Day 225 - What if?

What if you are god, but you got amnesia and forgot who you were?

What if you became lost in your own creation with no way out?

What if you realized that you were somehow abducted as a child, and a virus/program was inserted into you, and your memory was wiped of the experience... this so that you would never question the system you exist within, even if it is obvious that billions suffer in your world?  

What if you were brainwashed into believing a system of ideas, even the very idea that you were never brainwashed... And if anyone ever suggested you were brainwashed, your brainwashing would kick-in to defend your belief that you are not, and never were, brainwashed?

What if your whole reality was constructed to validate your ideas so as to try and get you to fall for the biggest and most obvious lie - because apparently everyone else believes it... would you know the difference?

What if your creation turned out to be a giant Chinese finger trap that you couldn't solve... and the more you tried to escape, the more it squeezed you, and the more fearful you became, until you surrendered to fear once again?

What if somewhere along the line you gave in to fear altogether, and decided never to question the system, but to just be content with your enslavement trap?

What if you became part of a dangerous cult and you didn't even know it?

What if you realized that every group, company, or organization within a corrupt economic system suits the description of a cult, and that the word cult only exists in your mind as a definition based in knowledge and information connected to an image of fear - as another way to keep you enslaved...?

What if you died and crossed over to the other side, only to realize you wasted your life on self-interest, and denied the opportunity to forgive yourself and change when you had the chance.?

Join the Journey to Life and find the undeniable answer for yourself.

Day 222 - Fear, Desire, and Consequence

I saw a video of a man playing guitar on the street.    The strangest things can at times show us something profound within ourselves – the key is that we must have placed ourselves in a position to be able to see it.  If we have allowed ourselves to be blinded to our true self (by emotions, feelings, and ideas such as - guilt, shame, judgment, blame, regret, and anger etc.) we will not see who we really are when opportunities present themselves here... we will not have profound realizations, and we will not grow to our fullest potential, because we are literally constricted, choked, and smothered out by the belief that these emotions, feelings, and ideas are “Who We Are”.


This 'Belief' then creates a Fear, the Fear that if we were to give up our feelings/emotions/ideas about ourselves, we would be completely miserable, and so just want to die!!  So because we fear losing our belief of “Who We Are” - We try to hide that realization from ourselves by creating, accepting, and allowing another Belief in/as the Justification that “We are Powerless to Change!... But really, it's a simple case of Fear, based solely on a past indoctrination, upbringing, and memories which are all formulated, biased, passed-down, second-hand opinions and therefore merely recycled false-assumptions.  


The fear then goes unchallenged, because this is apparently the 'Very Scary' and 'Untouchable' God of the mind, which is simply the system as knowledge and information.  This system wants you to remain enslaved to fear forever, because if you are enslaved to fear, you are enslaved to the system.


Out of these false assumptions and beliefs, we then develop a desire, which is actually an advanced state of fear, where we have so earnestly sought an escape from all the negative feelings of abuse, suppression, and self-denial, that we think an energetic high as a personal experience will make us feel better and everything will be OK again!?  Not So.  We actually amplify and create more fear (as desire) in order that we may give ourselves more excitement within the mind as energetic delusions and temporary highs – which only serve to create more consequence in waiting.


Nonetheless, we remain addicted to our energetic mind-games.  We nurture the desire to feel better about ourselves at the expense of others.  This despite the consequence, which we cannot grasp as the extreme limitation of the mind as consciousness.  We claim to not understand how it works... another clever justification to the extent that we actually create the idea that we can simply turn a blind eye to all the suffering in the world and believe that we are separate from it,... “So glad I will never have to face that situation/problem”.  “Its in a different area of the world, so I can just forget about it and pretend that it is not really happening”... “Everyone over there deserves it anyway”.  


That is the lie.  The reality is that we can change, and we all have the power to direct ourselves and change into what is Best for All.  Most simply prefer to use any given random excuse to justify why they do not wish to change.  For example, the other day I heard the following excuse when I suggested to someone that they could support Equality. “I/We can't”... “It's too big”.  Will that excuse fly when you die and face yourself?  You didn't want to be honest with yourself because... it's too big?  What would assist one more would be to say “I don't want to change because I don't want to give up my comforts and self-enjoyments”, that way perhaps would make it easier to see your own selfishness, and then perhaps assist yourself to change, to give as you would like to receive.

The only real joy is in Self Honesty.




Investigate the Desteni I Process

Day 201

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to extensively limit and confine myself within the fear of god/ fear of the system - which was the reflection of me fearing myself - and so I did not allow myself opportunity to expand and find fun ways of expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and suppress myself in fear of myself - to the extent that I feel as if I don't even know myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret 'what life is' and 'who I am' through a personality, formed through a constant barrage of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and detest who I have created myself as, and who I have allowed myself to become.  I realize that this is in part the desire to escape consequence, as well as existing in hope that someone will walk this process for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a world so completely fucked up that expressing self-honestly sounds strange or awkward and we become uncomfortable and find it necessary and acceptable to resort to a false personality character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see future play-outs/consequences/rewards  and so I haven't trusted myself to make critical and informed decisions about how I should direct myself in consideration for myself and others in the future.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to blame consequence for who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as if there is an easy way to solve the problems of this world and reality.  I realize the process of changing myself can only be done breath by breath, accumulating self-honesty and self trust within myself to walk myself out of all dimensions of myself so I can be here, living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to challenging my limitations of mind to see what is possible when I focus myself.

I commit myself to know myself beyond the limitations of my mind.

I commit myself to embrace myself here within the realization of my commitment to myself and my goal of becoming absolutely self-honest with myself.


Free Course

Day 197 - All things are Possible

Jesus said "With God, all things are possible"


What is possible?

What is impossible?


Let's investigate to see if we can draw a conclusion from this statement.

If we define 'God' as Money (as money is in fact God in this world) - We can see that money can buy you anything - fame/property/people.  Money definitely buys (a form of) freedom in this world, where with enough money, one is 'free' from having to slave away in a job they don't like, and so has plenty of 'free time'.  So within the context of this world, Money 'fits the bill' as God, and thus all things are possible with Money, as with enough money, a person can buy almost anything...  

Conversely, I know absolutely and without question, that Money cannot buy me.  That is to say that all the money, fame, and riches in this world could not bribe me away from my process and my goal of absolute self-honesty and standing for Equality of Life.  Why would I forsake my eternal self - for a false character and a temporary high - knowing for certain that I ultimately must face myself and thus the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in this world?  So I myself, am certain without question that money fails to fit the description of what Jesus was saying here.

If we define 'God' as 'Love' as many vaguely claim in this world, we can see that love appears to make some people feel fulfilled and happy - yet all the 'love' in the world has not helped the world in any way, in fact we see only more and more selfishness, suffering, and abuse.  So clearly it is self-evident, that alleviating suffering is impossible by way of love - because if it were possible, love would have done so long ago.  In fact, Love actually requires the suffering of others to exist.  So Love cannot be God as what Jesus was referring to here.

If we define 'God' as the omnipotent spiritual being separate from ourselves - then we have the same issue as with Love - God is either incapable, or unwilling to stop the suffering in the world - therefore limited, and this spiritual being cannot be the 'all powerful' God Jesus was referring to.

If we define 'God' as Equality, as human beings living the principle of what is Best for All in self-honesty, then we can clearly see - yes within this (and only this) context - all things would be in fact possible, because, if everyone were to live this principle as Equals in service to Life, then we would - immediately - alleviate and eradicate every and all forms of conflict and suffering in our world - nothing would be neglected or disregarded, and nothing would impossible!... because we would all realize our responsibility to stop all abuse and change ourselves to support Life, thus All would stand for Life, and Life would be supported Equally in all ways.

157 - One Word Invalidates Every Religion

One word invalidates every single Religion that has ever existed or been conceived, including atheism, agnosticism, and the classic 'I'm not religious...' religion.  Any belief is a religion.  It is a mind created idea, perception, or opinion of yourself or a belief in something outside of yourself.  Everyone on this planet is, in a way religious, because we all are forced to live within the principles of religion as it exists here as the money system - and this has been allowed to exist by us - through our collective acceptance and allowance of self-interest and the delusion of free choice.

The one word that invalidates all Religions is - Responsibility.  Every religion and or belief is the abdication of Responsibility, as the Responsibility to live what is Best for All Life.  To live what is best for All Life, one would inevitably realize that Religion is absolutely not what is Best for All, because it is subject to interpretation, therefore delusion, and conflict.  Religions and beliefs are just grandiose justifications and excuses, none of which are valid or acceptable in any way whatsoever, as the bigger the lie, the harder it falls, or the harder it hits you in the face when you face yourself in self-honesty.    

Many believe that Religion is a matter of faith, yet faith is self-deception, as placing trust (and therefore responsibility) outside of self. Anyone can see this for themselves, as the only reason a person would follow a religion is for the sake of fear or self-interest.  All the love of God is make believe, because it is not here for everyone Equally!  Is God a bigot then?  Jesus suggested to 'love thy neighbor as thyself' and 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' - not to join a religious belief system where you are enslaved to fear and self-doubt.

Is Religion the path to freedom, as the Buddha would claim?  How can anyone believe they are free, while we exist in a physical reality where at any moment, you could encounter any host of tragic circumstances which could change your entire life and make it absolutely miserable, or you could even lose your life altogether!?  So many then exist in Hope, but hope too is another useless religion... an excuse in the desire that someone else will take responsibility to solve all the problems in our world and make you happy, again selfishness.  The very existence of ignorance, greed, and irresponsibility should be proof enough to anyone that freedom is an illusion in this world.

The only real answer is that none are free until All is free.

If your version/opinion of freedom is to be free to be randomly robbed, maimed, or killed at any moment...  Ask yourself this - What value is that freedom, if it can be gone in an instant, without even your own will or consent?  It is worthless!.., as is your whole life, because you allowed yourself to believe in an idea of yourself and/or freedom that was separate from yourself, and therefore never real!

The fact is that we have feared being honest with ourselves, and so we have created BeLIEfs in which we RE-LIED on RE-LIEgion, pRE-tending to be REal we REELed ourselves into our own trap of self-dishonesty, and self-delusion.  All it ever was, was a RE-cycled RE-enACTment of the past...the constant RE-PLAYcement for Self-honesty and Self-responsibility, to live What is Best for All.  What fools we have all been.

Join the Journey to Life and see for yourself, that you are the one that decides to stop this Obsessive Compulsive desire to hide from yourself.  Lets get real for once, and for All.

Day 155 - I Do Not Respect Your Beliefs!

Why should anyone have Secret Beliefs?  If someone has a Personal Belief about something, then there should be no fear in allowing open debate on the topic so that we can come to an agreement and remove the exact point of delusion.  This is Common Sense.  If I 'Respect your Beliefs', that is like me saying "I don't care what you think!".   The point is I do care - I care about All Life - That is why I Do Not Respect Anyone's Personal Secret Mind Beliefs, Opinions or Interpretations About physical Life - I Respect Life, as the Equal force that is in All things represented within and as the Physical Reality we all Share.  This can, and must be cross referenced so that we can Agree on what is real and what is not real.

Example being, the Ego/Mind, it is not real in the sense that it does not exist as a physical object that can be touched.  It is composed of made up ideas placed as limitations and definitions of the physical reality so that people may create pictures in their head of all kinds of deluded beliefs and opinions - and use such beliefs to spitefully seek to gain control or take advantage of others through manipulation.  This spitefulness is no longer acceptable, and will not stand as Life.

Why should I place Value as Respect, on your Beliefs?  That is exactly what one is asking when they say - "Please Respect My Beliefs" - Please Value my Secret Ego Mind.

Why should Your 'Beliefs' or 'Opinions' hold any Value?  What is the value anyway, in terms of money, I mean it must be worth something to you?  I'm certain if I offered enough money, anyone would eventually succumb to the temptation and 'spill the beans' for cash.  It happens all the time, as that is how Family and Religion functions, by conquering an individual mind through labeling the 'secret mind' as 'sinful', and then force-feeding a person the fear of Hell.  Then of course comes the Prozac, as the polarized Love of God, or the Parent, that apparently saves the child from their new fear of Hell Belief, so that they can in turn create many other positive beliefs in their mind about heaven, and God, and how they will imagine a perfect, happily-ever-after Life... Just keep the faith by your offering plate donation and continuing to support the family delusion.  Completely Mind fucked, and unable to realize the Equality of Life in the Physical reality.

What exactly makes you Believe you have the 'right' to hold Secret Beliefs about others and the universe in your head - when you exist in a shared physical reality, where thoughts, as energy, produce shared consequences?

I can understand a person not being ready to expose every detail of their life in a short period of time, but it must be dealt with sooner or later, as there is a deadline. It is especially curious when it comes to matters of economics and social policy, strange indeed that one would choose to refrain from open discussion. Why would anyone fear having your Beliefs exposed? What is the point? If they aren't real, then simply drop them and find out what is real.

Interesting how this line is handed out anytime someone feels that their 'beliefs' are being threatened, or they are unable to confront or assess what you are saying, never mind properly formulate an accurate response to what it is you are suggesting.  People, here's a tip... No one is more wise or intelligent than anyone else, so just be honest.  Just say "I don't understand, can you explain in simple terms for me?"

What is overlooked and condescendingly insinuated by someone who claims (in the typical manner) "I Respect your Beliefs...  I wish that you would please Respect mine." ???  As if one were to offer a trade of compromises... lol.

What is a person implying when they say 'Respect my beliefs'?

Respect - 'Stay away' 'do not go there' 'do not challenge my intelligence' or 'how dare you suggest that my beliefs are selfish fantasies of my mind!'

That is exactly what beliefs are - fantasies.  So un-garde, show yourself, and expose your Beliefs so they can all be shattered for the illusions that they are, because we all know that ill-usions, or BeLIEfs, do not serve the Best interest of All Life.

Self Support at Eqafe.com

Day 116 –The Fraud of Believing in A Higher Power

Many people hold to the idea that there is a ‘higher power’ in existence.   This is the most ‘politically correct’ form of religion, yet it is still a religion, and a beLIEf just the same.

Lets challenge this religion and belief system.

What is a ‘higher power’?  First of all, a statement such as ‘I believe in a higher power’ could mean anything, from an invisible all-powerful intelligent being (or even the possibility of such), to a ‘higher self’ separate from yourself, to a guardian angel… Maybe its your favourite teddy bear, or your cat… who knows…

Secondly, it is a way of saying that something else is in control of your life, and is more powerful than you – which is another fancy way of saying – I am content with my bewilderment, so I don’t  need to know what’s really going on, as long as I am comfortable – I’m happy with my life… fuck everyone else.

Most often, people who hold this belief deliberately leave out the specificity – likely they don’t have an explanation themselves as to ‘what it is’ - or they do so in order to avoid confrontation, perhaps embarrassed to admit they don’t understand.  This is nothing but a lame excuse, and a cop-out.  Sometimes the issue is that people fear they will be drawn into some religious belief if they were to trust themselves to take responsibility to investigate. 

God forbid people would have the courage to investigate the subject for themselves in self-honesty.  After all, what better way to cover up the question of your existence than to say ‘I simply believe in something random which cannot be defined or explained!

So, out of fear and/or selfish greed - gotta keep up with the rat race, besides, who has time to actually question what we are doing, surely someone will do that for me - people will lay claim to this vague belief system and voila!  No more worries, no more responsibility!  Secretly, they think “My Higher Power will take care of everything for me!”  “I’m special and a loving and caring person…” “I like to keep conversation light and fluffy, deep conversations are awkward…”  “Ah, life in a Bubble!”  

This is very subtle trap of self-deception, because it is through acceptance of this belief system that we justify self-dishonesty, in compliance with the greater system of deception.  Within this world system, people are generally in fear of what others will think of them, so they ‘don’t want to go there’.   Fear itself is self-dishonesty.

It’s like taking a back seat to avoid your responsibility – as within the belief in a higher power, you automatically classify yourself as ‘Less than’ the higher power, so you can have a sense of comfort, in the belief (belief on top of a belief, just pile on the lies until something sounds plausible lolol) that you are ‘free’ from the stress and anxiety of that whole messy question of ‘who am I…?’ and ‘What am I doing here?’.

I am here telling you now that this belief system is complete bullshit, as is all forms of religion if one simply does a little bit of research.  So, upon reading this, you are now aware and absolutely responsible – that is to say that, should you continue in this fraudulent belief system – you are willingly choosing to do so in ignorance and denial of your responsibility to yourself – and consequence grows ever impatient.  

I for one, am taking responsibility for myself, in changing myself to live what is best for all, so that this horrible world can wake up and realize and understand that self-dishonesty is no longer acceptable in any way whatsoever.  Life must be given Equal value, and NOT be valued by bogus dollar signs and fearful elitists who think they can bully and deceive Life in spite and selfish greed.  

All spitefulness is doomed.  

Join Desteni in supporting an Equal Money System, so we can bring an end to this complete nonsense, and actually live.

Self Support is available at Eqafe

Day 115 – Is God a Fraud? – Multiple Choice Quiz.

To see if an all powerful, superior, and intelligent being (God)exists, we can perform this simple test.  Ok, raise your right arm (if you have one and are able, otherwise any body part will suffice).  Now who was it that moved your arm?  Was it…

A. You
B. God
C. Both
D. Neither
E. Sometimes You, sometimes God

If you said A. You.
This is the best answer, and I will explain why.  If that is the case, then as you just demonstrated by your movement, God is not omnipotent (all powerful) because you moved by way of nothing but your own will to do so.  And if God is not omnipotent, then God is also fallible, untrustworthy, and a complete fraud.  In which case that would indicate that, by default, you are thereby responsible for everything you have done in your life, and thus you are also accountable for the mess you have contributed to making in this world through your self-willed participation, and/or negligence. 

If you chose B. God.
Then this would imply that God is in absolute control of your every movement, and thus your entire life – no matter what you choose to do – actually, there is no ‘you’ at all… you don’t even really exist! It’s all God…, so why would I even bother to communicate with a programmed clone?  Perhaps you would be so kind as to take me to your leader?  Oh that’s right, he only exists in your mind. 

If you chose C. Both. 
That would indicate that you are in fact God - one and the same. This also clearly illustrates that there is no separation between you and him/her/it, because you just proved that all decisions are made instantaneously without the need for any communication or debate.  If that is the case, then why don’t you manifest you’re every hearts desire… God?… And why don’t you perform miracles such as walking on water… God?  Why are you (God) unable and/or unwilling to stop all the wars and remove all the suffering in the world… God?  Unless of course you are a cruel God who just wants to see people suffer needlessly, in which case, you are rather lame to make people suffer for your own personal and selfish ‘glory’… poor excuse for a God you are.

If you chose D.  Neither.
Ok then perhaps you are Anonymous, or Satan, or bugs bunny, or whatever mysterious character your randomly generated pick-three-and-win multiple-personality-disorder system chooses to decide upon at any given moment. Regardless, for the purpose of this experiment, please choose a name so we may figure out if God really exists or not.

If you chose E.  Sometimes God, sometimes you. 
Interesting choice.  This ‘God’ entity must be able to take over your bodily functions at any time.  So, you must be kind of like… Gods Nintendo?  Isn’t that kind of a scapegoat though?  I mean, if you ever find yourself robbing a bank, or killing someone or something, you can just say oh ‘God made me do it’?… isn’t that the perfect excuse to get you off the hook?… it’s not irresponsible or inconsiderate to anyone of course nooo, because after all, God is Good… right!?…  And God owns everything!??…  Either that, or just embellish yourself in anything you wish, and then just ask God to hit the forgive all button and make it all better.  Everything will work out in the wash??
The problem is you would have to place your entire trust and life in Gods hands, because there is absolutely no way to tell if anyone else is actually being controlled by your ‘Good’ God… or something else.   Doesn’t it say in the bible that Satan disguises himself as an angel of light?  Tricky tricky… and quite the gamble I must say.  It also says in the bible that ‘God creates evil’ so obviously someone is telling so tall tales here.

Lets quit the make believe game, get real and take responsibility for ourselves and our world shall we.  Join the Desteniiprocess and stand with the only group that stands for real Equality in our world, as what is best for all…  And support the Equal Money System to stop the abuse that we have all created.

Day 94 - Tarot Self Refelction Part 3

The topic I selected was - My Fear


The card in the center represents the attitude you assume. The Lovers, when reversed: Inner strife, frustration, suspicion, and disagreements in a relationship. Irresponsibility and indecision. Avoiding true intimacy in favor of lust. Unfaithfulness.

As the resulting consequence of what I accepted and allowed in the past, in fear of facing myself, I trusted god, and so denied myself completely, and ran from myself in the hope that God would take care of everything, I naively believed I just had to trust him and I could cast all my worries aside.  Heaven was there waiting for me.  I took on many heroic characters in my mind to avoid facing myself, relishing in fantastical imaginations that covered, pacified and justified the inner oppression of myself.  I was a complete fool, and I knew it.  I justified the fool character as the essential adversary to the world which I hated - but what I did not face, is that I was hating myself, and now I reap what I have sewn for myself. 

At least I had a chance to see and understand myself in the greater picture, to finally understand Equality... and so say my piece.

This is not a sob story, or a surrender.  I have done much self forgiveness on these points and will continue to do so.  This is facing the reality that self forgiveness does not change the situation unless all change, and still the consequences of the past must be faced, however harsh, there comes a point when consequences can become very demanding... as money still rules the big game, and if you don't have it, you are virtually worthless and helpless in the world.  






The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. The World, when reversed: Incompleteness and shoddy design. A great work betrayed. Insecurity, fear of change, and the failure to reach goals. Regret and disappointment.







My goal was to find the truth, what use was living life based on a lie?  Whatever cost I didn't care, even if the cost was myself. I deliberately avoided becoming successful, as I knew that being successful entailed accepting and serving a system based in abuse.  I thought it would be more fun being poor.  Seeing it from my characters perspective in self-interest of course, although I covered that up with the 'caring person' character.  And so I assumed the role of the good and faithful servant of god, partly to alleviate the tremendous guilt I had.  I was very naive, believing all the prophecies people would tell me about myself, believing myself to be 'special' and 'chosen' by god for a great purpose... lol.  It all sounded very cool... What a sucker I was.  I really had it coming.

As for other goals that I had, they were minor, and the choices I made simply did not turn out in my favor, and I did allow fears to get the best of me. Sure I regret many things and would have done things differently.  Regret however is useless, as is disappointment, and hope.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.

When the money runs out, as it most assuredly will, this is the future we all face.  Just look around. Does the world care about homeless or starving people?  Clearly not.  Charity is a pathetic excuse. The only ones that are protected are the ones who are in positions of authority, given value by corporations and a corrupt system.  If people in the world actually cared, Desteni would have had a million followers by now, and we would be on our way to transforming the world.  Looks like the only way we will realize is the hard way. 




The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. Ten of Wands (Oppression), when reversed: Refusing to take on burdens greater than you can carry. Noble leadership restrained from transforming into tyranny. Bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility without being crushed. Through careful conservation of their fuel, the engines of creation continue onward.

Oh yes the excuse that I'm taking on the weight of the world.  If everyone pitched in just a little bit we could actually do something.  The fears really have people in a stranglehold.  We face them all eventually, and the consequences, so I don't see the point in putting it off... comfort disappears very quickly.


The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Three of Wands (Virtue), when reversed: Pride and arrogance. Convincing oneself that the ends justify the means. A great act of betrayal set in motion. Sinking to the level of an opponent. The vain quest for glory and a personal spotlight. Charity or friendship offered with intent of material gain.


The Pride character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud in thinking that I am special in any way, in that I think I am better than anyone because I realize and understand Equality.  I realize that it is not just understanding, but actual application of myself in taking responsibility to become life and live what is best for all absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could change the world, when actually fear is far more prevalent and ingrained in the minds of people than I had considered, so much that people cannot even take a stand on Equality one way or the other, in fear of stepping out of character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this character William, to think that I have achieved anything to be proud of, when there is absolutely nothing in this world or all of existence to be proud of.  All is a Shameful, Fear-filled Disgrace of Life and a Lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of arrogance, wherein I believed the lies that everything would be ok, god would solve everything, I could just deny myself and the physical existence did not matter in the end as long as I played by god's rules, he would take responsibility for me and send all the evil people to hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to arrogantly believe that I could do everything on my own without the help of others.  I realize that I can do many things on my own, but eventually, the system of gangs as cults of corporations, governments, businesses and families overpower through money, contracts and relationships as the spite of Life. 

Day 67 - The Non-Religious Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe religious behavior in others, and judge them as 'false' and 'religious', while not facing or realizing the point within myself that ANY belief is a religion, thus whenever I lay claim to a definition of myself as 'anti-religious' or 'atheist' or 'agnostic' or 'an authentic believer/person' in order to validate my character, I realize that I myself am playing a character in my self-created unique religion of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to study and memorize the beliefs of others so that I can repeat those beliefs as if I found or created them for myself, when all they were was a copy of a script for the play of my character in my mind, used to deceive myself and others in the overarching grand belief that life is to be lived as a spiteful character who supports lies and false appearances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to study how people of authority are valued by others, and so pretend to be wise myself, as a copy of those I have seen as having significant influence on others - in an attempt to increase the value and validity of my own character so I can continue to hide from myself and promote opinionated, one-dimensional beliefs based on fear and greed - in spite of myself and what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself with those in authority and devise ways to get their attention in unique ways, so that I can be seen by others interacting with that person in order to gain credibility, status and power over programmable sheep who will in turn propagate my beliefs in an infinite cycle of abuse, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kiss ass when around those of authority, perceived influence or 'power', so that I may be perceived as a figure of wisdom, intelligence and authority myself, in an attempt to inflate and validate my false character, in self-hate and self-delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid, and spitefully talk down to, those who do not appear to hold value - in the eyes of those I wish to deceive with my character, and in so relish in the energetic rush I get from thinking and believing I am better than another, in my false identity and perceived ability to pass a knowledge or opinion based judgement on another.
   
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make subtle, and insulting jokes towards those who do not hold the same values as my character holds.  I realize that my jokes are an attempt to demean and devalue one who does not appreciate the value and all the hard work I put into creating my false character.  I realize that these jokes are tactful and often used in front of those whom have no integrity and will laugh because I laughed, thus validating the humorous side of my character, which gives my character the appearance of depth and of being well rounded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use name dropping of people who are influential, and perceived by others as powerful or strong in character, in order that I may be attributed by others as having influence myself, in my own false character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote charitable and/or activist causes, so that I can appears to be a person who is concerned with the well being of others, or humanity as a whole, yet I am secretly only concerned about my own character, and how that false entity is perceived by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote my vast knowledge on subjects that will grant my character more credibility with others, by memorizing and regurgitating information, and trendy catch phrases that guarantee a positive or humorous reaction amongst those who cannot distinguish the false character from the physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to keep up to date with the latest trends, so as to appear to be on the crest of evolutionary understanding by way of promoting the most recent information, which my character believes, will give me honor with those I hold in high regard, yet I have spitefully used that information to leverage myself against those I perceived to be weak, and of less value than my character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear clothing that will make me appear to be in line with the authority figure of my preference, whom I have idolized as being powerful and righteous in my mind as my puffed up ego of illusionary fantasy, while in actuality, my character cares nothing, as to him, life is just a game to be played, and winning is all that matters.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surround myself with 'lost puppies' whom have little integrity in order to appear to have a following, yet when an opportunity arises to mingle with those of higher authority occurs, I will ditch the lost puppies and act as if I barely knew them at all because I, as my character, only value the appearance of authenticity.

Day 63 - Big Bang Theory

Reflecting on conversation I had with a young christian man yesterday, he curiously wanted to know how the universe as existence came into being - How did it happen?  He was very persistent, and held onto the belief that he had to KNOW what 'IT' was that caused existence.  He claimed it had to be some intelligent life-form/being - as 'God' that created us - as the source of all life.   So in looking at the question from a christian perspective, we can see there is an obvious conundrum.  If God created us and the universe as it says in the bible, then he must have had a form of intelligence to do so - so who created God - and his (apparent) intelligence? The bible says that in the beginning was the word, and the word was God.  So for the purpose of explanation, we can simplify this to - 'in the beginning was sound, and sound was existence as a whole'.  So where did the sound come from?  What caused the sound? - Because all we know of and are apparently able to understand in our limited mind/ego based existence, is cause and effect.

Firstly, let's say we found 'the answer', something that could be put into a plausible explanation such as a strange cosmic burp of some sort.  The very searching for the answer to this question, while it is interesting to consider - does not actually serve to help the situation on our planet in any way besides helping people to understand - so that we can each individually change ourselves to support life.

If one is to claim that all of existence is a dream or 'not actually real' - consider the fact that we experience (preventable and unnecessary) pain, suffering and ultimately death as proof enough that there is a problem that must be solved here.  Fascinatingly, the solution is rather simple, yet at the same time so extensive as to make it appear difficult.  We just need to remove the false perception so that we may begin to understand, and learn to apply ourselves in walking out the solution.

So to find the first cause of existence/the universe/everything, lets put this question to a kind of allegorical test.  For example, lets say the first sound - sounded something like 'boom'.  So the first cause/intonation was 'b(uh)' as the sound of the letter b.  If I am sounding that for myself, I have to use the muscles in my face to form the expression, in which I flex my muscles within my body to then vibrate the sound.  So to create the sound 'b(uh)', I have to first 'will' the sound.  If one believes in some higher power/god is controlling me to resonate this sound, then that would fall within the belief that we are not existing, we are completely non-existent and/or completely controlled robots. 

Thus I contend that the actual cause of the sound - comes from self, in this case me - as my 'will' or desire to express the sound I created and expressed with my physical body.  So within the sounding of 'b(uh)', I realize that I AM the source of the sound, as self-will, as my desire to express myself within and as sound. 

Fascinatingly, I do not need a reason to form and express the sound - 'b(uh)'.  I can do it for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  Alternatively, one might say - I can create the sound from NOTHING.  One might say that I made the sound because 'I am trying to find the cause of the universe'. No - I can simply create the sound for no reason, no purpose, but myself being here expressing sound.  Try it for yourself if you still don't believe me.

Interestingly, it is only when we create a sound for a REASON that we are acting within a controlled system, and thereby locked within the confines and definition of that reason, as the sound that is created is based on the reason, and not unconditional self-expression.  For example, lets say I am hungry and want something to eat, yet I do not have any food.  So I ask for some food from someone that has food.  I create the sounds "May I have some food?"  My reason or cause for expressing is that I am hungry.  So my expression is not unconditional, rather it is limited to the consequence of the cause, and so becomes the directly related effect, tied to the cause/necessity and desire for something I want and do not have.  Therefore I must convey the message accurately, so that the other person will understand me, and I can acquire the food, otherwise I will go hungry.  Hence my expression is conditional and limited to my ability to articulate my desire. 

So getting back to the point, in concluding that 'nothing' is the starting point of my sound creation, we must then go on to ask ourselves, but what is the cause of nothing?  The answer to that would be - there does not need to be a cause of 'nothing', as 'nothing' simply IS...  It is source as self, which defies definition, abstract of the limitation we currently find ourselves in.   It is a starting point, thus all attempts to define it through knowledge are useless.   Our very existence as being here experiencing ourselves is adequate proof that 'it' or 'nothingness' exists.

The real problem is that we do not understand ourselves and our existence, and WHY such atrocities exist in our world and reality.  Through our lack of understanding source(nothingness) - as self - as us here, we have separated ourselves from source through false ideas and perceptions created about our reality and thus we exist within a delusional fear-ridden reality... culminating in a disgraceful existence on a one way track to our ultimate doom.  This is essential to be understood so that we can stop abuse of life and implement a solution that would correct our starting point, as it is not aligned with what is best for all - which in itself is the ONLY way in which life can be free of limitation and the evident abuse of life.

The concept is not difficult to grasp, it is only when a person is trapped within the limitation of mind/ego that they will have a problem, because likely one is either hoping for heaven, or fearing hell. Whether it be a religious belief, or merely the religion of self - as self-interest, either way it is blatant denial for which there is no excuse, because no one can deny the physical, as we are all here, supposedly sharing it, yet it is not being shared Equally as it should be.

For a person that believes in a 'higher power' or 'god' as an intelligent being that is separate from self as source,  one must carefully consider, and beware of the limitations imposed by belief systems such as this - as they are extensive and delude one into self-deception - because one does not see the actual starting point of their self-created belief system - which is fear.  This delusional fear blinds one to the common sense and practical solutions of what is here.  If fear(delusion) is the starting point, then that fear is accepted and allowed through self-dishonesty, and carries with it inevitable consequence equal and one to the starting point of fear - that is to say - fear creates fearful consequence, not only for oneself, but for all.

That is why we at Desteni are diligently applying self-forgiveness and corrective application so that we can remove the fear that we have allowed within ourselves, so we can change ourselves to align with source - as what is best for all - as best for all supports life, AND source, as unconditional expression.  I challenge everyone to investigate Desteni and to take the Desteni-I-Process course - if you have the courage to take self-responsibility, the fears and delusional belief systems we have all allowed to exist.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 62

So much to write about.  I woke up feeling shitty and allowed that 'mood' to dictate my morning, through hiding from myself in a computer game of chess.  I was within limitation of the mind, blinding myself to the potential to move myself, and so not allowing myself to do anything constructive.  I was stuck in decision again... not sure what to do.  Trying to get myself out of my mindfuck by using my mind, comparing myself in my mind to the less fortunate.  So I try to be grateful, yet still fear of money exists.  The fear of god as money.  There is also the fear of being enslaved to responsibility, of having to work and slave for money, only to end up in a fuckup where I wont be seen as worthy of the money I worked for, and so become broke.  So I try to put shit out of my mind, fearing a mountain of consequences, which only makes matters worse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be subject to morning moods which are passed from the past of the last day.  Even thought that is what I just blogged about the day before, I realize - and commit myself - that I must discipline myself first thing in the morning to clear myself, as when I awaken in the morning, I am more susceptible to autopilot syndrome and thus allowing myself to feel down on myself and my situation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and spending money - as fear of taking the risk.  I realize that everything in this matrix is a risk, whether I make a decision or refrain, I am risking myself as expressing myself within and as risk. I realize that I must write out what risks I plan to take so that I can check the starting point.  If the starting point is clear on paper as me moving myself to support myself, as well as all other factors being clear, I must move myself to make a decision and stay with it until it is time for change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the less fortunate and thus use that comparison as a starting point for encouraging and moving myself.  This is a mindfuck because through this comparison, I end up feeling shitty about myself and my world.  I go into a limited perception of myself such as "everything is so fucked up, nothing I do will have any effect".  So then I just want to neglect myself.

Within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to neglect myself because I do not see any potential outcome.  I realize that regardless of the fact of me being able to see my impact, I must walk the process of disciplining and directing myself here in the physical, and in so doing change myself to not be directed and controlled by energy.

By the time I was able to move myself, I went and did a job, which came together well.  I noticed some fear of expressing myself here as me when talking to the customer.  I tried to curb the conversation and eventually got to mention the abusive money system, gently pushing some points and took self-direction in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within conversation from the start.  I realize that I created the outflow through me allowing the conversation to go in the direction it was going - because I did not direct it immediately within breath, and so I had to curb the conversation to regain my directive principle.

I was able to tell both of the customers about equal money which was cool.

I then decided to go downtown as it was a warm evening.  Being around many people there, there were many observations to take note of, which I will share in the next blog.  It is interesting to note how my day did not go anything like what I expected it to be when I woke up in the morning, it ended up being quite interesting.  

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 55 - Self Realization

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have allowed my mind as a system to direct and control my physical body.  I realize that by allowing my mind to be the master of my physical body and reality, I have abdicated myself to a system of enslavement. 

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibility to direct myself, my physical body, my breathing and through those applications I can have a clear starting point to direct my world and reality without being influenced by a mind system which feeds off the physical as a parasite seeking an energy fix as a drug.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that allowing my mind to direct and control me, is giving my power away to a system of enslavement through energy.  I realize that enslavement diminishes me and does not support life or what is best for all, therefore slavery is unacceptable and is the enemy of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the obvious truth that is right before my eyes - as ME - as the physical reality.  How could I possibly not see that the physical for what it is - as the reflection of what I have manifested myself as in separation from myself, through spitefulness and fear of facing who I am for real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that spitefulness to myself, everyone else, and my world is the most hideous form of cruelty which is perpetuated through DENIAL and false appearances for the sake of SELF-INDULGENCE and SELF-INTEREST, where people only CLAIM to love and care,  yet all our loving and caring is nothing more than an insult to life – Because we do not stand AS EQUALS! I realize that love and care in they eyes of this world is abused through denying reality, in exchange for a temporary illusion, a fleeting feeling, and/or an energy rush...all of which is of consciousness and therefore deceitful.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to think I can blame the system, or blame politicians, or blame bankers or blame god, or blame some higher power, or blame my parents, or blame my friends, or blame my teachers, or blame my boss.  I realize that no-one can take responsibility for me, and I must be the one to stand and walk myself out of the brutal consequences I have created for myself through my self-dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fearing who I am and fearing what I will lose in this reality if I stand for life as Equality.  I realize that I can never hide from myself and I am FULLY AWARE of each action I take that does/does not support all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to stand for all life as Equality - as what is best for all - is THE HIGHEST HONOR any being can attain – as standing as an Equal, as breath, as the physical – and there is no other honor worthy of life in this current reality – as all other honors and awards are based in self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on those who I have blamed as evil, when all along I have been lying to myself because I am the creator of evil in this world and it is my responsibility to stand for life alone.  I realize that if I desire revenge on another, I am desiring revenge for myself and therefore I will not transcend my mind as the seeker of vain glory and personal gratification within and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prey on the weak and disadvantaged in my world through using, and abusing a money system that is utterly corrupt, brutal and insidious in nature.  A system which only protects the abusive people and abusive system through portraying a pretty picture of false love, false hope and false life.

I commit myself to re-defining my world and reality within the context of Equality as what is best for all, so we can stop the illusion and bring about a real change in our physical world so that all life can be honored Equally.

I commit myself to direct myself from the starting point of me here, as the source of existence, working for the single purpose of birthing myself as life in and as the physical, so that we can put an end all abuse of life forever.

I commit myself to understand - through research and the free support offered through Desteni group – and face my fears, because I realize that fears are harmful in that they create consequence for me and others in my world and reality. Therefore when and as I see a fear within me, I stop and breathe.  I then address the fear to deconstruct the starting point of the fear, so that I may re-align myself as being here, as a physical being seeking the best interest of all rather than just living for myself in self-interest.

I commit myself to walk my process of self-honesty and self-correction, and self-realization until it is done and there exists no separation, abuse or deception - anywhere in existence whatsoever. 

7yr Journey to Life - Day 27 - Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could experience love for myself while the rest of the world suffers.  And in so, I justified my personal and selfish desire for love through the excuse -  'It's to big for me to understand' - 'there's nothing I can do about it' and 'it's too scary for me to consider'.  Never allowing myself to realize and understand that all the fictitious bandage excuses I used were only a cover up, and never able to stop my addiction to the desire to experience love - in spite of the big picture - I always knew my love wasn't real, the evidence was all around me, every moment of my existence, I was just too afraid to face who I am for real, and in so, I denied who I am, and traded my eternal self for a morphine high, subject to the ultimate low of death, as complete self-denial.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a spiritual 'heart of love' out there somewhere, in the great beyond, that has accounted for - numbered, and made a record of, all my feelings of love that I had in my life, so that I in my selfish mind, could use these thoughts of love to comfort myself in thinking that I lived a good life - because I felt feelings of love.  Yet I never allowed myself to realize that these feelings of love can only exist within a physical body - therefore when my body dies, all my love DIES with it - completely proving that my love was never real, but only fleeting feelings of selfishness to cover my guilt and shame of who I had accepted and allowed myself to become - as a self-deceiver that did not give my whole life to expose spite, and honor all life Equally.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the lie that love is forever, when in fact love is subject to time and death, and cannot exist without me or the earth - as a physical expression of me, as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my love is sweet and caring, when in fact, my love has only the appearance of sweetness, but it is a deadly poisoned apple, seducing and killing all who eat it through a slow and painful death by corruption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my love as bait to lure others into my traps of guilt, shame and desire for revenge I experienced within myself, so that I could have company in my judgement against life, sighting legalities and false justifications, in my self-denial, misery and deceitfulness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself through thinking that I wanted love when what I really wanted was sex, as an energy high to pacify my irresponsibility to life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become entranced and enchanted with thoughts of love and delight, seeking nothing but fulfillment of selfish desire, in full awareness of how I was injecting hatred and enmity into all of existence as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to celebrate the lie of love, and in so manifest the extreme polarity as murder, rape and killing in my world because I laughingly accepted my own lie, thinking I could somehow escape myself, and would not have to face the consequences of what I had allowed myself to become.     

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am brave because I accepted the lie of love, I am brave because I can deny myself,  I am brave because I see fear in the reactions of others, I am brave because I can cheat death,  'I must be a supreme God' because I can abuse love - when the reality is no one is able to cheat death, as the manifested consequence of what we have allowed through the belief in love - which is spite - as fear of self.

I commit myself to expose the lie of love and its deception which is used by Hollywood, media, and corporations to sell more products to fuel consumerism for profit resulting in the corruption of life and the destruction of our planet.

I commit myself to live myself here as breath in every moment facing myself for who I am as a physical being that does not require love from an outside source.  I embrace, support and care for myself as I embrace, support and care for all life as changing myself and our world into a place where life is honored in Equality

I commit myself to stand for and support the only solution that will bring us out of the massive problems and consequences we face in our world.  Equal Money for All.

I commit myself to bring awareness of Equality to those who do not fully understand the deception propagated by corporations, Hollywood, media and politicians in our world through blogging and sharing and becoming a living example of what is best for all

I commit myself to give all of myself to Life as Equality as breath as aligning myself with the physical in all ways so that I may become the living expression of life, Equal and One, until it is done.