Day 432 - Reactions

 Saturday October 3

Playing my game I got very upset after losing many consecutive games.  Later, I won a bunch of games and I got the sense that others were not upset.  I see that I have the tendency to react in anger when I should be recognizing the resonant factor as a suggestion to do something else with my time.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize the cue to do something more productive with my time that would contribute to my well being and the well being of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I become agitated rather than taking the initiative to refresh myself, awaken and do something different 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger as opposed to seeing that episode as an opportunity for expansion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the pattern rather than seeing the pattern for what it is and taking direction to change myself

Rant

Questioning existence as to why it is the way it is, that is subject to corruption of all types at the expense of those less fortunate and ultimately all life.  In this context, there is nothing here of any sustainable interest as it is all subject to repeating patterns and entropy.   It is astounding how the average human can be endlessly entertained by drivel.  The only explanation can be that there is an alternate reality playing out in the mind which is in turn the actual entertainer in such interactions.  The mystery of existence itself is often enough to hold a man hypnotically perplexed, not to mention man's desire to heroically 'do good' so as to purchase freedom for others at his/her own expense.  Martyrdom in that sense is not altruistic, but actually a profitable business from the perspective of balancing ones ego conscience and alleviating karmic debt.  Fascinating again how most fall for that fairy tale.