Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Day 279 - To Speak or Not to Speak

Was walking into the grocery store today and noticed a Chinese couple also going into the store.  I did not pay much attention as they were speaking Chinese to each other, but I could tell that they were a bit uncertain about their surroundings, as if they had just arrived in Canada recently.

I have not been to China, however I have traveled to a few places around the world like Egypt, Israel and Mexico.  One thing that is obvious about the city where I live (Ottawa) is that our societal norms are comparatively quite rigid, almost zombie-like due to this city's political influence.  Generally speaking, we pay little attention to anyone, and just go about our business.  This happens in most places in the world nowadays I realize, with all of our cellphones, classifications, separations of character, race, sex etc, etc.

Back to my point.  In hindsight, I feel that it would have been appropriate for me to at least welcome them to Canada.  I just walked by and said nothing of course, as I was thinking of things I needed to buy, and did not process the situation fully.  I was not present.  There have been countless moments like this in my life where I looked back and saw that it would have been cool of me to say something, share a little, yet the moment slipped by.  Which is why I am making note of my lack of awareness here.

I must add that there have also been plenty of times where I have spoken out unnecessarily in ego and stuck my foot in my mouth.  So it would appear that the point here is that, while I can share at times, I must do so with awareness of my starting point.

For example, while working on a deck in a customers back yard last week, I blurted out that 'all they needed was a hot tub (in their back yard)'... meanwhile, they already had one.  Felt kinda dumb.  Why did I say that lol?  I was trying to make conversation... trying to fill the void with irrelevant information.  There was also a small point of manipulation where I was trying to make light of the situation, or put them at ease and it failed. Not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be going about my business in self interest, only considering myself and my own needs, as opposed to being here with myself in self awareness, prepared at all times to respond in awareness and responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make conversation with irrelevant information in order to fill in an uncomfortable void, as opposed to speaking and sharing in self honesty, being present, self directed, specific, considerate, supportive, and appropriate to the listener.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and manipulate someone with my words through me being on autopilot, and not being here in awareness as treating others as I would like to be treated... Also speaking to others as I would like to be spoken to, of course within moderation of what they are able to handle.

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