Day 218

I'm sitting here trying to think what to write for my blog today, going over things in my mind, trying to come up with some kind of angle that would assist myself or someone... maybe.  So here it is...

It was a much longer day today than I had anticipated.  Nonetheless, I persevered despite the hard work.  I noticed myself getting tired at a few points, and I did examine the point to realize that it was a point of fear within me, fear of not making enough money in the given time-frame I had created for myself in my mind.  This turned into jealousy of others who did not have to work as hard as I did and who had far more money and free time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not making enough money in a specified time-frame in my mind, where I expect myself to get a certain task completed.   I realize that when I see myself not within my budget time-frame that I must stop and breathe to not accept and allow myself to get caught up in the delusion of time-frames where I pressurize and limit myself extensively within the trap of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to frustration at the end of the day where I slammed my truck box closed and slammed the window in an expression of anger rather than stopping myself, breathing and releasing the energetic point of anger into and as the physical so that I may direct myself as the directive principle of myself in each and every moment here.



How ironic is it that, we have come all this way in existence to get to here... only to realize what a messed up state we are all in - and that we can really, actually do very little to correct the situation in our world - ?  It's like a really bad joke, and all of existence is both - in on it, and, stuck in it's own joke!!?  And for those of us who do get it, and realize what has actually happened - we can begin to undo everything we have been doing all this time, so that we may stand Equal to ourselves and our creation.

Who said changing who you are, and who we have been for billions of years, would be easy?.... At least now for myself for the most part - that is sorted and understood.  So here I am, finally understanding how things are really working in my world, ready to change the world - and the irony is - while I am fully capable of doing most jobs/activities in this world, I am still subject to the money system, so I do not have a great deal of choice but to continue doing what I am doing in order to make an income to survive.  

Not to complain of course, just find it interesting is all... It somewhat differs from all the movies I have grown accustomed to in my life....  When you do realize for real, the big inescapable reward is.... A continual re-run of the movie "Nonsense, Consequence, and Ten thousand miles of Denial", Starring - Humanity! -  With it's constant slap in the face of non-stop, regurgitated, idle-chatter of gossiping humans, who are so completely terrified of their own shadow, that they can not stop and consider for a moment,...What is even real in this world!

God forbid they would remotely fathom anything outside the standard 'politically correct' model of their hourly/daily/weekly/yearly routines and traditions of selfishness - all bound and driven by individually varying ideals of love and family as the deeply swathed, programmed mental images designed to keep everyone asleep and enslaved.  They do not believe they are asleep however, and they are always more than delighted to offer up the pretentious, angelic character in a self-righteous claim to their own personal 'goodness',... but of course everyone knows well, and even they know well, that it's all bullshit.