Day 227

It started with a fear of losing my opportunity to express myself, a regret of a memory where I did not express myself in the way that I wanted to express myself - hence resentment at myself for rather than doing what I actually wanted to do, I suppressed myself.  This point stems from so many layers of suppression built into the system, where it has been accepted as normal to suppress ourselves over and over again - yet there is always a consequence within self, as self is fully aware.

I must also look at the point within the context of - had I done what I wanted to do, what would have been the consequence of that?  Was it a responsible decision that would have been best for all?   The point is that I am still attempting to live within/through my idea based on my memories of the past, rather than doing what is best for myself and all as the physical here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to live out of my memories of the past in the desire to fulfill my ideals and correct what I should have done in the past as express myself rather than suppress myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the point of regret of what I had accepted and allowed within myself within the past in a form of self-condemnation where I believe that I must punish myself over and over for what I did/did not do in the past.

I realize that here is the point of change for myself through self forgiveness and taking responsibility to change myself and express myself as what is best for all.

I have to investigate this point further as apparently I have not gotten to the bottom of it and it is now a major point of distraction.