now take and inbreath, and then an outbreath. Within this, I see that there is very little risk involved and I am confident that I will be able to sustain the agreement with myself in this manner. If I fail this agreement, I die lol.
I see within the definition of the word Trust that the only thing in existence I can really Trust with certainty is that 'I am here', because if I am not here, then there is no one to perform the Trust test, and thus no Trust agreement can be established. Thus the first point of Trust is - here, in breath awareness - as the physical is the point of agreement which can be cross-referenced, and there is no possibility for 'mental ideas or opinions' or 'spiritual beliefs' as deception, miscommunication, or misunderstanding.
If I were to create a new Trust agreement, say to get up in the morning at 7:00am, I see that there is a possibility for me to be unreliable within that agreement. However, I realize that even if I were to miss the deadline within this agreement and sleep in, I still Trust myself, because I am certain within myself that I WANT to, and WILL myself to uphold my agreement with myself - because I understand the (harsh) consequences if I do not establish Trust with myself. So if I were to fail in that, I can simply forgive myself, and make another agreement with myself to correct myself in whatever caused the problem. In this way, I am walking a process of establishing Trust with myself, and being honest with myself so that I can bring myself to a point of absolute Trust. Trust is tied to honesty and responsibility, where honesty is the one point of me being here in the physical reality (as opposed to my mind), and I am taking responsibility to fulfill my agreement to myself, to walk my process in doing what is necessary to be done, to create myself as Equal to Life.
In this, I walk with myself breath by breath in agreement, forgiving myself when I make mistakes... and in this way, there is no 'distrust' necessary, as there is no reason or cause for distrust to exist. Thus I am learning to communicate with and care for myself, in agreement with myself as the physical reality, as absolute Self-Trust, free from polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my Trust with myself in the past, where I have accepted and allowed distrust to exist within myself in polarity to the Trust I had created as a mental image, based on my own self interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can Trust my thoughts as my mind, as what I know based on knowledge, rather than me Trusting myself as the physical reality of me being here in breath awareness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place Trust in anything which does not produce a world that is best for all life in all ways.
I commit myself to realize and understand that the point of Trust is a point of agreement with myself in relationship to Self-honesty and Responsibility - to myself as the physical, and to the group that stands for what is best for all life.
I commit myself to develop deeper Self Trust within myself and so without in my world so that I may change myself and change my world to create a world that is Trustworthy, and thus worthy of Life.