7 Year Journey to Life - Day 4 - Transcending The Frustration System

My focus today was to stop frustration. Even though the day was a difficult - 11hours of tough physical labor and concentration with issues arising that would normally create frustration - I did not give in to the mind.  Whenever I sensed frustration arising within me I was aware of it and stopped it. So awareness along with commitment were the keys to stopping the frustration system from siphoning my energy.   I feel a bit tired yes, yet if I had let frustration control me, I know for certain I would be far far more tired than I am now.  

Thanks to a chat with a fellow Destonian this morning, I was able to transcend this simple system today, and so not fall victim to an energetic drain which has consequences for my physical body.

That's why Desteni and the SRA course are so amazing - helping eachother to stand in the common goal of standing for all life.  The ultimate reward being to stand equal to and as life, as opposed to being enslaved and subject to a system that does not care weather you live or die.

Equality is my passion, there is nothing else worth living for in this phony world of greed and selfishness.   

It is an honor to be part of a group that stands for what is best for all, but it is far more than that.  It is supporting myself, sharing myself, giving myself to life, understanding and facing who I truly am, and yet there is still so much more than that.  It is to become real for the first time in the history of the universe.  The ultimate adventure.  Hard to understand why anyone would not want to be part of it.

7 Year Journey To Life - Day 3

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get to a point in existence where we fear communicating with others what we are really experiencing, and in so we have replaced fears, temporary comforts, secrets and lies with the truth of who we are - not realizing that this is the path to self-denial and destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny that ignorance (as seeing self as separate from reality) is the facilitator and accomplice to spiteful abuse as the destroyer of life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get to a point in my existence where I am unable to experience the suffering of others first hand as myself and so not realize the extent of the abuse and harm that is existent in my world because we do not stand for life absolutely in every way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my caring for life to my personal idea of what I think is enough thus allowing my caring to exist within limitation of a personal belief and so invalidate my caring to that of a pathetic and halfhearted charitable donation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to a point in my existence where I have become so clouded by deception that I do not even understand what it really means to absolutely care for life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to a point in my existence where I do not even understand myself as life, as caring for all life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be halfhearted in application of myself where as I do not push myself through resistances when times are difficult

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider the limited experience of myself as opposed to considering all dimensions of myself throughout existence as all life here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my own fears above the principle of that which is best for all in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place anything above that which is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can exist without the principle of that which is best for all and love thy neighbor as thyself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing life to become subject to death

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and cruelty to rule existence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing inconsideration of consequential outflows

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny that I am responsible for creating life here as the physical as equal in all ways

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive life as an insignificant movie that is scripted and acted out without consequence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses as to why I cannot take responsibility for life within standing with the group that stands for what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my personality/ego to deter me as becoming the living example of what is best for all life

7 Year Journey to Life Day 2 - Recognizing Patterns

Today I worked on a deck I am building.  While setting up the contract, I allowed myself to under-price the job because I was fearing not getting the job and not having any work.  I see that this point has played out many times in the past where I jeopardize my situation because of my fears.  I end up underpricing a job and then when it comes time to do the work I get angry at myself, and am upset with myself throughout the job and at the end when I get paid.  Every time I do it I am amazed that I let it happen again, yet it continues to happen over and over again.  How and why do I constantly fail to realize the pattern playing out?  There are multiple factors at work such as…

Forgetting how the patterns have played out in the past
Not being aware of its play out in the present
Not recognizing the starting point of the patterns
Not recognizing how I participate in the patterns
Irresponsibility to change the pattern play outs
Wanting to blame others or the system

There was an instance in my childhood where I was at school, it was grade 1 I remember.  The teacher (will call her Rose) was giving a lesson on how to recognize patterns through pictures.  It occurred to me that this could be a key to understanding my reality, yet I immediately dismissed it because I was already quite aware of the deception in my world through having a stepmother that I absolutely despised.  The fake-ness of everything was apparent when one is in that kind of relationship.

I thought that this lesson was another attempt to trick me into believing something that was not true.  I did not want to fall for another trick.  It couldn’t be that simple.  And patterns seemed so repetitive and boring.  Why was school and this teacher trying to get me to work on things?  Why did they not just tell me straight up instead of trying to show me in some round about way?  Why all the deception?  This is how my distrust for the system developed. 

Through this distrust I learned to be rebellious to the system and so gain an ego or personality construct within myself as someone who could outsmart the system.  I could get around issues and deal with things my own way.  I began trusting my ego until eventually that began to let me down in a number of ways.  There were some harsh realizations within that and so I had nothing left to trust, not even myself, which is why I turned to religion.  It was easy, I hated myself and the world, so I could just have faith in a god that would save me from it all.  Not realizing I was only falling deeper into delusion I had manifested through seeing myself as separate from the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not responsible for recognizing the patterns that play out in my life and changing them to support myself and all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can escape or circumvent the system as not facing it as myself as what I have allowed myself to become as a system of enslavement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am better than the system and therefore I can do things my own way in the illusion that I have free choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself in thinking that I am separate from my reality and therefore someone else is to blame for enforcing a system of enslavement upon me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate responsibility to change the system as myself and therefore abdicate myself within my life experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of responsibility, which is like wanting to steal life and get it for free.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny the harsh reality that I am responsible for accepting and allowing this system to exist through my not considering all life equally in every way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having work and not having money and in so creating consequences that play out that create worse circumstances for myself which further create more anger and fear within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss, not recognize, deny and forget the patterns that play out in my life which are showing me myself and my dishonest participation in my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my problems will just go away by themselves without me having to work them out for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blame others or place responsibility on others to show me what I am doing to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself and be angry with myself and others when I have to face consequences of what I have accepted and allowed not realizing that in the moment of facing consequences I can still then stand up and change myself and manage the consequences to repair what I have messed up for myself.

Till here no further and all life is equal in every way.

7 Year Journey to Life - Day 1

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and condemn 

myself from a starting point of fear of 'not being included' therefore allowing 

myself to sabotage myself and my process in reaction to self judgement 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my current situation, 

not realizing that I am living out the consequences of what I have deliberately 

accepted and allowed and actively participated in within my life experience 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear future consequences 

of being without money and dying, not realizing that allowing this fear to 

play out in my mind creates further consequence and this fear only allows 

justification for me to not take responsibility for what is here and standing 

for equality as what is best for all 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself through 

anger, resentment and fear, thus allowing myself to become discouraged with 

myself and wanting to give up 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret my past where 

I fell for the illusion and so did not stand for life in all ways.  This regret 

identifies a point of ego within me where I am desiring to be better than or 

special 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the 

polarity system of beauty/ugliness where I have self defined ideas of what 

is beautiful and what is ugly placing these values above the value of life 

as what is best for all 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide from 

myself within the belief that I don't fit in or that I don't matter. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and 

controlled by the feeling of shame of who I have allowed myself to become 

as fear addicted to energy 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have 

nothing to contribute and I have transcended everything already.  This 

is a mind illusion which only justifies me trying to feel better about 

myself and so not work towards true equality as ending the abuse and 

suffering in the world 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire personal 

happiness while others suffer 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about my 

circumstances while many in the world do not even have the basic necessities 

of life 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that the 

physical existence as the elements are harming me, when in fact they are 

helping me to face myself and become life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that life 

does not care 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to derail my process 

through blaming others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not communicate effectively

with myself and others