Day 175 - Self Judgement

When I woke up this morning and browsed the internet, something I saw triggered a negative energy experience.  I did not know what it was at first, I just knew there was this negative emotion(s) going on within me.   I began writing it out but the point did not reveal itself for a while afterwards.  As it turns out is was a combination of factors, as I reflected on myself and my experiences in the past looking for the pattern and what exactly triggered the experience.  I was feeling as if I had missed opportunities, and eventually realized that this as another form of denial, among other things.  I felt as though I had excluded part of myself from myself, as a subconscious thought, or what I would refer to as 'passive spite'.  

This was interesting to see, as I realized I was judging myself, which I then realized came from me passively judging myself, and projecting that judgement onto someone else as being spiteful for what I had seen as a passive judgment on me.  I had then taken the idea and projected it back onto myself, and so was feeling bad about myself because of this judgement.  Within this I eventually realized how the pattern was playing out, and how I was compromising myself because of this.   I did not realize at first how I was allocating the self-judgement in fear of myself missing out, and/or fear of failure, as it had triggered a past pattern of fear within myself.

      

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards a negative energy experience this morning in self judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - in judging others, reflect the judgement back onto myself in fear of failure, fear of loss, and fear of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project ideas of the mind onto myself and so judge myself because I feel as if another is judging me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others and so judge myself in uncertainty of myself here in and as the a physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the negative energy experience of regret, where in the past as I have defined myself as having missed opportunities for myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from others and myself through thoughts in my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself within the fear of failure and so wanting to give up on projects I have committed myself to doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ashamed of myself for missing a point of responsibility within myself.  In so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of shame as a negative energy experience of myself in my mind. 

I commit myself when and as I experience a negative energy experience within myself to stop myself, breathe and through writing, see where the point is coming from and how the pattern is playing out within me.   

I commit myself to stop fearing myself and stop judging myself and others as I realize that it always leads back to myself and so creates consequences for myself - therefore I commit myself to stop creating consequences for myself, and to stand until all is Equal in my reality and free of CON-sequence.