Day 365

Feb 4

Focus on practical to understand dynamics of environment

I have no particular strengths besides physical strength, which is waning, and what has been programmed.

My whole life has been programmed and trained in competitive thinking, so it is no wonder that I feel a sense of failure. I attempted to spite the system through abstaining from participation, which is how I perceived myself to have won in my mind - seeing and defining those who participated in the game who tried to win as evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mental strategy of believing that I am better than, because I chose to abstain from participating - for fear of rejection and/or losing - while I secretly judged those who participated in the physical as evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as better than/less than and use those judgments as a means of justification in order to win the competition in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on winning and losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation as a consequence of communicating and expressing myself in a way that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feelings of anger and resentment, and so use those feelings as justification in order to allow myself to abstain from participation so that I may wallow in the emotions of self pity