Day 216 - Personality averts Responsibility, not Consequence

As I got out of the car, I had the thought that I would make a joke, and say that my friend should change my tire for me, since I was paying him to drive me around that day.  This manipulative personality construct suddenly manifests as a result of me 'forgetting' to direct myself in each moment.  Not taking my process seriously, but taking it too lightly an so resorting to a personality of the past.  It was not even intentional, just a joke, however my friend began helping me.  So, this point which I should have taken responsibility for myself, was passed off to another, and because I allowed it, there was consequence.

I said to my friend that he should watch the jack to make sure it is straight (as I would do if I were lifting a vehicle).  He suggested that we put a rock in front of the tire, which I never do, as I said the truck is in park anyway, which it was, yet there was some play in the gear.  Then as we lifted the truck, I noticed the jack looked uneven and suddenly I said "watch it" and the truck moved and fell off the jack, breaking the jack.  No one was hurt.  The point here is that because I did not take responsibility in the first place to do the task myself, I casually passed it off onto someone else, a problem occurred as a result of miscommunication/misunderstanding which only added to the problems I already had.

All it took was one moment of me allowing a past manipulation personality to take the place of my self-responsibility, and so go without recognizing it when it did.   I realize the jack breaking was due to the assumptions of myself within thinking that my friend would do things the way I always do them, not realizing that this is not so, and there are physical/mental communication barriers which prevent our understanding of one another.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my existence too lightly, as a personality of the past, based on me trying to escape myself and manipulate others into taking responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my process lightly without realizing that consequence will in fact manifest as soon as I pass up even the slightest responsibility to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass off my responsibilities to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and/or assume that others do/will do things and see things the way I do and see them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself in doing the things which I should do by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through trying to manipulate another into doing something for me which I should have done myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to direct myself in each moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect doing self forgiveness as soon as I recognized the point of what had happened.



I commit myself to take responsibility for every thing that comes up within and as my process of taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to realize what my responsibilities are and so work towards expanding myself within expanding my responsibilities.



                                 

Day 153 – Personality Systems

Working on changing some personality systems within myself today.  Thus far, I have been able to oddly enjoy the frequent resistances, and direct myself (though there may be many contributing variables).  First - breathing and stabilizing myself in the moment.  Its interesting because the moment changes so quickly, its as if a desire comes up, and then as I breathe and focus on what I am doing, the desire is gone in a few seconds, as if it never existed… yet likely to return at a later time to test me multi-dimensionally, my self-preparedness, my self-directive principle, sticking to my commitment to myself, thoughts, triggers, reactions, emotions and feelings, coping mechanisms, etc. etc. .

Another point in reference to personality systems is how I perceive myself during a particular moment – as having already transcended the point - and then I feel ‘good’ about myself.  Clearly this is not supporting me, as I inevitably deal with the ‘bad’ feeling as fear of not transcending the point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself in the idea that I have already transcended a personality system in my mind, as opposed to walking it here within moment by moment application as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future into an alternate reality, experiencing what I would do, what new decisions I would make, how I am going to live differently because I believe myself to have now transcended a personality system, making myself my own ass-ended master, by not being here directing myself as breath.   I consider the implications in full awareness of myself here, walking the point to completion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking out of a personality system, as walking it out reflects me to myself.  In so, I can see my effectiveness and my ability to process the system within myself, as directing the knowledge and information.  This includes my understanding of – to a certain extent, although all consequential outflows are exponential - what the apparent consequences will be, should I allow this system to execute itself within me.  Realizing and considering the potential consequences, I realize I do not want to participate in this system, as it will allow other sabotaging or self-compromising systems to trigger energetic reactions/emotions/feelings within myself.    

At the same time, I am starting to realize the previous unrealized potential for change, as when I make the decision to stand absolute within myself, how that can change many other things, as of course I am changing myself, so my inner world should eventually be reflected in my outer world.

I commit myself to walking through these two personality systems and using this opportunity to direct myself in each moment.  Through the frequent mind ‘reminder’ requesting my permission/decision to participate in a system of self-interest, as a thought or feeling, I breathe, and stop the personality system at the established check-point within myself.

See Eqafe for great self support

Day 97 - Favoritism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I must have Favorites so that I can Compete for the Attention of others in the Desire to be appreciated and Cared for - Not realizing that this Desire is actually Fear of Not being Accepted as who I am, and so within Acting on this Fear of Myself, I have Forsaken my True Self for an Imagined Favorite Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that having Favorites makes me Unique and Special.  I realize Life does not require Favorites to be Life, and that all Ideas, Opinions, Personalities, Tastes and Preferences that do not serve the Best Interest of ALL are based on Fear of Myself, and as such can only harbor Greed, Selfishness, Self-Deception and Death. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live a Lie - using "I have Favorites" as an Excuse to Justify my Selfish Desires as my Lust for Special Attention as a Personality/Character in Spite of others and in Fear of Facing myself as who I really am - as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I can abuse Favors in obvious and subtle ways to get My Way for Myself, as you scratch my back... or kiss my ass, and I will return the Favor - Using the Excuse that 'Everyone else does it', therefore I will be able to escape Consequence, knowing with absolute certainty that I cannot possibly escape myself, or the Consequences I have created for Myself, and Others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify the use of Favors as being Good and Kind and Positive, not taking into Account the Deceptive Nature of Favoritism, as Irresponsible and in Spite of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Trust in the Favor of a 'Higher Power' as the Justification for my abuse of Favor.  I realize that any Hierarchical Structure is nothing but a Trap of Absolute Enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the current Money System as Capitalism is the Manifestation of the Abuse of Life through accepted and allowed Separation through Favoritism.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to See and Understand that Parents are the Progenitors of Favoritism through Favoring their offspring, in whom they Indoctrinate Lies, Fears and Suppression of Life through the blasphemy of Love.

I commit myself to Realize that if everyone was Equally Favored, there would be no need of Favor, or of God, or of Love, as All would be Equal to Life, and therefore All would be Free from All Enslavement, from All Fear, and from All Limitation.

I commit myself to Understand the difference between Living Common Sense as what is Best for All and Spiteful Favoritism.

I commit myself to Forsake False Characters as Personalities and so stop the Fear of Myself, so that I can Stand Equal to All and to Life

I commit myself to Expose how Favoritism is Fear in Contempt of Life

I commit myself to Show how we have accepted and allowed Imaginary Characters to Dictate a Hierarchical System of Abuse, and in so we have in Absolute Arrogance Dared to call this Life.

I commit myself to Expose that Favor is the Delusion of Free Choice, where we Think and Believe the Lie that it is OK to Selfishly Choose whatever Flavor of Character we Desire - because A-Parent-ly that is what we 'Like' - without ever considering the Starting point which creates the Destructive Patterns of Lust for Sweet Flavor Despite CONsequence.

I commit myself to Realize that it is through Favoritism that Enemies and Wars are Created, and that an Equal Money System would release us from the Bonds of Favoritism so that Heaven on Earth could be created for Real in the Physical.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 53 - Enjoy the Challenge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in a rush while working because I fear not making money fast enough.  When and as I notice myself rushing and pushing myself to hard, I stop and breathe for a moment to slow myself down so that I am not allowing my mind to dictate the pace.  I realize that I must direct myself in each moment and no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of not having money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that consistency is the most effective and practical method to direct myself so that I can be effective in my work and direct myself in and as the physical.  If I am rushing, I must stop myself and check whether my starting point is fear or me directing myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all situations I find myself in are self-created, and so I must walk out the consequences.  Within that I realize that I must stop myself from creating consequences by directing myself in and as breath in every moment, not reacting to situations but directing them as myself in what is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my programmed personality based on my parents personalities and how they dealt with issues such as frustration and anxiety.  I no longer accept and allow myself to grasp onto a personality, but rather I face myself here in the challenge to change myself and direct myself in each moment, so that I can align myself with the physical as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself in each moment, as if I would fear facing myself as how I have created myself.  I realize that in taking responsibility for myself here, I must walk the consequences of what I have created, so that I can challenge myself to change myself in undoing what I have done and created as myself as this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that facing resistances and challenging my personality/ego/mind is the way to freeing myself from self-created consequence, and therefore I enjoy that challenge and I enjoy taking responsibility for myself rather than exist as a slave robot to a system of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on a nice face, smile or laugh to make someone else feel more comfortable.  I realize that this is self-compromise and I am sick of compromising myself as a program of trying to please others in fear of expressing myself self-honestly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in any way to people within conversation.  I realize that reacting is of the mind, therefore I direct myself to directly speak words as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-correction in the presence of another person.  I realize that taking responsibility to correct myself in front of others is not only assisting myself but assisting others as well.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself within self-correction immediately, so as to catch myself instantly, and walk the necessary steps to actual change from the starting point of me being honest with myself.

I challenge myself to change myself within the presence of others, within slowing down and applying the necessary steps to correct and change myself so I am speaking words as me, not in reaction, but directly speaking based on what is here as me.

I challenge myself to enjoy the challenge of pushing my resistances to change myself, and to see it as an opportunity in each moment to realize myself and to stand up for myself as what is best for all.

I challenge myself to share who I am unconditionally with those who are able to hear

I challenge myself explore new ways of expressing myself, to redefine expression as no longer within the fear of embarrassment, rather cutting through all the judgement bullshit and getting to the critical point of exposing the lies and deception in our world that has been promoted by a system of dishonesty.

Day 44 - Walking Unaware

I reacted to a situation today while working.  I had bought a cable that turned out to be too short so I was not able to complete the task and in realizing this, my programmed mind kicked in and directed me to say "Jesus Christ" in frustration.  I realize that by me allowing this simple point of frustration within me, I compromised myself in the mind-fear projection that I would have to go back to the store 1/2 an hour drive and get a new cable.  The customer was also standing beside me when I said this.

Later on that day, she found a suitable chain that would enable me to do the job without needing another cable.  Additionally, I did not even have time to get the job done, as I was busy working on other projects on the site.  This goes to show how my projection was not based in reality at all, but rash, unnecessary, and completely false based on my fear of having to spend the time and money to get a new cable.   This fear also came from past experiences where I have lost time and money due to situations where unanticipated circumstances arose - as they always do to test our self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in frustration to a situation based on my past experiences where I have lost money in the past.  I realize that this fear of 'not making money' is based on my programmed personality system which I am responsible to stop and change as changing myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be directed and controlled by fear and/or frustration of any kind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be subject to frustration by not being aware of myself - as breath - in each moment.  As if I had fallen asleep - sleep walking, I allowed a system of frustration to infiltrate my physical body and mind-control me into doing something that I did not wish to do.  I realize that frustration is a form of demonic possession that is my responsibility to stop and not allow such situations to have an opportunity to occur in the first place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself and others through not immediately recognizing and taking responsibility to correct my actions through speaking self-forgiveness as a self-correction in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and hide from myself the fact that I had allowed myself to be controlled by a programmed energy frustration system.  When and as I see such situations occur within my walking process, I stop myself and recognize the pattern playing out in myself and correct myself so that I do not incur further consequence for myself and others through dishonesty as hiding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that what I allow within me as thought projections has consequences - regardless of my situation - I am responsible to stop any and all system mind manifestations from taking control and directing me and my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unprepared in a moment to face myself in self-honesty where I allowed myself to 'sleep walk' and so fall prey to a system energy demon of frustration so that I could see what I was allowing within myself.

I commit myself to stand aware at all times and be prepared to face myself in self-honesty so that I am ready to immediately place the correction when i recognize any movement within myself that is not self-directed.

I commit myself to catch myself at times when I am not in my breath and not directing myself moment to moment.

I commit myself to slow myself down whenever I see that I am susceptible to situations where I am not aware of myself as directing every action and outflow as to take responsibility for everything I do in absolute self-honesty

I commit myself to realize the absolute necessity of directing myself in every moment so that I do not miss myself and thus miss my opportunity to transcend and change the bullshit programming of what I have created myself as in this world.

Day 16 - Fear of Being Here

After reading Gian's blog, I realized the hidden conversations I have been having lately in my mind.  I was justifying them as 'working myself out' within my process.  The hidden fear within my justifications was that I am afraid of having to 'do the work' of actually directing every action that I do, and every word that I speak as equal to who I am here as a physical being.  I am afraid of facing the fact that I am currently not directing every single action that I am doing within my physical experience.

Inter-arrestingly, I fear not being able to 'rest'.  In so, I deny the rest of myself, and allow unrest to exist within me and my world through my personal desire for comfort and rest.  

I am not referring to issues where I have to common sensically figure things out such as 'how will I repair my truck' or 'how many such and such I will need for this job' etc.

I am referring to the conversations in my head where I try to justify my ego/personality thinking processes out of fear, instead of applying self-forgiveness when they arise, as investigating and stopping myself from being controlled by thoughts.  I am a physical being, and so apart from practical living responsibilities that require calculations, I do not need a judge in my head to tell me I am 'right' or 'wrong'. 

When I think I am 'right' - I am automatically 'wrong' by default, because I participated in the polarity design thought process, where one creates the other as cause and effect.

Why do I fear taking responsibility for each thought that arise and direct myself to do Self-Forgiveness and walk the physical correction? 

For myself, it is the fear of being honest with myself, fear of admitting to myself that I was 'wrong'.  Reluctance to go back and have to re-walk the point where I fucked up.  I seem to prefer to believe that I am right in my mind because it makes me feel better about myself, instead of sticking to my commitment of aligning myself with the physical as being here, constantly and consistently without thought judgements and justifications.

It seems so much easier to just forget about it.  But each time I miss the opportunity to transcend the 'desire to be right', the desire to be a 'hero in my mind' and so continue to exist as a 'mind robot' enslaved to a personality construct. 

I just had the thought now "gawd I hope this gets easier" lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my mind conversations as 'working myself out' in my mind, where I realize that those points that come up must be addressed and forgiven so I can walk the correction of just being here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I don't think about things, I will not understand myself and perhaps miss a point about myself. Yet if I simply direct myself in everything I do as breath as the physical, that is how I will transcend all ego and self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not worthy of becoming life here as the physical in the polarity design of believing that I am less than the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself as purely physical here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become because I fear the consequences of what I have allowed.  I realize that I must face the consequences regardless, so there is no point in fearing what is already here.  The only way to stop further consequence is to stop my ego and become purely physical here in living what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear torture and pain and death, as that is fear of self and thus pointless.  I embrace myself here so I can change what I have allowed myself to become and support equality of life in all ways to actually stop torture pain and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to rest in the desire for personal comfort while others suffer in my world.  I realize that comfort and rest can only be real if all are able to be comfortable and rest equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being wrong and desiring to be right in my head.  I realize that this fear and desire is based on a polarity design that only exists within my self-created fantasy world of imagination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear 'doing the work' to perfect myself as standing absolutely within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-correction as 'work' as enslavement when actually self-correction is the opposite as stopping the enslavement as work so I can free myself as all of existence from the enslavement to systems of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am right so I can have a good feeling about myself rather than actually face myself and walk the correction and change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the commitment I have made to myself as standing for equality and what is best for all until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a hero in my mind where I am the winner that must be worshiped as a god in deluded self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the design of 'hope' where I only hope to transcend my ego rather than actually facing the points here as and when they come up as thoughts, judgements and justifications within me.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'Gawd, I hope this gets easier', while in reality as the physical, there is only what is here as not existing within a definition of 'hard' or 'easy' but me as having the opportunity to face myself and correct myself here within and as breath in each new moment until I live what is best for all in every way.