Showing posts with label uncertain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label uncertain. Show all posts

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Day 226 - Double-Mindedness a.k.a. Bi-Polar Disorder






From Wikipedia
Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder (historically known as manic–depressive disorder or manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnosis for a mood disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder experience episodes of a frenzied state known as mania (or hypomania), typically alternating with episodes of depression.

At the lower levels of mania, such as hypomania, individuals appear energetic and excitable and may in fact be highly productive. At a higher level, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the highest level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known aspsychosis. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes; some experience a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. Manic and depressive episodes typically last from a few days to several months and can be interspersed by periods of "normal" mood.





What is double-minded/Bi Polar disorder?  This problem is quite simply a symptom and result of not facing who we really are, not being honest with ourselves and thus not knowing ourselves for real.  We can ask ourselves a series of questions to determine if we are in fact double-minded/Bi Polar... Here are some examples...


Do I desire something (ex. happiness), and then at times desire something that would compromise what would be required for myself to live and express that certain happiness?

Do I sometimes say one thing, and then when I am around another person, say something different or even the exact opposite?

Do I exist within 2 or more characters in my mind, where one character is the 'bad' character and the other is the 'good' character whom I use to appease my conscience and justify the actions of the bad character?

Do I ever fantasize about myself in particular situations in my mind, where I make myself out to be the hero of the situation and so I feel better about myself?

Do I ever make decisions based on the fact that I feel happy and so want to do something good for someone to puff up my good character - so that I can eventually feel relieved of enough guilt that I can go back to my bad character?

Do I ever emulate characters through my personality to get things that I want from other people?

Do I constantly struggle with myself, going from high to low to high to low... back and forth in a never ending  cycle - apparently beyond the control of our will power to direct?

Do I really know myself, or do I exist in fear of being honest with myself about who I really am?

Do I fear losing either the good or the bad characters or both?

Do I second-guess myself all the time, being unable to stick with decisions?

Do I really believe that I can exists as a split personality, in two different worlds and not ever have to face myself?

Am I upset with myself because I know I am not being honest with myself?

Am I tired of playing the game and running away from myself?

Most will only get this (as I did) after a somewhat life threatening, shocking, or traumatic physical experience causes us to question who we are in this reality.




Join Desteni and Take the Desteni I Process to stop Double-Mindedness and Get Real with yourself.

Sunday, 28 April 2013

Day 203 - Decisions Decisions





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate within uncertainty as to how I should proceed with plans.  I realize that this hesitation comes from attempting to weigh and consider all the variables to make sure I am making the best possible decision, yet at the same time I am not able to see all the outflows of decisions I make - so it is a point of standing in self-trust that whatever decision I make I can stick to it through being here as breath and adjusting the decision if necessary as I move through the point.  Too much consideration for a problem leads to frustration - in attempting to solve issues which are hypothetical and derived from 'fear of making a mistake' and therefore shows me that I am not standing in self trust and thus not moving myself as effectively as I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within decision making

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over analyze and over-consider problems, to the extent that I am creating infinite imaginary problems for myself and thus going into points of frustration and confusion because the problem then seems unsolvable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should have all the answers and therefore be able to make all the right decisions.  I realize within this current abusive and corrupt system there are no guarantees, which is why I am supporting myself in this process of becoming self-honest so that I can stand within absolute self-trust and absolute certainty within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be upset with myself for not knowing the 'right' answer 'best' or 'proper' decision beforehand.  I realize that the priority for myself is within making the decision to move myself within self-honesty, not fearing an outcome one way or another as I realize that is subjecting myself to enslavement to fear of myself and/or fear of the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that I do not understand or I don't know as a means of putting off making a decision for myself and moving myself within that decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the gambling game within my mind where I feel happy about myself if I made the 'right' decision and upset with myself if I made the 'wrong' decision.  I realize that each decision that I make show's me something - and so I must stop fearing to be wrong through the desire to be perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be perfect from the starting point of self-interest, where I have sought to inflate my ego/mind through the idea that I was right or that I am right or I am special in some way for being such a good decision maker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get off track when going through the decision making process.  I realize that I must consider all dimensions of a problem in an efficient and effective way so that I can move myself forward and not stagnate within uncertainty.

I commit myself to pay attention to myself within this point of decision making and move myself decisively in trusting myself and not fearing the outcome

I commit myself to step myself through the process of decision making systematically considering all dimensions and then moving myself

I commit myself to focus myself within the decision making process so that I stand by my commitment to honor Life as all decisions must align with the principle of what is best for all