Day 415 - Speaking

 Sunday August 30, 2020

Received a sweet proposition, and declined of course.  Seeing the end of that road as dreadful.  Cooked potato salad and Kraft dinner today.   Went for a short bike ride, sat at the beach alone for half an hour.   Did the dishes, cleaned the rabbit cage and let her outside for a bit.  David Ike speech was interesting.  Big changes ahead for everyone, anxiety is understandable.   Watched some Starcraft matches and played some games.    Played a game of clue last night with some neighbors.  My mouth ran off a little as I was attempting to explain some occult plots to them.  I see there is potentially some doubt within myself as I try to get people to understand rather than just speaking myself.  Its as if I dont believe my own words so I have to get them to believe so that I can validate my personality as being more intelligent, more wise, and deeper in understanding which understandably can be seen as a condescending. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself through speaking and trying to force others to believe me in order to validate my personality complex within the desire to be better than through knowledge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spew off words without actually standing as the words that I am speaking from the starting point of being here equal and one with myself as all.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be driven by the desire to convey knowledge to others through speaking in an effort to bolster my personalities as wise, intelligent, and profoundly well educated.  I realize the solution to this problem is to speak slowly and more carefully within the consideration that others will not understand regardless, and my own walking and speaking should be first priority so that I can be direct with myself and through that it will come naturally to others.