Day 207 - Consequence and Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself into a situation where I am enslaved to consequence as money, where money dictates how I experience and express myself.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped by money and by those who enforce the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a money system to exist where life has been neglected and existence relegated to meaningless and careless actors in a horrific play of shameless ignorance and disgrace.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that consequence always existed as me, and only appears extreme and negative because I accepted and allowed myself to put it off for so long.  I realize that I must embrace consequence as myself as consequence assists me to face myself in realizing what I have done to myself and all - so that I can stop allowing abuse in myself and my world, and change to stop harmful consequence for ever.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that desire - as the desire to get or achieve - that which I have not fully taken responsibility for, creates consequences for myself and all through desiring that which is in separation and therefore does not support Life as Equality.

I commit myself to embrace consequence as embracing myself so that I can learn to change myself and stand unconditionally, no longer enslaved to systems and/or fears of the mind.

I commit myself to do what is necessary to be done in order - to create myself in what is best for all - and to stop the mind which only creates consequences of pain, suffering, and death.

I commit myself to do what must be done to support  Equal Money Capitalism and the Equal Life Foundation so that we can work together to make life worth living on this planet for Everyone.

Day 94 - Tarot Self Refelction Part 3

The topic I selected was - My Fear


The card in the center represents the attitude you assume. The Lovers, when reversed: Inner strife, frustration, suspicion, and disagreements in a relationship. Irresponsibility and indecision. Avoiding true intimacy in favor of lust. Unfaithfulness.

As the resulting consequence of what I accepted and allowed in the past, in fear of facing myself, I trusted god, and so denied myself completely, and ran from myself in the hope that God would take care of everything, I naively believed I just had to trust him and I could cast all my worries aside.  Heaven was there waiting for me.  I took on many heroic characters in my mind to avoid facing myself, relishing in fantastical imaginations that covered, pacified and justified the inner oppression of myself.  I was a complete fool, and I knew it.  I justified the fool character as the essential adversary to the world which I hated - but what I did not face, is that I was hating myself, and now I reap what I have sewn for myself. 

At least I had a chance to see and understand myself in the greater picture, to finally understand Equality... and so say my piece.

This is not a sob story, or a surrender.  I have done much self forgiveness on these points and will continue to do so.  This is facing the reality that self forgiveness does not change the situation unless all change, and still the consequences of the past must be faced, however harsh, there comes a point when consequences can become very demanding... as money still rules the big game, and if you don't have it, you are virtually worthless and helpless in the world.  






The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. The World, when reversed: Incompleteness and shoddy design. A great work betrayed. Insecurity, fear of change, and the failure to reach goals. Regret and disappointment.







My goal was to find the truth, what use was living life based on a lie?  Whatever cost I didn't care, even if the cost was myself. I deliberately avoided becoming successful, as I knew that being successful entailed accepting and serving a system based in abuse.  I thought it would be more fun being poor.  Seeing it from my characters perspective in self-interest of course, although I covered that up with the 'caring person' character.  And so I assumed the role of the good and faithful servant of god, partly to alleviate the tremendous guilt I had.  I was very naive, believing all the prophecies people would tell me about myself, believing myself to be 'special' and 'chosen' by god for a great purpose... lol.  It all sounded very cool... What a sucker I was.  I really had it coming.

As for other goals that I had, they were minor, and the choices I made simply did not turn out in my favor, and I did allow fears to get the best of me. Sure I regret many things and would have done things differently.  Regret however is useless, as is disappointment, and hope.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.

When the money runs out, as it most assuredly will, this is the future we all face.  Just look around. Does the world care about homeless or starving people?  Clearly not.  Charity is a pathetic excuse. The only ones that are protected are the ones who are in positions of authority, given value by corporations and a corrupt system.  If people in the world actually cared, Desteni would have had a million followers by now, and we would be on our way to transforming the world.  Looks like the only way we will realize is the hard way. 




The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. Ten of Wands (Oppression), when reversed: Refusing to take on burdens greater than you can carry. Noble leadership restrained from transforming into tyranny. Bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility without being crushed. Through careful conservation of their fuel, the engines of creation continue onward.

Oh yes the excuse that I'm taking on the weight of the world.  If everyone pitched in just a little bit we could actually do something.  The fears really have people in a stranglehold.  We face them all eventually, and the consequences, so I don't see the point in putting it off... comfort disappears very quickly.


The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Three of Wands (Virtue), when reversed: Pride and arrogance. Convincing oneself that the ends justify the means. A great act of betrayal set in motion. Sinking to the level of an opponent. The vain quest for glory and a personal spotlight. Charity or friendship offered with intent of material gain.


The Pride character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud in thinking that I am special in any way, in that I think I am better than anyone because I realize and understand Equality.  I realize that it is not just understanding, but actual application of myself in taking responsibility to become life and live what is best for all absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could change the world, when actually fear is far more prevalent and ingrained in the minds of people than I had considered, so much that people cannot even take a stand on Equality one way or the other, in fear of stepping out of character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this character William, to think that I have achieved anything to be proud of, when there is absolutely nothing in this world or all of existence to be proud of.  All is a Shameful, Fear-filled Disgrace of Life and a Lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of arrogance, wherein I believed the lies that everything would be ok, god would solve everything, I could just deny myself and the physical existence did not matter in the end as long as I played by god's rules, he would take responsibility for me and send all the evil people to hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to arrogantly believe that I could do everything on my own without the help of others.  I realize that I can do many things on my own, but eventually, the system of gangs as cults of corporations, governments, businesses and families overpower through money, contracts and relationships as the spite of Life. 

Day 84 - Illusion

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that excuses in and as self-denial create Hell on Earth so that the Earth has become the executed-use of Life, relegated to a memory to be forgotten and drained of all ability to give Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there will be enough time - later.  I realize and I am fully aware that time was created through separation and self-deception, therefore relying on time in the hope that I will have 'more time' only creates more deception of time as spiraling and diminishing cycles of enslavement.  I realize that my stubborn belief that I was born a long time ago as 'just a stub', separate from the whole Tree of Life is a justification as to why I can persist in the desire to be enslaved to time, as opposed to taking responsibility for myself as all in each moment of time I created, and so untie myself from Tie-me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions, as believing a conclusion to be something, somewhere safe to land, where I can relax... pat myself of the back and feel better about myself, because I, as my ego/mind, have formed the Great Religion of Knowledge of Who I Am, in my spitefully concocted-illusion as consciousness, rather than physically working to create myself as Breath, as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-forgiveness, as if it is some kind of imaginary monster that is going to conjure up fear and judgement against me.  I realize that in fearing myself, I am the Conjurer that cons myself, and the Jury that judges myself, condemning myself in the Preference to make myself magically appear how I Like to be as the illusion - conjuring images and thoughts in my mind in the desperate attempt to escape responsibility for who I am as a physical being with an opportunity to become Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain and death, not realizing that I created pain and death for myself, as my gift to me, the mirror reflection of what I have allowed myself to become, as consciousness - a cruel and thieving bully who's only goal is to steal life, as I have siphoned energy off the physical in fear of my creation - Pain and Death - In so I have preferred to be content with contention, and to remain silent and phony when faced with my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in the secret paradise of my mind, where I roll a random pair-of-dice to run from my self-domination and enslavement to choose a role for myself, as a character who will play out my secret fantasies in Spite of all that is here as me as the physical.  I realize that all secrets are inevitably secreted, and that my mind is merely the magic projector in the back of my head, playing a movie of pretty lights and colors, distracting me and stimulating my selfish addiction to energy, in the foolish hope that one day, the reel would become real.


I commit myself to realize that there is nowhere in the entire universe where I can hide from myself.

I commit myself to understand that understanding is the way to gain perspective of how knowledge is the impostor of Life, and through understanding I can learn how to forgive my abuse of knowledge and move myself from a place of standing under to standing Equal to Life.

I commit myself to share who I am and to give myself as who I am so that I can for-give myself as who I have allowed myself to become - as a database of knowledge - and change myself to support all Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to expose myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that all secrets can be forgiven and so we can learn that secrets are harmful abuse of life.

I commit myself to realize that to be life is to be here as breath in taking responsibility for all that we create individually and collectively so that no more harm, enslavement, or abuse of Life is ever again allowed to exist.

I commit myself to supporting systems that will support Life, as what is best for all, such as the Equal Money System.

I commit myself to agreements that support Life, so that Life can be born from the physical as Equal.    

7yr Journey to Life - Day 53 - Enjoy the Challenge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in a rush while working because I fear not making money fast enough.  When and as I notice myself rushing and pushing myself to hard, I stop and breathe for a moment to slow myself down so that I am not allowing my mind to dictate the pace.  I realize that I must direct myself in each moment and no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of not having money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that consistency is the most effective and practical method to direct myself so that I can be effective in my work and direct myself in and as the physical.  If I am rushing, I must stop myself and check whether my starting point is fear or me directing myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all situations I find myself in are self-created, and so I must walk out the consequences.  Within that I realize that I must stop myself from creating consequences by directing myself in and as breath in every moment, not reacting to situations but directing them as myself in what is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my programmed personality based on my parents personalities and how they dealt with issues such as frustration and anxiety.  I no longer accept and allow myself to grasp onto a personality, but rather I face myself here in the challenge to change myself and direct myself in each moment, so that I can align myself with the physical as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself in each moment, as if I would fear facing myself as how I have created myself.  I realize that in taking responsibility for myself here, I must walk the consequences of what I have created, so that I can challenge myself to change myself in undoing what I have done and created as myself as this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that facing resistances and challenging my personality/ego/mind is the way to freeing myself from self-created consequence, and therefore I enjoy that challenge and I enjoy taking responsibility for myself rather than exist as a slave robot to a system of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on a nice face, smile or laugh to make someone else feel more comfortable.  I realize that this is self-compromise and I am sick of compromising myself as a program of trying to please others in fear of expressing myself self-honestly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in any way to people within conversation.  I realize that reacting is of the mind, therefore I direct myself to directly speak words as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-correction in the presence of another person.  I realize that taking responsibility to correct myself in front of others is not only assisting myself but assisting others as well.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself within self-correction immediately, so as to catch myself instantly, and walk the necessary steps to actual change from the starting point of me being honest with myself.

I challenge myself to change myself within the presence of others, within slowing down and applying the necessary steps to correct and change myself so I am speaking words as me, not in reaction, but directly speaking based on what is here as me.

I challenge myself to enjoy the challenge of pushing my resistances to change myself, and to see it as an opportunity in each moment to realize myself and to stand up for myself as what is best for all.

I challenge myself to share who I am unconditionally with those who are able to hear

I challenge myself explore new ways of expressing myself, to redefine expression as no longer within the fear of embarrassment, rather cutting through all the judgement bullshit and getting to the critical point of exposing the lies and deception in our world that has been promoted by a system of dishonesty.

7yr Journey to Life Day 41 - Aligning the Compass

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as definitions of being less than, whereby I limit myself and punish myself in not embracing and accepting myself here, where I can change myself in each moment.  I realize I have allowed this because I have held onto the belief (of being less than the physical as me) and that I was subject/slave to systems of my mind that I have accepted and allowed in my life through self-imposed fear of myself. 

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that by me embracing myself here and realizing that I am fully capable and responsible to change myself to direct myself in each moment, I am making the only logical decision to stop myself from being enslaved to a spiteful program which professes the absurdity that abuse and suffering is 'just the way it is', and such is life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget how utterly detestable this existence actually is, and in so realizing I can use this knowledge to push myself, change myself and realize myself as Equal, and stand as a physical being not influenced by the mind of the make believe world of consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself or my world as I realize that each must take responsibility for self, and that I cannot help myself or anyone through pity, as this only stems from false perceptions and ideas of the mind as the desire to be a savior and/or to fuel a belief that I am in some way good in the polarity game of good/evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future.  I realize that my responsibility lies here in each moment as breath, and therefore future consequences only play out as a result of me not taking responsibility here in each moment.  I realize I am limited in my ability to change already existent consequences in my world, yet that does not excuse me from taking responsibility to do what I am able here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate on getting things done because I fear making decisions.  I realize that if I take too long in making decisions then I am making the decision to 'not make a decision' and therefore sabotaging myself through stagnation as not moving myself effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have more responsibility that what is here as what I have created for myself.  I realize that for me to have more responsibility, I must first take responsibility for what is here as me, and so become responsible to myself in my agreement with myself to become absolutely Equal in every way within and as myself in this life.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that in order to get things done that are priorities in my life, it is necessary to sacrifice that which is not necessary, and in so I must prioritize myself and discipline myself to not accept and allow myself to fall victim to consequence of lack of responsibility to prioritize things in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking risks.  I realize that everything I do entails some risk, therefore I must carefully calculate the risks I take so that all outflows are considered and in so I can make responsible decisions that are common sense and best for all.

I commit myself to embracing myself within developing self-trust as myself - this I can do through taking responsibility for myself in each moment as doing what is necessary to be done, therefore proving and establishing self-trust here as myself where self-judgement is no longer necessary, as I stand Equal to all as myself.

I commit myself share my realizations with others unconditionally - to those that will hear. Those that do not hear, I will not waste my words. 

I commit myself to stand Equal to each moment and situation that arises within my experience of myself here, and in so take responsibility through accountability and accumulation within the Equality equation 1+1=2...

I commit myself establish myself as self-trust and self-responsibility and self-honesty through walking each layer of myself back to the starting point of how it was created and thereby deconstructing the illusions and beliefs I allowed through my participation in fear and self-sabotage.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 12 - Domination

Every time we have a thought, it is accepted and allowed desire for Submission or Domination.  And so, we have Dominated ourselves, and all become slaves to our minds. 

Domination is often played out in sexual fantasy games such as BDSM.  Why is it that we enjoy these experiences?  For the most part, we are seeking energetic experiences through pushing our limitations of fear and pain.  But the interesting part is that this type of experience can create an addiction to an energetic rush of fear and excitement, where we are seeking a limited personal bliss as a form of enlightenment, rather than actually transcending our fears and directing ourselves to become effective and do what is necessary to be done to change our world as a whole.  

Humans are considered the 'Dominant' species.  Yet, do we humans ever consider what we are Dominating? Is it not obvious that through our desire for Domination, we are acting like Dominoes in killing and destroying all life on earth?    Domination is the polarity of Submission, so we have also desired Submission through wanting others to take responsibility for us rather than taking responsibility for ourselves. All mankind has ever done throughout history is seek Domination through war and conflict in the quest for power and control.

The solution to the problem is common sense within understanding who we really are as Equals.

Therefore the only thing that stands in the way of becoming life - Self-Realization.  And there are only 2 things that stand in the way of self-realization;

Fear and Resistance.

Both of which are programs taught to us through our predecessors.  And so we believed them because we thought them to be 'wise' and 'understanding'.  Yet if we look at our current existence, it is plain to see that clearly they lacked understanding - because we still have a world full of humans who heedlessly seek Domination, power and control.  Why do we allow this?  Because the Domination and Submission systems exist within US.

What is the Fear?

Simply facing who we really are as physical beings rather than 'ideas' and 'opinions' and 'beliefs' of who we are.  Personalities and status identities in conflicting rivalries that resonate and manifest war both inside ourselves and outside as our world as a whole.

We are all Equally responsible.   So how do we stop conflict and war?  By individually taking responsibility to stop supporting and participating in ideas, opinions, beliefs and egotistical personalities, erroneously thinking 'that is who we are'.  Nonsense.  Certainly we can all agree on the one and only absolute reality that is not debatable - We are physical beings on a physical planet.  In so doing, we will actually work to create Heaven on Earth.

Common Sense. If everyone on earth gave everything they had instead of greedily hoarding the resources on our planet - EVERYONE would have access to EVERYTHING they need and more than they could ever imagine. We would all live RICH and fulfilling lives beyond our wildest dreams, and for the first time ever in existence - we would not have to fight for our survival, but we would actually LIVE - through giving.  Every day would be ten thousand times better than the best Christmas anyone ever had!

What is the Resistance? 

Change.  Believing that we cannot change because we are so afraid of letting go of our personal desires and beliefs.  Hung up on guilt and self condemnation.  Hung up on living in self-interest.  Hung up on fears of what we would have to give up.  All mind created non-sense that does not take into consideration what it is we are actually sacrificing by NOT giving up our self-interest and false ideas of free choice.  Change happens only though self-forgiveness and self-correction.

Domination is not Life.   Can we all agree to Live for once, and for All?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek Domination as that of desiring power and control through egotistical desires and personality constructs that I have accepted and allowed as real throughout my life experience when they were not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and Dominate myself as the physical reality and in so create machines of enslavement, where I thought I would find comfort and happiness, but instead I found only misery and delusion as being subject to, and less than my physical existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a Domino effect within my reality through inconsideration of myself as Equal to my reality and in so I found myself subject to consequential outflows of fear, suffering and enslavement, which I allowed though my active participation within fear and not transcending resistance to change myself into that which stands for what is best for all in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect myself and be ignorant of the fact that desiring energetic experiences of myself as pictures in my mind in self-interest are not in fact real, but me attempting to Dominate myself in fear of facing who I am.  I realize that I am here as the physical and so must face resistance and use it as a tool in establishing who I am as Equal to my world and my reality.  Therefore I take responsibility to stand within the realization that - who I am affects my world and my reality as me in resonant agreement to unconditionally stand for Equality of Life in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek Submission as enslavement to systems, whereby I do not live but exist as an organic robot slave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek Submission as enslavement as trying to escape responsibility to direct myself and avoid facing myself as who I am as co-creator of existence here within manifested consequential outflows which reflect to me myself.  I no longer accept and allow myself to desire to be directed by systems, but I choose to live as Equal, as self-direction and in so I give myself to Life so that I may give and all may see that giving is the way to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a Master and in so create myself as a slave to my own creation as systems.