Day 300 - Consequences of False Perception

Some writing on a point that came up this morning.

Looking back, I see that I was so embarrassed and ashamed of the fact that I desired to be someone special - as opposed to being in alignment with the real me, as an equal - that when I saw this point play out within myself, I withdrew myself, appalled at myself, and in complete self doubt at the realization that there was only partial self honesty, and partial self trust within myself.

Partial self honesty and trust because I did not understand myself in how I had accepted and allowed such a (foolish and naive) point to play out... so I dealt with it in the only way I felt would keep me from reliving that same horrible point within myself - by punishing myself and taking revenge on myself, in the fear/knowledge that the possibility existed that I could repeat the pattern, and do the same thing over and over again.

I did everything I could to prevent that from happening, as well as indirectly trying to blame and punish others for what had happened within myself... yet the real point was resentment - not wanting to forgive myself - because it felt better to go into that point of revenge on myself, as I was aware there really was no one to blame, and no one I could trust, if I could not trust myself.

I felt like such a complete fool for falling for the lies and misdirection of this world, because I still realized at the same time that I had allowed the deception within myself.

I felt I could not do nothing - yet I had to do something about it because it was eating me inside.  The only way I could conceive of to relieve the inner anguish, was to punish myself through thinking thoughts of abdication, and hiding within the point of self suppression, self sabotage, and revenge. Like alcohol, it may help alleviate the symptom for the moment, it does not solve anything at all.

What adds to the problem is that, because it is not fully understood as to what it actually is (false perception of reality), and if there is acute awareness of the fact that there is a massive problem - anger and rage develops, which increases the intensity of the feelings, and hence the desire to self harm and blame others, as no one is 'there' to assist us in getting ourselves out of the cycle.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself with feelings of embarrassment and shame through my false perception of reality, and so within this, rather than see myself as an equal, desire to be someone special that would help make myself feel better about myself, as the point I see that existed within me was that something was wrong with me and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the feelings of shame and embarrassment, withdraw myself as the feeling of being appalled at myself took control of my mind which justified me going into feelings and emotions of self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within the realization that I was only being partially honest with myself and thus only partially trusted myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as foolish and naive to allow such points of misalignment and false perception of reality to play out within myself, and as a result of that then blame myself for having these false perceptions.  I realize that the point was not harmful in intent, yet turned into a point of self harm/abuse because I did not correct the point through fully understanding root cause of the point, and from there applying self forgiveness and corrective application to realign myself and my perception of myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only solution to my problem was taking revenge on myself through punishing myself in various different ways, such as thoughts of self harm or harm towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, rather than forgive myself and correct myself, take the easiest path within myself as blame and revenge within the belief that others were responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that, within the realization that I ultimately am not special in any way, that I must have failed to realize myself, or failed to work hard enough to get myself to a point of self acceptance and fulfillment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe (through emotions) that I am such a complete fool for falling for the lies and misdirection of this world, rather than forgiving myself and taking responsibility to change myself and my perception of reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could do nothing, when self honesty is always a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself through abdication, hiding within the point of self suppression, and self sabotage as revenge.  I realize that these reactions to the problem were not solutions, but only temporary means of covering the problem up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger and rage through the long term suppression of the problem, and so compounding the problem and making matters much worse for myself through adding to the already significant consequences I have to face within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to extensive self harm and blaming others, as within the belief that - no one is 'there' to assist us in getting me out of the cycle - when in fact, I should have addressed the issue directly and expressed in the best way that I could, and within that directed myself within self-honesty in trusting myself to walk out the correction through self forgiveness.

I commit myself to address this pattern when and as I see it manifest within myself.

I commit myself to work through any issues of false perception within myself so that I may align myself with the physical reality as an equal.

I commit myself to stop self judgment and blame within myself through taking responsibility for myself to correct myself.

I commit myself to expose all false perceptions of reality for what they are - deception and abuse of life.


Free Course

Day 299 - Silence is Consent

There is only One Problem with our World and Reality, and accordingly, only One Solution.

The Problem (and Solution):  The Refusal to Stand for, and As, the Solution to Life - as what is Best for All Life - as is necessary of each Equal Participant in this World and Reality.


There is only One Point that the Entire World can come to Agree upon - that is - If we are serious, and Care enough to Restore Ourselves, and so to Change, and to Correct this Sickening Mess we have All assisted in Creating here on this Earth.  Without Equality, there is no real Agreement.  Any Agreement without the starting point of Equality is doomed to the ultimate realization of Self Deception and Abuse.

That imply's, that there is an Equal Responsibility among each and every Human Being, to make some form of visible support, declaration, or proclamation... Because really, if we do not stand for Life, then we are Against it, and thus against ourselves.


Silence is Consent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be half hearted in my process of realization, in learning what it really means to stand for Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self interest to get in the way of my process of standing and becoming life.  I realize that there is so much more to this process than what I am living now - many things which I cannot yet conceive - because I have extensively limited myself within living myself out in my Mental Reality, and not yet fully walked out my commitment to honor Life in the physical, to be the Best that Life would have me be, in full alignment with my beingness.
    
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is really only one problem, and thus only one solution to our collective existential woes - Inequality/Equality.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim to a world of consumerism, rich/poor polarities, self-interest, greed, and every kind of abomination to life imaginable... and within that judge myself without realizing that I can forgive myself and change the patterns in order to correct what I have accepted and allowed to exist within my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in false authority as self righteousness, allowing myself to worship false characters and attributes such as wealth, pride, boastfulness, rich personalities, false humility, narcissism, intelligence, and other such charades like these - only to realize that I have misplaced the Trust in myself, which I should have been using to create practical solutions to the common sense betterment of all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in false gods of knowledge as my Savior, within the assumption that a person with knowledge is more worthy of life, when Life is not defined by how much knowledge one has accumulated - as the false self.

I commit myself to realize more of myself each day, so that I may grow in my understanding of myself and my systems, so that I may assist others to transcend their systems so that we may all stand as Life, as those who are willing.

Free Course 

Day 298

Dream

Went to China with a tour group, half women, half men.  Paired up with girl 'X' (which I had dated about 20 yrs ago in 'real' life... also whom I was rather attracted to)

So we went to a hotel with the group, and then just the two of us went down to the lobby and we had to pay for things like food etc.  X pulled out a credit card she had found (or stolen?) and handed it to the lady behind the desk.  The lady asked that I sign it, which I did, first printing my name, then I was asked to sign my name again, and I did so in writing, over top of my original printed signature. The bill was quite high, around $30,000, and the lady accepted it as payment, and so needless to say we were quite happy about that, a bit giddy even.

We left the hotel and began walking around downtown in a very large metropolis.  We came to a very open part of the landscape away from the city, where there was a large body of water (a lake), and we could see the vast cityscape on the other side of it.  As we walked beside a building, it was quite windy and a large wave formed in front of us, which incidentally, the crest of the wave had hexagonal formed caps (system/matrix??).  I saw the power of the wave increasing, so I grew a little concerned, and as it came toward us, we dodged it by walking closer to a low building, only allowing the wave to touch our feet.

As we continued to walk along, I still had this feeling of fear of getting caught or arrested by the credit card scam we had pulled.  The sun was shining, and we were talking back and forth rather excitedly... and then, as she looked at me, it occurred to me... this is how a relationship forms!  I suspected however, that she was not aware of this fact.   We continued to walk, and came to another small building which was some kind of artistic theater.  It was here that I began planning on making a move to kiss this girl, as the desire grew within me.  The dream ended here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subconsciously controlled by guilt as being controlled by money, represented by the credit card fraud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of myself, as the water, fearing the water/wave would overtake me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my emotions to well up within me to the point where they would threaten to overtake me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the method of how a relationship forms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in regret for not choosing that particular relationship path in life.  I realize that either path can teach the same life lessons, only in a slightly different manner.


Free Course

Day 297

Within the point of running into walls... Like a Ram, trying to crash through, yet sometimes hitting solid concrete or rock where it is as if I injure myself, am ashamed of myself and look foolish - as a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for Failing within the attempt to crash through barriers which must be carefully disassembled, rather than crashed through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Ashamed of myself for memories of Failing within attempting to crash through barriers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to Crash through barriers without giving enough forethought to what it is I am actually attempting to crash through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the belief/thought/idea/personality that I am a champion/hero which must crash through barriers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the zodiac of Aries, and so play out only the traits of the Aries zodiac, as champion, hard-headed, ram, rash, foolhardy, impetuous.  

Relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feelings of love as separation, where I love a single person more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the desire to be with a single person, valuing that person above others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the feeling of love for a single person will save me from my creation as the inescapable manifestation of all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than others, because I exist as a single person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my expression, because I exist here as a single person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in any way related to definitions of being a single person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the feeling of loneliness is worse for me because I am a single person.

Free Course

Day 296 - Interdependence

What is astonishing to me, is how deeply we have brainwashed ourselves to ignore the fact that we are all part of this world, and this reality.  We are all connected, although indirectly, yet connected nonetheless through collective inter-dependence. We are individuals, yet that does not make us 'separate/independent'.

So, why do we act as though we are separate, when clearly we are not?


This world is a manifestation of ourselves.  Each and every one of us participates in it every day, through our words, our voices, our actions, our thoughts, our relationships, our business interactions... everything we do is a contribution to the whole of humanity, and all that is here.


So, why do we not see that we are no better than the weakest link in the chain..?


Why do we not allow ourselves to see and realize the immense suffering we are creating for ourselves?


Why do we think we will get away with deceiving the universe?


Why do we not realize the simple solution?



I just remembered the answer.  Of course, it is relationships.  We humans love to have relationships.  They make us feel energized and alive inside.  They make us feel like we are valued, cared for, and special.  Relationships are the heart of the system.  The secret contract which justifies the stimulus of fear which powers everything under the sun.  It is all done in awareness, yet justified through the depth and levels of programming, and in spite of life.  This, because apparently, someone else up the hierarchy is responsible to Life, and it is generally accepted that no one else really cares!  Life is so soft and powerless, apparently.

Here's an idea!  Let's all team up and make a bunch of lame ass excuses... then, together we can fuck Life over so that we can live it up, and just take whatever the fuck we want at the expense of others!

This is literally how we are existing... and it is such. fucking. bullshit.


 and frankly speaking... how can we not all see how much of a total disgrace we are to ourselves?


This is not to condemn relationships or agreements, but to look at ourselves as who we are within these relationships and agreements so that we can make them support structures for life, rather than excuses to abuse life.  We all have relationships to people, places, and things in our life.  The relationships have to change, and our definition towards them has to change, by way of changing our inner realities.


Free Course

Day 295 - What is Real?

Morpheus - "What is real?"

Is reality a hologram, or a projection?  Am I the only 'real' being in existence?  Let me just say here that, if indeed the entire universe is actually all in on some grand hoax being played on me, well, I'm not really liking this that much... can we stop now?  [5 min pause].

Okay then, perhaps this is a simulation, a complex game setup by a race of beings with vastly superior technology which transcends time?  Perhaps all of this is just some kind of dream (or nightmare) I am having? No?  Hmmm.... Why not, I wonder?

Well, as I have stated in previous blogs on the topic of Trust - When can I trust myself? - I find that there is very little which I can actually trust in my reality.  So, my starting point of Trust is self, here, in breath.  In that, I am aware of the existence of myself - either through pleasure or pain, yet more profoundly pain - and from here, I can apply self honesty to test what is in fact real through cross referencing with others.


I have been looking into some rather interesting phenomenon recently on the internet... that being the Mandela effect.  Quite fascinating stuff, and really, I have no explanation for it myself.  If you have not yet investigated it yet, there are plenty of videos online.   It is the phenomenon that things in reality have apparently 'changed' for some people, and not for others.  Things like geographical maps, brand names, movie lines, celebrity death dates (hence Nelson Mandela), as well as changes to the King James bible.



Here are a few examples I found interesting...

The line in Star Wars "Luke, I am your father" is now "No, I am your father"

C3P0's silver leg - I saw it a few months back and thought it quite odd, but I did not know this was a phenomenon.

The line in Field of Dreams "If you build it, They will come" is now "If you build it, He will come"

When I was young, I memorized a passage in the KJB - John 3:16 - and I can recite it to myself without thinking.  The word in that verse today, is 'should', where I specifically remember it to be 'shall'.


Some of the reasons/explanations people have been postulating...

Splitting Realities
Everyone has Died
God or the Antichrist
Cern
Time Travel
False or Implanted Memories
A Black Hole
A Rip in the Universe
A Dimensional Shift
Waking from a Dream
A Glitch in the Matrix

Anyway, there are many other examples. Somehow, our minds appear to be misinterpreting reality. Perhaps reality as we know it is becoming more and more unstable?  Perhaps it is disintegrating altogether.?

Whatever the explanation, the point is that this is a prime example of why the mind as consciousness cannot be trusted.  Maybe the point of all of this is to show us just how unreliable our minds really are?  Wouldn't that be appropriate?  All the more reason to investigate self honesty, self forgiveness, and what really can be trusted.  


Free Course

Day 294 - Free Mental Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use presumed 'Free' Mental Energy as thoughts of my mind in order to make myself feel better, and to get a charge out of the visualizations which support my beliefs that I am good, and loving, and a caring person... and this must therefore be the reason why I am here on earth - to move mental images within my mind and fulfill fantasies of love and escapism - when in fact, all I am doing with these thoughts is supporting the problem of self deception.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire Free Mental Energy, as the desire to have someone as point of reference, where I can blame and pass off responsibility to that person when I give in to the feeling of not wanting to move myself and create myself in and as the physical reality.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Mental Energy is Free, and of no consequence - because it is generally accepted by society to be normal and healthy to think like this.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Mental Energy is Free, and of no consequence - when that energy is sourced from our physical bodies through conflict.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within myself in order to create 'Free' Mental Energy so that I can feel better, or win, or lose... in spite of the physical reality as what is really here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts as opinions, ideas, and personalities of myself within the belief that I will be able to obtain 'Free' Mental Energy from those mental projections, and as a result, be able to gain positive feelings or emotions for myself which make me feel like I am alive, when in fact, this is a point of separation, as believing myself to be separate which is a delusion.  I realize I have not yet lived for real as the physical.

Within this, I realize that thoughts stimulate the mechanism of Free Mental Energy creation.  Thus, in order to stop this process, I must stop thinking thoughts which support self interest, separation, and do not consider all as one as equal.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that consequence will not follow self-dishonesty in the actions, words, and thoughts of creating Free Mental Energy.  I realize that consequence is a direct outflow of any thought, word, or action - anything I put my will into - regardless if I can physically see it manifested or not.


I commit myself to stand as the physical, as what is here in doing common sense and what is necessary to be done - in spite of all fears.

I commit myself to walk this process to the point of creating myself as the physical, as equal in every breath.

I commit myself to walk my points of self forgiveness and self correction unconditionally until such a time as there is nothing left to forgive in all of existence, and we stand completely as life.

I commit myself to realize that all events in my life - good and bad - have assisted me to realize myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, thus there is no blame to be attributed, only responsibility to be realized and taken within myself, so that I may stand and create myself as what is best for all life.


Free Course

Day 293 - Redefining Work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have emotional attachments to experiences based on memories which prevent me from recognizing potential enjoyable experiences within work.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect potential for opening up other words within my redefinition process.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that while I am at work, the point is I am here, and thus equally enslaved/free within work as in my leisure time.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my working responsibility, there exists the ability to change and influence others and so my environment and the world at large.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in the redefining of the word work, I have the potential to expand myself within other areas of work that could be enjoyable, such as networking, teamwork, socializing, and other areas of self-expansion/expression.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into polarity mind traps within my thought patterns where I go into a pattern of 'it sucks to be at work right now' or 'I'm so happy to be finished work'.   I realize that I am always here, and as such must be aware of my responsibility to create myself within what potential could open up at any point in time.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the potential of what could possibly open up in considering the future dimension of work and the potential for change within that.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to find my own creative expression within work, where I can develop skills and abilities that would assist and support others to realize new things for themselves.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider work as support for others within me considering what I could possibly give or create.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have limited views of myself within work.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to avoid working in fear of making mistakes, rather than facing the issue of work in a way where I can move forward and embrace the potential for expansion,  inventing and creating myself within this lifetime.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the possibility of deeper points opening up within my relationship with myself and work



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the idea/feeling that I feel as though there is nothing else of interest to explore



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to redefine work through thinking outside of the box, utilizing the potential in each moment to create fresh ideas which could enable myself or others to grow, and expand in ways that have not yet been considered.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to do everything myself within the point of work and so not seek or ask for assistance within the point of work.



I commit myself to stop the negative thought patterns associated with work, and to be here in honoring my commitment to myself and life.



I commit myself to realizing and living the opportunities that exist within the expansion of myself within the process of redefining the word work.

Day 292 - Religious De-Programming - Sunday School

Ever since my indoctrination into Christianity, which began when I was a child and forced to go to Sunday school, I have (allowed myself to have) been mind controlled at a very basic level.

Many of the stories of the bible can be very alluring to a child's mind.  It is within these stories that I found myself very caught up in the all the fascination... supernatural tales filled with emotion, adventure, killings, and death of a god who apparently 'loved' me, as was repeated over, and over, and over ad nauseum. Much of it seemed a profound history lesson, which, was in contrast to typical schooling, where I felt like a force fed animal - this was very carefully and eagerly explained.  The teachers seemed keen for me to learn, or 'get' something.  The subject of hell was only occasionally touched on, usually with an eerie sentiment, in lowered voice, or half-jestingly, as if it were a taboo subject meant only to stir ones inner imaginations.  

If we were to compare our minds to computer systems, this could be regarded as a low level formatting of a hard drive, as the primary physical memory/storage - where the basic instructions which handle how a disk drive (mind) is accessed, and setup to function are defined, laid out, and magnetically imprinted on the surface of the disk.  A high level re-format of the disk drive will not remove the low level format, which requires a special command code to perform.

Here is my opportunity to expose this kind of child abuse, where helpless children are subjected to, and ingrained with religious belief systems at a very impressionable age.  Not to mention the fact of sexual exploitation of children in these institutions, which I also personally experienced, thankfully not on an extreme level.  These experiences were not isolated events, but took place within one of the most prominent church organizations in the city of Ottawa.

This is not to accuse or place specific blame on any individual, but for everyone to realize that we are all responsible for this type of abuse - as it is shamefully permitted to exist within our society - and considered NORMAL.

Some of the impact and consequences resulting from this have been...

Due to the instilled fear of condemnation/failure/punishment/hell, shame and humiliation have played a significant role within my subconscious mind, where I have played out many scenarios of how I would avoid 'undefined' circumstances, were I to be completely rejected, or abandoned.

This has in part been responsible for internal suppression and repression, where I would not wish to participate with others for fear of rejection.

False humility within an inflated inner ego, as a character of valor and/or virtue, seeing myself as better than (because of Christian beliefs), yet portraying myself as less than - as the humble character who is simply honored to serve gods greater purpose.  Meanwhile, self-expansion is suppressed and diverted into futile tasks such as 'praying', or 'positive thinking'.

A sense of desire to give something of myself in order to prove my worthiness as within love - otherwise fear that I am not worthy, and so will be locked out of the experience, and be condemned to state of separation indefinitely, and possibly for eternity.

In that sense there is an anti-desire, or a detesting of any who do not have the same sense of depth of feeling.

Lack of confidence, self-doubt, instability as a constant state of unease, or uncertainty.  Constantly second guessing myself.  Always worried if what I am saying is 'okay' or 'valid'.  Never able to discern for myself whether or not my thoughts, words, or actions are going to get me into trouble (from parents, teachers or god), and cause me to go into a state of fear/shame.

Low self esteem or no 'self respect' as having placed trust outside of myself and into parents or an invisible non-entity.

During many momentary interactions with others in my life, there has existed a desire for communication to be diverted into some manner of a joke, as if I must find a way to 'lighten up' or alleviate the experience of myself, to relieve the tension as the palpable awareness of mental discord, manifesting a sense of 'pressure' within subtle uncertainty, fear, and awkwardness - where the only immediate solution seems to be to make levity of the situation, as I try to 'smooth out' the discomfort within the awareness that something is deeply messed up within myself and others in my world.

Did I learn compassion from Christianity?  The question is, would I have learned compassion had I not been indoctrinated?



Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to basic level of mental programming within childhood indoctrination by way of Sunday school religious programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of guilt within the experience of sexual exploitation during my childhood, through Sunday school teachers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experiences of shame/humiliation/failure/punishment/hell/abuse/abandonment/rejection within mental projections of my mind.  I realize that these mechanisms of control only exist as energetic projections designed to keep me locked within a mental state of suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a false humility character as the reflection of my inner ego defined by valor, and virtue taught by way of lessons from parents, teachers and Sunday school teachers.  I realize that this type of aversion is self-dishonesty which prevents me from real expansion and living my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Christian beliefs within my mind such as the belief that I can place trust in a god who loves me and will save me from myself.  I realize that these type of beliefs only lead to self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have to prove my worthiness within various forms of apparent 'love' which do not actually, physically create and manifest what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am unworthy of life as condemnation, and so within that fear create similar consequences of self condemnation within my mind and subsequently outer world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, and so detest others who I deem to not have the same sense of depth of feeling according to my imaginary mental beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack of confidence, exist within mental self-doubt, instability, unease, and/or uncertainty.  I realize that these thought patterns do not support me, nor do they support the change that is needed within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have low self-esteem as a mental idea.  I realize that when I stop judging myself, my esteem is irrelevant, as all of the physical reality is equal, and in that way life can be supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for communications to be diverted into some manner of a joke, in order to smooth things over, or avoid facing myself altogether as what is necessary to be addressed and corrected within a given interaction where I am able to speak freely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in mental discord, pressure, uncertainty, and awkwardness within conversations.  I realize that these mental emanations are designed to divert my attention away from the real matter at hand which must be faced and addressed.  When and as I see myself within communicating with another person, I slow myself down within breath and allow myself to say what is necessary to be said without fear of reactions -  and not in any way reacting within myself.

I commit myself to realize that compassion is inherent within life as common sense.



Free Course

Day 291

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reactionary mind state of being insulted, within believing myself to be better than/less than, and so allow that feeling to be the cause for me to justify anger, and consequently revenge, or inaction on my part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a mind state of stagnation, where I become 'stuck' in indecision, unable to decide what is the best route to a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word work as within annoyance, agitation, aggravation, frustration, depression, dullness, and boredom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the word work within my mental preconception based on memories of having to do things which I despised, and so based on those memories, not allow myself to expand and open up my definition of work for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize work as an opportunity for expansion, and taking responsibility for myself, as well as assisting others within sharing my experiences within working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid work in favor of self-interest, because I loath to face points within myself regarding submitting myself to the whims and wishes of others. I realize that I created this situation for myself over a very long period of time, and this is the process which I must walk out for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to face things in the positive, and avoid the negative experiences of myself... wherein I realize that both positive and negative points are points of support which I need to apply myself within. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work within the context of enslavement, as opposed to opening up and expanding the point and seeing it as a means of representing and enhancing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to do work within my own terms, as opposed to allowing others to assist me with work, and in so doing, allow for the development of teamwork and networking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times avoid working because of a fear I created based on memories of being disappointed, humiliated and ashamed through pressurized situations which in turn led to misunderstandings, and mistakes - which would not really have been a big issue - if it were not for the financial element.  I realize that those fears originated from past experiences within relationships to parents, teachers, friends, and others whom I was associated with. I also realize that 'difficult' situations such as these support me to strengthen my resolve in eradicating the starting point of irresponsibility within myself, and assisting others to do the same.

I commit myself to realize the enjoyment of participation and teamwork within the process of working with others. 

I commit myself to trust myself within the application of developmental processes of estimation, quality and responsibility.

I commit myself to doing my best within my capabilities related to all of my work, this within the context of give as you would like to receive. 

related words: workshop, workout, workforce, workplace, function, play, solve, process, skill, create, make way, support.

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