Day 420 - More Explanation

 Monday September 7, 2020

More with regards to my Venus - Moon opposition, I sense a distinct anxiety when dealing with some women for example if they are financially stable or successful or haughty in some way, I notice this tendency to blatantly put them off or ignore them completely.  I see it as a reflection of my past desertions towards my responsibilities with regards to direction, self assertion, and issues related to financial standing and stability.  I was in full awareness of what I did and it was deliberate for a reason.  Not only do I sense the anxiety on my part, but I also sense that some women have a strong 'distasteful' disposition towards me.  I understand I can come off a bit egotistical at times, however there is a lot more to the story than just what appears on the surface.    

This lunar opposition creates significant conflict not only due to the Double T-square of Jupiter/Neptune, (Jupiter being the chart ruler) but being born at night, this apparently makes the Moon a more significant influence in a chart.  This compounded by the fact that (in the sidereal) My moon is in Leo which can carry aspects of sensitivity and pride.  Being in the 8th house, this aspect can also highlight issues related to humiliation, which is probably why I can go into periods of evasion in an effort to avoid any kind of drama related issues such as those experienced in the past.  I realize that I should not allow such temperaments to influence who I am.  I must be aware of my own points of evasion when there are personal responsibility issues which must be addressed.  

Dream

I was repairing and driving used 5-tonne trucks around inside a large building with a relative.   We arrived at a gas station with some friends and oddly there was an open toilet right in the middle of the store amidst all of the snacks and candy.  I guess I had to go, so for some unknown reason I thought it would be a good idea to use the toilet, not considering how inconsiderate and awkward that would be for myself and everyone else walking around in the store.   

Introspecting into this dream I see that at first I was judging myself thinking myself to be naive, inconsiderate, and with limited awareness in my actions when I have had similar experiences in the past.  I realize that this lack of awareness can be attributed to a careless, self centered environment and/or upbringing where we have to learn the morals of society on our own through trial and error, for ex. how to conduct ourselves in a way that is considerate of others, as opposed to just doing things for our own sake because they are easy, or because they are efficient/convenient for us.  This is a process of expanding our awareness for which the silver lining is that we have an opportunity to learn and change/correct ourselves.