Day 233

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in process due to an illness, and so within that allow myself to blame myself and get frustrated with myself for getting sick and not understanding the reason/diagnosis of why I got sick.  I realize that blame and frustration are not acceptable because they only further support the mind in suppression of myself and charging the mind with energy in polarity and so propagating more and more delusions within myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and avoid my responsibility to myself through deciding to do the easiest thing to do in the moment.  This because I decide to believe that I have a choice to do 'what I want to do', and neglect what is necessary to be done.  I realize I do this because I fear the possibility of failure and/or facing negative consequence - so I allow my mind to direct and control me because there is the justification that if I just put things off long enough, the problem will go away on its own, and I will not  have to deal with the possibility that I did not do a good enough job, or that someone will say that I did not work hard enough, or that I am somehow not skilled enough.

I realize this fear of failure/fear of consequence comes from how the conscious mind was programmed as my personality as - GIVING UP with the excuse and justification that I don't have to do it if I don't want - because I am free to be SPITEFUL because I can, and everyone else is spiteful of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe compliance with Equality as living what is best for all is ass kissing, being a suck, and being a 'goodie-two-shoes'.  I realize that these definitions I have created in my mind are based on the past within the system as judgments of others so that I could feel better about myself and not have to take responsibility to do and be the best that I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I would be were I to take responsibility for myself in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and dread having to push resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that pushing resistances is actually the only way that I will feel best about myself as doing what is best for everyone.  Everything else will lead to misery for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the negative energy I experience within myself when working will go on seemingly forever and there will be no break from the negative energy I experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would give up should anything happen to my physical body that would prevent me from functioning in a reasonable manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get revenge on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive energy experience of avoiding responsibility through going on auto pilot and doing nothing productive.


I commit myself to direct myself to push my resistances first thing in the morning and throughout the day - this in spite of how I feel.  I realize that emotions will come up, so I must write them out to expose them right away so that I can stop the source of the problem.

I commit myself to walk this process as breath in moving myself and shaking myself out of the mind possession so that I can contribute and create myself as what is best for all in all ways and at all times.