Day 226 - Double-Mindedness a.k.a. Bi-Polar Disorder

From Wikipedia
Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder (historically known as manic–depressive disorder or manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnosis for a mood disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder experience episodes of a frenzied state known as mania (or hypomania), typically alternating with episodes of depression.

At the lower levels of mania, such as hypomania, individuals appear energetic and excitable and may in fact be highly productive. At a higher level, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the highest level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known aspsychosis. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes; some experience a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. Manic and depressive episodes typically last from a few days to several months and can be interspersed by periods of "normal" mood.





What is double-minded/Bi Polar disorder?  This problem is quite simply a symptom and result of not facing who we really are, not being honest with ourselves and thus not knowing ourselves for real.  We can ask ourselves a series of questions to determine if we are in fact double-minded/Bi Polar... Here are some examples...


Do I desire something (ex. happiness), and then at times desire something that would compromise what would be required for myself to live and express that certain happiness?

Do I sometimes say one thing, and then when I am around another person, say something different or even the exact opposite?

Do I exist within 2 or more characters in my mind, where one character is the 'bad' character and the other is the 'good' character whom I use to appease my conscience and justify the actions of the bad character?

Do I ever fantasize about myself in particular situations in my mind, where I make myself out to be the hero of the situation and so I feel better about myself?

Do I ever make decisions based on the fact that I feel happy and so want to do something good for someone to puff up my good character - so that I can eventually feel relieved of enough guilt that I can go back to my bad character?

Do I ever emulate characters through my personality to get things that I want from other people?

Do I constantly struggle with myself, going from high to low to high to low... back and forth in a never ending  cycle - apparently beyond the control of our will power to direct?

Do I really know myself, or do I exist in fear of being honest with myself about who I really am?

Do I fear losing either the good or the bad characters or both?

Do I second-guess myself all the time, being unable to stick with decisions?

Do I really believe that I can exists as a split personality, in two different worlds and not ever have to face myself?

Am I upset with myself because I know I am not being honest with myself?

Am I tired of playing the game and running away from myself?

Most will only get this (as I did) after a somewhat life threatening, shocking, or traumatic physical experience causes us to question who we are in this reality.

Join Desteni and Take the Desteni I Process to stop Double-Mindedness and Get Real with yourself.

Day 140 – Nature Lover

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a Nature Lover which I realize is only a character personality I made up in my mind which serves to re-enforce the belief in my mind that I am someone special – which conveniently hides the fear of facing and seeing myself for who I really am - as Equal as the physical.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the character role of the Nature Lover when i am in a natural environment, acting differently than I would otherwise if I were in an urban setting, not realizing that I am not fooling anyone but myself, actually trying to hide myself from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine seeing myself in Nature in my mind, and so believe that I am at peace with myself when I am in Nature.  I realize this is only the minds idea of peace, and is not real peace, because I am aware that the systems we have created which cause so much harm and exploitation of Life, still continue to exist and create terrible consequence, while I am enjoying myself in the feeble bubble of my mind as consciousness. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Nature seems peaceful because Nature does not judge me as humans do, all the while the source of the judgements is within myself in fear of who I am.  In so I have fooled myself within the belief that Nature is a place where I can escape to, when in fact there is no escape from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘more sensitive’ and thus ‘better than’ others because I can sense an awareness in Nature while others cannot, and justify myself as a good person, while the world system that I helped to create is busy destroying and exploiting the natural environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to formulate a love relationship with Nature, as believing Nature to be ‘special’ and in so denying the Equality of life which exists in all things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray nature as ‘beautiful’ in polarity to the ‘ugliness’ and ‘nastiness’ of the world system. I realize that thoughts such as this only serve to create further conflict within participation in the judgemental beauty system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am gaining any kind of value for myself while interacting with nature or doing charitable work such as ‘saving the rain forest’.  I realize that charitable work such as this only serves to fuel and support the system of fear through conflict and disagreement.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my experience in nature as the awe and inspiring feeling is actually derived from me not understanding the nature of my reality – as how I have come to be as separate from nature, and thus I am in awe because I am in fear of Nature, as the fear of the unknown, and the fear of who I am as Nature.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the ‘loneliness’ feeling that comes over me when I am in Nature is a reflection of my own diminishment through separation of myself from Nature, by means of supporting and participating in consciousness.



I commit myself to create an actual agreement with myself to stand Equal and One with Nature, as I equally stand to create an Equal and One agreement with all of the systems of the world we have created, so that all Life may be Equal and One, and we may together return to physical Life in agreement, and so stop all abuse of Life forever.

I commit myself to realize that Nature is assisting and supporting me to realize who I am here as a physical being.

I commit myself to understand why I have created myself as separate from nature and so work to change myself to reverse the cause of separation within myself.

I commit myself to embrace myself here as what I have created myself as, and in so dissolve all fears of myself so that I may stop my mind and re-integrate to an Equal and One relationship with the physical world and Nature.

The Informer

 Day 77

To say that I 'gossip' is informal, derogatory, and inappropriate.  As the Informer, it is my job to inform you, so that you are aware of my secret information I prudently pass to you, so that you may be informed of the knowledge and power I possess.  I offer it as my gift to you, so that you too may possess yourself with my power.

As Master Informer, I hereby grant you, the informant, the powers of spite and corruption, so that we, in con-tract agreement together, may manipulate knowledge and information for our combined benefit, in spite of the truth.  Herein we, by our own declaration of authority and authenticity, as the owners and rulers of this power of knowledge and information, may pass judgement over others, as we have stated our authority as Masters of knowledge and information here in writing.

As the Informer, I command that you, the Informant wield this power at will - which is my will... and please do not question my authority. If you do, I will inform others about you, and you will be punished, ostracized, and labeled shameful - as all fear my authority and power, and so they will hasten to do my bidding.  Without my knowledge and power, yours will become corrupt and void, because I will reiterate my authority over you in writing, and use it to control and harm you by force. 

As the Informer, I expect you to inform others so that they too may form ideas, and opinions, on the knowledge and information I provide to you. 

As the Informer, I promise to grant you more and more power, if you obey me, and seek more of me, and lead others to me, so that I, we, may subdue them also.  That is your reward.

As the Informer, I have the power to withhold information and knowledge from you when I feel it necessary, so that I may keep you in fear of not knowing, fearing the unknown, in fear of being UN-informed.  Without my knowledge and information, you will become powerless.

As the Informer, I promise to tell you of all that you need to know, so that you may become an in-tell-agent as me, and feel as powerful as a God... with the power to destroy life.

As the Informer, I command you to bow your ear to me and pay attention, I will be your Source of information.  If you obey my commands, I will speak sweetly about you, kind words to compliment you, so that you may know my knowledge, and Worship my information.  If you do not obey my knowledge, I will make you beg for more of my information, as my information is power, energy, and your Salvation.  If your begging pleases me, then perhaps I will grant you access to more and more of my secret information, as your personal ticket to information heaven.

As the Informer, I will tell you the informant, more of my secrets, even my top-secret, classified information, so that you may become an Informer as myself.  Know that you are very important to me, as I require something of you in exchange for me imparting billions of ones and zero's of my information into your being.

As the Informer, I will entertain and seduce you with all my emotional programs of Love and Hate, I will fill you with emotional memories of the past, yours free, to access at any time you wish.  I will be your dealer, and you my insatiable, slave-addict.

As the Informer, I hereby grant you new Titles, Designations, Definitions, Personalities, Value systems, Characters, and every Imaginable Justification you can conceive.  You will become like myself - free of all responsibility, untouchable, and eventually you will attain the power of invisibility.

As the Master Informer, I command that you must always be subject to me.  In agreeing to this, I will pro-miss to protect you, I pro-miss to free you from judgment, shame, and consequence.  Remember that it pleases me that you wallow in all my endless feelings and emotions.  Is it not your primary desire to be happy?  Surely it would please you to know that I hold the key to all your personal dreams and happiness. It is my desire that you be filled with my happiness and joy programs.  Care for me, and I will happily take all worry and caring from you, and I will make you wealthy.

Sign Here: ___________________


Please see my next post: Self Forgiveness on The Informer

A Special Christmas

Happiness, joy, love, peace, family, friends, good food, presents, shopping, relaxing, special feelings, joy joy joy!

Tis the season to be spiteful, Fa la la la la, la la la lah

Why is Christmas centered around consumerism? Is it really necessary for us to buy gifts for eachother so we can fulfill our holiday obligation, or so we can feel 'special' because we gave a gift to someone? Are we really 'special' when the money we use to buy gifts comes from a corrupt system? So the whole reason of why we think we are special is because we have money? Obviously then you cant be special if you don't have money. Hmmm

Do we realize that our temporary 'special' feelings are at the expense the life of the planet and our lives? Isn't fulfilling of Christmas obligations dishonest self-abuse?

There is no denying that the mass consumption of products is destroying the earth. Take a look at all the plastic packaging that ends up in the ocean. Of the gifts you give and receive this year, take an honest look at what percentage you actually need. 1 of 10? 0 of 10?

Christmas is the most elaborate scheme used as a justification for abuse of ourselves and our world. We think of Christmas and we have all kinds of special feelings yet we refuse to see the consequences of what we are doing by not standing up for life. I remember the excitement I used to feel around Christmas, there were fun times of sharing with friends, but the gift giving always felt strange and awkward, though I will not deny I enjoyed getting gifts.

Here I will insert a line of self-forgiveness... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel special because of giving to or receiving gifts from people

However I have come to realize that I didn't need 'gifts' from people. Why was my life not supported unconditionally? It appears that we are born into debt. Now I need to 'be a good boy' all year long obeying my parents form of morality trying to pay back my debt to them.. .WTF? Like worship Santa and my parents and family for being so kind and loving for giving me stuff. Oh thank you oh great and invisible Santa. Thou art so kind to choose me over the poor... please.

I realized that me being dependent on someone else to make me feel special is dishonest. I am not special, rather I am equal to everyone. No one is better than me, and I am no better than anyone. Its funny that people fear realizing their equality, 'omg... you mean I'm not special!?.. what, that would mean I'm just a nobody?' Equality means standing for life, as what is the best for everyone including yourself... no secrets, living for real instead of existing as robots enslaved in a system full of fake and insincere people.

Christmas is a good opportunity to investigate ourselves in this self-created religious ritual where we sacrifice ourselves for our false beliefs and selfish desires. Notice that while you can lie to yourself and make yourself believe it for a while, you cannot hide from yourself and will inevitably have no choice but to face yourself as who you have allowed yourself to become. Its time to stop the abuse of life by standing for equality and equal money for all. Here is a jingle exposing what Christmas is really all about...

Oh and btw, if anyone that tells you they love you this Christmas, they are doing it either out of obligation, or because they want to manipulate you into fear and false feeling of comfort, or because they fear having to face themselves and who they really are as equal.

Deck the halls to appear less frightful,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Tis the season to be spiteful,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Don we now our false appearance,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Buy more junk because its on clearance,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

See the raging war before us

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Rape the ocean chop the forest

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Follow god and his delusion

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Media spreading mass confusion

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Fast away the earth it passes,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Hail the system ye lads and lasses

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Drown yourselves in alcohol,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!

Heedless to the death of all,

fa la la la la la, la la la lah!