Sunday, 5 May 2013

Day 210 - Panning for Gold - SF on past


Self forgiveness on friends


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship between myself and X Where I existed within a point of competition thinking that I needed to compete with him in order to get attention for myself from others and girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to classify myself within separation based on my friendship status with X, thus believing myself to be better than others, and thus creating a conflicting energetic polarity with the consequence of the devaluation of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could have more fun as more excitement if I defined myself within a friendship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my friendship with X As a point of self-manipulation and manipulating others through a relationship based in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'better than' another through valuing myself as a good person based on my opinion of how I liked my own personality better than that of others, because it was easy to see manipulation in others, yet I did not want to face my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit my authority of myself to the ideas, beliefs and fears of others whom I considered friends, not realizing that those whom I considered friends were in dishonesty and playing out characters based in fear and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgments of my friends while I was growing up and in so suppress myself in standing up to support self-honesty in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create personalities around friendships which I had developed with those around my neighborhood while I was growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the personality of being a strong person and so define myself as being tougher than others, more resilient to pain and therefore better than others in a way – so that I could get attention for my self defined personality and avoid facing myself in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of others within my group of friends because they had developed their own personality constructs, and so allow myself to think less of myself because I did not meet up to the standards of my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibility to myself through valuing others as 'more than' within the relationships of being friends with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress self-honesty within myself and thus not develop myself to my full potential because I gave more value and attention to the opinions of my friends than I did to my own self-honesty.

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