Day 421 - Counterintelligence

 Thursday September 9, 2020

Who I am as Gollum

Calling my own dog shit

Changing from not doing my best

Things seem very ominous from this vantage point.  Hiding in my comfortable cave while the python slowly constricts and suffocates the world.  Some would call me sadistic for this point of view, however I see a silver lining of this impending consequence is that the world will have ridden itself of many delusional, abusive, wasteful, deceitful beings who deliberately refuse to uphold common sense nor a common principle that supports life.  Strange how certain things seem to be too simple to understand.   It' as if things have to be complex in order to be somehow respected as 'intelligent'.  Shameful and shallow is humanity.  Interestingly if we actually considered more that just ourselves, we would realize that intelligence is nothing more than the creation of it's polar opposite as counterintelligence, and thus the bane of existence and the nemesis of a living common sense principle.    

Funny how I am able to say these things, yet upon reading the words back I must acknowledge my own 'less than my best' behaviors.  I am not perfected by any means.  I have been in limbo for a few years and very little has changed.  I have made attempts yet have been discouraged with myself.  I see this in relation to my growing up in education systems I saw many many flaws with, thus rebelled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than my best, less than my highest potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what potentials exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be small and narrow minded in my ability to see the greater picture at work, and how I could contribute to changing it for the best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag my feet, and so be a drag for others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refrain from pushing myself to mature, grow, and expand in ways that would have a positive impact on the world as within the point of supporting life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself to an extent that I do not trust myself  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rebellion is a solution when in fact it just exacerbates problems.