Day 423 - Evasion

 Saturday September 12, 2020

Pickleball analogy - lazy missed shots - sourced through personality system of evasion as not giving my best. 

Realized a point where someone had mentioned laziness as a character flaw, and I had somewhat enthusiastically reacted/resisted stating that laziness was not a specific starting point thus inaccurate.  What I had missed and eventually discovered in myself was that the actual starting point was not laziness, but patterns of evasion as I would often not give my best effort within various thought processes such as 'its not worth it', or 'it will be useless', or 'there's no point to doing this', 'not sure if this is the right thing to do' etc etc.  This also relates to patterns of trust where I had been placing trust in others as opposed to trusting myself, and as such I had been misleading myself through allowing myself to be mislead by others.  Consequently I would then go into patterns of blame, evasion, frustration etc. thus diffusing my best potential through not seeing clearly what were my responsibilities in various circumstances, and how they could be approached that would create workable solutions.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses such as 'its not worth it', or 'it will be useless', or 'there's no point to doing this', 'not sure if this is the right thing to do' in order to justify to myself why I do not have to take responsibility to resolve conflicts and create responsible solutions for myself and others

   

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into patterns of blame because I have accepted and allowed myself to follow others in what was being professed and/or dictated as authentic and/or just.  I realize my responsibility in researching and testing potentials for myself so that I can determine what is the best solution in common sense.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divert and diffuse myself into patterns of evasion in the belief that if I just avoid a problem someone else can deal with it who knows better than I, and so I will be able to evade my responsibility towards creating the best solution for that problem.  I realize that through understanding the starting point and the goal of creating what is best for all, it is not necessary to avoid, evade, or fear problems, but to enjoy the process of creating inventive, specific, and rational solutions that work best for all.