Monday, 9 May 2011

Alcohol is Abuse - My Experience and How I stopped

I remember when I was young I would have sips of my Dads beer. I loved the taste of it. My parents thought that was strange. I thought it was strange that they thought that was strange. My parents drank occasionally, nothing excessive.

Once the door was open at around age 16 at high school parties people were bringing alcohol. I was able to get it at the time as I looked above the legal age. So me, not knowing what to expect, just went along with the crowd and began drinking. My tolerance wasn't high, and I would drink really fast, and end up hugging the toilet bowl "praying to god to stop the awful feeling" and telling myself "I'm NEVER going to drink again for the rest of my life.

Reflecting on those experiences now (that scenario happened quite a few times) I see that my body was reacting to the poison of the alcohol, and telling me that it did not like the experience. Even now just writing about it I feel a little nauseous. Yet, I did not listen to my body, I listened to my friends say "lets go get some beer" or "lets party" or whatever. Why was I so stupid as to listen to them over my own body??

Eventually my tolerance became higher, and I could drink a 6 pack without puking my guts out. Then a 12 pack, and then a 24 in a day. My father did tell me once "why do people drink so much beer, imagine drinking 24 Pepsi's." But that didn't really help me to understand the whole thing much, as-in what was the big fascination with alcohol. I mean, really after all the puking I did.. I really did hate it... But I was doing it anyway.. wth??

Upon looking back I see that I was doing it for a few reasons.

1. To be and appear more "Adult"
2. To hang out and have fun with my friends
3. It seemed like the only thing to do at the time

Looking at these points, I see that they are totally based on bogus starting points

1. I didnt feel accepted as who I am as a teenager, therefore I had to "prove" myself as being "as good/strong/macho/tolerant/experienced as" an adult. Therefore the responsibility lies with me for not standing as this point. As if everyone stood in this point, then society would not have the problem of teenagers not feeling accepted.

I forgive myself for not accepting myself and defining myself as weak, bad, and inexperienced.

2. Again, me needing to feel accepted by my friends and do what they do. Why didnt I explore the option of just being myself? Why did I give in so easily? Why didnt I stop when I had the awful experiences I did? Answer - feeling less than others, thus the need to attain some form of acceptance. What I really needed to do was accept myself unconditionally for who I am here and learn how to express myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to explore my own expression

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of myself as less than others

I forgive myself for not listening to my body when it was telling me that it didn't like alcohol.

3. Why did I not explore my options? My options are infinite!!! Why did I just "fall in line with the crowd?" I think there was a fear construct going on there. I was afraid a little of losing my friends whom I really associated with myself as buddies. People that were like me and I liked being around. I did like being around others as well, but the friends I had seemed to be accepting of me somewhat, at least tolerant anyway. One thing I have really begun to understand is exploring my options... there are always options and you don't have to do the first thing that comes to mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just follow the crowd without exploring the options available to me which are infinite

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my friends

I see now in my 40's that people are still within the same old constructs with alcohol. Its pretty sad really. Still needing to be accepted. Now its more of a self-interested addiction thing. A way to try and escape, meanwhile supressing yourself from what really needs to be done. Theres tonnes of things that need to be done within the process of self-realization. A lot of people think that they arent any good at anything. Thats a really bad excuse if I ever heard one. The whole point of the process is to "find" your expression, like going on a treasure hunt. It takes time to develop self trust within this. Self-honesty=Self-trust=Self-expression. Thats the formula.

It was pretty easy for me to quit alcohol. I didnt really like it lol. I saw that it was abusive. Not to mention I hated the hangovers... blaaah. When you really see what you are doing to yourself from that perspective, the addiction just falls away.

So until everyone is able to prove by living, that we are equally able to take responsibility for ourselves as life... until that time, alcolol is meerely a false escape route that leads to disaster.
Therefore there is only one common sense solution that is best for all.

Ban Alcohol


William Cuff

No comments:

Post a Comment