Thursday August 27, 2020
Dream
I was picked up by some men in a military vehicle. We got into the back, there were about 5 or 6 of us. They all had standard issue clothes with white shirts. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable about the situation but said nothing. We drove to a checkpoint, and when we passed it, there was a big sigh of relief from the soldiers, and one mentioned that it had been 18 months since he was able to leave the area we came from. It was a strange contrast, him being relieved and myself feeling anxious. One of the men began grabbing handfulls of snakes and moving them into a compartment in the truck, this was food for later apparently. He tossed one of the snakes/large worms into my lap and I grabbed it having no reaction, 'cool' he said as he realized that I had no reaction and no fear. We arrived at a large barracks which housed hundreds of military personnel all wearing standard attire. As we walked through the open area there were men of all races and types set in small groups of 5-10 conversing among themselves.
Felt tired today so had a few naps throughout the day. Played pickleball this evening and had fun. Surely there is more I can do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger to people who use their 'systemic authority' to arrogantly power trip over others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide relationships within my mind
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create a life for myself that would have brought myself enjoyment and fulfillment. I realize that this point needs to be investigated thoroughly so that I can determine how, when, and why I went wrong and what if anything can be done about the problem even though it is likely too late to change much, perhaps there is something I can do.
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